Since everyone in the entire world is morally obligated to lament the passing of MJ, let’s just start with that, shall we? Who didn’t love MJ? And Scream was one of the latter day MJ classics and had a cool video to boot in which Janet (Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty) sported some aggressively fugly hair and fantastic cleavage and a good time was had by all. I’m sad he’s dead, but the man’s whole entire face was falling off, he was a freaky weirdo child molester in his twilight years, and apparently hopped up on pain pills all the time, so really, what did we all expect, kittens? MJ had been heading this way for a while now. But hey, at least we’ll get to see the MJ themed AI episode from this season and watch that glitter bomb sexy baby Adam Lambert destroy Black or White (not “and” Nigel, “or”. It’s Black or White) so something wonderful has come out of MJ’s death already.
Moving on, noodles. I’m so proud of America. You bitches really got it right last night. I may not totally be feeling the love for this season yet, but the SYTYCD voting public and I are as one. So much more sophisticated and discerning than the crazy people who vote for AI. Sigh. I love this show, so, so much.
Oh my god, can’t believe what I saw as I turned on the TV this evening
That group dance was the hotness. Brandon is a wonder, darlings. The kid is ridiculously talented. It’s no wonder that he’s been prominently featured in every single group number this season. Last night, he was sexy for me for the first time. Damn. Janette is a diva and now I really, really want to see her do a salsa routine on the show so I hope that they have found a choreographer to replace Alex da Silva. Kayla, Karla, Jeanine all wet on that table, all the girls were sizzling except Asuka who continued to disappoint. And the boys really worked well. I thoroughly enjoyed that group dance, and kittens, that had me in a tizzy because initially I thought Cat said that NappyTab had laid that down. How could it be possible? Would I have to rearrange my entire world view and admit that NappyTab are not 90% crap choreographers? Well, no, I wouldn’t because upon review I realized that there were other steamy fingers in the pie. Fingers belonging to the original bare-chested ballroom hottie, Dmitry. So obvi, we know who brought the fabulosity to the party, right? I hate Pitbull and almost everything about reggaeton, but that routine made me cross my legs and breathe out. Mercy.
Also bringing the hotness? Miss Cat Deeley. The crack hos just get shadier and shadier by the minute. And they are acting out by dressing Mary in ever more bizarre bed sheet fashions.
As jacked as it sounds, the whole system sucks
Darlings, SYTYCD is even worse than AI at building B3 suspense and I didn’t even think that was possible. Five couples bang off the mark, four of whom are so obviously safe that it’s laughable? That is not the way that the game is played. So poor, doomed Asuka and Vitolio had to trudge out to center stage with Cat and a quartet of Janette and Brandon, Randi and Evan, Melissa and Ade, and Jeanine and Phillip. Hmm, let’s see. The three couples who danced the best routines last night plus the fan favorite dancer of the season, none of whom have ever been B3, versus Stankface and her partner who damn near went home week one. I wonder who is not safe. I’ll say it again America. Well done, for not letting Unca Nigel manipulate you into putting Phillip in the B3 this week. Of course, next week would be a perfectly appropriate moment to send his ass packing. Think on it.
Kinda disgusted, so what does this mean?
I’ll admit I was worried when I saw Kayla and Kupono in the final trio of losers and wannabes. Years of watching AI where good contestants get sent home while the Tattoo Sleeves and Kristy Lee Cooks of the world live to bleat on another day has conditioned me to expect the worst of the home voting audience. I knew Karla and Jonathan were toast, but Jason and Caitlin got unduly praised for that horrendous Paso they unleashed on an unsuspecting viewing audience. And Caitlin was practically naked and playing into years of nerd boy fantasies by sporting the Princess Leia bikini. And O Fortuna, while not at all appropriate to the dance, is a song with magic powers. But I needn’t have worried, kiddies. Not even Nigel can turn shit into shineola. I really think Kayla and Kupono can gel into a second tier power couple, kind of like a Courtney/Gev situation from last season. Just for the love of all that’s holy, don’t let them pull Broadway next week.
Side Note: Because it’s been so long since we had one, no? Just being young and cute does not make you a good dancer. Many of the members of Rage Boys Crew were more adorable than a basket full of kittens and puppies and rainbows. And the little bittiest one that Cat wanted to put in her pocket? Yeah, I hate kids and he made my ovaries ache he was so sweet. That said, the vast majority of those boys couldn’t dance and they looked like a poorly synchronized, barely choreographed mess up there on that stage. A cute mess, but a mess nonetheless. You can do better, Show. I know you can.
You tell me I’m wrong, then you better prove you’re right
Solo time. Once again, only one was worth anything.
Asuka – She looked defeated, didn’t she kittens? It’s like she could tell that she was going home. I suppose it was on par with, or maybe even a little bit better than, her week one vamping. At least there were actual recognizable steps this time. It’s a shame that they weren’t done well.
Vitolio – So last night I said that I thought that Asuka was just really not that good, and I still hold that to be true, darlings. But on the real? Vitolio is starting to look real suspect his damn self. That was just a series of random leaps and the occasional arm movement. And the end of that solo was watch from the hall material. I was embarrassed for him and I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he weren’t the kind of “dancer” who regularly has dollar bills stuffed down his pants. Nigel nailed him perfectly in the critique. He has got to bring it better than that if he has any hopes of making it past next week.
Karla – Her technique let her down a little bit last night. She absolutely did fall out of every turn she attempted. Having said that, noodles, I enjoyed the piece. She did a complete, choreographed routine. She obviously thought about what she would present on that stage. She had some quirky and interesting movement going on and some very dynamic and lovely, grounded dancing. I think this girl has talent, but right now she’s barely hanging on by her fingernails. I’ll be amazed if she doesn’t go home next week.
Jonathan – What was he even doing? Y’all, this kid should’ve never gotten within 100 feet of this show. Hell, even Big Pasty was better last year. There was nothing in that dance to even comment on. He flailed around for 20 seconds and then did a tumbling pass. Cirque du Soleil awaits, my son. Go and be all about that because you will never be a dancer.
Caitlin – Kittens, I’m so frustrated with this one. That solo was gorgeous. On her own? Sparkle. She has it. Great technique, a lovely, airy quality to her dancing, poise and charm. I didn’t even mind the back flip in pike position (what?) she threw in at the end there. I don’t know why she’s not popping on the show. I really think it’s that the partnership with Jason is just not working well for either of them.
Jason – I admit I’m not a Jason fan. I know that Shankdaddy thinks this kid is so SYTYCD, but honestly, I just don’t see it. This was another solo that was frenetic and disjointed with a lot of twisting and turning and leaping but not much dancing or musicality or artistry. He so far away from the top 3 guys (Brandon, Evan, Ade) that it’s not even funny. And I truly believe that his partnership with Caitlin is not serving her well, and since I care about her far more than I care about him, well, I’m just about ready for him to go home, aren’t you?
Kicking me down and I got to get up
Perfect eliminations tonight, kittens. Bye bye, Stank Face. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. And Jonathan Who? Exactly. I think Vitolio and Karla will do much, much better together. I'm not sure they'll be as successful a new couple as Kayla and Kupono turned out to be. What I'd truly love is if they paired Caitlin with Vitolio. Her solo last night was beautiful. She really sparkles away from Jason, but together they just don't mesh. I think Caitlin and Vitolio could be quite good together. And then Jason could wind up with Karla and I wouldn't care if they went home next. Come on, Simon Fuller. You can break the rules this once, can’t you? MJ would want you to.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep5 The Question Is
Here are some questions for the group to ponder: Why is the hip hop choreography so bad this season? Was Mary wearing a bedazzled bed sheet last night? Did Brandon’s dancing in that hip hop routine give anyone else really bad Chris Brown flashbacks? Was Caitlin and Jason’s Paso the worst one ever performed on this show, surpassing whatever it was that Twitch and Kherington thought they did last season? Why was Caitlin wearing the Princess Leia bikini? How difficult is it to dance in only one high heel shoe with your butt poked out at an odd angle? How did Mia get so skinny all of a sudden? Didn’t it look like Phillip shit his pants during that Broadway piece? Why would Tasty choreograph a leap over the couch as this show is SYTYCD not Jackass? Why does Kupono think that being a designer somehow entails putting lots of tacky chains and green Muppet fur on top of silk screened t-shirts? Who else would like Ade much, much better if he didn’t always wear that afro pick in his hair? Can we finally get rid of Jonathan because he is really awful? Can we also get rid of Asuka because her stank face and constant “look at me” drama are on my last nerve and no one should ever, ever wear a body stocking as an outer garment?
Kittens, these are the things I need to know. The finals continue to underwhelm for the third week running and now I’m getting a skoosh worried. I’ll never stop watching this show, but it’s looking mighty AI S4 Taylor Hicks-ian at the moment. Let’s breakdown last night’s performance show and pray to the reality TV gods for a rebound once we hit Top 10.
I must say, darlings, that Cat is looking so much better since she escaped the clutches of the wardrobe crack hos. It started out last week with her sassy white suit and last night that orange dress was fierce! I covet it. Of course, since the hos no longer have Cat to kick around, they’ve put all their effort into making the kids and the rest of the judges look an absolute fright. And speaking of judges, we love Toni Basil, no? I mean, obviously she makes no sense, just like your crazy Aunt Sally, and she’s a terrible judge, blathering on and on about emotions up, technique down and using that to justify praising Caitlin and Jason’s truly execrable Paso. But noodles, she is so, so serious. As a choreographer and true dance pioneer, much respect due. She was Paula before Paula was Paula, breaking out of the dance ghetto to grab mainstream pop culture by the throat and scream “Look at me and appreciate my fabulousness!” For that alone, she can babble on about whatever she wants for as long as she wants. But really, she’s a crap judge and she looks like she got dressed at a homeless shelter.
What about the kids, you ask? Well, what about them.
Hip Hop Hell
Hip hop continues to catch hell this season, kiddies. Maybe they should just take the rest of the season off?
Karla and Jonathan/Hip Hop (By My Side) – I love Dave Scott, darlings, but he rarely impresses on SYTYCD. Nonetheless, I had high hopes for last night’s routine because he got the only girl who’s worth a damn at hip hop when he pulled Karla. But oh my, did that choreography suck ass. Karla was amazing. She did what she could with that flavorless pabulum and tried to bring some swag to it. Jonathan was awful. The fact that he is yet another former gymnast explains so much about his inability to be an actual good dancer. Shades of hunchback, indeed, noodles. Seriously, hip hop is like 0 for everything this season. I was happy to see some of the harshest judging I’ve ever seen on this show because that horrid routine really deserved it. I’m right there with Nigel. If these two don’t hit B3 again tonight, I’ll be shocked. Although Nigel can suck on it with the whole hip hop = fear equation. The man should not be able to speak about hip hop ever again. Just no.
Janette and Brandon/Hip Hop (What a World) – I was hoping against hope that Dave could bring something better but oops, guess not. It wasn’t bad choreography, but it was extremely watered down hip hop. Luckily for him, Brandon and Janette killed it. They were amazing. I have no words for how far they are setting themselves apart from the rest of the pack this season. Mary got it exactly right when she said that they have served up a sizzling performance every single week. Haven’t missed a trick, and neither one has danced in their own style yet. They are as close to favorites as I’ve got this season. I can’t see them not making Top 10 and I believe they will be two of the final four unless they seriously slip up once their partnership is dissolved.
Ballroom Bounce
What goes up must come down, kittens. After two thoroughly lovely ballroom routines, we ended the night on perhaps the worst Paso of all time. When Jean Marc and Franz are good, they are very, very good, but when they are bad . . . well, you know.
Ade and Melissa/Rumba (Emotion) – I really do enjoy this couple, darlings. I realize that I never worry that they won’t be able to pull a dance off. When I see them step to the stage, I just sit back and prepare to enjoy some great dancing. And these two don’t disappoint. That’s fun, right? There were a couple of little bobbles here and there. Maybe Melissa could’ve had a little more hip action in those rumba walks. Maybe Ade’s leads could’ve been a little more down into the floor. But on the whole, they were smoking. There was a lot more rumba in that rumba than we’ve seen in the past on this show. It was technically fairly demanding and I felt they really rose to the occasion. And, kittens, can we just deal with the look? Melissa’s body is sick. I would kill babies to have that back. I was groovin’ on this performance. What was I not groovin’ on? The continued absence of Melanie in the Tony and Melanie equation, and thank heavens for Crazy Aunt Toni Basil giving a shout out to Ms. Lapatin. Where is Melanie? What, Tony doesn’t even need an assistant now? He’s just got it like that? Mmmph.
Kupono and Kayla/Viennese Waltz (Sweet Dreams of You) – Jean Marc and Franz served here. This routine was beautifully choreographed with lots of difficulty, a fair amount of closed hold and lovely lifts. And Kupono and Kayla certainly look well together. They are a nicely matched pair. And in this dance, darlings, they both had great lines. Nice rise and fall from these two in both the side by side dancing and in the closed hold. Kupono lost his frame a little bit dancing in hold, but overall they had a solid start as a duo. The beginning was quite spectacular. But like the judges, I’m concerned for them. Smooth ballroom routines have not traditionally been vote getters on this show and as a new couple, they have no built in fan base to prop them up. Also, I am coming to really dislike Kayla’s personality. She seems kind of plastic. Mary gave it her level best to drum up votes for them, but I don’t know how successful that’s going to be, kiddies. I would not be surprised to see them hit B3 again.
Caitlin and Jason/Paso (O, Fortuna) – Entertainment makers everywhere. Stop using this song. Thank you. Everything about this routine was just wrong, from the costuming to the music to the choreography to the poor execution. It was just really, really bad. Much worse than the judges made it out to be. I honestly wouldn’t have known that this routine was supposed to have been a Paso Doble if they hadn’t announced it up front. The choreography was flashy, but lacked actual ballroom content. The few times that they were asked to perform Paso steps, both Jason and Caitlin lacked power and intention. They both did a horrible job at holding their frame and the general lack of technique was distracting. And contrary to what Crazy Aunt Toni was spouting off about, the bad dancing did get in the way of the performance quality. I just don’t care for this couple, kittens. They should work together as they are both really solid dancers, but somehow they just don’t.
Grab Bag
We’ve got a jumble of jazz, contemporary and Broadway which was either forgettable or adorable depending on how you feel about the couples involved.
Vitolio and Asuka/Jazz (Heartbreaker) – Hit or miss Mandy was a miss here, no, noodles? I don’t know what thrash rocker jazz is, but I don’t like it. And the clip package was tailor made to make me hate Asuka even more than I already do. So much unnecessary drama. Vitolio deserves much better than bitchface in a body stocking. And I think the bitch just can’t dance that well, because they have had ridiculously easy routines thrown at them for three weeks running and Vitolio's lines, leaps and spins are simply too high quality for me to think that it’s him keeping the pair down. He was lovely in this and she lacked amplitude in her jumps and fell behind in the choreography causing an appalling lack of synchronization in several spots. It was especially egregious in those tour jetes, kiddies. It wasn’t my favorite routine and Asuka didn’t dance it well, but I think they might be saved by Vitolio’s generally fine dancing and sweet nature.
Evan and Randi/Contemporary ( Koops Island Blues) – I quite enjoyed this Mia piece and don’t think it was nearly as simply choreographed as Nigel made it out to be. The exaggerated emphasis on the booty and some of the positions that Evan and Randi were required to get into called for a ton of body control and they pulled it off effortlessly. I mean, going from that contorted pose after he smacked her booty and into another position where her bent knee was wrapped around his neck in one motion? Not easy. And that shambling, shimmying walk with so much emphasis on the backside, which she did wearing only one high heel? Not easy. And the two of them are just as cute as they want to be together. Kittens, I found that number all kinds of perfect.
