SYTYCD S6 Finals Ep2 Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Turn and face the strange, kittens. Cat may be trying to distract us in her lovely red mini-cheongsam, but that doesn’t change the fact that we have a ton of the weird and the wonderful right here in the first episode of our beloved show. The lovely and talented Billy Bell is out. H1N1? Mono? Gone into a soap opera style coma? We don’t know, and the show ain’t telling, because faster than you can say c-o-n-spiracy related rumors, Brandon Dumlao is on our screens doing his intro dance in. BTW, Jakob, Russell, Nathan, and Victor in the dance ins? Killing it. That’s how it’s done, kiddies. And was that Nathan giving us a little pop, lock and drop it action? I see you baby. Shaking that ass.

And as we’re contemplating the prospect of no guest judges ever this season, just endlessly waiting for Paula, let’s all keep in mind that Shankdaddy got off perhaps the best line of the night (in and amongst some very snappy judge patter) by riffing on the mellifluous Lil C. I hope they do have guest judges this season, don’t you? They will be missed otherwise. That said, give me some Paula, dammit! You know she’s just sitting around drinking wine in a box and poking pins in her Simon Fuller and Cecile Frot-Coutaz voodoo dolls.

I thought long and hard . . . well, hard but not too long ‘cause, you know, I wanted to get something up for you, darlings. All for you. But anyway, I thought hard about how to approach tonight’s performances. Because they were all, for the most part, decent, no? There was nothing that really stood out as horrible. But there were also very few that leapt off the screen, only three by my count. So let’s just take them in order, shall we, and see what’s what.

Partner Dances

Channing/Philip/Jive/Jason Gilkison (Rockin’ Robin/Jackson Five) – Well, this song has been destroyed for me by frikkin’ Tattoo Sleeve, so this pair was already starting out in a hole. But in general, I like this pairing and think these two should do well together. And they were super cute in rehearsals. For the most part, they danced it well. Philip started off very strongly, great posture and nicely down into the floor. His style of tap, I think, lends itself to this smooth, old school ballroom Jive that Jason churned out. He did flag past the half way mark, as Unca Nigel noted, but overall, I thought he showed some solid technique. Channing was tentative from the start. She pulled it off, but there was a lot of hesitation in her movements. The foot on the back flip and pull through the legs was unfortunate and did cause them to “hunker down” as Adam noted. (And can I just say that Shankdaddy was on fire tonight. Loving him on the panel, noodles!) Overall, it was fun and forgettable. I had completely forgotten what they’d danced by the time we reached the recap. To end on a good note, kiddies, the costumes were gorgeous and appropriate. Well done, crack whores. Let’s enjoy while we can, though, because it’s about to get really bad.

Ashleigh/Jakob/Broadway/Tyce (Hit Me With A High Note [And Watch Me Bounce]) – Noooooooo. Dear dog, stop letting Tasty do Broadway. And my beautiful, beautiful Jakob paired up with Ashleigh? Again, I say “Noooooooooo.” I hate you sometimes, Show. I hate you so very much. And nobody cares about Ashleigh’s sob story. And really, kittens, I hadn’t quite processed it, but old girl is a total Monet. Her face is twelve ways busted. And TMI on all of your relationship business. THANK you, Cat Deeley. Bah, I just hate this tramp. She cannot leave soon enough. This was one of Tasty’s better Broadway efforts, not quite as overtly a Fosse rip off as other routines have been. The routine was elevated beyond where it naturally would have been because, as Mr. Shankman shared with the class, Jakob is a dance god walking among us. I mean, come on. That Illusion turn? The clean jetes with the air time for hours? He gets up higher than Jordan. Holy smokes, darlings. His every movement has intention behind it. Did Ashleigh even dance? We know that she didn’t help at all in the lifts, just kind of lay their like a sack of potatoes. But Jakob? He’s riveting. Moving forward, Ashleigh has got to step it up. If she can. Finish her lines. Extend through the fingertips. Mary is selling a bill of goods on this girl. She’s really on the bottom end of the remaining female dancers. And she will be saved week after week by the brilliance of her partner. Jakob Karr is the truth.

Ariana/Peter/Hip Hop/NappyTab (Black & Gold/Sam Sparro) - Sigh. So, they are supposed to be horny robots? Really? I didn’t have high hopes for this concept, but this routine actually turned out to be some of NappyTab’s best work in a really long time. Sadly, for them, these two didn’t give it all that they could have. And then Dave Scott came with his A game and blew them out of the water. But this had things to like. I really did like the beginning. The slow work was nice. Very crisp. And Peter actually impressed. That kid has some b-boy moves. I was not knowing. Both of them started off doing really well, but it all fell apart when the tempo picked up. They got out of synch, and Peter was hitting much harder than Ariana. The crack whores in wardrobe also took this moment to lose their damn minds, which didn’t help things at all. This was a pleasant and wholly forgettable routine. I wish they had done better, because they are both quite likeable.

