SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep3 What Goes Up

Kittens, I’m feeling distinctly under whelmed by this season of SYTYCD. And I can’t quite put my finger on why, no? There’s Cat Deeley, still cute as a bug, still using bed skirts to make dresses; still doling out three way chest bumps. Fabulous. There are the crack hos in wardrobe putting dancers in pleather pants and neon pink and some demented Toucan Sam dress with rainbow colored plumage for the BFree piece. And speaking of the shiny domed one (RIP Brian Friedman curl), there are the truly talented choreographers, Shane back from the ABDC wilderness and BFree back in the fold, Louis who has more than proven his worth in just two short weeks, Bow Wow, Wow; Tony (although WTF on continuing to be sans Melanie), great new choreographers like Stacey Tookey (Represent, SYTYCD Canada). Darlings, even Doriana Sanchez pulled a fierce disco routine out of her ass. What? The judges giving relevant critiques for the most part (even Mary). And yet, I found myself drifting and even flipping channels (perish the thought) during the interminable secret reveals, none of which were worth a damn except for Brandon’s spectacularly bitch-y delight at busting on buck toothed Janette. A couple of these kids need to catch fire right quick, because at this time, they are mostly just pleasantly forgettable. Let’s take it by thirds, shall we? Who’s on top?

Running Thangs

Janette and Brandon/Disco (Loving Is Really My Game) – My heart sank, kiddies, at the reveal of both dance style and choreographer. These two are closer to being a break out couple than almost anyone else on the show, right? Janette is a spitfire and Brandon continues to be sweet as candy. Together, they are all energy and spunk and cuteness. So first week, of course they pull Foxtrot, which they manage to kill. Phew. This week a crowd pleaser, no? No. Oh, no. Disco. Disco with frikkin’ Doriana Sanchez. Why would the show do this to these kids? Do they really dislike Brandon that much? And it just goes to show that you should never assume, kiddies, because that was the Best. Doriana. Routine. Ever. It wasn’t just all tricks and lifts; those kids were dancing. What? They tore that routine up. And noodles, did Brandon just lift Janette straight into an overhead press lift from the floor? That’s insane. I loved them.

Maks and Kayla/Pop Jazz (Hot Like Wow) –BFree dressed like a gnome. Hee! Please never change. Don’t we all know that they call Maks the house dad because he’s like a million years old? I cannot believe that this “kid” is younger than 30. But I digress, noodles. I adored this piece. Sharp movements. Really difficult. I loved all the stylized movement. The deep plies were a-mazing. Kayla remains a favorite. And the world’s cutest grandpa? Still cute. Like Nigel, I am loving the return of BFree. He has a great dance vocabulary. Kiddies, let’s give props to Maks, too. He did really well with that choreo. He brought it for a ballroom dancer. But Kayla was the star. Legs, legs, legs and feet on this girl. I’m dying for her feet. The judges really need to be careful with the overpimping, though. I smell an S2 Allison pre-Top boot just around the corner if they don’t ease back.

Jonathan and Karla/Contemporary (Falling Slowly) – What a difference a week makes, no? I attribute 50% of my increased love for this couple to the facts that Karla is in the Boogie Bots and another 25% to the music because this song is magic. Just ask your American Idol, Kris Allen. That leaves the other 25% for the beautiful work of the new choreographer, Stacey Tookey, and to the fine, fine performance put on by these two dancers. Coming off of their solo performances, I was so ready for them to be the next two on the chopping block this week. And then, bam! These fools delivered. Karla had a little bit of the weebles wobble syndrome last week, but there was a an exquisite center on this girl tonight. And I loved the lift into the arabesque. And the steps in the air as he had her in a shoulder lift and they were turning. Jonathan’s leap? That little sit back/pull up move right at the end? Lovely. Lovely. Mary was right. Jonathan was way better in that than he has been in ballroom or in his salsa solo. And the assisted lifts were great. In fact, they were great. I was loving that routine.

Running In Place

Randi and Evan/Jive (Shake A Tail Feather) – So is everyone named Randi who spells her name with an “i” just kind of stupid? Ok, then. And here’s a little tip for pet owners everywhere. Dogs are not people. Y’all can have that one for free. The next one will cost you. Kittens, these two kids are a bundle of good vibrations. Since the show beat the word “fun” bloody with the fun counter, I will just state that the whole thing was pleasantly enjoyable, from the behind the scenes clips to Cat calling out the kids on the booty grab. And fat face was actually quite good. In fact, darlings, I am shocked, shocked by how good fat face is. Evan’s flicks needed to be crisper and he needed more snap in his retractions. It was nice to see good Mary come out and make those points. Good performance, high energy, but the technique was lacking.

