SYTYCD S6 Auditions Ep 3 Wicked Game

Kittens, when did this show turn into So You Think You Can Be Annoying? Did I miss the memo? Despite the lovely and adorable Cat Deeley being even lovelier and adorabler than usual (if such thing is even possible), the show found a way to work my every last nerve last night, starting off with having Tasty Oreo front and center on my judges panel. Noodles, you know I love this show more than many of my pairs of shoes, but I just can’t if they are now deciding that spending five minutes showing reaction shots to Tasty breaking wind counts as entertainment. And while Unca Nigel and Co. do better than Idol at keeping the bad contestant shenanigans to an acceptable minimum, did we really need to spend that much time with Grampy Smurf? If I wanted to watch delusional old people and farting, I’d switch over to Dancing with the Stars and catch Tom Delay. I watch SYTYCD to see good dancing and relevant critiques of same. Don’t make me hurt you, show, is what I’m trying to say.

But there was good along with the trying last night, no? I have hope for this season’s contestants. I’m especially encouraged by all the hip hop talent that’s been coming across the stage. After a couple of seasons of death by NappyTab and a severely underwhelming outing for ABDC this summer, it would be fabulous to enjoy hip hop on TV again. Let’s peruse the contenders and the confounders from our time in Beantown, shall we?

The Contenders

Cat Deeley – Always. I continue to be charmed by her crazy mad fashion. Such a lovely peach blouse paired with . . . a gold plated, Mr. T medallion. And then she got down on the ground in her 7 for All Mankind jeans and busted some crazy B-Boy pose. And then she tried out her best Boston Brahmin accent. And then, there she was giving the side eye to Gene, the wannabe sex machine. Fascinating creature. Don’t ever change!

Jean Loretz – Kiddies, rocking those Sean Paul braids, this dude had me from the jump. Y’all know my mysterious weakness for Sean Paul. And I’ll admit, I had a moment’s trepidation when he started out with the modified salsa steps. But once he started in on the B-Boy moves? This kid is insane. I don’t know how the round the world thing he did is even physically possible. He’s hype. No doubt. I was surprised that they passed him straight through to Vegas, given what happened to the rest of the hip hop dancers, but I will be happy to see him again because he is fine and he can dance his ass off in his style. Hope he can do other things as well.

Kimara Wood – We saw about two seconds of him and it was glorious, wasn’t it? In addition to displaying some impressive jumps and seemingly lovely technique, this kid is easy on the eyes. Heavenly.

Channing Cook – Noodles, marvel at all the learning and growing that I am doing. Last season, Kayla taught me the error of writing off the perky blonde girls as hair flinging nightmares. So when Channing came on my screen, I actually thought, “Cute. I hope her dancing lives up to her perky personality.” I know! Crazy. But then the best thing ever happened. She turned out to be a lovely, strong dancer. Great lines. Good control. She definitely lacks polish and I see why they sent her to choreography. I think she may be too immature as a dancer to make it all the way through Vegas this year, but she was more than pleasant to watch, and I’ll be interested to see her in the coming rounds.

Russell Ferguson – Is OMG amazing. My word, darlings! I must agree with Nigel that he is by far the best krumper they have ever had on the show. If they were going to pass a street dancer straight through to Vegas, why on earth wasn’t it him? Any dancer with the level of body control that this kid displayed in his routine will be able to pick up other styles. Trust that this is so. And he has charisma for days and a smile that lights up a room. If he can hold on to all that swagger through the demands of Vegas, I can see him in the Top 20 for sure.

The Confounders

Ryan Casey – Awkward on the top, party on the bottom. Once this kid learns what to do with his arms and his upper body, he will be a monster. He could be the next Tommy Tune (which I was expecting Tasty to point out since he’s the Broadway guy – oh, wait, Tommy Tune never did Chicago. Never mind). 6’8” is a lot of body, as Ryan himself pointed out. And 18 is very young. This kid has a ton of up side. That said, he won’t ever really be right for this show, darlings. Who would you partner him with?

