SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep11 Paying In Sweat

Diva. That is all. She can even make Mary Murphy kind of cute and enjoyable.

Debbie Allen is magic, kittens. And on top of all that, the kids gave good show last night. What more can a girl ask for?

Cat was killing it in the green strapless dress, continuing the trend of Simon Fuller produced shows having the best dressed hosts in creation. And the kids looked like they were ready to join Mischa Barton on the Cedars Sinai mental ward, which means that the crack hos were back in full effect. Debbie and Mary were both struggling with some rather unflattering hair, a trend which would also crop up for poor, bewigged Fat Face later. And with that, we were off to our first group dance of the night.

Does that hurt or is that ethnic?

Girl’s Group Dance/Bollywood – Nakul was back. Yay! We love Nakul, no darlings? What didn’t we love? Fat Face rocking the side French braid. Why? Luckily the other girls all looked yummy in the rehearsal footage. And they were gorgeous in that routine. I loved everything about it. I loved the costumes. I loved the use of the props. All the girls were working it. Kayla maybe working it a little too hard, right? Jeanine was owning that center and all in all, that group dance was oodles of fun. So much better than Mia’s dying angels from last year’s top 5 and I was all set to agree with Ms. Debbie Allen that this year’s top 5, in terms of technique, kicked the other seasons’ donkey, but when I really thought about it, the dancers are usually pretty fierce by the time top 5 rolls around. I mean maybe you can make a case that last season, with both Kherington and Comfort making the top 5, they fell down a skoosh, but in years past, kiddies? Who exactly would be the weak links? Martha? Sara? Mischa Chan? None of those ladies was a favorite of mine, but if pushed, I’ll grudgingly admit that all three of them could turn it out. Good enough to continue the solid trend of good dancers making the girls top 5 will have to be enough for these ladies.

About as Flamboyant as a Bagel

Kayla and Evan/Viennese Waltz (Kiss from a Rose) – Height differential high alert! And leave it up to Melanie to call that shit out. Ha! I frikkin’ love Melanie. The good: Kayla came off as so much more likeable with Evan than with either Maks or Pono. And she was in a gorgeous dress. Aaaand that was about it for the truly good, no? Noodles, they were OK. Kayla is always lovely to watch and Evan at least had decent carriage and he held his own in the lifts. But his footwork was a problem. Mary was exactly right in pointing out that there was no flow to the work in closed hold and they lacked glide and carriage across the dance space. Overall, it was not the train wreck I feared at all. But it was far from the great performance Evan needed to establish himself as a top 4 threat. The best part of this whole performance? “Darling, you handled your big woman.” I love Debbie Allen. I just enjoy her, honey. Chiiiillleee.

Kittens, follow along. I will not be commenting on each individual solo because, what is there to say? Brandon and Ade need to look up the word subtlety and commit the definition to memory and then try to bring some of it to their dancing. Ade might also want to brush up on the definition of musicality while he’s at it. Kupono needs to . . . learn how to do a solo. And never, ever wear clothes of his own creation ever again. For real. Evan was perfection and needs to write a huge thank you letter to his brother for reminding all of America why they used to love him. Randi was Convention 101. (Thank you, Shankdaddy!) Melissa was lovely but kind of just like she always is and now I want another gear from her. Janette and Jeanine are waging an all out war for control of my heart and right now, I can’t see a clear winner. They both embodied fierce. Well, I guess there was more to say than I thought. But not nearly enough to give each one individual attention. So now we can move on.

Young and Single and Loves to Mingle

Janette and Ade/Hip Hop (LoveSexMagic) – These two could’ve been good with anyone. Together, I thought they could be great. And then I saw they got NappyTab and that went out the window, so I was back to praying for good. Which it definitely was, kiddies. NappyTab are soo much better when they are not being 100% literal. And it was a cute concept. Hypnotized by the afro pick. Ade shut it down and Janette was good, although she did get thrown off her game a little bit right at the end when they really went into some harder hitting moves. But overall, I thought it was cute and flirty and fun. And it gave Debbie Allen a chance to call Ade a pimp which by definition means that she was also calling Janette a ho and that little peak into what her inside voice is probably saying like 90% of the time was my favorite TV moment of 2009 to date, so this routine automatically goes up about 1000 points in my estimation. On a serious note, darlings, there is obviously a severe shortage of hip hop choreographers in the greater LA basin which is why the show must use NappyTab every single week, right? I mean, even if they can’t get Dave Scott or Marty Kudelka to come back, they are in the video capital of the world, no? There are other people who know how to make the booty pop. A little variety, please.

