SYTYCD S6 Finals Ep 3 It’s Just You and Your Hand Tonight

You Don’t Really Want to Mess with Me Tonight

Frikkin’ Gokey, kittens! I thought I’d left that devil crotched, glasses wearing menace behind when AI ended last spring, but no. Here we have all the SYTYCD kids adopting the god damn heart hands as their S6 “4 Real” symbol and I cannot take it. Someone is gonna get hurt if I have to sit through a season of frikkin’ heart hands. I see that Kevin and Russell are non-adopters which just makes me love them more. Will we never be free from this nightmarishly bad idea? Sigh.

At least Cat looked gorgeous again tonight. I’d say that she’s still on her kick to be her own stylist, but I’ll be darned if most of the kids didn’t look lovely and appropriate tonight. The whores and trannys must’ve gone to rehab or gotten religion over the very brief hiatus or something. Even the sets were on point and the camera work was less crack-tastic than usual. Let’s hear it for the production team, kiddies. Positive reinforcement and all that. (Fashion Side Note: We must make a huge exception in Mary’s case. Cubic zirconia and off the shoulder and cheap satin and ringlets and .99 cent chandelier earrings equals a whole lotta fug)

I liked the new intro routine of having each kid come out individually for their moment from the wings rather than having them all crowded around at the back of the stage and then coming upstage for their dance-ins. Russell, Jakob, Victor and Nathan? Still killing it. And did my ears deceive me or were there some boos from the audience when Ashleigh took her turn around the stage? That’s dandy! Do it, catty bitches. But on the real, the audience doesn’t even know how to say “jidges” anymore? That ain’t right.

Normally, I hate the judge patter. And at this point, I’m tired of Paula. Stop talking about her unless and until there is real news that she has agreed to come on the show. But I’ll give last night a pass for two reasons. First, Adam Shankman can pull out references to the Paula Abdul oeuvre at will and that rocks! Second, Brandon, yay! And Billy, double yay!! Although, Billy gets a pass straight through to Vegas while Brandon just gets the chance to come back and re-enter the audition process? What does that even mean? If it means that Brandon has to go all the way back to the city auditions, then fuck that noise. If I were Brandon, I’d be pissed.

Performances: Just Let Me Have My Fun Tonight, A’ight?

Noelle/Russell/Hip Hop/Jamal Sims (Move, Shake, Drop Remix/DJ Laz et. al) – I will not be recapping the partner-views. Let’s just get that out of the way right now, shall we, kiddies? These kids have known each other for a handful of days so they don’t yet know what’s good and bad about each other. It’s bad that Russell wears sunglasses? It’s awful that Noelle keeps getting hurt? Very deep thoughts. Moving on. Yay, for new choreographer blood. And in a yummy package, too. Hello, Jamal Sims. I hope to be seeing much more of you. I’m not a huge fan of prop choreography unless Mandy Moore is doing it, but this dance really worked. Noodles, I liked it tons more than the judges. Well, I liked half of it. Russell worked the hell out of the first half of that dance. Noelle was embarrassing. And I really think Russell knew that. Watch your tape back, loyal viewer. You’ll see that about halfway through the routine, Russell dials it way back to match Noelle’s intensity, or lack thereof. I think it was the right choice. He was destroying her on that stage and if he hadn’t pulled it in, the judges would’ve dinged them for “not matching” just like they did with Ariana and Peter last week. But since he did bring the intensity down, they got dinged for not being hype enough and not living up to the admittedly pretty sick choreography. Poor Russell, can’t win for losing. I would’ve loved to have seen Russell attack that routine with a partner that could hang with him. Also, no one believes that Russell in any way deserved to be B2 last week, so Nigel can bite me.

Ashleigh/Jakob/Viennese Waltz/Tony and Melanie (At Last/Etta James) – Darlings, she is so seriously fug. I didn’t realize. She looks about a million years old. And that rehearsal footage, good heavens! Even Jakob’s fake bad dancing is good. As soon as they pulled Viennese Waltz, I knew that we wouldn’t be getting rid of the Fug Princess tonight. Jakob’s magnificent carriage will stand him in good stead in any of the smooth ballroom dances. And Ashleigh, while a Latin specialist, can fake it well enough to look 100 times better than a non-ballroom trained dancer. I thought Jakob was exquisite, as always. His feet! Y’all know how I feel about good feet on a dancer, and Jakob’s are up there in the pantheon with Kayla and Chelsie. I will say that even though he is mesmerizing at every moment on stage, I loved Mary getting all technical on his ass. Mary is so, so serious as a ballroom specialist. We just forget because she spends all her time hooting and hollering and putting people on trains. I also loved Shankdaddy’s admonition to Tony and Melanie about throwing random tricks into the routine. (Would that he’d said that to Doriana) There was definitely not enough waltz in that waltz. Not enough closed hold. Not enough glide across the floor. Just not enough dance content, which happens a lot with the ballroom routines. The lifts were lovely, though. Just because the dancers can do things doesn’t mean that they should. That’s one to grow on, kittens.