Jeanine and Phillip/Broadway (Moses) – Sweet mother, they are just trying to fuck with me now. Tyce Broadway again? Make it stop. And why did these two get the pimp slot? The dance was so not worthy. Well, at least Tasty does better with Broadway when he stays away from the Fosse. And this routine was about a million levels of cute. Once again, not that demanding from a technical standpoint, but fun and adorable. I felt a hundred times better about the dance, darlings, once I realized that Phillip had split his pants rather than wet himself at the fear of jumping over the couch. And how much did I adore Crazy Aunt Toni totally dissing Tasty? “It depends so much on the choreographer you get.” Ha. I love it! The judges’ preemptive warning did not sit well with me. Phillip gave it his all and I thought he did a more than creditable job with that routine. Now, he’s not versatile enough to be long for this show, but it almost sounded like they were trying to get him kicked off this week. Not cool and not warranted.
Bottom 3
By rights, it should be Karla/Jonathan, Caitlin/Jason and Asuka/Vitolio, but I believe Asuka/Vitolio will be saved by the sappy factor. In their stead, I anticipate a wholly undeserved visit to the B3 for Kupono and Kayla. There’s also a slim chance that Phillip and Jeanine could wind up here if Nigel sowed enough doubt in the audiences’ minds. The only folks who I think have no worries for tonight are Evan/Randi, Ade/Melissa and Janette/Brandon. Those three couples look like locks for Top 10 unless something really unexpected happens.
Homeward Bound
If it’s the B3 as it should be, I’d love to see Asuka and Jonathan go. However, since I don't anticipate getting that bottom 3 this week, I think Jonathan will go and probably take Karla down with him as I don’t imagine the judges will have the appetite to split up another couple so soon after ditching Maks. If Kupono lands Kayla in B3 again, though, all bets are off. We might see the Hawaii boy island bound, at which point I think they’d also boot Asuka as neither Jonathan nor Jason would be tall enough to partner Kayla well.
Twisty season, noodles. And yet somehow still incredibly boring.
Kittens, these are the things I need to know. The finals continue to underwhelm for the third week running and now I’m getting a skoosh worried. I’ll never stop watching this show, but it’s looking mighty AI S4 Taylor Hicks-ian at the moment. Let’s breakdown last night’s performance show and pray to the reality TV gods for a rebound once we hit Top 10.
I must say, darlings, that Cat is looking so much better since she escaped the clutches of the wardrobe crack hos. It started out last week with her sassy white suit and last night that orange dress was fierce! I covet it. Of course, since the hos no longer have Cat to kick around, they’ve put all their effort into making the kids and the rest of the judges look an absolute fright. And speaking of judges, we love Toni Basil, no? I mean, obviously she makes no sense, just like your crazy Aunt Sally, and she’s a terrible judge, blathering on and on about emotions up, technique down and using that to justify praising Caitlin and Jason’s truly execrable Paso. But noodles, she is so, so serious. As a choreographer and true dance pioneer, much respect due. She was Paula before Paula was Paula, breaking out of the dance ghetto to grab mainstream pop culture by the throat and scream “Look at me and appreciate my fabulousness!” For that alone, she can babble on about whatever she wants for as long as she wants. But really, she’s a crap judge and she looks like she got dressed at a homeless shelter.
What about the kids, you ask? Well, what about them.
Hip Hop Hell
Hip hop continues to catch hell this season, kiddies. Maybe they should just take the rest of the season off?
Karla and Jonathan/Hip Hop (By My Side) – I love Dave Scott, darlings, but he rarely impresses on SYTYCD. Nonetheless, I had high hopes for last night’s routine because he got the only girl who’s worth a damn at hip hop when he pulled Karla. But oh my, did that choreography suck ass. Karla was amazing. She did what she could with that flavorless pabulum and tried to bring some swag to it. Jonathan was awful. The fact that he is yet another former gymnast explains so much about his inability to be an actual good dancer. Shades of hunchback, indeed, noodles. Seriously, hip hop is like 0 for everything this season. I was happy to see some of the harshest judging I’ve ever seen on this show because that horrid routine really deserved it. I’m right there with Nigel. If these two don’t hit B3 again tonight, I’ll be shocked. Although Nigel can suck on it with the whole hip hop = fear equation. The man should not be able to speak about hip hop ever again. Just no.
Janette and Brandon/Hip Hop (What a World) – I was hoping against hope that Dave could bring something better but oops, guess not. It wasn’t bad choreography, but it was extremely watered down hip hop. Luckily for him, Brandon and Janette killed it. They were amazing. I have no words for how far they are setting themselves apart from the rest of the pack this season. Mary got it exactly right when she said that they have served up a sizzling performance every single week. Haven’t missed a trick, and neither one has danced in their own style yet. They are as close to favorites as I’ve got this season. I can’t see them not making Top 10 and I believe they will be two of the final four unless they seriously slip up once their partnership is dissolved.
Ballroom Bounce
What goes up must come down, kittens. After two thoroughly lovely ballroom routines, we ended the night on perhaps the worst Paso of all time. When Jean Marc and Franz are good, they are very, very good, but when they are bad . . . well, you know.
Ade and Melissa/Rumba (Emotion) – I really do enjoy this couple, darlings. I realize that I never worry that they won’t be able to pull a dance off. When I see them step to the stage, I just sit back and prepare to enjoy some great dancing. And these two don’t disappoint. That’s fun, right? There were a couple of little bobbles here and there. Maybe Melissa could’ve had a little more hip action in those rumba walks. Maybe Ade’s leads could’ve been a little more down into the floor. But on the whole, they were smoking. There was a lot more rumba in that rumba than we’ve seen in the past on this show. It was technically fairly demanding and I felt they really rose to the occasion. And, kittens, can we just deal with the look? Melissa’s body is sick. I would kill babies to have that back. I was groovin’ on this performance. What was I not groovin’ on? The continued absence of Melanie in the Tony and Melanie equation, and thank heavens for Crazy Aunt Toni Basil giving a shout out to Ms. Lapatin. Where is Melanie? What, Tony doesn’t even need an assistant now? He’s just got it like that? Mmmph.
Kupono and Kayla/Viennese Waltz (Sweet Dreams of You) – Jean Marc and Franz served here. This routine was beautifully choreographed with lots of difficulty, a fair amount of closed hold and lovely lifts. And Kupono and Kayla certainly look well together. They are a nicely matched pair. And in this dance, darlings, they both had great lines. Nice rise and fall from these two in both the side by side dancing and in the closed hold. Kupono lost his frame a little bit dancing in hold, but overall they had a solid start as a duo. The beginning was quite spectacular. But like the judges, I’m concerned for them. Smooth ballroom routines have not traditionally been vote getters on this show and as a new couple, they have no built in fan base to prop them up. Also, I am coming to really dislike Kayla’s personality. She seems kind of plastic. Mary gave it her level best to drum up votes for them, but I don’t know how successful that’s going to be, kiddies. I would not be surprised to see them hit B3 again.
Caitlin and Jason/Paso (O, Fortuna) – Entertainment makers everywhere. Stop using this song. Thank you. Everything about this routine was just wrong, from the costuming to the music to the choreography to the poor execution. It was just really, really bad. Much worse than the judges made it out to be. I honestly wouldn’t have known that this routine was supposed to have been a Paso Doble if they hadn’t announced it up front. The choreography was flashy, but lacked actual ballroom content. The few times that they were asked to perform Paso steps, both Jason and Caitlin lacked power and intention. They both did a horrible job at holding their frame and the general lack of technique was distracting. And contrary to what Crazy Aunt Toni was spouting off about, the bad dancing did get in the way of the performance quality. I just don’t care for this couple, kittens. They should work together as they are both really solid dancers, but somehow they just don’t.
Grab Bag
We’ve got a jumble of jazz, contemporary and Broadway which was either forgettable or adorable depending on how you feel about the couples involved.
Vitolio and Asuka/Jazz (Heartbreaker) – Hit or miss Mandy was a miss here, no, noodles? I don’t know what thrash rocker jazz is, but I don’t like it. And the clip package was tailor made to make me hate Asuka even more than I already do. So much unnecessary drama. Vitolio deserves much better than bitchface in a body stocking. And I think the bitch just can’t dance that well, because they have had ridiculously easy routines thrown at them for three weeks running and Vitolio's lines, leaps and spins are simply too high quality for me to think that it’s him keeping the pair down. He was lovely in this and she lacked amplitude in her jumps and fell behind in the choreography causing an appalling lack of synchronization in several spots. It was especially egregious in those tour jetes, kiddies. It wasn’t my favorite routine and Asuka didn’t dance it well, but I think they might be saved by Vitolio’s generally fine dancing and sweet nature.
Evan and Randi/Contemporary ( Koops Island Blues) – I quite enjoyed this Mia piece and don’t think it was nearly as simply choreographed as Nigel made it out to be. The exaggerated emphasis on the booty and some of the positions that Evan and Randi were required to get into called for a ton of body control and they pulled it off effortlessly. I mean, going from that contorted pose after he smacked her booty and into another position where her bent knee was wrapped around his neck in one motion? Not easy. And that shambling, shimmying walk with so much emphasis on the backside, which she did wearing only one high heel? Not easy. And the two of them are just as cute as they want to be together. Kittens, I found that number all kinds of perfect.
Jeanine and Phillip/Broadway (Moses) – Sweet mother, they are just trying to fuck with me now. Tyce Broadway again? Make it stop. And why did these two get the pimp slot? The dance was so not worthy. Well, at least Tasty does better with Broadway when he stays away from the Fosse. And this routine was about a million levels of cute. Once again, not that demanding from a technical standpoint, but fun and adorable. I felt a hundred times better about the dance, darlings, once I realized that Phillip had split his pants rather than wet himself at the fear of jumping over the couch. And how much did I adore Crazy Aunt Toni totally dissing Tasty? “It depends so much on the choreographer you get.” Ha. I love it! The judges’ preemptive warning did not sit well with me. Phillip gave it his all and I thought he did a more than creditable job with that routine. Now, he’s not versatile enough to be long for this show, but it almost sounded like they were trying to get him kicked off this week. Not cool and not warranted.
Bottom 3
By rights, it should be Karla/Jonathan, Caitlin/Jason and Asuka/Vitolio, but I believe Asuka/Vitolio will be saved by the sappy factor. In their stead, I anticipate a wholly undeserved visit to the B3 for Kupono and Kayla. There’s also a slim chance that Phillip and Jeanine could wind up here if Nigel sowed enough doubt in the audiences’ minds. The only folks who I think have no worries for tonight are Evan/Randi, Ade/Melissa and Janette/Brandon. Those three couples look like locks for Top 10 unless something really unexpected happens.
Homeward Bound
If it’s the B3 as it should be, I’d love to see Asuka and Jonathan go. However, since I don't anticipate getting that bottom 3 this week, I think Jonathan will go and probably take Karla down with him as I don’t imagine the judges will have the appetite to split up another couple so soon after ditching Maks. If Kupono lands Kayla in B3 again, though, all bets are off. We might see the Hawaii boy island bound, at which point I think they’d also boot Asuka as neither Jonathan nor Jason would be tall enough to partner Kayla well.
Twisty season, noodles. And yet somehow still incredibly boring.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep4 Where Is the Love?
Noodles, by this time in earlier seasons of the show, I already had dancers that I loved. I was crazy for Blake in S1 from the time he let his little dog crap all over the hotel room he shared with Allan, and the bitch only got better from there. I was an early Benjelle shipper in S2 and I fell for the charms of one Travis Wall. There was Natalie and Allison and Heidi, and oh, S2 was a marvel, darlings. Loveable dancers by the truck load. S3 was the season of Danny Tidwell and no one will ever come close to matching his artistry on this show. He killed it. The end. And last season gave us Mark and Chelsea and Joshua, who was so adorable that he made me get over my hatred for Katee fat face and her egregious double “e”. Yes, those were the days.
And not to sound too “Hey kids, get offa my lawn” but Season 5, while hosting some lovely dancers, just has not got it like the days of old. When I can go a whole week and not feel the slightest compunction to say anything about the results show, which, if I cared at all about any of these kids, might have even been described as shocking, then you know that things have to be . . . not bad, kittens. What’s the word? Hmmmm. Boring.
God, so so boring. Cat’s tasteful white suit? Boring. Mia’s serviceable group dance with the Maori tribal face painting action? Boring. The tribute to Lil C’s erudition? Cute, but boring. Every single solo that was danced? Boring. Losing the only true ballroom male dancer and some anonymous contemporary girl? I’m dead from all the not caring.
Truth time, kiddies. Maks was not aesthetically pleasing and while his solo was fine, he was never going to set this show on fire the way Pasha or Dmitry did. And Ashley should have never made it on the show. Never made it on the show. Fourth time is obviously not the charm. As for the rest of the B3 denizens. I’m trying to like Kupono, but with solos like that (Clearly it was choreographed, so he must have just wanted it to be dull. OK, then) he is doing himself no favors. Kayla is a beautiful dancer but she caught a serious case of Asuka’s bitchface at finding herself in the bottom and then she flailed, and she’s not a flailer. She’s better than that. Caitlin showed some of the spark that I saw in her in the audition rounds, finally! Which only makes sense, noodles, since she repeated her audition number. Maybe she’s just a one trick pony because she is not popping in the competition. Jason, despite the judges raving over him, I still just. don’t. get. it. He’s pleasant enough, I suppose, and props for using Robin Thicke, but the kid is not a star.
In fact, none of them are stars. I had more fun watching frikkin’ Kherington in the Fame trailer than I did watching any of the kids on results show night last week. These kids better start grabbing some gosh darn attention, kiddies. Mama can’t keep writing without decent material.
Oh, well. Let’s get excited for performance night tonight, shall we? Maybe one of the couples will realize that they are in a competition and do something spectacular. If not, there’s always Fame to look forward to. Even Kherington can’t make that boring.
And not to sound too “Hey kids, get offa my lawn” but Season 5, while hosting some lovely dancers, just has not got it like the days of old. When I can go a whole week and not feel the slightest compunction to say anything about the results show, which, if I cared at all about any of these kids, might have even been described as shocking, then you know that things have to be . . . not bad, kittens. What’s the word? Hmmmm. Boring.
God, so so boring. Cat’s tasteful white suit? Boring. Mia’s serviceable group dance with the Maori tribal face painting action? Boring. The tribute to Lil C’s erudition? Cute, but boring. Every single solo that was danced? Boring. Losing the only true ballroom male dancer and some anonymous contemporary girl? I’m dead from all the not caring.
Truth time, kiddies. Maks was not aesthetically pleasing and while his solo was fine, he was never going to set this show on fire the way Pasha or Dmitry did. And Ashley should have never made it on the show. Never made it on the show. Fourth time is obviously not the charm. As for the rest of the B3 denizens. I’m trying to like Kupono, but with solos like that (Clearly it was choreographed, so he must have just wanted it to be dull. OK, then) he is doing himself no favors. Kayla is a beautiful dancer but she caught a serious case of Asuka’s bitchface at finding herself in the bottom and then she flailed, and she’s not a flailer. She’s better than that. Caitlin showed some of the spark that I saw in her in the audition rounds, finally! Which only makes sense, noodles, since she repeated her audition number. Maybe she’s just a one trick pony because she is not popping in the competition. Jason, despite the judges raving over him, I still just. don’t. get. it. He’s pleasant enough, I suppose, and props for using Robin Thicke, but the kid is not a star.
In fact, none of them are stars. I had more fun watching frikkin’ Kherington in the Fame trailer than I did watching any of the kids on results show night last week. These kids better start grabbing some gosh darn attention, kiddies. Mama can’t keep writing without decent material.