Fabio “Breeze” Jenkins – He repped hard for the fatty dancers. He really moved well and I enjoyed his popping and agreed with the judges for putting him through to the choreo. It was a shame that his injury kept him from finishing it. I do think he needs more training, but he impressed. Is he right for the show? Maybe not, but I enjoyed him.

Karen and Matthew – Well, they are very pretty. And that counts for a lot, noodles, as you well know. And Karen is a bona fide sex bomb. But . . . well . . . they weren’t exactly burning up the dance floor. After the force of nature that was Janette, the bar’s been set insanely high for salsa dancers on this show. And they were lacking. They were clean, but the hip action wasn’t quite all the way there. The feet could’ve been sharper. The turns lacked a little snap. She has tons of charisma and is a performer’s performer and he has solid partnering skills. I’m unsure how they’ll fare in Vegas. She may get in under the Susy and Asuka Memorial Sexy Girl clause, but I really don’t see Matthew getting even a whiff of top 20. Hope they meant it about being OK with one of them making it further than the other one.

Mary and Nigel – They were better last night than they’ve been in a minute. Mary managed to skirt the edges of that slutty cougar look she rooks so viciously. And Good Nigel came out to play and brought the relevant critiques with him. He even managed to keep most of his sleaze in check. I think it was a reaction to how hideous Tasty was being. They were trying to balance the force or some shit.

Kevin Hunt – Tasty’s a bitch, but he was right about this kid. That was a lazy audition. Clearly, the kid can dance, but this was yet another case of good but not great. And if he can do contemporary, where that at? If you don’t come to show and prove in your one shot to make it to Vegas, then why are we wasting time with you? I’m on the fence on this one, noodles. On the one hand, he’s a beautiful chocolate specimen. On the other hand, his swag is out of all proportion to his ability. Lotta mouth and not much to back it up with. On the other, other hand, he was humble and took the critiques well from the judges and he clearly recognized his mistake. On the other, other, other hand, do we really need another sub-par hip hopper after a parade of Tonys and Cedrics and Alans stretching back through the years? Hasn’t hip hop on this show suffered enough? I don’t think this kid can bring it like it should be broughten in Vegas, but people shock the hell out of me on a daily basis, so who knows?

Gene Burdison(?) – Oh, baby. No. How tragic for this kid. When Cat Deeley, the sweetest woman in the world, the woman who will let sweaty contestants funk up her Prada and put someone’s gummy, spit soaked grillz in her mouth, can’t stand your ass and lets it show all over her face? Something is horribly, horribly wrong with you. And you know the worst thing about this fake ass faker, kittens? He’s really good. Take away the Jim Carey faces, and he was all kinds of spectacular. And also a teensy bit sexy for real. I sincerely hope he can ratchet it down, because I’d love to have another sexy latin ballroom specialist on the show. But not this one if he keeps bringing the ridiculous lothario shtick.

Sigh. I’ve been trying to put it off, noodles. But the time has come. We must, must deal with Teddy and his plaid pants. Mama’s tired already, y’all. Let me tell you what I can’t take about this kid:

Teddy Tedholme(?) – First of all, ain’t no grown ass man I know who goes by Teddy in his day-to-day life unless his name is Teddy Pendergrass and he sings panty dropping love music. And this kid hasn’t ever had a whiff of the panties, so the egregious use of the Teddy is flat out wrong. Second of all, whimsy ≠ bow tie. Bow tie = Chris Brown, Woman Beater and/or Orville Redenbacher, Popcorn Pimp. All of all, you and your whole plaid pants, quirky thing are played out. Please go away now. That said, I will concede, kiddies, that the boy can move it. He’s crazy musical and has a quality of movement which I enjoyed even though the whole piece felt way too frantic. He’s obviously well trained and talented, which makes it even worse that he seems like such a complete tool. What an attention hogging, energy creature! Such a waste, y’all. Oh, also, Travis Wall, Jeanine and Jason made that Mraz song their bitch last year, so please stop biting.

And we’re done. I know I’m looking forward to Atlanta where Lil C will continue his assault on English grammar, kittens. What about you?