American Idol S8 Finals Extra Can't Help Myself

So sue me, kittens. I'm excited for tonight's AI. I know, I know. Motown Week inevitably descends into a pile of crap as contestant after contestant breaks out a moldy rendition of Ain't Too Proud to Beg and we all try to crawl under the sofa cushions. But, darlings, Motown Week doesn't have to be about thrice warmed over oldies from the Carnival Cruise Ship songbook. Motown Week could be awesome if the kids would just stretch a little (and Simon Fuller would spend some of his ill gotten gains clearing actual good songs).

Imagine with me, if you will.

Anoop Desai – Wouldn't it be great if Anoop chose a completely out of left field take on this week’s theme? He could do Motown Philly. That would rock. Well, he'd probably take it to the cheesy place. No, better not chance it. What about As? You know the George Michael/Mary J. remake version. If he hit that like I know he could, I'd smell Top 5 possibilities.

Allison Iraheta – Manic Panic should take Paula’s advice and slow it down this week, but not with some sappy Supremes song. I think she could do a smashing job by doing a gender flipped version of You Really Got a Hold on Me. She’s got the grit in her voice to really make it fly.

Lil Rounds – Don’t Leave Me This Way. Yes, noodles, it’s a Motown song. Trust. And sure, she could save it for disco week, but why? Lil needs a powerhouse performance to ward off falling to the middle of the pack and getting Latoya’ed and it needs to be something unexpected. This song packs a wallop like few others and Lil could absolutely tear into the killer chorus. If she doesn’t want to go up tempo, then she should sink her teeth into something like If I Were Your Woman. Love that song and I think she just might do it justice.

Matt G. – No one should ever sing Stevie Wonder on this show or any other show except Stevie Wonder. D’archie and the Jonas Brothers have confirmed this truism just within the last year. Having said that, I would really like to see Matt G. tackle Living for the City or maybe Sir Duke. Perhaps a little I Wish. I want him to either prove his mettle once and for all or go down in flames and let me fully hop back on the hate wagon.

Kris Allen – So, I’ve been giggling at the thought of Kris singing Superfreak for days now, but honestly, I don’t want to do that to the boy now that I’m finally realizing that he has a heckuva good voice. So kittens, I think a mid-tempo groove would suit him well. If he must go the Temptations/Four Tops route, then I think he should pick something less expected . . . Same Old Song, maybe, or I Wish It Would Rain. Although, his voice may be a little light for that last one, no? I would love for him to really bust out something funky, though. I think he’d do a fantastic take on How Sweet It Is (to Be Loved by You), sort of a James Taylor white boy soul thing by way of Marvin Gaye.

Adam Lambert – Anything that he does will be awesome and Adam-ified. I have a crazy, nightmare vision of him doing Smiling Faces. And it’s amaaaaazzzziiinnnggg.

And that does it for all the people I’m actually interested in hearing. The other four can pretty much sing whatever comes on them because I’m already going to hate it.

Danny Gokey – Will surely choose something totally cheesy that will allow him to scare me to death with more crotch action. As y’all know, I’m over him and his dead wife and his smug cheesiness. Sadly, he’s likely to turn it out this week because Motown songs are practically tailor made for a voice like his. (Which, by the way, is why I think White Stevie Wonder may finally, finally go home this week. So there's one reason to be optimistic, noodles) So what would I like to hear him sing? Actually, I’d love to hear him wrap that silky voice around the Commodores' Easy. Great song. Great groove. I bet he’d destroy it. He’d never pick it though, so I feel sure that I’ll be able to go on hating him with impunity. I will not be seduced by the voice. I will not be seduced by the voice. I will not be seduced by the voice. Woo-sa.

Michael Sarver – I think he actually has a good chance to do well this week and make me remember why I liked him in the first place. He has that soul edge to his voice. I’d love to hear him sing If This World Were Mine. He could dedicate it to his wife. That should keep the sap police happy. If he sings like he did in the early audition rounds, he could do very, very well with that.

Megan Corkery – Will surely sing some shit like Why Do Fool’s Fall in Love in her never ending attempt to sing non-song songs throughout this entire competition. That or she’ll try to sing God Bless the Child or Good Morning Heartache in her fake ass pale imitation of Lady Day under the guise that they were on the Lady Sings the Blues soundtrack. And then I will sneak into the contestants' mansion in the dead of night and I will murder her in her sleep, kiddies. I hate her. I’m done with her. Maybe the influenza B will have done her in by this evening.

White Stevie Wonder – He never did quite earn the privilege of my learning his real name, noodles, and hopefully after tonight he’ll be gone. So you know he really doesn’t deserve a song prediction. Although, if he sings Stevie I just might have to admit that he’s a little bit awesome. I could actually see him attempting Overjoyed or Ribbon in the Sky. Attempting and failing, but giving it that old Special Olympics try.

Get excited, kittens. I know I'll be imagining this line up in my head while the kids caterwaul their way through the five songs that managed to clear in time to make the show.