Oh, well. Let’s get excited for performance night tonight, shall we? Maybe one of the couples will realize that they are in a competition and do something spectacular. If not, there’s always Fame to look forward to. Even Kherington can’t make that boring.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep3 What Goes Up
Kittens, I’m feeling distinctly under whelmed by this season of SYTYCD. And I can’t quite put my finger on why, no? There’s Cat Deeley, still cute as a bug, still using bed skirts to make dresses; still doling out three way chest bumps. Fabulous. There are the crack hos in wardrobe putting dancers in pleather pants and neon pink and some demented Toucan Sam dress with rainbow colored plumage for the BFree piece. And speaking of the shiny domed one (RIP Brian Friedman curl), there are the truly talented choreographers, Shane back from the ABDC wilderness and BFree back in the fold, Louis who has more than proven his worth in just two short weeks, Bow Wow, Wow; Tony (although WTF on continuing to be sans Melanie), great new choreographers like Stacey Tookey (Represent, SYTYCD Canada). Darlings, even Doriana Sanchez pulled a fierce disco routine out of her ass. What? The judges giving relevant critiques for the most part (even Mary). And yet, I found myself drifting and even flipping channels (perish the thought) during the interminable secret reveals, none of which were worth a damn except for Brandon’s spectacularly bitch-y delight at busting on buck toothed Janette. A couple of these kids need to catch fire right quick, because at this time, they are mostly just pleasantly forgettable. Let’s take it by thirds, shall we? Who’s on top?
Running Thangs
Janette and Brandon/Disco (Loving Is Really My Game) – My heart sank, kiddies, at the reveal of both dance style and choreographer. These two are closer to being a break out couple than almost anyone else on the show, right? Janette is a spitfire and Brandon continues to be sweet as candy. Together, they are all energy and spunk and cuteness. So first week, of course they pull Foxtrot, which they manage to kill. Phew. This week a crowd pleaser, no? No. Oh, no. Disco. Disco with frikkin’ Doriana Sanchez. Why would the show do this to these kids? Do they really dislike Brandon that much? And it just goes to show that you should never assume, kiddies, because that was the Best. Doriana. Routine. Ever. It wasn’t just all tricks and lifts; those kids were dancing. What? They tore that routine up. And noodles, did Brandon just lift Janette straight into an overhead press lift from the floor? That’s insane. I loved them.
Maks and Kayla/Pop Jazz (Hot Like Wow) –BFree dressed like a gnome. Hee! Please never change. Don’t we all know that they call Maks the house dad because he’s like a million years old? I cannot believe that this “kid” is younger than 30. But I digress, noodles. I adored this piece. Sharp movements. Really difficult. I loved all the stylized movement. The deep plies were a-mazing. Kayla remains a favorite. And the world’s cutest grandpa? Still cute. Like Nigel, I am loving the return of BFree. He has a great dance vocabulary. Kiddies, let’s give props to Maks, too. He did really well with that choreo. He brought it for a ballroom dancer. But Kayla was the star. Legs, legs, legs and feet on this girl. I’m dying for her feet. The judges really need to be careful with the overpimping, though. I smell an S2 Allison pre-Top boot just around the corner if they don’t ease back.
Jonathan and Karla/Contemporary (Falling Slowly) – What a difference a week makes, no? I attribute 50% of my increased love for this couple to the facts that Karla is in the Boogie Bots and another 25% to the music because this song is magic. Just ask your American Idol, Kris Allen. That leaves the other 25% for the beautiful work of the new choreographer, Stacey Tookey, and to the fine, fine performance put on by these two dancers. Coming off of their solo performances, I was so ready for them to be the next two on the chopping block this week. And then, bam! These fools delivered. Karla had a little bit of the weebles wobble syndrome last week, but there was a an exquisite center on this girl tonight. And I loved the lift into the arabesque. And the steps in the air as he had her in a shoulder lift and they were turning. Jonathan’s leap? That little sit back/pull up move right at the end? Lovely. Lovely. Mary was right. Jonathan was way better in that than he has been in ballroom or in his salsa solo. And the assisted lifts were great. In fact, they were great. I was loving that routine.
Running In Place
Randi and Evan/Jive (Shake A Tail Feather) – So is everyone named Randi who spells her name with an “i” just kind of stupid? Ok, then. And here’s a little tip for pet owners everywhere. Dogs are not people. Y’all can have that one for free. The next one will cost you. Kittens, these two kids are a bundle of good vibrations. Since the show beat the word “fun” bloody with the fun counter, I will just state that the whole thing was pleasantly enjoyable, from the behind the scenes clips to Cat calling out the kids on the booty grab. And fat face was actually quite good. In fact, darlings, I am shocked, shocked by how good fat face is. Evan’s flicks needed to be crisper and he needed more snap in his retractions. It was nice to see good Mary come out and make those points. Good performance, high energy, but the technique was lacking.
Kupono and Ashley/Hip Hop (Imma Be) – I liked having the Hawaii boy in the pimp slot and he’s so deliciously goofy. Huh. I enjoyed Shane’s choreography, and the dancing was a hundred times better than the first Shane number. I thought the beginning of the number was especially on point. Kupono and Ashley both hit hard and were nicely synchronized. There was power in the moves. I did not like the fast part at the end, though. And the final choreo we saw on stage was clearly different than what Shane was trying to teach them in the rehearsal footage which indicates to me that they just couldn’t hang and would explain the lackluster finish of the dance, and Shane’s overall night long bitchface. Methinks this group of dancers is just generally lacking in hip hop IQ. Doesn’t it seem so, noodles? Which is unfortunate considering they just got their best hip hop choreographer back. Still and all, the routine was not nearly as bad as the judges made it out to be. Mary hit it closest when she said it was just . . . good. Not high, not low, just kind of there. Not great for the pimp slot. They’ll need to come much harder than that should they be fortunate enough to snag the pimp slot again.
Melissa and Ade/Jazz (24 Hours) – On the flip side, this wasn’t nearly as good as the judges effusive praise made it out to be. Bow Wow Wow didn’t bring it like she could with the choreography. Compared to the nights other Jazz and Contemporary pieces, this was not as challenging. And Melissa was timid not only in the rehearsal, as Lil C rightly pointed out, but also in the performance itself. She couldn’t quite let it all go and really dig in to some of the quirkier moves and it felt like she never quite lost that ballet instinct to pull up and control in spots where she really needed to be more grounded and dance with more abandon. I also did not enjoy Lil C’s stealth hate for Brandon disguised as praise for Ade. Ade is really, really good, but did he honestly think that we wouldn’t know what other guy was just like him and took the token black, male trained dancer slot? I’d have had more respect for Lil C, darlings, if he’d just straight up said that he thinks Ade can take Brandon’s #1 slot instead of being a bitch about it. On the whole this was a solid routine, but it was far from spectacular.
Running on Empty
Asuka and Vitolio/Waltz (Dreams Are More Precious) - On the real, kittens? These two really are kind of boring and personality free, even in their behind the scenes footage. Oh, my. I wonder why they are not sparking. You know how I feel about sob stories. Just stop it. Stop trying to drum up sympathy for Vitolio. If the judges want me to like this couple, they are going to have to start bringing it. Which they didn’t tonight, no matter how much the judges tried to dance around that fact and chatter on mindlessly about emotion. For a waltz, the dance seriously lacked closed hold. Lots of side by side dancing. And what little closed hold they did attempt lacked flow and Ade had surprisingly sloppy footwork in spots. I also didn’t like his hands in this dance. He kind of had the lobster claws. Lovely lifts, though. And at least Mary did note the sloppy footwork in the closed hold. By rights, these two should hit B3 again this week, although they may bet the Dead Daddy/Dances with Dead Daughters bounce. It remains to be seen. Maybe this one can be Damn Orphans, noodles?
Phillip and Jeanine/Tango –I don’t feel good about Tony sans Melanie. Just wanted to put that out there. And it must be said that Jeanine was not bad. She had great legs, very strong, good frame. But poor Chbeeb. You’d think some time during the three years that he’s been trying to get on this show, he would’ve found the time to take a couple of ballroom classes. Phillip’s frame was terrible and he was so flat footed. He has got to learn how to point his feet or there’s not hope for him in this competition. And the footwork these two laid down on those steps across the floor? That was just painful. And Lil C, continued war against English grammar notwithstanding, was right again. Chbeeb had no confidence in his ability to lay down a great Tango, kiddies, and it ruined the performance quality. He looked like he was thinking “Just get through this. Just get through this. Just get through this.” I don’t like the judges pimping for this couple. They weren’t the worst tonight, but they had major problems and no one wants another Cedric.
Jason and Caitlin/Hip Hop (Missin You) – They were the worst of the night. We’d had hints from last week that this group of girls was not the strongest when it comes to hip hop, but kittens, it’s much, much worse than I could’ve ever imagined. Caitlin cannot do hip hop. At all. When she was doing her big solo, it looked like she was having a seizure. And while we’re at it, Jason can’t do hip hop either. Why were they all smiley if they were supposed to be missing each other? Oh, y’all. It was bad. Corny was the perfect word to describe it. And darlings, Shane was pissed. That routine with other dancers could’ve been fire. With those two, cheeseball. It’ll be interesting to see if he even bothers to come back. Maybe for the chance to work with Karla and Jonathan with her history with the Boogie Bots.
B3: Should be Asuka/Vitolio, Phillip/Jeanine, and Caitlin/Jason, but Asuka and Vitolio might escape. If they do, I’m afraid that Kupono and Ashley will be the replacements.
Going Home: Should be Jason and Caitlin for the crime they committed on a perfectly serviceable Shane Sparks piece. Jason was total cannon fodder this season with only a minute’s time on screen prior to Top 20 and Caitlin is not a judge’s favorite, having already had to dance for her life in Vegas. If not those two, it could be Asuka and Vitolio. This is the second week in a row that they haven’t really shown me anything. That said, I doubt very strongly that it will be them. Odds are, they won’t even hit B3, but if they do, the judges will be sure to save them after their emotion filled piece. There could be a surprise Chbeeb/Caitlin boot this season which would leave no hip hoppers at all. And wouldn’t that make your head spin.
Running Thangs
Janette and Brandon/Disco (Loving Is Really My Game) – My heart sank, kiddies, at the reveal of both dance style and choreographer. These two are closer to being a break out couple than almost anyone else on the show, right? Janette is a spitfire and Brandon continues to be sweet as candy. Together, they are all energy and spunk and cuteness. So first week, of course they pull Foxtrot, which they manage to kill. Phew. This week a crowd pleaser, no? No. Oh, no. Disco. Disco with frikkin’ Doriana Sanchez. Why would the show do this to these kids? Do they really dislike Brandon that much? And it just goes to show that you should never assume, kiddies, because that was the Best. Doriana. Routine. Ever. It wasn’t just all tricks and lifts; those kids were dancing. What? They tore that routine up. And noodles, did Brandon just lift Janette straight into an overhead press lift from the floor? That’s insane. I loved them.
Maks and Kayla/Pop Jazz (Hot Like Wow) –BFree dressed like a gnome. Hee! Please never change. Don’t we all know that they call Maks the house dad because he’s like a million years old? I cannot believe that this “kid” is younger than 30. But I digress, noodles. I adored this piece. Sharp movements. Really difficult. I loved all the stylized movement. The deep plies were a-mazing. Kayla remains a favorite. And the world’s cutest grandpa? Still cute. Like Nigel, I am loving the return of BFree. He has a great dance vocabulary. Kiddies, let’s give props to Maks, too. He did really well with that choreo. He brought it for a ballroom dancer. But Kayla was the star. Legs, legs, legs and feet on this girl. I’m dying for her feet. The judges really need to be careful with the overpimping, though. I smell an S2 Allison pre-Top boot just around the corner if they don’t ease back.
Jonathan and Karla/Contemporary (Falling Slowly) – What a difference a week makes, no? I attribute 50% of my increased love for this couple to the facts that Karla is in the Boogie Bots and another 25% to the music because this song is magic. Just ask your American Idol, Kris Allen. That leaves the other 25% for the beautiful work of the new choreographer, Stacey Tookey, and to the fine, fine performance put on by these two dancers. Coming off of their solo performances, I was so ready for them to be the next two on the chopping block this week. And then, bam! These fools delivered. Karla had a little bit of the weebles wobble syndrome last week, but there was a an exquisite center on this girl tonight. And I loved the lift into the arabesque. And the steps in the air as he had her in a shoulder lift and they were turning. Jonathan’s leap? That little sit back/pull up move right at the end? Lovely. Lovely. Mary was right. Jonathan was way better in that than he has been in ballroom or in his salsa solo. And the assisted lifts were great. In fact, they were great. I was loving that routine.
Running In Place
Randi and Evan/Jive (Shake A Tail Feather) – So is everyone named Randi who spells her name with an “i” just kind of stupid? Ok, then. And here’s a little tip for pet owners everywhere. Dogs are not people. Y’all can have that one for free. The next one will cost you. Kittens, these two kids are a bundle of good vibrations. Since the show beat the word “fun” bloody with the fun counter, I will just state that the whole thing was pleasantly enjoyable, from the behind the scenes clips to Cat calling out the kids on the booty grab. And fat face was actually quite good. In fact, darlings, I am shocked, shocked by how good fat face is. Evan’s flicks needed to be crisper and he needed more snap in his retractions. It was nice to see good Mary come out and make those points. Good performance, high energy, but the technique was lacking.
Kupono and Ashley/Hip Hop (Imma Be) – I liked having the Hawaii boy in the pimp slot and he’s so deliciously goofy. Huh. I enjoyed Shane’s choreography, and the dancing was a hundred times better than the first Shane number. I thought the beginning of the number was especially on point. Kupono and Ashley both hit hard and were nicely synchronized. There was power in the moves. I did not like the fast part at the end, though. And the final choreo we saw on stage was clearly different than what Shane was trying to teach them in the rehearsal footage which indicates to me that they just couldn’t hang and would explain the lackluster finish of the dance, and Shane’s overall night long bitchface. Methinks this group of dancers is just generally lacking in hip hop IQ. Doesn’t it seem so, noodles? Which is unfortunate considering they just got their best hip hop choreographer back. Still and all, the routine was not nearly as bad as the judges made it out to be. Mary hit it closest when she said it was just . . . good. Not high, not low, just kind of there. Not great for the pimp slot. They’ll need to come much harder than that should they be fortunate enough to snag the pimp slot again.
Melissa and Ade/Jazz (24 Hours) – On the flip side, this wasn’t nearly as good as the judges effusive praise made it out to be. Bow Wow Wow didn’t bring it like she could with the choreography. Compared to the nights other Jazz and Contemporary pieces, this was not as challenging. And Melissa was timid not only in the rehearsal, as Lil C rightly pointed out, but also in the performance itself. She couldn’t quite let it all go and really dig in to some of the quirkier moves and it felt like she never quite lost that ballet instinct to pull up and control in spots where she really needed to be more grounded and dance with more abandon. I also did not enjoy Lil C’s stealth hate for Brandon disguised as praise for Ade. Ade is really, really good, but did he honestly think that we wouldn’t know what other guy was just like him and took the token black, male trained dancer slot? I’d have had more respect for Lil C, darlings, if he’d just straight up said that he thinks Ade can take Brandon’s #1 slot instead of being a bitch about it. On the whole this was a solid routine, but it was far from spectacular.
