SYTYCD S6 Finals Ep4 The Spice of Life

My, my, my, noodles. We got our lives spiced up tonight with a slew of new (or gone too long) choreographers. This was the strongest choreography night we’ve had in a good long while. Even the dances that wound up being terrible (Mollee/Nathan) appeared to have been well put together. Cat looked like a crazy, female Eraserhead, but that was bound to happen sooner or later. And as much as I love Shankdaddy, I’m ready for some fresh opinions up there on that judges panel. This is not idol, kittens. Check this week’s blog title. SYTYCD benefits from the very knowledgeable stable of judges they have at their disposal. Remember Dan Karaty? Sucked ass as a hip hop/pop choreographer, but I’ll be damned if he’s not a great judge. Clear and honest feedback, a good, critical eye. He was Shankdaddy before Shankdaddy was Shankdaddy. (Except not nearly so fabulous, no?) And honestly, through his constant presence on the judges panel, Shankdaddy is losing some of his shine anyway. I mean, let’s be honest, kiddies, he was blowing smoke up a lot of these kids asses last night, which he never would’ve done in the past. (Karen and Kevin, I’m looking at you) I sincerely hope they re-think this three permanent judge format, noodles. Familiarity breeds contempt.

Now Kittens, before we start to talk about the heart of the matter, can I just state that I, America, or at least the only part of it that really counts, don’t want to know anything about these kids except whether or not they can dance. That’s all. The show is called So You Think You Can Dance. No So You Think You Can Tell Me About Your Baby Handed Brother. Not So You Think You Can Make Me Care About Your ‘Flicted Ear. Not So You Think We Didn’t Already Know That You Are Gay and Enjoy Wearing Make Up on the Regular. Nope, not any of those things. So You. Think You. Can Dance. So make with the dancing. Sigh. All better now.

We are finally to the audience participation portion of our show, so let’s start at the top and work our way down. I enjoy that from time to time.

Top 2

Ashleigh/Jakob/Contemporary/Mandy Moore (Relax/Frankie Goes to Hollywood) –Can we just deal with the headband, noodles? What is that headband that the Fug Princess was wearing on her head? Oh, well. She really can’t make it any worse, can she? Kiddies, I love prop Mandy. Prop Mandy is excellent. I knew this was gonna be good from the jump. And the kids did not disappoint. Jakob was amazing. Look at that extension. One of my SYTYCD friends (the best kind) pointed out that he was a little bit Mark from Hawai’i in this routine and I must say I concur, kiddies. He had a very similar movement quality to Mark in both Wade and Mia’s group dances. And even better, that movement quality is all Jakob-fied, extended right through the pinky nail and polished until it fucking gleams. He really is a wonder. And I have to give it up to FP. She actually did really well. This was the first time she didn’t just completely disappear for me in a routine. They had a little slip with the cane, but that is a hard prop to master. I love it all, darlings. Loved the look as well. And Unca Nigel nailed it with the Joel Grey comparisons. Awesome.

Noelle/Russell/Afro Jazz/Sean Cheesman (Frog Dance/Mickey Hart & Planet Drum) – I don’t care what Shankdaddy says, Afro Jazz is not a thing. It’s some made up shit like “lyrical” and “Pop” that dance studios sell to folks to make more money from lessons. And while you can certainly blend African technique with jazz, which has deep roots in African traditional and tribal dance anyway, that doesn’t make it a thing. I fell quite strongly about that. Sorry to the millions of dancers affiliated with the afro jazz community. Kittens, despite the crank, I just loved this piece. Russell was showing good technique from the very beginning and can the show please, please, now leave off with the untrained dancer BS? It’s so, so tired. So anyway, Russell was marvelous. Noelle was there. She messed up on some of the African movement just there before the skirt came off, but she hung in a lot better than I thought she would. Still should’ve gone home week one, but she wasn’t the train wreck she was in the hip hop piece. And there were some truly beautiful moments in this routine: nice end over end flips, a beautiful turn with bent leg and flexed foot. All around a smashing debut for Ms. Cheesman. I hope to see much more of him.

The Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations

Karen/Kevin/Hustle/Maria Torres (Come to Me/France Joli) – I do not worry about Karen’s ability to attract a new man, kiddies, do you? She is, after all, a total sex bomb. And she continued to turn it out here. She hit gorgeous lines. And as Shankdaddy noted, she really showed a quiet command of the stage. She was soft and yet still drew you into her performance. Sadly, I thought Kevin really was not that great in this piece. His shoulders were up around his ears. He was really struggling with a lot of those lifts, not the smoothest things ever. It was pretty clear that he just doesn’t really know how to partner yet. He did have a couple of really outstanding moments,pPretty jete, pretty battement. But I honestly didn’t understand the judge’s effusiveness. I thought the two of them simply got through it.

Kathryn/Legacy/Broadway/Andy Blankenbhueler (I Wanna Be Like You/Swinging Fireballs) – See, noodles? Broadway can be fun when you keep Tasty’s grubby little fingers off of it. I thought the routine was super cute. And I continue to be pleasantly surprised by Legacy. Much of the choreo was pretty basic, but that is often true of Broadway style where you may have cast members who are not dance specialists AND everyone is trying to dance and sing and emote all the way to the back of the house at the same time they are dancing. So yeah, the routine may have been more character work than technically demanding, but still Legacy worked it out. He got the character of the dance and he hit the moves. (Though I loved Shankman’s advice about the softness in his hands. I so enjoy the increase in the quality of the feedback that Shankdaddy has brought to the kids and the other judges. He is making Mary and Nigel step up their game and actually critique these kids, not just scream about Mexican street food or ask parents to show them their asses) And what of Kathryn, who’s been on such a role these first two weeks? Well, kiddies, I see what the judges were saying to the High Talker. She could’ve brought a more grown up intensity, an anger, but with underlying love and maybe sexual frustration layering underneath that. But let’s face it, darlings. Is Kathryn really all that deep? And character is only a portion of the dance. Kathryn is a gorgeous creature. This routine gave the pair some killer moves; that one point where she dropped down to have her weight supported by his leg and then he kicked her back up into a standing position? Fantastic. And they have great chemistry. Mary. Yes, they do. I enjoyed it and felt the judges kind of threw Kathryn under the bus. Wonder what’s that all about.