Kupono and Ashley/Hip Hop (Imma Be) – I liked having the Hawaii boy in the pimp slot and he’s so deliciously goofy. Huh. I enjoyed Shane’s choreography, and the dancing was a hundred times better than the first Shane number. I thought the beginning of the number was especially on point. Kupono and Ashley both hit hard and were nicely synchronized. There was power in the moves. I did not like the fast part at the end, though. And the final choreo we saw on stage was clearly different than what Shane was trying to teach them in the rehearsal footage which indicates to me that they just couldn’t hang and would explain the lackluster finish of the dance, and Shane’s overall night long bitchface. Methinks this group of dancers is just generally lacking in hip hop IQ. Doesn’t it seem so, noodles? Which is unfortunate considering they just got their best hip hop choreographer back. Still and all, the routine was not nearly as bad as the judges made it out to be. Mary hit it closest when she said it was just . . . good. Not high, not low, just kind of there. Not great for the pimp slot. They’ll need to come much harder than that should they be fortunate enough to snag the pimp slot again.

Melissa and Ade/Jazz (24 Hours) – On the flip side, this wasn’t nearly as good as the judges effusive praise made it out to be. Bow Wow Wow didn’t bring it like she could with the choreography. Compared to the nights other Jazz and Contemporary pieces, this was not as challenging. And Melissa was timid not only in the rehearsal, as Lil C rightly pointed out, but also in the performance itself. She couldn’t quite let it all go and really dig in to some of the quirkier moves and it felt like she never quite lost that ballet instinct to pull up and control in spots where she really needed to be more grounded and dance with more abandon. I also did not enjoy Lil C’s stealth hate for Brandon disguised as praise for Ade. Ade is really, really good, but did he honestly think that we wouldn’t know what other guy was just like him and took the token black, male trained dancer slot? I’d have had more respect for Lil C, darlings, if he’d just straight up said that he thinks Ade can take Brandon’s #1 slot instead of being a bitch about it. On the whole this was a solid routine, but it was far from spectacular.

Running on Empty

Asuka and Vitolio/Waltz (Dreams Are More Precious) - On the real, kittens? These two really are kind of boring and personality free, even in their behind the scenes footage. Oh, my. I wonder why they are not sparking. You know how I feel about sob stories. Just stop it. Stop trying to drum up sympathy for Vitolio. If the judges want me to like this couple, they are going to have to start bringing it. Which they didn’t tonight, no matter how much the judges tried to dance around that fact and chatter on mindlessly about emotion. For a waltz, the dance seriously lacked closed hold. Lots of side by side dancing. And what little closed hold they did attempt lacked flow and Ade had surprisingly sloppy footwork in spots. I also didn’t like his hands in this dance. He kind of had the lobster claws. Lovely lifts, though. And at least Mary did note the sloppy footwork in the closed hold. By rights, these two should hit B3 again this week, although they may bet the Dead Daddy/Dances with Dead Daughters bounce. It remains to be seen. Maybe this one can be Damn Orphans, noodles?

Phillip and Jeanine/Tango –I don’t feel good about Tony sans Melanie. Just wanted to put that out there. And it must be said that Jeanine was not bad. She had great legs, very strong, good frame. But poor Chbeeb. You’d think some time during the three years that he’s been trying to get on this show, he would’ve found the time to take a couple of ballroom classes. Phillip’s frame was terrible and he was so flat footed. He has got to learn how to point his feet or there’s not hope for him in this competition. And the footwork these two laid down on those steps across the floor? That was just painful. And Lil C, continued war against English grammar notwithstanding, was right again. Chbeeb had no confidence in his ability to lay down a great Tango, kiddies, and it ruined the performance quality. He looked like he was thinking “Just get through this. Just get through this. Just get through this.” I don’t like the judges pimping for this couple. They weren’t the worst tonight, but they had major problems and no one wants another Cedric.

Jason and Caitlin/Hip Hop (Missin You) – They were the worst of the night. We’d had hints from last week that this group of girls was not the strongest when it comes to hip hop, but kittens, it’s much, much worse than I could’ve ever imagined. Caitlin cannot do hip hop. At all. When she was doing her big solo, it looked like she was having a seizure. And while we’re at it, Jason can’t do hip hop either. Why were they all smiley if they were supposed to be missing each other? Oh, y’all. It was bad. Corny was the perfect word to describe it. And darlings, Shane was pissed. That routine with other dancers could’ve been fire. With those two, cheeseball. It’ll be interesting to see if he even bothers to come back. Maybe for the chance to work with Karla and Jonathan with her history with the Boogie Bots.

B3: Should be Asuka/Vitolio, Phillip/Jeanine, and Caitlin/Jason, but Asuka and Vitolio might escape. If they do, I’m afraid that Kupono and Ashley will be the replacements.

Going Home: Should be Jason and Caitlin for the crime they committed on a perfectly serviceable Shane Sparks piece. Jason was total cannon fodder this season with only a minute’s time on screen prior to Top 20 and Caitlin is not a judge’s favorite, having already had to dance for her life in Vegas. If not those two, it could be Asuka and Vitolio. This is the second week in a row that they haven’t really shown me anything. That said, I doubt very strongly that it will be them. Odds are, they won’t even hit B3, but if they do, the judges will be sure to save them after their emotion filled piece. There could be a surprise Chbeeb/Caitlin boot this season which would leave no hip hoppers at all. And wouldn’t that make your head spin.