Noodles, by this time in earlier seasons of the show, I already had dancers that I loved. I was crazy for Blake in S1 from the time he let his little dog crap all over the hotel room he shared with Allan, and the bitch only got better from there. I was an early Benjelle shipper in S2 and I fell for the charms of one Travis Wall. There was Natalie and Allison and Heidi, and oh, S2 was a marvel, darlings. Loveable dancers by the truck load. S3 was the season of Danny Tidwell and no one will ever come close to matching his artistry on this show. He killed it. The end. And last season gave us Mark and Chelsea and Joshua, who was so adorable that he made me get over my hatred for Katee fat face and her egregious double “e”. Yes, those were the days.
And not to sound too “Hey kids, get offa my lawn” but Season 5, while hosting some lovely dancers, just has not got it like the days of old. When I can go a whole week and not feel the slightest compunction to say anything about the results show, which, if I cared at all about any of these kids, might have even been described as shocking, then you know that things have to be . . . not bad, kittens. What’s the word? Hmmmm. Boring.
God, so so boring. Cat’s tasteful white suit? Boring. Mia’s serviceable group dance with the Maori tribal face painting action? Boring. The tribute to Lil C’s erudition? Cute, but boring. Every single solo that was danced? Boring. Losing the only true ballroom male dancer and some anonymous contemporary girl? I’m dead from all the not caring.
Truth time, kiddies. Maks was not aesthetically pleasing and while his solo was fine, he was never going to set this show on fire the way Pasha or Dmitry did. And Ashley should have never made it on the show. Never made it on the show. Fourth time is obviously not the charm. As for the rest of the B3 denizens. I’m trying to like Kupono, but with solos like that (Clearly it was choreographed, so he must have just wanted it to be dull. OK, then) he is doing himself no favors. Kayla is a beautiful dancer but she caught a serious case of Asuka’s bitchface at finding herself in the bottom and then she flailed, and she’s not a flailer. She’s better than that. Caitlin showed some of the spark that I saw in her in the audition rounds, finally! Which only makes sense, noodles, since she repeated her audition number. Maybe she’s just a one trick pony because she is not popping in the competition. Jason, despite the judges raving over him, I still just. don’t. get. it. He’s pleasant enough, I suppose, and props for using Robin Thicke, but the kid is not a star.
In fact, none of them are stars. I had more fun watching frikkin’ Kherington in the Fame trailer than I did watching any of the kids on results show night last week. These kids better start grabbing some gosh darn attention, kiddies. Mama can’t keep writing without decent material.
Oh, well. Let’s get excited for performance night tonight, shall we? Maybe one of the couples will realize that they are in a competition and do something spectacular. If not, there’s always Fame to look forward to. Even Kherington can’t make that boring.
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