Channing/Victor/Contemporary/Stacey Tookey (Be By Your Love/Rachael Yamagata) – These two came ever so close to landing in my personal B3. And not because they danced horribly. No, they were fine. Victor, as usual, had some very nice moments. They both were nice and grounded and displayed solid centers and nice lines. And it was all so very boring. There was no connection between them whatsoever. I’m beginning to think that Channing just can’t pull it off. And there was no emotional connection to the piece. And on that note, this piece was so similar to . . . well, pretty much every piece Stacey has done for the show, no? Noodles, I’m slightly worried. I enjoy Stacey’s choreography, but I hope this thing – this tortured lovers, push/pull, emo thing – is not the only thing that she has cooking, no? Because that would be unfortunate. Shankdaddy was on the monkey crack here. This was far from what these two should have been capable of delivering. The table was set for them and they kind of blew their chance. They didn’t bring it like it should be broughten by two contemporary specialists. They’re not in my B3, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see them in the actual B3 come tomorrow.

Bottom 3

Pauline/Peter/Quickstep/JT & Thomas (Hey Baby/Big Kahuna and the Copa Somebodys) – Dun Dun DUN. (Side note: I just want to say that there is a special hell for folks who try to capitalize on those with identified special needs for the own personal gain and if there is any justice in this world, Peter will burn in that hell forever. No. No. NO. If you do it just b/c you are such a good person, then don’t come on bragging about it) Pauline is so adorable and Peter really did catch that On The Town spirit. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but wonder as I watched that number’s opening when they were actually going to start the Quickstep? There was precious little ballroom content in this dance. And what there was was not of the good, kiddies. Oh, my. For most of the routine, Peter looked like he was just running around. He was so heavy footed. Not light at all. Pauline was a little better, but overall that routine was so sub-par. Technically, it lacked a lot. And while I was glad to have Mary let her ballroom expert personality take over for a minute to school these fools, what was she smoking. Because, kittens, I mean, really? So basically, the dance sucked ass, but they were cute and entertaining? And for that, we should be contented? Riiiiggghht.

Ellenore/Ryan/Hip Hop/Lil C (Lost Boyiz Anthem/The Jai Squad) – Oh, we could tell this was going to be a train wreck from the bumper to commercial, no? They already looked crazy. The crack whores have been sooo much better this season, darlings. I guess they’ve been saving it all up for this one routine. And Ryan. Oh, oh, oh. Ryan. No, baby, no! Y’all, there’s not enough pretty in the world to make what he did on that stage OK. Ellenore was trying. There may have even been a moment or two where she was sort of, kind of working it out. But they never matched. They were never hitting together. Forget about hitting everything equally hard, there were many, many times when they weren’t even on beat, with the music or with each other. And once again, Shankdaddy’s need to say something nice made me have to agree with Nigel. Oh, Shankdaddy. Fight the power. And just as an aside, I believe that in the Nigel v. Shankman hip hop-ology battle, I’m gonna go with the man who has actually directed a hip hop dance movie over a snaggle toothed, Farrah haired, British man whose retrograde race/class/gender issues with regard to the genre completely compromise his opinions on what constitutes proper hip hop technique. Won’t you join me in my skepticism, noodles, and let’s all give Unca Nigel a big ol’ stink eye, shall we?

Mollee/Nathan/Salsa/Gustavo Vargas (Qimbara/Celia Cruz) – I’m glad they finally found a replacement for Alex da Rapist. And the costumes were a good look for both of them. Thus ends the complimentary portion of our review. It was painful. If I started to list everything I hated about this routine, well, I’d still be writing when it came time for me to go to work in the morning. No hip action, too stiff, bad topline, bad synchronization even in the side by side moves, lousy tricks, missed hand connections. Oof. I had to look away, kittens, like at some horrific crime scene. And just so I understand what Mary was trying to say in her critique, she could’ve gotten over the side by side nastiness, the missed connections, the hips, the footwork, if only they’d been able to sell the performance better? Horsefeathers. I know they want these kids in the top 10, but seriously, stop lying.

Bottom 3, American Style

So you know my personal bottom 3, but will that be the actual bottom 3? Not, I fear, if all of the hopped up tweens with too much time on their hands, too many hours of Disney Channel under their belts, and their pre-paid cellular phones tailor made for texting have anything to say about it. I think of my personal B3, only Ellenore/Ryan are a lock. I wouldn’t be surprised if Peter/Pauline joined them, even well done Quickstep having never proven to be a huge vote getter. The #3 spot will most likely not be Nathan/Mollee. In their absence, I think either Channing/Victor (for not being outstanding in their own styles) or Kevin/Karen (for going first and being only meh) could be in for a trip to the back of the bus.

Homeward Bound

If only we could get rid of Mollee and Peter. Alas, Nigel will not want to let go of a cute blonde, nor do I think he’ll want to rid himself of the last tapper standing. Kittens, I can see this week as the first eliminations that I might have a real problem with. I can easily see Ellenore getting the boot for being too quirky, or Pauline for being too much in the bottom already. For the guys, I’m scared they’ll let Kevin go and put all their hip hop eggs in Russell and/or Legacy's basket, should he and Karen hit B3. That would not be OK.

Here we go, kittens. Let’s see how close I am to the pulse of the people this year.