Running on Empty
Asuka and Vitolio/Waltz (Dreams Are More Precious) - On the real, kittens? These two really are kind of boring and personality free, even in their behind the scenes footage. Oh, my. I wonder why they are not sparking. You know how I feel about sob stories. Just stop it. Stop trying to drum up sympathy for Vitolio. If the judges want me to like this couple, they are going to have to start bringing it. Which they didn’t tonight, no matter how much the judges tried to dance around that fact and chatter on mindlessly about emotion. For a waltz, the dance seriously lacked closed hold. Lots of side by side dancing. And what little closed hold they did attempt lacked flow and Ade had surprisingly sloppy footwork in spots. I also didn’t like his hands in this dance. He kind of had the lobster claws. Lovely lifts, though. And at least Mary did note the sloppy footwork in the closed hold. By rights, these two should hit B3 again this week, although they may bet the Dead Daddy/Dances with Dead Daughters bounce. It remains to be seen. Maybe this one can be Damn Orphans, noodles?
Phillip and Jeanine/Tango –I don’t feel good about Tony sans Melanie. Just wanted to put that out there. And it must be said that Jeanine was not bad. She had great legs, very strong, good frame. But poor Chbeeb. You’d think some time during the three years that he’s been trying to get on this show, he would’ve found the time to take a couple of ballroom classes. Phillip’s frame was terrible and he was so flat footed. He has got to learn how to point his feet or there’s not hope for him in this competition. And the footwork these two laid down on those steps across the floor? That was just painful. And Lil C, continued war against English grammar notwithstanding, was right again. Chbeeb had no confidence in his ability to lay down a great Tango, kiddies, and it ruined the performance quality. He looked like he was thinking “Just get through this. Just get through this. Just get through this.” I don’t like the judges pimping for this couple. They weren’t the worst tonight, but they had major problems and no one wants another Cedric.
Jason and Caitlin/Hip Hop (Missin You) – They were the worst of the night. We’d had hints from last week that this group of girls was not the strongest when it comes to hip hop, but kittens, it’s much, much worse than I could’ve ever imagined. Caitlin cannot do hip hop. At all. When she was doing her big solo, it looked like she was having a seizure. And while we’re at it, Jason can’t do hip hop either. Why were they all smiley if they were supposed to be missing each other? Oh, y’all. It was bad. Corny was the perfect word to describe it. And darlings, Shane was pissed. That routine with other dancers could’ve been fire. With those two, cheeseball. It’ll be interesting to see if he even bothers to come back. Maybe for the chance to work with Karla and Jonathan with her history with the Boogie Bots.
B3: Should be Asuka/Vitolio, Phillip/Jeanine, and Caitlin/Jason, but Asuka and Vitolio might escape. If they do, I’m afraid that Kupono and Ashley will be the replacements.
Going Home: Should be Jason and Caitlin for the crime they committed on a perfectly serviceable Shane Sparks piece. Jason was total cannon fodder this season with only a minute’s time on screen prior to Top 20 and Caitlin is not a judge’s favorite, having already had to dance for her life in Vegas. If not those two, it could be Asuka and Vitolio. This is the second week in a row that they haven’t really shown me anything. That said, I doubt very strongly that it will be them. Odds are, they won’t even hit B3, but if they do, the judges will be sure to save them after their emotion filled piece. There could be a surprise Chbeeb/Caitlin boot this season which would leave no hip hoppers at all. And wouldn’t that make your head spin.
Friday, June 12, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep2 Doctor, Always Do the Right Thing
Well done, Show. Kittens, I’m kind of shocked that the right two got sent home last night. I will give all credit to Shankdaddy and to the show’s general reluctance to split up couples this early in the season. And I’ll even give grudging credit to Unca Nigel for copping to basing his decision on who to cut on getting the right casting for the show and not just on pure dance ability. Having said that, the casting crap is why we got broke down ballerina instead of Natalie and why instead of the Brothers Kasprzak, we got Tony, so screw the casting and put on the best dancer next time, no? Anyway, the season’s first results show had its moments, noodles, but they were few and far between. Let’s review in case you suffer from short term memory loss.
Wake Up! Wake Up!
First group dance of the season and it was by Mr. Shane Sparks. Normally that would be a good thing, darlings. But the lack of hip hop specialists in this season’s Top 20 was never more apparent than at the top of our show, no? The guys were not half bad, with Vitolio most especially having a couple of moments where he was really breaking it down. But our ladies, oh kittens, our ladies! If that is the most they can bring then we are in for some pitiful hip hop outings this season. Caitlin making crazy eyes while Asuka tries to hide at the back of the formation does not a peppy routine make. And what the hell was that “light as a feather, stiff as a board” moment upstage when they put one of the poor boys under that stanky black sheet? Noodles, it was something of a hot mess, right? Maybe Shane was doing the best he could with what he had, but after two subpar NappyTab routines on performance night, it is looking really tight on hip hop right about this point in the season.
Extra Cheese Is Two Dollars
Cat loves her babies so much, kiddies. I really think it hurts her to put them in B3. And bravo to America for voting the right people down. Tony/Paris, Vitolio/Asuka and Jonathan/Karla really were on the low end of a very high quality show last night for different reasons (bad dancers/bad choreography/no sparkle in case you’re scoring at home) And even though Cat tried to build some suspense, was there ever any doubt amongst the various groupings about who was headed for the bottom? The closest they came was with Chbeeb’s group, but since they’ve done the shocking, "Everybody in this group is safe" thing before, it’s kind of not so shocking anymore. Funny how that works.
We Love Roll Call
Kittens, we were so happy that the show finally, finally got it right, no? See, people watch this show because they want to see dance and dancers. And they gave us dance and dancers. Progress. Of course, they took it all back a scant few minutes later with the travesty that was that Sean Kingston performance. Ptui. Let us never speak of it again. On to more pleasant things, those tangueros turned it out. Miriam Larici and Leonardo Barrionuevo. One of the few good things to come out of the horrid mess that was Superstars of Dance, this pair and the bitch-tastic South African judge rocking the old school Jheri Curl. How can we get him to be a judge on this show? Because that . . . would be awesome.
Get a Broom and Sweep Out Front
Solo time, and aside from Vitolio, everyone stunk up the joint.
Paris – Broke down ballerina with no center. She was squishier in the middle than the Pillsbury Doughboy. Yuck. That was shit. I’m still scratching my head over how this girl ever made Top 20.
Tony – Is a really bad hip hopper, noodles. He’s trying to break it down old school pop and lock and he can’t lock. Fred “Rerun” Berry is turning over in his grave.
Asuka – Has the same problem all ballroom girls seem to have. Since she’s not a singles dancer, she thinks the only way she can get through the solos is to play up the sensuality and do a little burlesque for the judges. Yuck. It’s not her fault that she can’t dance with a partner, but seriously, kiddies, lots of ballroom boys have cracked this code. Benji was the master of the entertaining solo by a partner dancer. Dmitry had one of the most smoking solos of all times to Maghalena and still owns that song on this show to this day. And for all of Pasha’s quirkiness (Hello, dress form solo! You still freak me right the hell on out) he could bring it when he had to. The ladies would want to figure this out. I mean, kittens, they know they are going to be on the show, right? And eventually they will have to dance solo. Have some well choreographed pieces in your back pocket.
Vitolio – Was amazing and beautiful. So much power in those leaps. Finally. That was how you dance for your life, bitches. Nigel’s hate on for this kid is getting really, really old. He’s not competing for Miss Congeniality. He’s vying for America’s Favorite Dancer and he can dance. Nigel can kiss my grits, kiddies.
Karla – Eeeh. It was a lot of run, run, run, leap, HMV. I thought I was having bad S1 Melanie flashbacks. Darlings, we are not impressed.
Jonathan – He’s not very good. Really one of the worst ballroom technicians they’ve ever had. And I’m sorry, but you cannot throw a tumbling pass into your ballroom routine. I feel confident in saying that those two things do not go together. It takes more than sweat and a pretty face to win this show, and I just don’t think he’s packing much more in his carpet bag. I’ll pass on this one.
Thirty Cents Away from Having a Quarter
Bye bye, Tony and Paris! Kittens, The right two dancers went home which was so shocking that I’m already only 1 for 2 on my ousting predictions. And since I didn’t miss a trick until top 5 last season, I’m gonna go ahead and declare that this is a very good sign for this season. The kids are pretty evenly matched. While no clear front runners have emerged, there are a lot of very strong dancers and very little cannon fodder. Once we get rid of Jonathan an Karla, it’s going to be a very tight struggle to the finish.
All in all, a satisfactory first week.
Wake Up! Wake Up!
First group dance of the season and it was by Mr. Shane Sparks. Normally that would be a good thing, darlings. But the lack of hip hop specialists in this season’s Top 20 was never more apparent than at the top of our show, no? The guys were not half bad, with Vitolio most especially having a couple of moments where he was really breaking it down. But our ladies, oh kittens, our ladies! If that is the most they can bring then we are in for some pitiful hip hop outings this season. Caitlin making crazy eyes while Asuka tries to hide at the back of the formation does not a peppy routine make. And what the hell was that “light as a feather, stiff as a board” moment upstage when they put one of the poor boys under that stanky black sheet? Noodles, it was something of a hot mess, right? Maybe Shane was doing the best he could with what he had, but after two subpar NappyTab routines on performance night, it is looking really tight on hip hop right about this point in the season.
Extra Cheese Is Two Dollars
Cat loves her babies so much, kiddies. I really think it hurts her to put them in B3. And bravo to America for voting the right people down. Tony/Paris, Vitolio/Asuka and Jonathan/Karla really were on the low end of a very high quality show last night for different reasons (bad dancers/bad choreography/no sparkle in case you’re scoring at home) And even though Cat tried to build some suspense, was there ever any doubt amongst the various groupings about who was headed for the bottom? The closest they came was with Chbeeb’s group, but since they’ve done the shocking, "Everybody in this group is safe" thing before, it’s kind of not so shocking anymore. Funny how that works.
We Love Roll Call
Kittens, we were so happy that the show finally, finally got it right, no? See, people watch this show because they want to see dance and dancers. And they gave us dance and dancers. Progress. Of course, they took it all back a scant few minutes later with the travesty that was that Sean Kingston performance. Ptui. Let us never speak of it again. On to more pleasant things, those tangueros turned it out. Miriam Larici and Leonardo Barrionuevo. One of the few good things to come out of the horrid mess that was Superstars of Dance, this pair and the bitch-tastic South African judge rocking the old school Jheri Curl. How can we get him to be a judge on this show? Because that . . . would be awesome.
Get a Broom and Sweep Out Front
Solo time, and aside from Vitolio, everyone stunk up the joint.
Paris – Broke down ballerina with no center. She was squishier in the middle than the Pillsbury Doughboy. Yuck. That was shit. I’m still scratching my head over how this girl ever made Top 20.
Tony – Is a really bad hip hopper, noodles. He’s trying to break it down old school pop and lock and he can’t lock. Fred “Rerun” Berry is turning over in his grave.
Asuka – Has the same problem all ballroom girls seem to have. Since she’s not a singles dancer, she thinks the only way she can get through the solos is to play up the sensuality and do a little burlesque for the judges. Yuck. It’s not her fault that she can’t dance with a partner, but seriously, kiddies, lots of ballroom boys have cracked this code. Benji was the master of the entertaining solo by a partner dancer. Dmitry had one of the most smoking solos of all times to Maghalena and still owns that song on this show to this day. And for all of Pasha’s quirkiness (Hello, dress form solo! You still freak me right the hell on out) he could bring it when he had to. The ladies would want to figure this out. I mean, kittens, they know they are going to be on the show, right? And eventually they will have to dance solo. Have some well choreographed pieces in your back pocket.
Vitolio – Was amazing and beautiful. So much power in those leaps. Finally. That was how you dance for your life, bitches. Nigel’s hate on for this kid is getting really, really old. He’s not competing for Miss Congeniality. He’s vying for America’s Favorite Dancer and he can dance. Nigel can kiss my grits, kiddies.
Karla – Eeeh. It was a lot of run, run, run, leap, HMV. I thought I was having bad S1 Melanie flashbacks. Darlings, we are not impressed.
Jonathan – He’s not very good. Really one of the worst ballroom technicians they’ve ever had. And I’m sorry, but you cannot throw a tumbling pass into your ballroom routine. I feel confident in saying that those two things do not go together. It takes more than sweat and a pretty face to win this show, and I just don’t think he’s packing much more in his carpet bag. I’ll pass on this one.
Thirty Cents Away from Having a Quarter
Bye bye, Tony and Paris! Kittens, The right two dancers went home which was so shocking that I’m already only 1 for 2 on my ousting predictions. And since I didn’t miss a trick until top 5 last season, I’m gonna go ahead and declare that this is a very good sign for this season. The kids are pretty evenly matched. While no clear front runners have emerged, there are a lot of very strong dancers and very little cannon fodder. Once we get rid of Jonathan an Karla, it’s going to be a very tight struggle to the finish.
All in all, a satisfactory first week.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep 1 Curtain Up
Cat is wearing a golden spiderweb layered over a doily and Mary’s chest has joined Paula’s Breast Liberation Front and she’s high off her ass. Let the games begin, Kittens. SYTYCD in the motherfuckin’ house!
The Top 20 come out for their individual dance ins and why are there so many of them? Good heavens, there are so, so many of them. Noodles, I can’t right now. Kupono and Evan were the only ones who made any impression on me and that’s just because they were so, so pretty. Oh, and Melissa, because she was on pointe. Nice.
We have miles to go before we sleep, darlings, so let’s get right to it.
Jeanine and Phillip/Hip Hop (Mad/Ne-Yo) – Chbeeb is paired with one of the girls I have no memory of. And they got NappyTab in their lyrical hip hop persona. Shit. Well, the choreography was your basic NappyTab overly literal interpretation of the song. Do I need to say that I hated it? But damn if these two didn’t tear it up. Phillip was amazing and Jeanine was really good. She had the sass and the snap and the booty. NappyTab have been living off of that Joshua/Katee piece and Bleeding Love but that good will was long ago used up. To say that the dance was trite would be kind. These two were pleasant enough in it, though.
Asuka and Vitolio/Broadway (Overture/Chicago) – First off, noodles, this is a genius couple. They have an amazing look and with his power and her delicacy, they’d seem to be a good match. Unfortunately, they got Tasty Oreo + Broadway which always, always = the suck. Damn. Why do they keep letting Tasty do Broadway? There has to be someone else. And of course the music is from Chicago. Of course. Someone please take away his Chicago cast album. I’m begging. The dance? They performed it well, I suppose, but they weren’t asked to do much. They were hamstrung by the bland choreography. I felt like I was at a holiday revue at my local YMCA. That will not get fingers dialing. I expect to see them in the B3, no?
Karla and Jonathan/Cha Cha (Poker Face/Lady GaGa) – Kittens, how quickly did you tire of Nigel’s lamentation about “under the radar” contestants? Who made the decision not to give these kids even an iota of screen time in the early audition rounds? OK, then. Quit your bitching. Anyway, I enjoyed these two. She’s adorable and he’s a fun, ballroom kid. And their rehearsal footage was tons of fun. Booty in face. Too cute. But Cha Cha to Poker Face? Really, Tony? Where was Melanie? You know she would have never let it go down like that. The choreography was fine, Karla had really good hip action. I wanted more hip action from Jonathan, although he did partner Karla really well. But the music, kiddies the music. I couldn’t really appreciate the dancing with the music pulling me out of the dance at every opportunity. On a side note, Drunk Mary is fun!