Victor/Bianca/Broadway/Tasty (Maybe God Is Trying to Tell You Something/The Color Purple Cast Recording) – Darlings, can somebody please make it stop? Tasty cannot do Broadway. It turns him into the worst kind of copycat, aping his betters. Let’s just state up front that the routine was not good. Victor and Bianca went out there and did steps. They didn’t bring anything to the dance beyond “Place arm in correct position. Place leg in corresponding position. Proceed to next steps.” The judges nailed it when they said that they didn’t give in to the dance. No abandon. They didn’t inhabit the characters. All that, I acknowledge. But noodles, the dance was a piece of crap. Periodically, Tasty tries to get his Ailey on. Shankdaddy was totally on point, as always, in bringing up the shout out to Revelations. But to say that this number was a pale shadow of a shadow of an imitation of a shadow of Revelations would be kind. It was a cliché number full of over exaggerated fluff masquerading as dancing. It looked like something an after school dance coach put together to teach to his 6th graders to perform in the annual Fall Fling Pageant at school. Really, really amateurishly bad. The whole thing was a train wreck.

Mollee/Nathan/Bollywood/Nakul (Missed the song) – If these two were never allowed to speak, just dance, I would love them. And let me state that both here and in the last routine, the costumes were just perfect. Mollee looked beautiful and Nathan was a vision. And the lighting and staging for this routine were absolute perfection. That first image of Nathan silhouetted against that sun was so arresting. There were simply fabulous sections of this routine. All of their side by side work was so crisp, so clean, so sharp. And the intricate foot work. The synchronized leaps. Just wow. There was one lift in the middle section that was a little wonky, but overall it was amazing. And it was truly a showpiece for Nathan. When he did that pirouette sequence a la seconde and pulled it in to a plie with that little flexed foot he showed just astonishing amounts of control. It was positively Tidwell-ian. I thought last seasons Caitlin/Jason Bollywood was a little bit frilly and over-praised, but this one was deserving of the accolades. It looked hella difficult, too. Kudos to these two, kiddies. See how much better they are when they don’t talk?

Channing/Philip/Samba/Tony and Melanie (Maracatu Funk/The Samba Squad) – Noodles, I’m worried. Please don’t let Tony and Melanie fall into the trick trap. This routine was loaded up with so many unnecessary lifts that there was not a ton of dance content. Sadly, what dance content they did choreograph was not done well. This was bad, darlings. Bad bad. Neither one of them was down enough into the floor or had the necessary hip action to get the style of the dance, despite Mary trying to sell us on Channng’s performance. She was timid and tentative throughout. And Philip is just not a strong partner, which surprised me given his dance background. But I guess a Broadway gypsy doesn’t do a ton of ballroom style partnering. Sigh. Listen, kittens, I know that Channing is a big girl, but you can’t let the strain of the lifts and tricks show the way that these two have done the first two weeks. And yes, a lot of that is Philip. The one lift where he was in a deep plie in second and then lifted Channing up to his shoulder and flipped her over in a split to the ground, he really did look like he was hauling manure. But I don’t think Channing helped much. I’d bet as a contemporary, competition style dancer, she hasn’t done a significant amount of partner work. She seems not to know how to hold her own weight in the lifts. The judges already remarked on her challenges in working with partners, so I don’t know why they chose to soft peddle that tonight. I guess they just didn’t want to lose a cute blonde girl. Whatever, they were bad and both of them should’ve been B2.

Kevin/Karen/Hip Hop/NappyTab (Ice Cream Paint Job/Dorrough) – I loathe this song and that’s often a combo killer for me, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t enjoy the hell out of that routine. If nothing else, the injection of new blood into the hip hop choreography pool is making NappyTab up their game. That routine was fire. And Kevin and Karen just crushed it. Noodles, Karen is for real. Sex bomb. And she can dance. She was tearing it up in that routine. Booty shaking worthy of the best video ho. And Kevin brought enough swag for the whole room. He’s a sexy something. Oh also, I would like one of those jumpsuits Karen was wearing for my own personal collection. Thank you. That little move where she’s standing on his knees grinding and his head is following the movements of that ass? Yeah, I’ll be rewatching that a time or two. Sex bomb. Both of them. That routine was the hotness. Also, kiddies, I love how much Shankman loved being called a big old queen.