You Wanna Accumulate Some Experience?

Jeanine and Jason/Contemporary (If It Kills Me) – Travis Wall, kittens. Travis Frikkin’ Wall! I have been waiting forever for this moment. And of course, they waste it on Jason. Ewww. At least Jeanine got to reap the rewards, no? Because Travis Wall represented for S3. I loved the routine and Jeanine was so gorgeous in it. I really have not got the words. It was so intricate. There was so much in it that I loved. I feel like I need to watch it another five or six . . . hundred times before I can adequately comment. Jason was like the dance equivalent of tastefully muted wallpaper here. He certainly didn’t distract from the routine and he might have even increased it’s value in his own unassuming way, but the boy has no sparkle. Jeanine, luckily, had enough for both of them. And Nigel and Mary and Debbie were so sweet. Proud Mamas and Papa. Darlings, sometimes this show does tug at the heart strings.

You Want Them Lauging With You Not at You

Randi and Kupono/Paso (Dies Irae) – This was another couple that had bad pairing written all over them from the start. For the life of me, I could not see them together at all. At all. And while I’m a fan of Paso, I’m hard pressed to think of when I’ve ever seen a good one on this show. Chuy and Sara probably came closest, but that was ruined by the uniquely horrendous choice by Jean Marc to set the piece to We Will Rock You. Kiddies, do you think it’s time to put this dance style to pasture along with the Quickstep and Russian Folk Dancing? Of course you do, because you’re not crazy! I guess we will have to talk about the dancing. Well it was bad. Bad technique from the jump. They needed more power just all over. And I’m sure that last lift was not supposed to look like that. And then they fell out of the final pose. Not good, kittens. Not good at all.

I Sing the Body Electric

Brandon and Melissa/Broadway (Aquarius) – I had faith that they could overcome their Tasty handicap and they did. At least he wasn’t doing Fosse, although Paula needs some of what Nigel’s smoking if he thought that was anywhere in the neighborhood of what Twyla Tharp can put down. These two were amazingly synchronized throughout. They’re both great dancers with a ton of technique and it showed. And that forward roll into splits in second and then pulling up into a standing position that Brandon did? Insane. That fool is ridiculous. And Melissa’s jetes across the stage? She’s so, so serious. It was overall groovy, but fell kind of flat as the final partner dance after the power and emotion of Travis’ piece.

Less Lip, More Sweat

Boys Group Dance/African –New choreographer, kittens. Yay! Jeffrey Page served on his first SYTYCD outing. That choreography was demanding and the best example of what African is really all about that they have had on the show to date. But noodles, I was disturbed by the way all of the boys, not just Evan, comported themselves during rehearsals. “There are no counts.” “It’s all just done to the rhythm of the music.” “My diamond shoes are too tight.” Cry me a fucking river, gentlemen. Thank heaven for Ms. Debbie Allen reminding us all that technique was not invented by the Bolshoi. I thought Ade, Kupono, and Brandon were fire in the piece. Jason just could not let go, you could see him dying to count in his head, and therefore he danced small and timid. He lacked the requisite abandon. And Evan. Oh, Evan. In addition to offensively chalking up his inability to master the style to his whiteness despite the fact that none of the other boys are actually from Africa and thus not actually African, even though they are colored as the good ole boys say, he also did not even half way bring it. He didn’t even show that he knows what “it” is. And that pasty chest and side view belly paunch have been seared into my retinas and there is just not enough “No” in the world, darlings. I was disappointed.

Never Being Happy Isn’t the Same as Being Unhappy

I won’t even pretend to know who’s going home tonight as I’ve been so off base it isn’t even funny. By rights, Randi and Kupono should be leaving us. Randi is by far the weakest of the girls left, as I pointed out last week, and she had a horrid night last night. Kupono would probably be a better choice to stay than Evan because he doesn’t present as many problems as a partner for the remaining girls. And he has shown some real talent and ability in his Mia and Sonya pieces and was not terrible in his smooth ballroom with Kayla, but I don’t think he did nearly enough last night to overcome Evan’s fan base. We shall see, noodles. I’ll hit y’all back tomorrow.