SYTYCD S6 Finals Ep12 Almost Perfect

How do I do it, kittens? I know this show so well it’s almost scary. Yes, let’s start with props to me for getting all the new pairings right. Really, there was no other way that could’ve gone down, but I’ll never pass up an opportunity to point out when I’m right. Noodles, there was so much to love about last night’s show, no? The new pairings really worked. Even Jakob/Mollee because Jakob is magic. Most of the choreographers were on fire. The crack hos saved all their crazy for Cat and turned out lovely costumes for the kids. The judges called out bad choreography and suspect dancing when warranted. So close to a perfect show. I can forgive the flaws, but not before ripping on them because what fun would that be?

If You Haven’t Got Anything Nice to Say About Anybody, Come Sit Next to Me


The Cat Deeley Problem


Cat Deeley, just what in the world? You know what, darlings, never mind. There really is no explanation for Cat’s outfit from last night. Gold lamé high waisted romper with a foot wide black elastic belt? I don’t think so. And we haven’t even commented on the bondage sandals or the atrocious hair and make up yet. Cat, you must start anew. Break out the Prell and the Philosophy Hope in a Bottle face wash. Burn that outfit and salt the earth. And then, have a check in with the crack hos in wardrobe and the trannys in hair and make up so that they can provide you with some sorely needed wardrobe tips and who ever thought I would type those words, noodles! Cat needs to get right with Fashion Jesus. Such a lovely girl. Why would she want to dress like a . . . I can’t even come up with the analogy. It defies logic. Just no.

The NappyTab Problem


Leave it to NappyTab to deliver the sole clunker routine of the night. They are really just garbage. Kiddies, they had that one routine that one time that was good, but the sun even shines on a dog’s ass some days. Please, please retire these so-called choreographers. And I hope Shane put a foot in that ass for biting on his backwards mask routine for Travis and Donyelle in S2. And I hope Travis continued the beating after Shane was done. Family, they can't even steal from their betters correctly. The routine was tired and they had two dancers that can absolutely bring it in hip hop. What a wasted opportunity.

The Fug Princess Problem


This is not really a Fug Princess problem. FP has secretly kind of worn down my resistance to her over the course of the season and made me stop worrying and learn to love the fugly. And she was the sweetest and the most charming she’s ever been last night with her little sling and her feisty attitude. And from the looks of the rehearsal clips, she came to work again this week. Kittens, she was laying it down like she was broke and the rent was due tomorrow. So the name misleads, no? Because my problem with the whole FP situation is not an FP problem. Nay, it is a show problem. It is a Nigel and Simon Fuller and bullshit machinations that stretch all the way back to Pasha and Jesse and JLo and panty flashing problem. Look, this is a competition show. If you can’t compete, you need to go home. Period. Full stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. If I’m watching the Lakers play the Celtics in the NBA finals Game 7 and Kobe Bryant can’t play that night because he threw out his shoulder practicing a Bollywood style dance number, David Stern is not going to leave it up to the fans in the stadium to decide who ultimately wins the game by popular vote and then have the referees plead with the audience to take into account Kobe’s entire body of work in order to decide whether he would have dropped 50 on those fools so that they can vote for the Lakers to win the game even though Kobe didn’t play, right? So too for SYTYCD. It’s win or go home. Not sit out, play for sympathy votes and have your husband cry or go home. The show is working these kids so hard that this situation is bound to keep cropping up in seasons to come, so they need to get on remedying the way they respond to contestant injuries immediately. If FP makes the finals over one of the three girls who actually danced last night, I will not be pleased.

The Mollee Problem


The Tween Terror danced well, better than she’s ever danced on the show. Even her solo didn’t devolve into an Olympic gymnastics floor routine until the very end. She did all everything right and since FP didn’t dance, well . . . see the paragraph above. But on a personal level, darlings, she is so unpleasant. The giggling and the baby talk and the stupid. It burns. I do not want to see this fool clogging up my finale. She is off putting in ways that Nathan only dreamed of. Who is voting for her and how can we make them stop? When she was musing about all the great things that could happen for her should she somehow manage to win this entire thing, I wanted to reach for the brain bleach in order to scrub the thought from my mind. I also wanted to ask her what exactly all these big, bold opportunities that past winners have had access to as a result of being on this show were. I’ve seen an ass load of non-winners doing other things on TV and in movies, but whither Nick, Benji, Sabra, Joshua? I’ll give Jeanine a pass because she just won like a second ago. Maybe I missed something but Twitch is the one doing movies. Lacey, Dmitri and Chelsie are the ones on DWTS. Danny’s the one with his own dance magazine. Travis is the one blowing up as a choreographer on this very show. Qwest and Donyelle are the ones taking over on ABDC. What do they all have in common? Umm, they didn’t win this show. Moron. Noodles, this one cannot make the finale. And yet, it would be wrong for her not to make the finale. I’m on the horns of a dilemma.