Randi and Evan/Lyrical (I Only Have Eyes for You/Jamie Callum) – I was salty at first, kiddies. They saddled my Mini-Gene with Tasty and the fat face unitard girl who I hated and had pegged as a hair flipper. So imagine my surprise when they laid down one of the best routines of the night. That was amaaaaazzzzing. Wow. See, this is what is so frustrating about Tasty. He can bring it when he wants to. Why doesn’t he do this all the time? Please, Show, please. For the love of all that is holy, stop letting Tasty do Broadway. He’s done so many lyrical pieces on the show that I’ve loved and he’s really talented in that genre. As for the dancing, these two both have amazing technique. And the control on both of them was a sight to behold. They turned it out. I predict great things for Mini-Gene. Most Likely to Succeed indeed!
Paris and Tony/Hip Hop (Let the Beat Rock/Black Eyed Peas) – Yay. Two of my least favorite contestants conveniently paired. Here’s a couple ready made for me to hate. And I don’t care at all about broke down ballerina’s sob story. How did these two wind up with hip hop? How did both hip hop specialists wind up with hip hop this week? Because there’s nothing funny about that at all. Nope. And when is Shane coming back? Save us from the NappyTab overload. Don’t they usually have at least one good routine, kittens? Because they were 0 for 2 tonight. This routine sucked ass and Adam loves the show too much to really lay into the worst costumes since they put Danny Tidwell in a Kangol hat. And you know, noodles, it really is sad that Tony is just not that good at hip hop considering it’s supposed to be his specialty. Paris was much better than he was and she was barely adequate. I was bored to tears by this routine. And during the judges’ critique, Tony lost the last little vestige of charm. Bitch really needs to learn how to take a note. Do not give Shankdaddy the stank face. Straight up, they needed to hit harder. They needed to come with it. Bored now.
Caitlyn and Jason/Bollywood (Jai Ho/Slumdog Millionaire) – Darlings, I really do love this girl. She sparkles. And Nakur is a cutie. I wanna hang out with him and eat samosas. That routine was tough and these two really pulled it off. They were in synch, for the most part. They attacked that super intricate music. And the entire routine was crazy fast and non-stop action and their energy level never flagged. The handstand was, in fact, fantastic. And the costumes were lovely. All in all, a great mid-pack performance that will be remembered and will get folks voting. Side note: What was Mary on? For real. Bitch was high a kite.
Janette and Brandon/Foxtrot (Come Fly with Me/Michael Buble) – I’m so excited that the show got Louis Van Amstel. He’s a vast improvement on Hunter Thompson and Toni Redpath. And darlings, Janette and Brandon are so cute together. Awww. This dance was dreamy. Pretty lifts. A decent amount of closed hold. And the kids really got the character of the dance. I loved that. They really did hold the frame well and had good coverage of the dance floor. The costumes are also much, much better this season. They’ve obviously fired the crack whores, or maybe they all went to rehab during the off season. Whatever the case may be, these two looked like a dream and moved like a dream. No one will ever reach Anya and Danny’s level in their Foxtrot, but this was quite good.
Ashley and Kupono/Jazz (Don’t Ever Change/Goldfrapp) – I frikkin’ love Wade Robson. Crash test dummies? Don’t ever change. Darlings, I found that piece to be genius. And I knew that I would love Kupono, but Ashley was a revelation. Both of them had soo much body control. That double turn into a dead stop in a deep plie en second. Just awesome. The isolations, then hand movements, the footwoork. They had great feet. I hope that didn’t alienate a large swath of the audience because those two were magic. I am loving them.
Ade and Melissa/Lyrical (Right Here Waiting/Richard Marx) – When Mandy Moore is on, she’s really on, kittens. That choreography was so good that it was able to overcome the overwhelming sappiness of Right Here Waiting. That was beautiful. Melissa is incredible. As the judges say, there really is no substitute for technique. They were so, so pretty, y’all. That lift where she went straight up in second and then flipped over his head? Wow. He was powerful and tender and she was melting and soft yet strong. That was lovely. They really need to lay off the Grandma Moses angle, though. Yes, 29 is old for a dancer, but once again, you let her on the show, right? Then let’s keep it moving.
Kayla and Max/Samba (Jum Goh Day/House of Gypsies) – Way to end the show, no? Louis again and I’m quite excited about that. I still love Kayla, legs for days, and Max is definitely a great partner. And was that an honest to goodness samba roll? Sexy. The routine was all kinds of smokin’ hot. Max is a strong partner, but like Nigel, I’m missing my requisite quotient of Russian hotness. He’s no Pasha is all I’m saying, noodles. That was fun, though.
Bottom Three
Paris and Tony should be here as they were by far the worst couple of the night, but I get the sense he’s got the teeny bopper vote. I’m thinking Asuka and Vitolio will wind up here thanks to that hot mess of a routine by Tasty. The third spot is tough because most of the kids were really good. I can see Phillip and Jeanine landing here because they went first, were good but not great, and honestly, darlings, I’d forgotten what they danced by the time the recap rolled around. I could see Kupono and Ashley filling out the third B3 slot, though that would be a real crime, because the wade piece was a little abstract. It reminded me of that Mia Let The Drummer Kick piece. Except with good dancers that I like rather than the Hunchback and Mischa Chan. My personal choice would be Karla and Jonathan who were competent but lacked a little spark. It might even be Janette and Brandon if the Foxtrot fails to inspire as it has done in the past.
Going Home
Even if Tony and Paris hit B3, I don’t think the judges will be ready to let Tony go just yet. They love a project. Therefore, I’m steeling myself to lose Vitolio in the annual “Ricky, We Hardly Knew Ye” slot. As for the girls, I believe broke down ballerina will leave the stage tomorrow and not a moment too soon.
Group Dance, group dance, group dance. Oh, let it be B Free!
The Top 20 come out for their individual dance ins and why are there so many of them? Good heavens, there are so, so many of them. Noodles, I can’t right now. Kupono and Evan were the only ones who made any impression on me and that’s just because they were so, so pretty. Oh, and Melissa, because she was on pointe. Nice.
We have miles to go before we sleep, darlings, so let’s get right to it.
Jeanine and Phillip/Hip Hop (Mad/Ne-Yo) – Chbeeb is paired with one of the girls I have no memory of. And they got NappyTab in their lyrical hip hop persona. Shit. Well, the choreography was your basic NappyTab overly literal interpretation of the song. Do I need to say that I hated it? But damn if these two didn’t tear it up. Phillip was amazing and Jeanine was really good. She had the sass and the snap and the booty. NappyTab have been living off of that Joshua/Katee piece and Bleeding Love but that good will was long ago used up. To say that the dance was trite would be kind. These two were pleasant enough in it, though.
Asuka and Vitolio/Broadway (Overture/Chicago) – First off, noodles, this is a genius couple. They have an amazing look and with his power and her delicacy, they’d seem to be a good match. Unfortunately, they got Tasty Oreo + Broadway which always, always = the suck. Damn. Why do they keep letting Tasty do Broadway? There has to be someone else. And of course the music is from Chicago. Of course. Someone please take away his Chicago cast album. I’m begging. The dance? They performed it well, I suppose, but they weren’t asked to do much. They were hamstrung by the bland choreography. I felt like I was at a holiday revue at my local YMCA. That will not get fingers dialing. I expect to see them in the B3, no?
Karla and Jonathan/Cha Cha (Poker Face/Lady GaGa) – Kittens, how quickly did you tire of Nigel’s lamentation about “under the radar” contestants? Who made the decision not to give these kids even an iota of screen time in the early audition rounds? OK, then. Quit your bitching. Anyway, I enjoyed these two. She’s adorable and he’s a fun, ballroom kid. And their rehearsal footage was tons of fun. Booty in face. Too cute. But Cha Cha to Poker Face? Really, Tony? Where was Melanie? You know she would have never let it go down like that. The choreography was fine, Karla had really good hip action. I wanted more hip action from Jonathan, although he did partner Karla really well. But the music, kiddies the music. I couldn’t really appreciate the dancing with the music pulling me out of the dance at every opportunity. On a side note, Drunk Mary is fun!
Randi and Evan/Lyrical (I Only Have Eyes for You/Jamie Callum) – I was salty at first, kiddies. They saddled my Mini-Gene with Tasty and the fat face unitard girl who I hated and had pegged as a hair flipper. So imagine my surprise when they laid down one of the best routines of the night. That was amaaaaazzzzing. Wow. See, this is what is so frustrating about Tasty. He can bring it when he wants to. Why doesn’t he do this all the time? Please, Show, please. For the love of all that is holy, stop letting Tasty do Broadway. He’s done so many lyrical pieces on the show that I’ve loved and he’s really talented in that genre. As for the dancing, these two both have amazing technique. And the control on both of them was a sight to behold. They turned it out. I predict great things for Mini-Gene. Most Likely to Succeed indeed!
Paris and Tony/Hip Hop (Let the Beat Rock/Black Eyed Peas) – Yay. Two of my least favorite contestants conveniently paired. Here’s a couple ready made for me to hate. And I don’t care at all about broke down ballerina’s sob story. How did these two wind up with hip hop? How did both hip hop specialists wind up with hip hop this week? Because there’s nothing funny about that at all. Nope. And when is Shane coming back? Save us from the NappyTab overload. Don’t they usually have at least one good routine, kittens? Because they were 0 for 2 tonight. This routine sucked ass and Adam loves the show too much to really lay into the worst costumes since they put Danny Tidwell in a Kangol hat. And you know, noodles, it really is sad that Tony is just not that good at hip hop considering it’s supposed to be his specialty. Paris was much better than he was and she was barely adequate. I was bored to tears by this routine. And during the judges’ critique, Tony lost the last little vestige of charm. Bitch really needs to learn how to take a note. Do not give Shankdaddy the stank face. Straight up, they needed to hit harder. They needed to come with it. Bored now.
Caitlyn and Jason/Bollywood (Jai Ho/Slumdog Millionaire) – Darlings, I really do love this girl. She sparkles. And Nakur is a cutie. I wanna hang out with him and eat samosas. That routine was tough and these two really pulled it off. They were in synch, for the most part. They attacked that super intricate music. And the entire routine was crazy fast and non-stop action and their energy level never flagged. The handstand was, in fact, fantastic. And the costumes were lovely. All in all, a great mid-pack performance that will be remembered and will get folks voting. Side note: What was Mary on? For real. Bitch was high a kite.
Janette and Brandon/Foxtrot (Come Fly with Me/Michael Buble) – I’m so excited that the show got Louis Van Amstel. He’s a vast improvement on Hunter Thompson and Toni Redpath. And darlings, Janette and Brandon are so cute together. Awww. This dance was dreamy. Pretty lifts. A decent amount of closed hold. And the kids really got the character of the dance. I loved that. They really did hold the frame well and had good coverage of the dance floor. The costumes are also much, much better this season. They’ve obviously fired the crack whores, or maybe they all went to rehab during the off season. Whatever the case may be, these two looked like a dream and moved like a dream. No one will ever reach Anya and Danny’s level in their Foxtrot, but this was quite good.
Ashley and Kupono/Jazz (Don’t Ever Change/Goldfrapp) – I frikkin’ love Wade Robson. Crash test dummies? Don’t ever change. Darlings, I found that piece to be genius. And I knew that I would love Kupono, but Ashley was a revelation. Both of them had soo much body control. That double turn into a dead stop in a deep plie en second. Just awesome. The isolations, then hand movements, the footwoork. They had great feet. I hope that didn’t alienate a large swath of the audience because those two were magic. I am loving them.
Ade and Melissa/Lyrical (Right Here Waiting/Richard Marx) – When Mandy Moore is on, she’s really on, kittens. That choreography was so good that it was able to overcome the overwhelming sappiness of Right Here Waiting. That was beautiful. Melissa is incredible. As the judges say, there really is no substitute for technique. They were so, so pretty, y’all. That lift where she went straight up in second and then flipped over his head? Wow. He was powerful and tender and she was melting and soft yet strong. That was lovely. They really need to lay off the Grandma Moses angle, though. Yes, 29 is old for a dancer, but once again, you let her on the show, right? Then let’s keep it moving.
Kayla and Max/Samba (Jum Goh Day/House of Gypsies) – Way to end the show, no? Louis again and I’m quite excited about that. I still love Kayla, legs for days, and Max is definitely a great partner. And was that an honest to goodness samba roll? Sexy. The routine was all kinds of smokin’ hot. Max is a strong partner, but like Nigel, I’m missing my requisite quotient of Russian hotness. He’s no Pasha is all I’m saying, noodles. That was fun, though.
Bottom Three
Paris and Tony should be here as they were by far the worst couple of the night, but I get the sense he’s got the teeny bopper vote. I’m thinking Asuka and Vitolio will wind up here thanks to that hot mess of a routine by Tasty. The third spot is tough because most of the kids were really good. I can see Phillip and Jeanine landing here because they went first, were good but not great, and honestly, darlings, I’d forgotten what they danced by the time the recap rolled around. I could see Kupono and Ashley filling out the third B3 slot, though that would be a real crime, because the wade piece was a little abstract. It reminded me of that Mia Let The Drummer Kick piece. Except with good dancers that I like rather than the Hunchback and Mischa Chan. My personal choice would be Karla and Jonathan who were competent but lacked a little spark. It might even be Janette and Brandon if the Foxtrot fails to inspire as it has done in the past.
Going Home
Even if Tony and Paris hit B3, I don’t think the judges will be ready to let Tony go just yet. They love a project. Therefore, I’m steeling myself to lose Vitolio in the annual “Ricky, We Hardly Knew Ye” slot. As for the girls, I believe broke down ballerina will leave the stage tomorrow and not a moment too soon.
Group Dance, group dance, group dance. Oh, let it be B Free!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Auditions Ep5 Every New Beginning Comes from some other Beginning’s End
Say goodbye to the audition rounds. Time for the top 20, Kittens! Like Mia, I’ve got my bitch boots on and I’m ready to start kickin’ some ass (starting with hers). Darlings, the cutter came this close to being the cut-ee, no? Mia had better be glad that Mary went off on her little tirade when she did because Ms. Debbie Allen was really about to get all up in that ass and show her how a true dance diva does it. The judges' panel was out of control during Vegas week, what with Adam being a giggly mess one minute and a crying heap of hormones the next, Debbie going all disappointed school counselor on the kids at every opportunity, Nigel being the horny math teacher trying to get in all the pretty blond girls’ pants and Mia being the Heather-y Queen Bitch running things with her acolyte, Lil C. So in honor of the judges’ trip in the way back machine, let’s take a look at the SYTYCD Class of 2009:
Most Popular
Phillip Chbeeb – This kid is coming into the competition with a ridiculous fan base after being prominently featured the last three seasons, including showing up on last year’s finale to school that quitter, Robert Muraine. And on top of that, he was a ball of adorable walking the longest yard to find out his fate. “All of my ability was born and raised in my bedroom.” Too cute. I’m predicting definite top 10 for this one, maybe even top 5 if he can stop popping during ballroom routines.
Most Beautiful/Handsome
Kupono Aweau – What is in the water in Hawaii? Last year, we had Mark and this year, Kupono is killing it. Noodles, I didn’t even recognize this one with the shorter hair. He is seriously bringing the hotness. And I loved his audition, quirky and interesting movement and he looks like he has a pretty wide dance vocabulary. And his “to do” list may have rivaled Chbeeb for sheer adorableness. With the right partner, he could be another dark horse from the Aloha State.
Caitlin Kinney – I’m rooting for this one and you know I normally don’t go for the blond cheerleader types. There’s just something sweet and earnest about her. And although she’s definitely not a polished pro yet, she shows real promise. Good technique. Lovely feet (I’m all about the feet). And unlike a lot of gymnast converts, she’s not all about the tricks and extensions. I don’t know that she has the necessary toughness for this competition after she spent all of Vegas week weeping more than Shankdaddy, but she certainly is lovely to watch.
