SYTYCD S7 Ep5 Don’t Call It a Comeback

Now that’s how you close a show, kittens! Almost 24 hours and I’m still trying to take the unfortunately clad yet still fabulous Cat Deeley’s advice to breathe, just breathe. Alex Motherfucking Wong, y’all! I just . . . it was . . . I mean . . . there are no words. And to think there were doubters and haters after last week’s Tyce induced lackluster performance where Alex only turned it halfway out rather than all the way out as he usually does. But darlings, that little Asian phenom was back with a vengeance last night, no? In fact, the whole show came roaring back from a sleepy second week show and produced some high quality reality teevee entertainment. I confess, kiddies, it’s been hard for me to sort out my feelings about this year’s top 10. All so talented, so closely matched, and save Alex and Billy Bell, none really stepping up to claim the mantle of “favorite”. But last night Shankdaddy clarified things for us all. It’s Alex Wong’s world. The rest of us are just living in it. So let’s deal with the man himself right up front and then rank order everyone else, shall we? They’re all playing for second at this point anyway. Could Alex be the first “best technical dancer” of the season to also wind up as America’s Favorite Dancer? Well, you bitches are fickle, but if you’ve got any sense, and Alex keeps serving it like he did last night, he may as well get ready for the confetti.

Your Presumptive Season 7 Champion

I enjoyed the introduction of the solos because most of the kids brought it, but what I’d really like to see is two dances per competitor from here on out. The group is small enough at this point and with two dances each week, we might get more same sex partners which would be amazing if all of the partnerships produced the high caliber of dance we got out of Alex and Twitch. Also, at the rate we’re going, we’ll have an all boys top 5 which might mean no more Mark from Hawai’i on my screen and the absence of Mark from my TV screen last night was my one great sadness of the episode. Whither Mark, noodles. Can you imagine a Mark/Alex contemporary piece? I KNOW!

Alex and Twitch/NappyTab/Hip Hop/Outta Your Mind - That was the shit. Alex Wong shut it down. He's so phenomenal, he even made sub par choreographers like NappyTab look like geniuses. I want Twitch and Alex to form a crew and compete on ABDC. I want Alex to join the League of Extraordinary Dancers and make that group even extraordinarier. Kiddies, Alex Wong is taking this show to a whole other level. He's just on another level so far above all these other kids it's kind of not fair. Alex Fucking Wong. There are no words.

Alex Solo/Rule of the Planet - Work, dammit! He is fierce.

Your Potential Season 7 Runners Up

But it wasn’t just all about Alex last night. Well, OK. Maybe it was all about Alex last night. But kittens, other kids were good, too. Unexpected kids were good. Of course, only a few have a reasonable chance to play second fiddle to Alex on this season’s finale extravaganza, and a couple of them weren’t even all that great last night. So let’s examine those lucky few, this band of brothers, who have the distinction of perhaps knowing what it feels like to be a heartbeat away from getting what you really, really want.

Billy and Kathryn/Stacey Tookey/Contemporary/Jar of Hearts – Billy was problematic last night, noodles. I wanted to like this routine so much more than I did. There were lovely moments in it. That one part where they were seated on the ground back to back and then they used each other's bodies and weight to roll up to a standing position? Magically delicious! But some of the lifts were shaky shaky. It's pretty clear that Billy hasn't done a lot of partnering. More than technique, as the judges pointed out, what lacked was connection. Connection to his partner. Connection to the story they were telling. The dance was technically proficient but kind of cold and clinical. So sad. I still love Billy, though. I mean, did you see his solo? Sadly, this is a show that focuses on dancing with a partner. And Billy has been slightly underwhelming at that aspect of things for three weeks running. I gave him a pass for week one because . . . Tyce. Enough said. Week two, another pass. Billy and Krump were never meant to live together harmoniously. But this week? After dancing in his own style with a phenomenal partner and still being slightly underwhelming and at the same time watching Alex destroy worlds while being just as far outside his comfort zone as Billy was last week? Darlings, I am running out of pitiful passes. Billy needs to come correct next week.

Billy Solo/Something Bigger, Something Better – I can’t front on the solo, though. Incredible. Ridiculous. Extension. Control. Passion. Abandon. Everything.