Legacy/Kathryn/Contemporary/Stacey Tookey (2 Steps Away/Patti Labelle) – Stacey is a savvy choreographer. I don’t think she could’ve stuffed more b-boy moves into that routine and technically had it still be considered contemporary. And the times where she was asking Legacy to stretch a little bit, she kept the movement along familiar lines for him. But as Shankdaddy pointed out (I need a macro for that), he has shown growth that I didn’t know he had in him. Lovely toe point and a couple of really nice moments. Yep, the leap around Kathryn’s waist. The crawling on the floor holding on to her ankles. And Kathryn is a revelation. That little high talker is an exquisite creature. She was lovely in this dance and so free. She commits completely to each dance she’s given. That ending as she’s pressing down on his back was heaven. I loved this piece. And I do want to see more from this couple. They are growing on me.

Peter/Pauline/Jazz/Wade (Little Green Basket/George Baker Selection) – Yeah, I’m not going to get on board with this Wade and Amanda co-choreographer foolishness until I see the bitch dance, mkay? Moving on, let me just say dammit, I love me some Wade Robson. Characters who got cut out of Van Gogh’s Starry Night and then come back to haunt his ass? Oh, Wade. Don’t ever change. And kiddies, the rehearsal footage just made me want to see him dance this piece. But Peter and Pauline did a more than respectable job. Normally, I’d agree with Nigel’s critique of Peter’s shoulders, but I’m pretty sure that hunched look was what Wade was going for. This movement was very reminiscent of the piece Wade set on Brandon and Janette last season, and there were even teensy bits of his Triplets of Belleville piece for Chuy and Sarah. In all of these pieces, Wade’s been playing around with body shapes, and there is a lot of hunched shoulders, tucked butts, hips pushed up and out. It’s an interesting style and I think Peter was dancing it as choreographed. And he really did stand out more than Pauline here, which was odd considering this is her style. He really got the character and inhabited it with gusto. I keep wanting more from Pauline. More power. More engagement. More commitment. Just more. She’s a lovely dancer, no doubt, but she lacks some oomph.

Ryan/Ellanore/Argentine Tango/Miriam and Leonardo (Violentango/Astor Piazolla) – Oh, boy, did the judges grade on a curve for this one. Kittens, I understand their praise for Ellanore keeping her cool in the face of the wardrobe malfunction. It is truly difficult, nigh unto impossible, to continue dancing with your heel stuck in your dress. And they didn’t lose focus or break character. Admirable, admirable. But the dance itself up to that point, and really throughout, was tentative, especially on Ellanore’s part. There wasn’t enough intensity. And on her part, definitely not enough command. I was aware at all times of Ryan and consciously registering him, which should not happen at all here. The lady is showcased in Tango, really in most ballroom pieces, and the gentleman is there to frame her and lead her. I should’ve been paying almost no attention to Ryan except as a toy for Ellanore to play with as she flicked sharp and whip fast ganchos through his legs or led him around on a string. They were fine and better than lots of previous tangos on the show, but I can’t help but compare this piece to Miriam and Leonardo’s Argentine Tango for Brandon and Janette last season and, well, there is no comparison. It was just alright.

Bottom Four: Keep Your Drink, Just Gimme the Money

Noelle (For A Reason/Shane) – I don’t get it. She’s a hair flinging, competition dancer. Every single contemporary girl left in the competition is better than her.

Victor (Mavras/Matrix Revolutions) – This kid is gorgeous. Nice control on those turns. He needed more power for this music, but he’s got lovely lines, nice quality. Yep. I like him.

Bianca (Tootsee Roll/69 Boyz) – Huge stink eye on the music choice. She’s a decent tapper, darlings. Pleasant, if unspectacular. I still just don’t like her.

Phillip (Almost Like Being in Love/Nat King Cole) – He, on the other hand, is a great tapper. So smooth, so rhythmical. Just a great old school tapper. Weak partner, though.

Eliminations: You Know It’s Over Before It Begins

Bianca and Philip

Two tappers up, two tappers down. The judges can still surprise, kittens. You'll never convince me that the only reason they kept Noelle was to avoid the inevitable outcry about unfairness that would have gone up had they ousted her this week. Imagine poor Ariana fans. The gnashing of teeth. The wailing. I'm quite positive that Unca Nigel did not want to let Bianca go this early after spending so much time on her story arc for the season. Hoist on his own petard. Ha! That's good for his ass. He should've just eliminated Noelle and Billy from the jump and saved us all a lot of aggravation. Oh well, she'll be gone soon.

So far, I have no problem with the judges send offs. Ariana was a teensy bit sad, but that was more about the way it happened than that it happened. I never had her pegged for top 10 anyway. Brandon, Philip and Bianca are all legit. Under other circumstances, I'd be doing cartwheels over losing Bianca and her secret stank this early in the game. And everyone that's left, with the exception of Noelle and Ashleigh (and maybe Channing) can really bring it. This is shaping up to be a good season after all, kiddies. If we could only find a way to get rid of the frikkin' heart hands. Gooooookkkeeeyyyyy!