Class Clown
Tony Bellisimo – I hope this kid doesn’t turn into another Dominic. I want to like him, but he really hasn’t shown me much in the way of dance, even in his own style. That briefcase number did not impress. And while I got the emotion of what he did with that Mia piece, there was some decidedly fugly dancing going on. Half pointed toes and arms that never quite reached the correct placement. There may have even been shades of hunchback. And while he was sweet and playful during his first interactions with Cat, that interview after he made it through to the top 20 gave of whiffs of major attitude. We are not amused, kittens. He’s shown that he can be a jokester. But this is a dance show, not clown school. He needs to start bringing it right about now.
Class Flirt
Paris Torres – I cannot believe that this broke down ballerina has made our top 20. I guess pouty is the new good. Other than her ability to flail sexily, I just don’t see what she is bringing. She is really going to have to go some to change my mind about her because right now, all I see is a brown haired Kherington – and trust that is not at all a good thing.
Nicest
Vitolio Jeune – Why have we not seen more of this kid, darlings? He is magic. He managed to make the sobbiest of stories not sobby at all. I mean, Hatian orphanage? Left at 15? Hardscrabble life? And yet, he came off as so good natured and fun and light. I am loving this dude. And from the tiny snippets we got of his actual dancing, I’m gonna say I approve. I am looking forward to seeing what he can do.
Sexiest
Max Kapitanikov – Thank god for shirtless Russians. I still say this kid’s no Dmitry or Pasha, but I will take what I can get. He seems to be a solid partner and dealt really well with the other styles that were thrown at him. We’ll see if he’s more Artem or more Stanislav.
Asuka Kondo – I really liked this girl. Last year. This year, I’m not so sure. I’ve been underwhelmed with her as a dancer and she has been throwing some seriously stank attitude around. I think Miss Thing is feeling herself just a little too much. It’s going to take a great, likeable partner to ground her and give her the likeability factor. She needs to give me more than just smolder. I’d love to see her do a good Mia piece or maybe something quirky like the Secret Garden piece Sonya set on Mark and Courtney last year. Something where being cute and sexy are not enough and she’ll really have to dig below the surface and bring something real. Jury’s out on this one, darlings. But she’s got a smokin’ hot body and many, many people have an Asian fetish, so she’ll likely go far.
Teacher’s Pet
Randi Evans – Mia seemed to love this girl but all I saw was a hair flinging, unitard wearing, competition dancer with a chubby face. Maybe she’ll surprise me, but for now, I remain unimpressed.
Jason Glover – Shankdaddy labeled him “so So You Think You Can Dance” but since I don’t think we’ve seen more than a minute of him during the entire audition rounds, I only have his word to go on. I must say, kiddies, that I’m more inclined to take his word than to take Mia’s so I’m cautiously optimistic about this one.
Quietest
It wasn’t just me, right? There was a festival of “Who the fuck are you?” up on that top 20 stage, no? I mean, seriously, I don’t know who any of these people are. They may be great. They may be tragic. One of them has auditioned four times and I still don’t know which one she is. I’m expecting a ton of cannon fodder out of this crop.
Ade Obayomi – Nice ‘fro. He can jump really high? Yeah, I got nothing.
Jonathan Platero – I don’t even know what style of dance he does. For as much as we saw him, he could’ve been a production assistant.
Karla Garcia – Who?
Jeanine Mason – What?
Ashley Valerio – Why?
Yeah, kittens, it’s tight on this entire group.
Most Talented
Brandon Bryant – I refuse with the Mia ridiculousness. She tried to give him the Danny treatment and I sincerely hope that it doesn’t work. This kid is crazy talented. That said, he has a lot of room to grow. Right now, he’s all power and speed and attack. I would like to see more nuance, more subtlety, more shades and gradations in his dancing. I wish someone would have told him that rather than trying to tear him down because he smiles too much. Actual critique of dancing. Perhaps some of these judges should brush up on that.
Kayla Radomski – I have loved this girl since she completely blew my pre-conceptions of her as a hair flipping, convention 101 nightmare. And her grandpa is still the cutest thing ever. She can bring it. There seem to be a ton of young, blond-ish contemporary dancers, but this girl is the only one I remember. Gorgeous feet and legs. Great center. Really solid technique. I’m looking forward to enjoying her for a while.
Melissa Sandvig – I’ve been waiting for years to have a good ballerina on the show, wading through Jessica and Aleks and Rayven and a cast of other sad sacks. Naughty ballerina seems like a comer. She has technique and enough personality to have popped with only a couple of stray minutes of screen time here and there. I’m excited to see what she can do.
Alex Wong (in absentia) – I’m heartbroken. Heartbroken, kittens. I want my shiny Alex toy. This man is unfathomably gorgeous. He had Danny Tidwell moments, darlings. And now, thanks to the ruthless Mr. Villella and his Miami City Ballet, I am robbed of several weeks of Alex on my screen. Damn you, Mr. Villella. Damn you to hell.
Most Likely to Succeed
Janette Manrara – The stars are aligned for this firecracker. She’s sassy; she’s beautiful; and she can dance her ass off. And if, like me, you troll the interwebs looking for film of these kids, then you know, as I do darlings, that this girl is serious. She’s much more than just a salsa specialist. If Nigel pushes hard this year for a girl winner (which I expect him to do) then this girl rises to the top of my list to take it all. She seems like she has the whole package.
Evan Kasprzak – If it’s a guy that takes the prize this season, then my money is on adorable Mini-Gene. He’s got the media friendly back story. He’s got the fun loving personality. He’s cute as a button. He's a new style, not ballroom (Benji) or contemporary (Nick) or hip hop (Joshua), so he'd still be a thriling and different kind of winner. And he can dance. I see him having a Benji arc and just rolling through the season with the right partner.
Most Likely to Come Back as a Teacher
Ryan Kasprzak – I know he’s not in the top 20, and even though I'm a little bit misty about that, I think it’s the right decision, kittens. He looks every inch of his 29 years, not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just not right for this show. But I would give a lot to see him replace Tasty Oreo as the main SYTYCD Broadway choreographer. I’m guessing he won’t choreograph this season because, hello, conflict of interest! But I hope S6 brings us the fabulous dance stylings of Ryan Kasprzak in both group routines and partner dances. A nation of Faux!Fosse weary viewers would thank you, Simon Fuller. Think on it.
School is now in session. Pencils ready. Let’s begin.
Most Popular
Phillip Chbeeb – This kid is coming into the competition with a ridiculous fan base after being prominently featured the last three seasons, including showing up on last year’s finale to school that quitter, Robert Muraine. And on top of that, he was a ball of adorable walking the longest yard to find out his fate. “All of my ability was born and raised in my bedroom.” Too cute. I’m predicting definite top 10 for this one, maybe even top 5 if he can stop popping during ballroom routines.
Most Beautiful/Handsome
Kupono Aweau – What is in the water in Hawaii? Last year, we had Mark and this year, Kupono is killing it. Noodles, I didn’t even recognize this one with the shorter hair. He is seriously bringing the hotness. And I loved his audition, quirky and interesting movement and he looks like he has a pretty wide dance vocabulary. And his “to do” list may have rivaled Chbeeb for sheer adorableness. With the right partner, he could be another dark horse from the Aloha State.
Caitlin Kinney – I’m rooting for this one and you know I normally don’t go for the blond cheerleader types. There’s just something sweet and earnest about her. And although she’s definitely not a polished pro yet, she shows real promise. Good technique. Lovely feet (I’m all about the feet). And unlike a lot of gymnast converts, she’s not all about the tricks and extensions. I don’t know that she has the necessary toughness for this competition after she spent all of Vegas week weeping more than Shankdaddy, but she certainly is lovely to watch.
Class Clown
Tony Bellisimo – I hope this kid doesn’t turn into another Dominic. I want to like him, but he really hasn’t shown me much in the way of dance, even in his own style. That briefcase number did not impress. And while I got the emotion of what he did with that Mia piece, there was some decidedly fugly dancing going on. Half pointed toes and arms that never quite reached the correct placement. There may have even been shades of hunchback. And while he was sweet and playful during his first interactions with Cat, that interview after he made it through to the top 20 gave of whiffs of major attitude. We are not amused, kittens. He’s shown that he can be a jokester. But this is a dance show, not clown school. He needs to start bringing it right about now.
Class Flirt
Paris Torres – I cannot believe that this broke down ballerina has made our top 20. I guess pouty is the new good. Other than her ability to flail sexily, I just don’t see what she is bringing. She is really going to have to go some to change my mind about her because right now, all I see is a brown haired Kherington – and trust that is not at all a good thing.
Nicest
Vitolio Jeune – Why have we not seen more of this kid, darlings? He is magic. He managed to make the sobbiest of stories not sobby at all. I mean, Hatian orphanage? Left at 15? Hardscrabble life? And yet, he came off as so good natured and fun and light. I am loving this dude. And from the tiny snippets we got of his actual dancing, I’m gonna say I approve. I am looking forward to seeing what he can do.
Sexiest
Max Kapitanikov – Thank god for shirtless Russians. I still say this kid’s no Dmitry or Pasha, but I will take what I can get. He seems to be a solid partner and dealt really well with the other styles that were thrown at him. We’ll see if he’s more Artem or more Stanislav.
Asuka Kondo – I really liked this girl. Last year. This year, I’m not so sure. I’ve been underwhelmed with her as a dancer and she has been throwing some seriously stank attitude around. I think Miss Thing is feeling herself just a little too much. It’s going to take a great, likeable partner to ground her and give her the likeability factor. She needs to give me more than just smolder. I’d love to see her do a good Mia piece or maybe something quirky like the Secret Garden piece Sonya set on Mark and Courtney last year. Something where being cute and sexy are not enough and she’ll really have to dig below the surface and bring something real. Jury’s out on this one, darlings. But she’s got a smokin’ hot body and many, many people have an Asian fetish, so she’ll likely go far.
Teacher’s Pet
Randi Evans – Mia seemed to love this girl but all I saw was a hair flinging, unitard wearing, competition dancer with a chubby face. Maybe she’ll surprise me, but for now, I remain unimpressed.
Jason Glover – Shankdaddy labeled him “so So You Think You Can Dance” but since I don’t think we’ve seen more than a minute of him during the entire audition rounds, I only have his word to go on. I must say, kiddies, that I’m more inclined to take his word than to take Mia’s so I’m cautiously optimistic about this one.
Quietest
It wasn’t just me, right? There was a festival of “Who the fuck are you?” up on that top 20 stage, no? I mean, seriously, I don’t know who any of these people are. They may be great. They may be tragic. One of them has auditioned four times and I still don’t know which one she is. I’m expecting a ton of cannon fodder out of this crop.
Ade Obayomi – Nice ‘fro. He can jump really high? Yeah, I got nothing.
Jonathan Platero – I don’t even know what style of dance he does. For as much as we saw him, he could’ve been a production assistant.
Karla Garcia – Who?
Jeanine Mason – What?
Ashley Valerio – Why?
Yeah, kittens, it’s tight on this entire group.
Most Talented
Brandon Bryant – I refuse with the Mia ridiculousness. She tried to give him the Danny treatment and I sincerely hope that it doesn’t work. This kid is crazy talented. That said, he has a lot of room to grow. Right now, he’s all power and speed and attack. I would like to see more nuance, more subtlety, more shades and gradations in his dancing. I wish someone would have told him that rather than trying to tear him down because he smiles too much. Actual critique of dancing. Perhaps some of these judges should brush up on that.
Kayla Radomski – I have loved this girl since she completely blew my pre-conceptions of her as a hair flipping, convention 101 nightmare. And her grandpa is still the cutest thing ever. She can bring it. There seem to be a ton of young, blond-ish contemporary dancers, but this girl is the only one I remember. Gorgeous feet and legs. Great center. Really solid technique. I’m looking forward to enjoying her for a while.
Melissa Sandvig – I’ve been waiting for years to have a good ballerina on the show, wading through Jessica and Aleks and Rayven and a cast of other sad sacks. Naughty ballerina seems like a comer. She has technique and enough personality to have popped with only a couple of stray minutes of screen time here and there. I’m excited to see what she can do.
Alex Wong (in absentia) – I’m heartbroken. Heartbroken, kittens. I want my shiny Alex toy. This man is unfathomably gorgeous. He had Danny Tidwell moments, darlings. And now, thanks to the ruthless Mr. Villella and his Miami City Ballet, I am robbed of several weeks of Alex on my screen. Damn you, Mr. Villella. Damn you to hell.
Most Likely to Succeed
Janette Manrara – The stars are aligned for this firecracker. She’s sassy; she’s beautiful; and she can dance her ass off. And if, like me, you troll the interwebs looking for film of these kids, then you know, as I do darlings, that this girl is serious. She’s much more than just a salsa specialist. If Nigel pushes hard this year for a girl winner (which I expect him to do) then this girl rises to the top of my list to take it all. She seems like she has the whole package.
Evan Kasprzak – If it’s a guy that takes the prize this season, then my money is on adorable Mini-Gene. He’s got the media friendly back story. He’s got the fun loving personality. He’s cute as a button. He's a new style, not ballroom (Benji) or contemporary (Nick) or hip hop (Joshua), so he'd still be a thriling and different kind of winner. And he can dance. I see him having a Benji arc and just rolling through the season with the right partner.
Most Likely to Come Back as a Teacher
Ryan Kasprzak – I know he’s not in the top 20, and even though I'm a little bit misty about that, I think it’s the right decision, kittens. He looks every inch of his 29 years, not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just not right for this show. But I would give a lot to see him replace Tasty Oreo as the main SYTYCD Broadway choreographer. I’m guessing he won’t choreograph this season because, hello, conflict of interest! But I hope S6 brings us the fabulous dance stylings of Ryan Kasprzak in both group routines and partner dances. A nation of Faux!Fosse weary viewers would thank you, Simon Fuller. Think on it.
School is now in session. Pencils ready. Let’s begin.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Auditions Ep 4 For Losers, Vegas Is the Meanest Town on Earth
Cat Deeley, 172 dancers and the cast of Divas Live! at the judges table. Kittens, it must be Las Vegas. In addition to Mary and Unca Nigel, we’re being joined by a stellar array of fabulous: Mia, Lil C, Shankdaddy and the one, the only, Ms. Debbie Allen. And noodles, whatever we do, we do NOT disappoint Miss Allen, understood? Mia may have tried to play the “I love cutting” queen diva dance bitch, but one pair of pursed lips and a raised eyebrow from Debbie and we know who needs to bow down, don’t we? She is fierce +. And since this season it doesn’t seem like there are any of her students in the competition, I expect to see much more of her on the judges panel, ya heard?
Where to even begin, darlings, when there was so, so much? Who did we love? Even if they subsequently got cut? Well, almost everyone, truth be told. So let’s start with who we hated and who’s gone (which are two separate yet overlapping categories but we’ll deal with them together),shall we?
Leaving Las Vegas
Kayla Costa – Turned out to be more of a hair flinger than I had thought. We don’t really hate her. Like Ms. Allen says, we were just a skoosh disappointed. I would not be mad to see her again.
Travis Prokop – Whose dad is no doubt somewhere still being adorable. I hope he enjoyed his trip to LV and getting his ass handed to him by actual good dancers.
Talia Ricards – Back to the dance team, honey. Dead hubby’s don’t get you anywhere on this show. Believe that. You know who else wound up not being able to lean on her sob story?
Gabi Rojas – Debbie said a mouthful, didn’t she darlings? This girl just turned out to be all sizzle and no steak. And I hated that she outlasted Natalie. How is it that this girl, who not only bombed Sonya’s contemporary piece, but also couldn’t even master a NappyTab hip hop, got to dance for her life and keep going all the way through Mia’s contemporary round while Natalie gets cut outright after Sonya’s piece? Yeah, I am not getting that at all. I blame Katee. As for this girl, well, if you can’t pick up choreography, you can’t be a professional dancer, no? But thank you for playing.
