SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep17 Moving On Up

Noodles, I need to do an in depth analysis of the relationship between Cat’s degree of cuteness and the show’s quality on any given night. Because last night, Cat’s hair and make up were kind of working in an early Farah kind of way, but the dress was seventeen dimensions of fugly. Likewise, parts of last night’s show were as smooth as Kate Jackson’s pageboy, but some spots (read anything with Evan), were like thinking you could maybe settle for Cheryl Ladd but then winding up with Shelley Hack instead. Don’t get me wrong, I thought this year’s finale had it all over S4, but it didn’t pop the way it should have given that there were some stellar routines and all the kids (Yes, even Mini-Gene) danced their hearts out and left it all on the stage. Perhaps it was the change of venue? AI is a big, sloppy, over exaggerated show and that over the topness feels tailor made for the Kodak Theater. But our little show is more intimate. Well, dance is more intimate. And the kids, well Evan, don’t yet know how to fill up a stage that size. Maybe if they moved to the Kodak earlier and let them get used to being in that big space? Here’s a thought. Let’s talk about what worked in the Kodak and what didn’t before we get to who is going to be taking the confetti shower this evening.

Fish Don’t Fry In the Kitchen/Beans Don’t Burn on the Grill

Judging - Kittens, you know I got nothing but love for the Shankdaddy; and his opinions on the performances last night were, as always, right on point. Mary is as she does and she gave what I expected. And Nigel reconnected with his inner perv, but really he’s been far worse in the past. But let’s be frank, the judges didn’t work in the new venue. Simon, Randy and Paula (I am studiously ignoring the spurious rumors that Paula will not be on next season’s AI. I know them to be false) are pros at working the AI crowd, at playing to them but not too much. They never forget that they are supposed to be talking to the kids, even when they are babbling inanities. But our SYTYCD triumvirate let the audience take over the show. They turned around. They shushed. They had whole, entire arguments with them and tried to justify their love (or lack thereof) with each critique that was given. Hell, Mary turned into a cheerleader and that was before Wade’s crappy piece. It just didn’t translate well.

Top 4 Group Routine/Pop(?) (BoysBoysBoys) – Didn’t you know it was going to be bad as soon as the word “cheerleader” came out? And then that was followed up by Lady GaGa. What the hell was Wade thinking? Look, I know cheerleaders. I love cheerleaders. I watch the UCA Cheer Championships from the Milkhouse at DisneyWorld Orlando, FL every year and it just keeps getting better and better. I don’t want to see cheerleading on my dance show. Nope, not even a little bit. I don’t want to see my dancers in cheerleading uniforms, especially not when they flash me wearing sparkly red panties. I don’t want to see my dancer boys all swallowed up by oversized letterman jackets. I never want to be reminded of that execrable Dan Karaty routine for Kam and Lacey. And yet all of that happened last night during this routine from the normally flawless Wade Robson. And even more criminal was that with four dancers, they still didn’t manage to fill up the stage. It felt small and not up to the occasion. They all danced it reasonably well and the business with the jackets was kind of cute. But really, kiddies, it kind of sucked ass. I don’t have much more to say about it.

Brandon Solo/Dies Irae – Adam and I were as one on this piece. It seemed frantic and kind of disjointed. Brandon never quite cracked the code on the whole subtlety question, did he? And the board shorts were distracting. He’s gorgeous and his technique always shines through, but that was far from his best. And you can’t dance to opera in board shorts. This cannot be emphasized enough.

Evan and Brandon/Pop Jazz (Nasty) – I would sell my children to have seen this danced by Brandon and Ade. Can you imagine? The mind reels, darlings. I frikkin’ love Boomkat and I hope they keep her around for next season. Because she serves, noodles. That choreography was fierce. Maybe a little too reminiscent of Mia’s Two Princes routine, no? And why choreographers feel like two men dancing together have to be fighting is beyond me. But all the elements were there for a great routine. And Brandon absolutely destroyed in that piece. He gave Laurie Ann every “boom” and “kat” she could have wanted. This dance also provided one of the best judge moments of the night, no? “What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever done?” Oh, Mary. I am going to ask all of my friends that question from now on.