Kent and Allison/Mandy Moore/Jazz/Heartburn – First things first, kiddies. Mandy didn't use a cheesy 80's pop song? My world, it is all asunder. Just like last week, I didn't buy Kent at all in the piece. Hungry jazz face. Ha! I love Adam Shankman. Kent just came off very forced and false. His technique was on point, as usual, but the judges were right. It was very dance recital. On his part. Because Allison was serving. Sassy! Kent really needs to mature and fast. I think he’s working overtime to fill the mugging void left by Robert toning it down a couple of notches. Kent, no, baby! Some voids need to remain unfilled. On a side note, really TrannyHos? Last week, you put the baby in bondage gear. This week, he got a tux, OK, but the suspenders were on all crickywhackwhichaway making him look like the little ring bearer at his hot older brother’s fundie wedding to the Wapokeneta town virgin and the mom let the little ring bearer dress himself because she thought it was so cute and everyone smiles and “Awwws” and nods, but then the bride’s pictures come out looking ten ways busted because the kid’s suspenders are all out of whack and she has to spend the rest of her life with a fucked up wedding album even though that’s all she has to remember hot brother by after he’s left her for their pool boy because, much like Kent, don’t you just know that hot youth pastor brother is not so secretly gay? In other words, TrannyHos, step up your game.

Kent Solo/Down – When he lets go and does more dancing than mugging for the camera, he is joy. This kid just has a light inside him that's glorious. Even with the somewhat frenetic, floor routine style choreo in this solo.

Jose and Anya/Dmitri/Samba/Long Time – I kind of don’t believe at all that Jose has any chance in hell of copping the number two spot this season because honestly, kiddies, he is technically lacking in skills both inside and outside of his dance genre. However, Nigel does love him some street dancer vs. technical dancer drama, and this kid is another one who just has the “it” thing that people are always talking about. Charisma and charm for days. And in this routine, darlings, he was kind of “Wow.” I may have slightly loved it. Was it technically correct? Well, no. But Jose worked the shit out of it. He brought that Latin machismo and swagger to the table and he owned that dance. He connected with Anya. He was there for her. He was a strong, commanding lead. He was sexy as hell. I watched him as much as I watched her. So yeah, I loved it.

Jose Solo/Superbad – And here’s why he won’t make top 2. On the real, darlings, he's just not that great of a b-boy. When I think of the really awesome breakers they've had on the show . . . Dom and Gev and Legacy . . . Jose's nothing special compared to them.

Your Season 7 Dancers on the Come Up

This surprising group of dancers is really growing on me. After last night’s episode, I can say that I like them. I really, really like them. And for TBC, I must simply say strange. She’s turned me around faster than anyone ever on this show before. A little of that good old fashioned hating crept it’s way back in after viewing her technically proficient yet soullessly creepy solo, but mad props to her for turning it around in her last two partner dances. Since we’re already at it, let’s just start with her, shall we family?

Lauren and Neil/Joey Dowling/Jazz/Let Me Entertain You – Let the record show that was a great routine from Joey. Seriously, why do they let Tasty keep doing Broadway? It can be a lot of fun, witty and demanding and beautifully danced when it’s done correctly. Someone in production needs to just nut up and tell Tyce that he can’t do Broadway anymore. The bitch wasn’t even good enough to make it as second dancer to the left in the Broadway production of A Chorus Line so why do we think he’s good enough to choreograph in that style for this show for dancers of the caliber of the ones they have this season? Oh, we don’t? Well, then. Next, I gotta give it up to TBC for working it in spite of almost having a Janet level wardrobe malfunction. And overall? She kinda turned it out. Her technique was flawless as usual, and I feel like she continues to grow in her connection to her partners. I barely saw her playing to the audience or to the cameras at all. She was very there and present with Neil. And maybe she didn't 100% get there with the character, but I liked her more in this piece than I ever have.

Lauren Solo/Unchained Melody - Return of the hair flipping, inappropriately smiling TBC. Fantastic. So I can go back to hating on her now.

Adechike and Lauren/Dave Scott/Hip Hop/Hot 'n Fun – Kittens, you know I normally do not deal with the pre-dance interview packages, but I have to with Adechike because his idol is Desmond Richardson and he's the truth and I would do just about anything to have Desmond Richardson on my screen and be able to talk about Desmond Richardson. So Adechike’s dance inspiration is Desmond Richardson and that alone made him eligible for inclusion in this On the Come Up section. And lo and behold, the spirit of Desmond was with him last night because that's the best he's ever danced. It was a darling routine, noodles; intricate and fun. Adechike showed personality and spark for the first time ever. He hit hard when he needed to, smoothed it out as appropriate. He really got into the character, all Carlton Banks with a teeny bit of swag. Bonus points since he made me forget about Lauren almost completely. Good job.