Natalie – Kittens, I’m heart broken to lose this one again. And in such a fashion. And after she and Brandon absolutely destroyed Sonya’s choreo during rehearsals. So, I have to say that I blame Bow Wow Wow just a little bit for what happened. You do not single those two out to come and perform for the entire group during the rehearsals, do you? I mean darlings, they left it all on the prep room floor and then they didn’t even dance together during the audition rounds, so they both wound up flat and not giving their best performances. No excuses, though. Natalie straight up didn’t bring it in Sonya’s contemporary piece. But how could the judges cut her because of one bad round? And then the very next second, keep Gabi after two abysmal performances in hip hop and jazz? I call huge bullshit. Darlings, I smell a large, producer manipulated rat. Katee fat face still ruins everything.
Ariel – She didn’t knock me out in her first audition with Chbeeb and she didn’t knock me out tonight either. Cute girl though. I hope he is tapping that correctly.
Nabuya – I kept worrying about him and worrying about him and he kept pulling it out round after round. Finally felled by Mia’s choreography. How many dancers have faced the same fate? I do hope he comes back next year because he really did show surprising grace in the ballroom round. Look at how many times folks like Twitch and Hawk tried out. I’d love to see him do the same.
Silky Smooth – Y’all, that group dance was abysmal. They looked like fifth graders in afterschool dance club. And Silky, for all his charisma, just did not bring it like it should be broughten in that solo. After all the tapper-mania in the early rounds, is there even one left in top 16 boys or girls? It’s tragic. Silky’s gone, along with . . .
Bianca Revels – And I felt so badly for her, kittens, until she whipped out the stank attitude. Listen, she wasn’t terrible in Tasty’s Westside Story piece. I thought she brought enough to hang around for the final judgment, but the panel obviously disagreed. I understand that she was salty, but to go off on the rant about how they lost such a good thing and how she’d never be back after talking all that yang about this show being her destiny? Yeah, that is not a good look, kiddies. She lost a little shine with that exit.
Side Note: My favorite line of the night just might have been this one by Lil C, “It’s not working and you will just not be advancing in this competition.” I plan to find a way to use it at the earliest opportunity. And then he went on to tell someone that they shouldn’t have went and done something. Oh, Lil C. Don’t ever change.
Side note to the side note: Being a good dancer requires a very different skill set than being a good choreographer. Anyone who doubts this should just compare every other group to the "Nerdography" group with Ryan Kasprzak and see what a difference having access to an actual choreographer makes. Also, how much did I love Shankman nailing that one group for serving up “Convention 101” choreography? So, so much!
Megan Kinney – Oh, hair flippers. When will they ever learn? She was pitiful in that Mia piece and Nigel just kept her around to further fuck with Caitlin’s head. But justice prevails, noodles, and Megan shuffles off home to hair flip another day.
Lots of other people went home, too, but they made no impression. So onward and upward. Who did we love? Who’s still around? Well, those are two separate questions again, no? But we’ll deal with both below.
Viva Las Vegas
Brandon Bryant – Who alternately got the Will over-pimping and the Danny Tidwell Memorial “Yes, Your Shit Does, In Fact, Stink” treatment all in one night. Poor lamb. I hope he doesn’t let the judges break him down because he is fierce on a level that few others in this competition could even dream of.
Alex Wong – Is one of the ones who could give Brandon a run for his money. Agreed? Kiddies, was it really just yesterday that I was labeling this kid as a dancer who was perhaps too timid, who needed to let go more? I was smoking that monkey crack, darlings. This kid is the truth. His solo blew my whole entire mind. He is so my new dance boyfriend. I am loving on Alex and his ridiculously hot body. Please, show, can I have some more?
Tony Bellisimo – Cat and the show got me. They got me. Cat coaxing a smile out of a distraught Tony while he waited to try Mia’s choreo again? The on stage break down which caused the judges to break down? Laughter through tears as he flexed for Cat and gave the bicep a kiss? This kid is magic, what? I am in his thrall. Entirely.
Evan “Mini-Gene Kasprzak – Mini-Gene brought it in every single style. Hip hop? Check. Ballroom? Check. Jazz? Check. The single best group dance of the night? Check. The Mia piece? What? He brought it hard, darlings. And needless to say, he and his brother tore up that Tasty Broadway piece. I will be heartbroken, heartbroken if this kid does not make top 20. Yep, I’m tempting the reality TV gods. And so soon after Adam Lambert, too. I figure I’m due.
Ryan Kasprzak – He really surprised me tonight. I was moved by his dancing in that Mia piece. And his choreo for Nerdography? Genius. Dude has crazy talent. Still and all, I’d give him up to get Evan. They are setting them up for a final two Sophie’s Choice and I am going to hate every minute of it.
Phillip Chbeeb, Asuka and Ricky Sun – All three were 31 flavors, kittens. Give it up for returning contestants. Look at all the learning and the growing. That is what I absolutely love about this show. The kids can take a critique and use it to become better dancers. It helps that the judges can actually give relevant and useful critiques. Snaps to all three.
Caitlin Kinney – She’s had a rough road, noodles. No lie. But I’m with Mary. I see something in this girl. She has a world of potential and she seems like she really wants this. She’s on fire and that is worth so much on a show like this one. And she has a little bit of that stardust. I’m hoping that if she squeaks into the top 10 girls, she can get a nice growth arc rolling. And she's still miles better than her sister. Trust.
There were a few others that made an impression . . . Antonio? The black kid with the earrings and vaguely foreign accent? Made of awesome. Jeannette, the little salsa girl? Fiery. Priscilla? I think she was the naughty ballerina, not the broke down ballerina, no? At any rate, we like, noodles. But it’s late, and I’m all tangled up in Debbie’s weave. I’m going to go to sleep and have nightmares about Tasty and seriously, who turned his bitch needle up too high? He really needs to take a valium.
Tomorrow, our top 20 will be revealed. On the guys side, if I don’t get Brandon, Chbeeb, Alex, Tony and Evan, I will be unhappy. For our ladies, well, I’m still hot over losing Natalie, but I expect to see Caitlin, Asuka . . . and that’s about all I can recall. Another boys year, then? Sabra’s looking mighty lonely out there holding it down for the girls.
Where to even begin, darlings, when there was so, so much? Who did we love? Even if they subsequently got cut? Well, almost everyone, truth be told. So let’s start with who we hated and who’s gone (which are two separate yet overlapping categories but we’ll deal with them together),shall we?
Leaving Las Vegas
Kayla Costa – Turned out to be more of a hair flinger than I had thought. We don’t really hate her. Like Ms. Allen says, we were just a skoosh disappointed. I would not be mad to see her again.
Travis Prokop – Whose dad is no doubt somewhere still being adorable. I hope he enjoyed his trip to LV and getting his ass handed to him by actual good dancers.
Talia Ricards – Back to the dance team, honey. Dead hubby’s don’t get you anywhere on this show. Believe that. You know who else wound up not being able to lean on her sob story?
Gabi Rojas – Debbie said a mouthful, didn’t she darlings? This girl just turned out to be all sizzle and no steak. And I hated that she outlasted Natalie. How is it that this girl, who not only bombed Sonya’s contemporary piece, but also couldn’t even master a NappyTab hip hop, got to dance for her life and keep going all the way through Mia’s contemporary round while Natalie gets cut outright after Sonya’s piece? Yeah, I am not getting that at all. I blame Katee. As for this girl, well, if you can’t pick up choreography, you can’t be a professional dancer, no? But thank you for playing.
Natalie – Kittens, I’m heart broken to lose this one again. And in such a fashion. And after she and Brandon absolutely destroyed Sonya’s choreo during rehearsals. So, I have to say that I blame Bow Wow Wow just a little bit for what happened. You do not single those two out to come and perform for the entire group during the rehearsals, do you? I mean darlings, they left it all on the prep room floor and then they didn’t even dance together during the audition rounds, so they both wound up flat and not giving their best performances. No excuses, though. Natalie straight up didn’t bring it in Sonya’s contemporary piece. But how could the judges cut her because of one bad round? And then the very next second, keep Gabi after two abysmal performances in hip hop and jazz? I call huge bullshit. Darlings, I smell a large, producer manipulated rat. Katee fat face still ruins everything.
Ariel – She didn’t knock me out in her first audition with Chbeeb and she didn’t knock me out tonight either. Cute girl though. I hope he is tapping that correctly.
Nabuya – I kept worrying about him and worrying about him and he kept pulling it out round after round. Finally felled by Mia’s choreography. How many dancers have faced the same fate? I do hope he comes back next year because he really did show surprising grace in the ballroom round. Look at how many times folks like Twitch and Hawk tried out. I’d love to see him do the same.
Silky Smooth – Y’all, that group dance was abysmal. They looked like fifth graders in afterschool dance club. And Silky, for all his charisma, just did not bring it like it should be broughten in that solo. After all the tapper-mania in the early rounds, is there even one left in top 16 boys or girls? It’s tragic. Silky’s gone, along with . . .
Bianca Revels – And I felt so badly for her, kittens, until she whipped out the stank attitude. Listen, she wasn’t terrible in Tasty’s Westside Story piece. I thought she brought enough to hang around for the final judgment, but the panel obviously disagreed. I understand that she was salty, but to go off on the rant about how they lost such a good thing and how she’d never be back after talking all that yang about this show being her destiny? Yeah, that is not a good look, kiddies. She lost a little shine with that exit.
Side Note: My favorite line of the night just might have been this one by Lil C, “It’s not working and you will just not be advancing in this competition.” I plan to find a way to use it at the earliest opportunity. And then he went on to tell someone that they shouldn’t have went and done something. Oh, Lil C. Don’t ever change.
Side note to the side note: Being a good dancer requires a very different skill set than being a good choreographer. Anyone who doubts this should just compare every other group to the "Nerdography" group with Ryan Kasprzak and see what a difference having access to an actual choreographer makes. Also, how much did I love Shankman nailing that one group for serving up “Convention 101” choreography? So, so much!
Megan Kinney – Oh, hair flippers. When will they ever learn? She was pitiful in that Mia piece and Nigel just kept her around to further fuck with Caitlin’s head. But justice prevails, noodles, and Megan shuffles off home to hair flip another day.
Lots of other people went home, too, but they made no impression. So onward and upward. Who did we love? Who’s still around? Well, those are two separate questions again, no? But we’ll deal with both below.
Viva Las Vegas
Brandon Bryant – Who alternately got the Will over-pimping and the Danny Tidwell Memorial “Yes, Your Shit Does, In Fact, Stink” treatment all in one night. Poor lamb. I hope he doesn’t let the judges break him down because he is fierce on a level that few others in this competition could even dream of.
Alex Wong – Is one of the ones who could give Brandon a run for his money. Agreed? Kiddies, was it really just yesterday that I was labeling this kid as a dancer who was perhaps too timid, who needed to let go more? I was smoking that monkey crack, darlings. This kid is the truth. His solo blew my whole entire mind. He is so my new dance boyfriend. I am loving on Alex and his ridiculously hot body. Please, show, can I have some more?
Tony Bellisimo – Cat and the show got me. They got me. Cat coaxing a smile out of a distraught Tony while he waited to try Mia’s choreo again? The on stage break down which caused the judges to break down? Laughter through tears as he flexed for Cat and gave the bicep a kiss? This kid is magic, what? I am in his thrall. Entirely.
Evan “Mini-Gene Kasprzak – Mini-Gene brought it in every single style. Hip hop? Check. Ballroom? Check. Jazz? Check. The single best group dance of the night? Check. The Mia piece? What? He brought it hard, darlings. And needless to say, he and his brother tore up that Tasty Broadway piece. I will be heartbroken, heartbroken if this kid does not make top 20. Yep, I’m tempting the reality TV gods. And so soon after Adam Lambert, too. I figure I’m due.
Ryan Kasprzak – He really surprised me tonight. I was moved by his dancing in that Mia piece. And his choreo for Nerdography? Genius. Dude has crazy talent. Still and all, I’d give him up to get Evan. They are setting them up for a final two Sophie’s Choice and I am going to hate every minute of it.
Phillip Chbeeb, Asuka and Ricky Sun – All three were 31 flavors, kittens. Give it up for returning contestants. Look at all the learning and the growing. That is what I absolutely love about this show. The kids can take a critique and use it to become better dancers. It helps that the judges can actually give relevant and useful critiques. Snaps to all three.
Caitlin Kinney – She’s had a rough road, noodles. No lie. But I’m with Mary. I see something in this girl. She has a world of potential and she seems like she really wants this. She’s on fire and that is worth so much on a show like this one. And she has a little bit of that stardust. I’m hoping that if she squeaks into the top 10 girls, she can get a nice growth arc rolling. And she's still miles better than her sister. Trust.
There were a few others that made an impression . . . Antonio? The black kid with the earrings and vaguely foreign accent? Made of awesome. Jeannette, the little salsa girl? Fiery. Priscilla? I think she was the naughty ballerina, not the broke down ballerina, no? At any rate, we like, noodles. But it’s late, and I’m all tangled up in Debbie’s weave. I’m going to go to sleep and have nightmares about Tasty and seriously, who turned his bitch needle up too high? He really needs to take a valium.
Tomorrow, our top 20 will be revealed. On the guys side, if I don’t get Brandon, Chbeeb, Alex, Tony and Evan, I will be unhappy. For our ladies, well, I’m still hot over losing Natalie, but I expect to see Caitlin, Asuka . . . and that’s about all I can recall. Another boys year, then? Sabra’s looking mighty lonely out there holding it down for the girls.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Auditions Eps 2&3 Everything Old Is New Again
Noodles, did you think I had forsaken you? Not by the hair on Mary’s chinny chin chin! I’ve been up and down and over and out, but I know one thing. Nothing will keep me from commenting on this show. Except for any further trips to Seattle. Seriously, Seattle people, what the fuck? Let me holla at y’all. Pacific Northwest, you are on notice. I know that there have to be some people up there that can dance better than the fools who came out to audition for our lovely show. What happened? It couldn’t have been the rain. I’m letting you off this time with just a warning, but seriously. Only 3 tickets to Vegas on day one? Really?
Anyway, kittens, aside from my trusty notes, practically everything from last week has been washed away in a tide of pop culture pablum, so I’m just gonna keep this short and sweet. Much like our SYTYCD early audition rounds which is yet another reason why I frequently love this show. Let’s keep it moving.
Miami Day One
It’s a blur, darlings. Silky or smooth or Silky Smooth. Whatever that little tap dancing boy’s name was, yes, we liked him. The tappers are bringing it this season. There were the salseros, no? The couple who tried out last season? And they were on point as well. I think I might have been still adjusting to Tasty Oreo during the day one auditions in Miami quite honestly. Tasty pulled on his bitch pants, didn’t he? What was up his butt? I mean, he wasn’t even in Seattle where the real crimes against dance were committed. I could not take it. I mean, this is the same man who believes that Cabaret is the only Broadway show ever produced and therefore Fosse’s the hell out of every single Broadway choreo he’s ever done on this show right? Including straight up ripping off that Danny/Lacey/Hunchback/Sabra F4 group number? I mean, that’s still him, right? I thought so, kittens. He hasn’t even earned those cranky pants. Tasty needs a moment to get the hell over himself.
Moving on.