Noelle/Russell/Foxtrot/Tony and Melanie (Vagabond Shoes/Vic Damone) – And here is another couple tailor made for hating. The rehearsal footage revealed that Noelle is truly an idiot and just as annoying as first impressions augured. And what’s worse, the bitch put my Russell at risk. Hell to the naw. Why the show just didn’t send this trick home (especially if the rumors are true and she had a pre-existing knee condition that she chose not to reveal to the producers) is beyond me. But she couldn’t dance, so Russell got lucky and pulled Melanie, whose hair looked absolutely insane. He was fortunate to be able to dance with such a strong partner. And Tony and Melanie were very smart with their choreography. That said, they young sir more than held his own. He really had a feel for the mood of the dance; and as the judges pointed out, the character work was superb and he stayed in character throughout. And did you check the battement he unleashed with full extension and a lovely pointed foot? This kid is a star. The technique was, as Mary noted, respectable. Yes, the steps in hold got a little bit sloppy, and sure the rise and fall wasn’t all the way there. But he more than held his own. The fact that this performance landed Russell in the B2 while Noelle sat on her ass in the audience and gets a free pass to next week is bullshit. This kid’s a star, noodles. Please recognize.

Bianca/Victor/Contemporary/Travis Wall (Wasted Time/Me’Shell Ndegeocello) – I was all set to tee these two up as a throw away couple, but the more I see of Victor, the more I fall head over heels for this kid. And Travis Wall as a choreographer is just a monster. The piece was gorgeous. He turned it all the way out. It was sexy as hell and intricate, and demanding, and did I mention sexy, kiddies? Because damn! As for the dancing, well Victor is a revelation. There was a gorgeous passage with him just walking and Bianca rolling on the floor that he commanded with a majestic presence. And that triply pirouette that he threw and then just pulled it into a dead stop and walked out of it like nothing? That was sick. The control was amazing. And as much as I hate Bianca, I must give props where they are due. Darlings, she held her own. I saw where Shankman was going with the shoulders and the need to get a better toe point and to really finish her moves, but Bianca surprised me with her abandon. She gave herself up to the dance and matched Victor’s intensity, if not his artistry. And she had some moment in there that were really quite lovely. There was a very quite couple of counts where Victor was in a deep plie in second and she was lying in his arms facing him and she did a couple of deep body rolls and that little moment was smoldering. This was one of my faves of the nights, noodles. Impressive.

Karen/Kevin/Cha Cha/Tony and Melanie (Push It/Glee Cast Recording) – Kittens, I love Glee as much as the next fag hag, but Push It is not appropriate music for Cha Cha. Mmmkay? Alright-y then. Kevin’s career as a model is the cutest thing ever. I am loving this kid. And Karen is a firecracker. Another good pairing in the works. Karen worked that stage. She was sex on a stick and Mary put her on the damn train as she should have. Let’s just get this out of the way. Kevin also did a really good job. He had nice hip action. He got down into the floor. He really embraced the flavor of the dance, including the black mesh shirt with open chest! And he showcased his lady, which is what a good ballroom lead does. Was the pretzel unfortunate? Is Dick Cheney evil? But on the whole, well done.

Ellenore/Ryan/Contemporary/Sonya (Arcadia/Apparat) – Ryan is a sexy beast, kiddies. God damn, that man is fine! How inconvenient. How can I hate him properly when he’s so, so pretty? You know how shallow I am. I enjoyed this piece. It was challenging. There was an interesting movement quality. It was conceptual but it was also beautiful. And they danced it well for the most part. Ryan, in particular, had a couple of really nice moments, like that turn sequence. I do think that they could have let go a little more and the piece would’ve been even better. I can’t help but imagine what say Jeanine and Brandon might have done with this piece last season. With a touch more abandon to the movement, they could’ve really had something. As it was, the choreography was more interesting than the dancers. I think they will get better as they come to now each other. I can see this developing into a solid pairing. They are well suited to each other. And Ryan? The man is fine. Let’s keep him shirtless as much as we possibly can, crack whores. And in eyeliner, trannys. I know how much you like that. And I do, too.