Evan Solo/The Best Is Yet To Come – Love the song choice. Well, he had a nice triple turn in there, darlings. Nigel was right, though. Evan had a Seinfeld season. No learning. No growing. Not as good as the other kids. He’s cute. He’s charming. He does what he does and what he does, you either get it and love it or you don’t. He could totally win.

Kayla and Evan/Jive (T.R.O.U.B.L.E.) – What is there to say, really, at this point? Noodles, a blind man could see this trend. Evan is probably more well suited to the Jive than many other smooth ballroom dances, especially when paired with someone like Kayla who towers over him. And I suppose he was fine, although I’ll agree with Mary that for this to be his second time around with Jive, I’d have wanted to see more snap in the retractions and the arms were horrid. He was dancing small. Again. Some more. Overall, the dance did not travel well and really cover the floor. And the final trick was sloppy, sloppy. They really lost steam there at the end. Sigh. At least the song was fitting, kittens.

Now We’re Up in the Big Leagues/Gettin’ Our Turn at Bat

Kayla Solo/Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) – Kittens, this was the best solo she’s ever done. Was it great? Well, no. But mad points for stepping up and being 90% less flail-y. That pencil turn she threw in was one of the prettiest things I’ve ever seen. No one will ever be as beautiful on this show as Danny was at his best, kiddies, but I agree that Kayla is up there. I had problems with the secret stank that peeked out in her attitude over the course of the season, but y’all I have loved this girl as a dancer on this show. She’s exquisite and she will work forever. Definitely one of the best girls they’ve ever had on the show.

Kayla and Brandon/Broadway (Bye Bye Love) – This is only here because Kayla and Brandon are monsters of dance. Why, why does the show continue to let Tasty do Broadway? I can’t even fathom it. And why does he continue to shamelessly rip off Bob Fosse? I mean, they even dressed Brandon and Kayla like Ben Vereen and Jessica Lange. If I wanted to see that scene, I’d just rent the movie All That Jazz. But no matter. Kayla and Brandon danced well. As Shankdaddy stated, they tore it up. And yes, noodles, the pirouettes a la seconde were AH-mazing. These two owned every inch of that stage.

Jeanine Solo/Por Una Cabeza – Fucking awesome. I don’t even have any words. She’s a beast. And I’ll admit that I never even saw her coming.

ABDC – Hell yeah! Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. OK. Technically, this is not about the show, but I got really excited!

Kayla and Jeanine/Contemporary (The Four Sections: IV) – I was anticipating a great routine here. Mia’s Message in a Bottle piece for Melody and Ashley from S1 is still one of my favorite pieces of all time. And she had two thoroughbreds here. None of them disappointed. I got chills from this performance, kiddies. I know I’ve been saying it all season long, but there really is no substitute for solid technique. Some may be miffed that the entire final four is made up of extensively trained studio dancers, but I love it. Good is good. And straight up, someone like Heidi or Lacey could not have hung in that routine, good as they were both in their own genre and in stretch roles. It was great to see a piece like this at the end with two dancers who could handle it.

Brandon and Jeanine/Paso Doble (Tetsujin) – I love Louis and think he’s been a great addition to the show. And he worked these two until they popped. The routine was athletic and brawny and bold. The costuming was fabulous (Snaps, crack hos) and the Matrix music for once fit the style of the dance. Sadly, it wasn’t exactly, strictly speaking, entirely a Paso. But kittens, Paso has taken such a beating on this show that I’m willing to cut all three some slack here. The piece was gorgeous and it was marvelously danced. Whatever “it” was.

It’s You and Me, Baby/And There Ain’t Nothing Wrong with That

Brandon or Jeanine? Jeanine or Brandon? Maybe neither, noodles. I think Jeanine has the inside track to take it all. She had the most signs out there in the audience. She got the loudest cheers throughout the night. If this is a girl’s year, then she’s the girl. The only other person who has a shot, in my mind, is Evan. Everybody loves the personable underdog. And in this, the year of Kris Allen, America seems enthralled with “Aw shucks” winners. But I truly hope Jeanine pulls it off because the bitch worked like the rent was due. Only a few more hours now, kittens and then a scant few weeks until we’re back in Nigel’s loving arms. Someone’s finally got a piece of the pie.