It was all going so well, darlings. What happened? The group dance and Will and Jessica made me remember that I don’t actually hate Tasty. I only hate Broadway Tasty. I got a little twinge of nostalgia seeing Katee Fat Face and Twitch which distracted me from my general disdain for that horrible door dance. Dmitry’s tango, while not my first choice as Emmy material, was enjoyable and I got to see Chelsie of the original incredible feet and Josh sans mini-ponytail. (Unknown barber who cut that ponytail off, I love you. Now do something about Ade’s afro pick) Brandon and Jeanine were immediately called safe and into our final 4 as the gods intended. I could even forgive Cat her Dynasty moment with the sequins and the shoulder pads and the overly lacquered updo because she just looked so cracked out crazy and I thought any second they were going to drag a wading pool on stage and let her and Mary re-enact the Krystal vs. Alexis slapfight in the fountain in the driveway of the Carrington Mansion. Jabbawokeez totally bringing it as the dance guest and making me miss ABDC and weep for hip hop on this show. Sean Paul and his traveling hood rats doing whatever it was that they do. (I can't help it, noodles, I love me some Sean Paul. Maybe it's the accent? The high yellowness? The corn rows? Nope? Well, every diva has her secret weakness) And of course the best part was seeing the lovely and amazing Mark from Hawaii totally owning the stage once again and making me remember what true sexy is all about. And then Kayla, the new flavor incredible feet, made it past Melissa, which was sad but warranted and it was all set for as good a final four as we were going to get given that Janette is not a part of it. And then. Oh, noodles, what happened? Who are these teenyboppers and grannies power voting for Mini-Gene and how can we get them to stop the madness? Evan over Ade? Really?
Listen, kittens, I’ve loved Evan since he didn’t make the show in S4. No one was happier than me to see him and his bald brother take Las Vegas by storm. And I have even enjoyed Mini-Gene on the show this year. His solos have been consistently excellent, well choreographed and well danced. I thought he was all kinds of fabulous in Mia’s "Ode to Booty" dance. And I loved his first contemporary this season with Randi, too. But there’s no denying that he has mostly failed to deliver on the show. He only has the one thing – the faux Golden Era of Hollywood/Gene Kelley/Let’s Put on a Show/MGM Musical thing. And he has that thing down pat, no question. But to win this show, the dancers should be able to show versatility and adapt to other styles. Josh was a great popper, but I’ll be damned if that Mia piece with Katee wasn’t one of the best contemporary routines ever done on this show. Sabra shouldn’t have won over Danny, but she did and I’m still dealing with it. But give the girl her due, she could do anything. Ballroom, contemporary, her hip hop with Dom was one of the routines of the season. Benji grew tremendously over the course of S2 from quirky ballroom guy to his beautiful work in that Mia Top 6 group number (still my favorite group number ever!) and he learned how to bring other sides of himself beyond just goofy hoofer. And S1 Nick, for all that he turned out to be a diva bitch in the aftermath, could do anything. Still the best disco ever on the show with Kamilah. What I’m saying is that versatility is the calling card of this show. You shouldn’t be this close to winning if you only have the one thing that is your thing. This was what made me so crazy last year when Twitch outlasted Mark. (Well, one of the things that made me so crazy. Y'all can guess at the rest, no?) You can’t just be a hip hop specialist or a Broadway (and one highly stylized type of Broadway at that) specialist or a whatever specialist and win this show. Or make that shouldn’t, darlings, because I actually think Evan has a more than decent shot at winning this show. And that would be a shame. I’ve had my qualms about past season’s winners, but one thing that’s true is that they were all dance chameleons. Evan is not that. Sigh.
Anyway, darlings. There you have your top 4: Brandon, Jeanine, Evan and Kayla. I don’t want to be overly pessimistic, but I don’t think this bodes well for an S3 style mega-finale. Without Janette, I gotta pull for my boy, Brandon, to take it all. I wouldn’t be mad at either Jeanine (who has a real shot) or Kayla (who has no shot) taking home the title of America’s Favorite Dancer. But I’m frightened that it might be Evan walking away with the crown which would cement S5 as my least favorite season of all time. Truth time, noodles, it’ll probably be that anyway, but an Evan win will end all doubt. At least I’ll only have to wait a month for a new group of kids to worship.
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