Adechike Solo/Ruthless Gravity - Amazing. So grounded and fluid and powerful. That was a grown ass man dancing. Where has that dancer been all season? I think it was the best solo of the night, even better than Alex Fucking Wong. Adechike came to play, kiddies.

Your Season 7 Dancers Most Likely to Have Not Even Made the Tour in Any Other Normal Top 20 Season

Ashley and Ade/Dee Casperey/Contemporary/Cosmic Love – Noodles, enough with the contemporary for this girl. However, for a second, I thought they announced the choreographer as Diddy and had that been the case, this would've automatically been my favorite SYTYCD routine of all time. Alas, it wasn't Diddy. Still, decent routine. A little competition 101 hair flingy for me, but I thought it was danced beautifully. There were a couple of holds where Ashley had her legs held straight out in front of her or was on her belly with arched back that were crazy difficult and demanded great strength and control which she delivered. And the ending was gorgeous. She still doesn't really connect for me, but I can't deny she has a great quality of movement. It’s just that she’s so forgettable. For all that she has facility as a dancer, she has no personality or presence. Definitely a female Adechike before Adechike had his “Come to Jesus” moment. She either needs to get one of her own or get to stepping, no?

Ashley Solo/Royal T - She wasted the first 10 seconds standing around and the rest was a hair flinging, trick throwing nightmare.

Robert and Courtney/Sonya/Jazz/XXXO - Sonya has such a hard on for this kid, and I’ll admit that when the season started I wanted to love him, too. But as the weeks passed and he turned out to be a cheesy bastard who, while not a wholly unpleasant dancer, was revealed to have picked up some of the more unseemly traits of competition kids, well, I had to look at the evidence and give up on my early impressions. This kid is just not that good yet, which doesn’t mean he might not one day be good. He does know how to inhabit a character and really get the feel of a dance. (In that way and that way only is he akin to Mark. All other comparisons between this kid and Mark must cease and desist immediately, kittens. Like Mark? He only wishes he could bring the fabulous like that) However, when it comes to dance ability, Robert is just OK. I totally got what Mia and Shankdaddy were saying. He dances very light. Like lots of competition kids, he’s got flash and tricky dazzle, but there's not a lot of heft to him. The plié example, I thought, was kind of genius. Watch Robert's plié as opposed to Alex's plié. It's like Designer Imposters vs. Chanel No. 5. I was really impressed in that piece by Courtney, however. She tore it up.

Robert Solo/Hold You In My Arms - Now this? Darlings, this I loved. Talk about grounded! Just those few walks forward at the beginning? Heaven. That was really really good. He has potential this one. Just not all the way there yet.

Your Season 7 Cedric Memorial Shouldn’t Have Been Saved by the Judges Dancer

Do we have to, kiddies? Alright. Let’s deal with Not So Secret Stank. The bitch was bad and needs to go home. That’s all.

Melinda and Pasha/Fabian Sanchez/Salsa/Quimbara - Eewwwww. They do salsa the week after Cristina goes home? That’s foul. Shout out to the new choreographer. That was a difficult routine. He didn’t cut this couple much slack unlike some others who shall remain nameless but are often found shirtless and hot and Russian and may or may not at one time have been boy toys of one Miss Mary Murphy. Sadly, Melinda and Pasha didn’t rise to the challenge. That routine was sloppy from the jump. The last trick, the cartwheel flip, was labored and I believe they almost missed it. Sloppy feet. Sloppy arms. Hip action not great. Yick. A little heresy here? Pasha's not a great salsa dancer either. A little too stiff backed. Now that's not surprising as salsa is probably not a dance he does very often, let alone competes in. But it just made for a routine where I didn't really care to watch either one of them. Now Mia and Shankdaddy think they made a mistake keeping Not So Secret Stank over Cristina? Whatever. I hope Cristina meets up with both Mia and Shankdaddy some day in a dark alley and puts a foot in that ass.

Melinda Solo/Empire State of Mind - Best thing she's done on the show. That’s not saying much. I still want her gone.

Bottom Three

Melinda is a given. Every week until she goes home. I would like to see Kent hit B3 this week, though I don't think he will. It would be a good reality check for him. The third spot could go to Ashley for continuing to be aggressively nondescript. Could be Adechike despite his best week ever for performing early and being good but not great. Maybe even Billy for being underwhelming with a great partner and in his own style.

Noodles, every week it's crazy hard to choose a B3 because no one is really bad or out of their depth. In fact, they're all really freakin' good, even the stank ones and the boring ones. So it's anyone's ballgame. For my money, they're all playing for the chance to be runner up to Alex Frikkin' Wong. He's a beast.