Brandon/Pauline/Smooth Waltz/Jason Gilkison (You Light Up My Life/Whitney Houston) – The only thing I was thinking during this dance was how much I miss Billy. And there’s Brandon’s problem in a nutshell. He’s not Billy. Billy would have killed in this Smooth Waltz. Or at least, he would have had a better chance to kill than Brandon did. And he would’ve been a stronger partner for Pauline. Unfortunately, Billy is not here this season, and Brandon and Pauline drew the short end of the stick with a style far outside of their comfort zone. The side by side work at the beginning was quite nice. But the partner work in hold? Oof. Brandon was really lacking here. Adam gave him great advice about the port de bras, and just more generally about engaging his back and core more. You could see he was trying to pull up and to bring the right carriage to the piece. But he’s just not quite there yet. I know, sometimes I question the wisdom of the judges, kiddies, but I totally see what the thinking was here. He needs a little more seasoning before he’s ready for the big stage. Pauline was fine, I guess, but she did lack a little sparkle. I would, too, I suppose, if I’d just lost Billy as my partner.

Kathryn/Legacy/Hip Hop/Dave Scott (On & On/Missy Elliot) – Dave Scott really brought it tonight. I hope this is the start of a move away from two NappyTab hip hop routines per week. Kittens, that’s how it’s done. Cool concept and really great choreography. And surprise, surprise, surprise, the high talker put her foot in this routine. She shocked the hell out of me. Not only was she better than I thought she would be, but she was also just flat out good. Hard hitting and rhythmical. Playful and fully committed. She more than held her own with Legacy, who was also fantastic in this piece. I loved the freeze he hit where she looked like she was holding him up by the foot. On the whole, these two put it down. So much so that Mary lost her whole entire mind. Well, even more than usual. But back to Dave Scott, did Nigel say 6’2”, darlings? I could do some damage with that. Dave Scott needs to call me. For real.

Mollee/Nathan/Disco/Doriana (Turn the Beat Around/Gloria Estefan) – The routine sucked ass. It was a trick festival, as all Doriana routines are. And it featured the unfortunate return of the cunniliftus. Nonetheless, Mollee and Nathan danced what they were given with abandon and youthful élan. And the non-cunnilingus lifts were quite good. I can’t even really comment because there wasn’t a lot of actual dance content in that dance. What they did, they did well. Oh, and I hate the pairing. I know they are trying to sell this couple as the teen dreams, but should I ever find out what overpriced apartment complex they have these kids sequestered in, I suspect that I will go there and do violence on Mollee. She works my every last nerve and I would like to make her cry. Good dancer, though, kittens. At least there’s that. That was certainly no way to end the performance show. And Shankdaddy hates disco, too! My love for him grows and grows.

B4

Russell in B4 was bullshit. I truly think the judges put him there just because they wanted to see him dance. And I get that. Who wouldn’t want to see him dance? He’s magnificent. And his DOD was one of the best ever on the show in any style, and definitely the best first results show DOD ever. Brandon’s DOD was a head scratcher. I will never understand why he chose to spend copious amounts of time rolling around on the floor when he was supposed to be dancing for his life, not that I think it would have ever mattered because who didn’t know that he was going home? But still. Neither Ariana nor Pauline made very good impressions in their DODs, and Pauline’s choice of music made absolutely no sense. Unless you are going to dance samba, don’t ever choose Magalenha. The more you know.

Out

Bye bye Brandon. I sincerely hope they do let him come back next year because I think he’s’ very talented and he kind of got the shaft. They should’ve just let Pauline dance with Tony and put her with whichever boy was left without a partner this week from girls' elimination. That by rights should have been Russell. It’s completely unfair that Noelle has a shot to come back next week after sitting out the first performance show. Sadly, Pauline’s new partner next week will be Peter because Ariana’s gone. I would’ve kept Pauline over Ariana, too, because I think Pauline has more potential, but damn, noodles. What a way to go. When you know there’s someone undeserving waiting in the wings to take your spot. If Noelle's knee looks as bad as it seemed to be (and if it really is the result of a pre-existing injury), what are the odds that she’ll be ready to go by next week? And if she’s not, do they bring Ariana back? And if they do, do they then break up Peter/Pauline (which seems like a horrible couple) to put Ariana back with her original partner and make Pauline switch yet again to Russell? Do they keep Peter with Pauline and bring Ariana back and pair her with Russell? Do they do an all shuffle like in the good old S1 days? It’s a clusterfuck, kittens. And it was completely avoidable. Just off Billy and Noelle this week and move on. Why do we have to think of everything?

On the whole, a satisfying evening of TV. I don’t have any love them to death couples yet, but I do have some love them to death contestants (all men). See you next week. Rassen frassin baseball. Remember when the Fall Classic actually happened during the fall, not stretched into damn near early winter? Good times. Good times.