Really, Emmy voters? Really? Mia’s door dance monstrosity over Sonya’s Secret Garden piece or over her own contemporary for Joshua and Katee? Tasty’s contemporary for Will and Jessica was lovely, but it was better than the pas de deux Desmond Richardson choreographed for Will and Katee? Really? I loved Mark and Chelsea with an unholy passion, but was Bleeding Love really a more accomplished piece than No Air? I mean, bad enough that you had to throw NappyTab in the mix at all, but at least pick the right number. And don’t even get me started on the fact that Padma “Monotone is the only tone” Lakshmi got a nod for Best Reality Host while Cat Deeley is on the outside looking in. Crack is whack, Emmy voters.
Wade’s opening piece was a thing of beauty which will likely get snubbed by Emmy voters next year due to the aforementioned crack addiction. And it sure seems like somebody likes Melissa an awful lot, no? I can’t even hate, though, noodles because granny was fierce. Not only was her pointe work flawless, but she also found a way to dance and move gracefully in pointe shoes while not on pointe. That is no mean feat, darlings. The duo of Jeanine and Kayla were powerful and graceful, further proving the points that Kayla is much more likeable now that she’s shed her first two partners and that Jeanine is magic. The other kids didn’t detract, nor did they stand out. And who else but Wade would give us stepping rice paddy workers, a geisha ballerina, and chasse-ing lady ninjas? Loved it.
I thought all the kids who didn’t dress themselves looked adorable last night. The crack hos were on point because apparently the Emmy voters smoked up all the available crack and they work better clean and sober. Likewise, the trannys in hair and make up decided to bring it since one of their own was inexplicably nominated for an Emmy and why, god, why? Sadly, that means our dear Cat Deeley, bravely sticking to her plan to do her own thing this season, was once again caught out there on crazy fashion island with Citizen #1 and President of Ridiculous Clothing Land, Kupono, as her only companion. Cat’s continuing determination to show us her cooter is mystifying. She’s cute and all, but I’d prefer not to be all up in her cooch. As for Kupono, I have no words, kittens. When one gets to the point in one’s life where a mesh, backless half shirt, a bleached seaweed belt and avocado green capri length Hammer pants sound like a perfectly good outfit, then one has really gone too far to be redeemed. To be sent home looking that ridiculous. Oh, the humanity!
As for our bottom 4, well two of them were right. Kittens, Kupono and Randi leaving last night was written in the stars, but I didn’t see Melissa and Ade joining them in B2. For the girls, someone fabulous was going to wind up as Randi’s counterpart regardless, but Evan’s fan base is mighty if it could carry him past that horrible African and into safety. I’m thinking it had to be Ade’s ridiculously unmusical solo that sank him, no? Given that, it’s a shame that he had to do it again. Let’s hope he learns something from this, because he is going to have to bring it to get past Evan and his fans next week . . . or someone will have to bring it, even if it’s not him. Evan can’t possibly have as bad a week as this one, and I predict they’ll pair him up with Janette as the least problematic partner. And Janette makes all of her partners better, so he’s bound to have an up week. What I’m saying is, the other three boys had best come loaded for bear or else.
You know who else makes everyone better? Ms. Debbie Allen. From calling Mary out on her role in sending Randi to the B2 to . . . calling Mary out on her weave, she was every inch fabulous! Forget her as a judge, darlings, I want to stalk her and make her my friend and spiritual guide.
The big 100th Episode is on tap and since I was in the house for the taping of some of that, I am excited to see how it comes out on TV. I hope that they pair up Janette and Evan next week because I don’t want to see that fool in Cuban heels ever again. A Jeanine/Brandon pairing would be lovely, but it would also likely ensure that Brandon has to do another ballroom dance since Jeanine just had contemporary and has already done two hip hop routines with the Chbeeb, so instead I’ll take Jeanine/Ade. Maybe some of her musicality will rub off on him. That means Brandon and Kayla since he’s already been paired with Melissa and that would be fine since it’s about time for Kayla to get hip hop and we know that he can smash it. Unfortunately, kittens, that would leave Melissa with that personality vacuum, Jason. Last week, I wouldn’t have worried about that at all, but she has lost a lot of steam since then. As the always on point Debbie Allen noted, we need more from her at this stage of the competition. Lovely technique and a cutesy smile are not enough. She needs to bring the sparkle, if she can. Noodles, there must be some reason why she hasn’t reached a stage in her career at her age where she wouldn’t feel the need to go on a show like SYTYCD. If it does shake out as a Jason/Melissa pairing, they’re going to need to get someone great like Mia to give them another killer routine if they hope to leap into the top 6. And since Jason just had contemporary this week, that ain’t likely to happen. I predict that my prediction of the naughty ballerina in the top 4 will fail miserably and we will see Jason and Melissa go home next week.
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