Miami Day Two
Paris Torres – Is too tore up to be a pageant queen. Oh, no, Miss Thing! And she turned out to be a hair flipping, competition style dancer. And her tutu was seven ways busted. And the broke down ballerina could barely get around a simple double pirouette. There was no technique there, kiddies. She thinks throwing her leg up in the air is dancing. Way too much reliance on her extensions. Tasty was the only one who brought sense to these proceedings, but Nigel wants to do her so of course he and Shout-y McScreamerson put her through. Cool version of Toxic, though.
Of the folks in the good dancer parade, I want to see more of Henry Rivero. Yes, please. I also think Alex Wong may have a little something, something going on. He’s a little to timid and I’d like to see him let go more, but he has potential. Megan Kinney looks like a Kherington 2.0 and I cannot wait to be rid of her.
Geo Smith – Darlings, I know I am sometimes hard on my white brethren, but here’s where all y’all pale people get your own back. Black people, gather round. We really, really need to talk. Ready? Good. Slapping on a feathered mask and a loin cloth does not transform flapping around on the stage into African dancing, mkay? Geo was very pretty and sure you could tell underneath all the layers of ridiculousness that he had a great dancer’s body with some strength and power and what looked like a hint of actual technique. But what he threw up on that stage was foul, kittens. Real African dance is tremendously difficult and consists of way more than just flapping your arms and doing a few deep plies and rib cage isolations while spinning around like a whirling dervish. When he got to choreography, he could clearly dance, but honestly, I wouldn’t have even put him through after that buffoonery. And I can’t even get into the Nigel/cunnilingus innuendo. Black people, in the age of Obama, we are better than all this coon nonsense. And show, you are on notice. There are better representations of African dance out there and so far we’ve had this feathered fool and a 100 year old man last year who was probably quite good once upon a time when he worked with Ms. Debbie Allen (Diva!) on Amistad, but now not so much.
Talia Ricards(?) – The last thing I want to see on this show is a female Frikkin’ Gokey. Talia was cute as a button, but I don’t care about her dead husband or her pain and sorrow or how dancing has made her heart go on and on. She’s a cheerleader/dance team girl who can obviously really move but has clearly not had enough training and lacks technique. Cute as a button, but does anyone really think she’s going to make it out of Vegas? Anyone? And if she did, through some miracle, make it on the show, wouldn’t she be an even bigger train wreck than Maria Ines Del Carmen of the Wrestling Boots from last season and be exposed as a no dancing charlatan within the first one or two episodes by some sleazeball rapist like Alex DaSilva? Alright, then. Why don’t we just let this one go, shall we?
32 through from Miami? Damn. I wasn’t that impressed.
Memphis Day One
Memphis was automatically my favorite audition city once I saw Lil C at the judge’s table. Say what you will about his somewhat contentious relationship with English grammar, noodles, the man knows dance and he is one of the best judges on the show at giving honest yet constructive critiques designed to help the dancers grow regardless of their current skill level. Lil C and Shankdaddy forever! So Memphis? Made of win. It was such a great city that it even got Cat to do some admirable booty dancing.
Marico Flake(?) – Police Officer. And he’s cute as a button. Awww. Darlings, we love Mariko, no? Although I will admit that when I heard the term Memphis Jikkin’, my first thought was, “He just made that up.” So imagine my surprise, kiddies, when this kid looked so, so good. Wow. How did he move like that? I thought he was amazing. I am loving this kid. Gimme some more of that Memphis Jikkin’, noodles. I was surprised that they put him straight through to Vegas, but perhaps the show is finally ready to acknowledge that hip hop dancer does not necessarily equal untrained dancer. Oh, hello Joshua and your years of dance training including a stint with the Debbie Allen Dance Academy. And yes, I’m still bitter that the show just lied and pushed that untrained dancer meme all the way to the end. But I digress. Marico is fabulous and I sure hope that he can do other things as well as he can do Memphis Jikkin’.
I don’t recap joke dancers. So Red headband man, Christopher Caroza, bad dance montage participants, go away. You weren’t even funny bad. You were just bad bad. I refuse.
Caitlin Kinney – And the show got me again here, kittens, with the stealth great dancer disguised in the hair flipper’s package. And this one even more so because she was the sister of Megan “Hair flipping is my life!” Kinney. I did not have high hopes for Caitlin. I admit it. But I’ll be darned if SYTYCD didn’t humble me anew. This girl turned it out. She’s a beautiful dancer. Lovely lines. Great center. Those turns were beautiful. For only five years, this girl is phenomenal. Even with a gymnastics background, it just takes some raw talent to get that good in that short amount of time. I’ll be on the lookout for her in Vegas.
Memphis Day Two
Anna Dunn – She’s super cute and a really special dancer. This girl has ridiculous body control. I agreed with Nigel and Mary that the choreography was distracting and the head bobble was annoying, but I still would’ve put this kid straight through to Vegas, wouldn’t you darlings? She can obviously pick up a routine and she has great technique. Totally unnecessary. Also unnecessary? The dead, suicidal parent story. Do not try to play on my sympathy. Just shut up and dance. Either these kids can bring it or they can’t.
Travis Prokop – And now, darlings, I will completely contradict myself. I loved this kid’s dad way more than I loved him. I mean, let’s be honest, noodles. This kid belongs in the intermediate advanced level dance classes at your local studio. Clearly, they put him through because of his supportive, football coach father. I highly doubt he’ll get through Vegas, but I think this whole experience will help him grow tremendously as a dancer, so that’s good. And I might get to see his completely adorable dad again. Seriously, dad of the year, y’all.
Evan “Mini-Gene Kelly” Kasprzak – This kid is a star and he should’ve made the show last year. He’s magic and if possible, he is even better now. I plan to enjoy him a great deal in the top 20.
Ryan Kasprzak – If he’s 29, then I’m a day. He’s a fabulous choreographer and I would love it if they’d have him set a couple of pieces on the Top 20 kids this season, but he’s a little long in the tooth for my particular tastes. Solid dancer, not nearly as good as his brother, but I just don’t picture him on the show. He has a serious lack of attractiveness going on. Too shallow? Shallowness is my credo, after all.
Lauren and Lydia Guerra – As Gypsy taught us, you gotta have a gimmick. Blue sister was much better than peach sister. Neither one could turn worth a damn, which is just sad for them. And I hated the competition studio choreography, darlings, with a fierce intensity. I’m surprised that peach sister made it through to Vegas because I did not see this vaunted performance quality that the judges swore up and down that she was bringing. I suspect that neither one of them is strong enough to make the top 10 girls, although blue sister may surprise me.
Seattle
I’m sorry. I refuse. Kittens, I did enjoy this year’s Mark from Hawaii that Mia fell in love with. (Although it will be sad to watch her viciously turn on him as she did original flavor Mark last season should he make the show) And Mia’s other favorite weirdo, Chelsea was it? With the hair and the herky and the jerky. She was interesting. Quirky and unexpected. But honestly, I just don’t have the energy. Seattleans hurt my heart. And darlings you must know that I don’t deal with all the Sex shenanigans, except to note that his poor partner in the choreo round was turning it out! She was magnificent and if she didn’t make it to Vegas because she was paired with that ass, then there has been a severe miscarriage of justice. Other than that, I’ve not the energy. And that would’ve been true even if I’d got this recap up earlier than 15 minutes after the episode 4 had already started to air on the East Coast.
Vegas beckons, noodles! Maybe you’re already watching it now.
Anyway, kittens, aside from my trusty notes, practically everything from last week has been washed away in a tide of pop culture pablum, so I’m just gonna keep this short and sweet. Much like our SYTYCD early audition rounds which is yet another reason why I frequently love this show. Let’s keep it moving.
Miami Day One
It’s a blur, darlings. Silky or smooth or Silky Smooth. Whatever that little tap dancing boy’s name was, yes, we liked him. The tappers are bringing it this season. There were the salseros, no? The couple who tried out last season? And they were on point as well. I think I might have been still adjusting to Tasty Oreo during the day one auditions in Miami quite honestly. Tasty pulled on his bitch pants, didn’t he? What was up his butt? I mean, he wasn’t even in Seattle where the real crimes against dance were committed. I could not take it. I mean, this is the same man who believes that Cabaret is the only Broadway show ever produced and therefore Fosse’s the hell out of every single Broadway choreo he’s ever done on this show right? Including straight up ripping off that Danny/Lacey/Hunchback/Sabra F4 group number? I mean, that’s still him, right? I thought so, kittens. He hasn’t even earned those cranky pants. Tasty needs a moment to get the hell over himself.
Moving on.
Miami Day Two
Paris Torres – Is too tore up to be a pageant queen. Oh, no, Miss Thing! And she turned out to be a hair flipping, competition style dancer. And her tutu was seven ways busted. And the broke down ballerina could barely get around a simple double pirouette. There was no technique there, kiddies. She thinks throwing her leg up in the air is dancing. Way too much reliance on her extensions. Tasty was the only one who brought sense to these proceedings, but Nigel wants to do her so of course he and Shout-y McScreamerson put her through. Cool version of Toxic, though.
Of the folks in the good dancer parade, I want to see more of Henry Rivero. Yes, please. I also think Alex Wong may have a little something, something going on. He’s a little to timid and I’d like to see him let go more, but he has potential. Megan Kinney looks like a Kherington 2.0 and I cannot wait to be rid of her.
Geo Smith – Darlings, I know I am sometimes hard on my white brethren, but here’s where all y’all pale people get your own back. Black people, gather round. We really, really need to talk. Ready? Good. Slapping on a feathered mask and a loin cloth does not transform flapping around on the stage into African dancing, mkay? Geo was very pretty and sure you could tell underneath all the layers of ridiculousness that he had a great dancer’s body with some strength and power and what looked like a hint of actual technique. But what he threw up on that stage was foul, kittens. Real African dance is tremendously difficult and consists of way more than just flapping your arms and doing a few deep plies and rib cage isolations while spinning around like a whirling dervish. When he got to choreography, he could clearly dance, but honestly, I wouldn’t have even put him through after that buffoonery. And I can’t even get into the Nigel/cunnilingus innuendo. Black people, in the age of Obama, we are better than all this coon nonsense. And show, you are on notice. There are better representations of African dance out there and so far we’ve had this feathered fool and a 100 year old man last year who was probably quite good once upon a time when he worked with Ms. Debbie Allen (Diva!) on Amistad, but now not so much.
Talia Ricards(?) – The last thing I want to see on this show is a female Frikkin’ Gokey. Talia was cute as a button, but I don’t care about her dead husband or her pain and sorrow or how dancing has made her heart go on and on. She’s a cheerleader/dance team girl who can obviously really move but has clearly not had enough training and lacks technique. Cute as a button, but does anyone really think she’s going to make it out of Vegas? Anyone? And if she did, through some miracle, make it on the show, wouldn’t she be an even bigger train wreck than Maria Ines Del Carmen of the Wrestling Boots from last season and be exposed as a no dancing charlatan within the first one or two episodes by some sleazeball rapist like Alex DaSilva? Alright, then. Why don’t we just let this one go, shall we?
32 through from Miami? Damn. I wasn’t that impressed.
Memphis Day One
Memphis was automatically my favorite audition city once I saw Lil C at the judge’s table. Say what you will about his somewhat contentious relationship with English grammar, noodles, the man knows dance and he is one of the best judges on the show at giving honest yet constructive critiques designed to help the dancers grow regardless of their current skill level. Lil C and Shankdaddy forever! So Memphis? Made of win. It was such a great city that it even got Cat to do some admirable booty dancing.
Marico Flake(?) – Police Officer. And he’s cute as a button. Awww. Darlings, we love Mariko, no? Although I will admit that when I heard the term Memphis Jikkin’, my first thought was, “He just made that up.” So imagine my surprise, kiddies, when this kid looked so, so good. Wow. How did he move like that? I thought he was amazing. I am loving this kid. Gimme some more of that Memphis Jikkin’, noodles. I was surprised that they put him straight through to Vegas, but perhaps the show is finally ready to acknowledge that hip hop dancer does not necessarily equal untrained dancer. Oh, hello Joshua and your years of dance training including a stint with the Debbie Allen Dance Academy. And yes, I’m still bitter that the show just lied and pushed that untrained dancer meme all the way to the end. But I digress. Marico is fabulous and I sure hope that he can do other things as well as he can do Memphis Jikkin’.
I don’t recap joke dancers. So Red headband man, Christopher Caroza, bad dance montage participants, go away. You weren’t even funny bad. You were just bad bad. I refuse.
Caitlin Kinney – And the show got me again here, kittens, with the stealth great dancer disguised in the hair flipper’s package. And this one even more so because she was the sister of Megan “Hair flipping is my life!” Kinney. I did not have high hopes for Caitlin. I admit it. But I’ll be darned if SYTYCD didn’t humble me anew. This girl turned it out. She’s a beautiful dancer. Lovely lines. Great center. Those turns were beautiful. For only five years, this girl is phenomenal. Even with a gymnastics background, it just takes some raw talent to get that good in that short amount of time. I’ll be on the lookout for her in Vegas.
Memphis Day Two
Anna Dunn – She’s super cute and a really special dancer. This girl has ridiculous body control. I agreed with Nigel and Mary that the choreography was distracting and the head bobble was annoying, but I still would’ve put this kid straight through to Vegas, wouldn’t you darlings? She can obviously pick up a routine and she has great technique. Totally unnecessary. Also unnecessary? The dead, suicidal parent story. Do not try to play on my sympathy. Just shut up and dance. Either these kids can bring it or they can’t.
Travis Prokop – And now, darlings, I will completely contradict myself. I loved this kid’s dad way more than I loved him. I mean, let’s be honest, noodles. This kid belongs in the intermediate advanced level dance classes at your local studio. Clearly, they put him through because of his supportive, football coach father. I highly doubt he’ll get through Vegas, but I think this whole experience will help him grow tremendously as a dancer, so that’s good. And I might get to see his completely adorable dad again. Seriously, dad of the year, y’all.
Evan “Mini-Gene Kelly” Kasprzak – This kid is a star and he should’ve made the show last year. He’s magic and if possible, he is even better now. I plan to enjoy him a great deal in the top 20.
Ryan Kasprzak – If he’s 29, then I’m a day. He’s a fabulous choreographer and I would love it if they’d have him set a couple of pieces on the Top 20 kids this season, but he’s a little long in the tooth for my particular tastes. Solid dancer, not nearly as good as his brother, but I just don’t picture him on the show. He has a serious lack of attractiveness going on. Too shallow? Shallowness is my credo, after all.
Lauren and Lydia Guerra – As Gypsy taught us, you gotta have a gimmick. Blue sister was much better than peach sister. Neither one could turn worth a damn, which is just sad for them. And I hated the competition studio choreography, darlings, with a fierce intensity. I’m surprised that peach sister made it through to Vegas because I did not see this vaunted performance quality that the judges swore up and down that she was bringing. I suspect that neither one of them is strong enough to make the top 10 girls, although blue sister may surprise me.
Seattle
I’m sorry. I refuse. Kittens, I did enjoy this year’s Mark from Hawaii that Mia fell in love with. (Although it will be sad to watch her viciously turn on him as she did original flavor Mark last season should he make the show) And Mia’s other favorite weirdo, Chelsea was it? With the hair and the herky and the jerky. She was interesting. Quirky and unexpected. But honestly, I just don’t have the energy. Seattleans hurt my heart. And darlings you must know that I don’t deal with all the Sex shenanigans, except to note that his poor partner in the choreo round was turning it out! She was magnificent and if she didn’t make it to Vegas because she was paired with that ass, then there has been a severe miscarriage of justice. Other than that, I’ve not the energy. And that would’ve been true even if I’d got this recap up earlier than 15 minutes after the episode 4 had already started to air on the East Coast.
Vegas beckons, noodles! Maybe you’re already watching it now.
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