Butter Wouldn’t Melt in My Mouth


Everyone danced well (even if the choreography wasn’t stellar) so it doesn’t matter where we start, right? Follow the bouncing bitch, kiddies.

Mollee/Jakob/Broadway/Joey Dowling (Easy Street/Annie TV Cast Recording) – I’ve decided that I dislike this Joey Dowling. I don’t’ know what it is, kittens. Can’t quite put my finger on it. I think she thinks she’s better than she is. And she’s not all that, really. I was happy that Nigel called her out, and by extension called out Tasty, for the vaudeville and the over-reliance on the faux Fosse. There is a world of dance out there, SYTYCD Broadway choreographers. Embrace it. Let Spencer Liff be your guide. That said, I enjoyed this piece. Mollee and Jakob both have wonderful technique and it was on full display here. And the costume change in the middle was fun. They really grabbed onto the style and the characters and they interacted well together. Somehow, Jakob pulled a dancer out of Tween Terror. I think this kid can do anything.

Side note: Did Cat call Mollee an absinthe fairy? I think that might explain the outfit, noodles, don’t you?


Ellenore Solo (I Got the Feeling/James Brown) – I didn’t like it. I felt for the first time that she was trying to manufacture the quirk rather than to be the quirk. But I like her. A lot. She’s still made of sugar and spice and everything nice.

Jakob Solo (When You Say My Name/Mario Spinetti) – I don’t know that America is ready for Jakob in booty shorts. It was gorgeous – he always is – but it might have almost been a touch too feminine for your home viewing audience. I could see one of the girls doing a very similar piece and that is not OK for this show.

Ashleigh/Russell/Hip Hop/Shane (Too Much Booty 2/Bobby J Remix) – I’ve missed real hip hop on this show so, so much. Thank god for Shane Sparks. And the time off from the show has done him a world of good. I’m not a fan of revisiting iconic pieces from shows past, and one could hardly find a more seminal piece for this show than Benji and Donyelle's Too Much Booty, but I’ll be darned if Shane didn’t mostly pull it off here. The choreography was different enough that the piece paid homage to the original without seeming repetitive. And of course, he was blessed to have Russell who is simply a beast. He destroyed that routine. So hard hitting when it need to be. So smooth and fluid when it was called for. He connected with the assistant, who was totally half assing it, let’s be real. And the joy radiated off of him in waves. Russell is the truth, family. I don’t know what else to say. That move on the knee was bananas. I could watch him dance hip hop all night long. Oh, and FP was crushing it in the rehearsal footage. She had that booty shaking like a Champagne Room pro. Holla.

Kathryn/Ryan/Disco/Doriana Sanchez (Last Dance/Donna Summer) – I must say that Doriana put more dance content into that routine than normal. It wasn’t just a trick factory. There were entire eight counts where Kathryn and Ryan were doing actual choreography. What? And doing it extremely well, I might add. These two had chemistry by the bucket load. The dance was fun and sexy. Kathryn looked amazing. This would be true all night. And Ryan is perhaps the best partner dancer they have ever had. Only Pasha can touch him. He really knows how to frame his partner and he’s so solid. The hand positions in all of the turns and lifts is always right on. And he knows how to lead. He makes the lady’s work so much easier. I really liked this dance. Not just liked it for disco. Liked it period. And Doriana, a grateful America thanks you for leaving out the cunniliftus.

Mollee Solo (Heartburn/Alicia Keys) – Best solo she’s ever done on the show. She was more musical. It wasn’t just a floor routine in disguise. Kittens, the Tween Terror came to play last night.

Kathryn Solo (Shadowfeet/Brooke Fraser) – Of course, Mollee got schooled by Kathryn. I have not always enjoyed her solos, but last night she was exquisite. She showed great control, musicality, and flexibility. Her center is phenomenal. Darlings, I loved that. And she’s gorgeous. Not just as a dancer. The woman is physically just a gorgeous thing. The high talker has knocked me out this season. Who knew?

Ellenore/Legacy/Hip Hop/NappyTab (People Are Strange/The Doors District 78 Remix) – This pretty much sucked. The NappyTab problem was part of it. The other problem was that Ellenore and Legacy did not match. Their levels were off throughout most of the dance and they had some problems with synchronization. There were a couple of nice moments. Legacy doing the flares on Ellenore’s back was fancy. The freeze he hit was tight. But both of these kids are out of this world hip hop dancers. (And yes, the pun was intended) If you don’t know, you better ask somebody. Or, you know, just go to youtube and find the many, many videos of them demolishing much more technically demanding routines. This could have been spectacular. Instead it was just head scratchingly disappointing.

Mollee/Jakob/Viennese Waltz/Jason Gilickson (Ordinary Day/Vanessa Carlton) – The dance was quite beautiful. It wasn’t a waltz, so if you are willing to let that go, then you surely loved this. I am not willing to let that go, so I was annoyed. Don’t try to sell me Cucci in Chinatown and make believe it’s Tom Ford. The dance was waltz adjacent. There might have even been a moment where they were in closed hold. But between the jetes and butterfly turns (Thank you, Shankdaddy!) and all the side by side work, it can hardly qualify as ballroom. It was fine. It was a pretty, ballroom inspired, contemporary piece. I wanted to see a waltz, though, so . . . I guess you really can’t always get what you want, kiddies.

Ryan Solo (Dim Da Da/Kevin Aviance) – Ballroom dancers’ solos mostly suck. Good choice of music? The tears came off sweet and sincere rather than cheesy? Yeah, I got nothing.

Legacy (Fancy Footwork/Chromeo) – It was good but what was the business with the phone? Ummm, OK, crazy.

Ashleigh/Russell/Bollywood/Nakul (Spirit of Rangeela/Rangeela Soundtrack) – Wheeeee! Now that’s entertainment, kiddies. Darlings, this kid is a little ball of wonderful. I totally agreed with Nigel here. (And you know how much I hate it when that happens) Even with a consummate Bollywood professional as a partner, I could not take my eyes off Russell. And yes, the shirtlessness may have had something to do with that, but honestly, it was mostly due to the dancing. He was amazing in this piece. Crisp and clean and sharp and energetic and joyful. There’s that word again. Joy. Kittens, I dare you to watch this child and try to keep an ear-to-ear cheese eating grin from breaking out. And he made it look easy. And he looked good going.

Kathryn/Ryan/Cha Cha/Jason Gilickson (Hands On Me/Joss Stone) – Sex. Bomb. Kathryn’s legs go on for days. Talk about Ann Reinking. Ryan was sex on a stick and those hips needed a parental warning. Great hip action. Great feet. Smooth transitions. Lots of great partner work in hold. And the final position was love. Oh, and I would wear Kathryn’s costume as normal, around the house wear. Damn, that was good. And if ever there were a time for the damn train (and btw, Mary, there is never a time for the damn train), this was it. That’s the way you make a case for the finale, y’all.

Russell Solo (Holiday Buckness/The J Squad) – Noodles, there are so many things here. I mean, Russell was beyond fabulous. He danced right out of his shoes, not on purpose, I suspect, and then put them right back on and kept being awesome. Fierce! But why was he dressed like Santa? What is holiday buckness and how can I avoid it at all costs? Why do people put sunglasses on teddy bears? They can’t really see, you know? So many mysteries, kiddies.

Ellenore/Legacy/Contemporary/Travis Wall (Machine Gun/Portishead) – Y’all it was so good they had to give this couple the split screen. Travis frikkin’ Wall, family! And to think we knew him when. That was aggression and passion. Total commitment. They threw themselves into that dance. Ellenore is a dance warrior. And Legacy has come so far. Yes, there were many, many b-boy moves worked into the piece. So what? Contemporary is a made up genre anyway. Who’s to say what counts and what doesn’t? Why, I think that would be the choreographer, wouldn’t it? There was one irritating moment when Ellenore was downstage serving and Legacy was . . . somewhere, I don’t even know where, playing the Cedric. But overall, that was ferocious. Travis has been on fire this season. He’s not put one foot wrong. I think his piece for Jeanine and Jason will forever be my favorite Travis Wall Joint, but this one’s not far behind.

On and On and On and On

Russell, Jakob, Ellenore, Kathryn. I don’t care who rounds out the top 6. If those four don’t make it, America, you will have some splainin’ to do. If forced to make a prediction (because that’s what I do, right?), I’d think America will keep Legacy for the story and the journey. Though by rights it should be Ryan because the bitch brought it this week and he’s just a damn good partner and better all around dancer than Legacy, who has been catered to this entire season. Do the math, kittens. How many times did Ryan dance in his own style this season? Once. Last night with the cha cha. How many times did Legacy dance hip hop or get a style that allowed the choreographers to liberally sprinkle the routine with b-boy moves? Exactly. Legacy got the Twitch treatment and did well with it. Ryan got pushed out of his comfort zone practically every week and blew it up. It should be Mr. DiLello, but I expect to see him go home. For the girls, I’m stumped. It really could go either way. This will be a true test of the Tween Terror’s fan base. I think she may have just enough juice to squeeze through, so I’ll go with Mollee to fill out the final girls’ Top 6 slot, but wouldn’t be surprised at all if Fug Princess pulled off the upset.

See you in a few hours. Let’s all pray that Cat’s closet has been tragically infested by a rare species of moth only capable of digesting lamé and/or rompers and that said moths have destroyed every offending piece of clothing in her wardrobe leaving her with only a selection of simple yet elegant frocks for tonight’s festivities.