Darlings, the S8 AI-lettes are out there killing it. No doubt. For a glimpse of the sexiest South Asian geeky boy of all time, please click the link and observe the lovely and talented Anoop Desai.
The Hotness
I am loving the new haircut and the five o'clock shadow. The eyebrows are just on the edge of getting away from him, but still manageable. And did he just say he's moving to LA. What?
Anoop, if you need a saavy, slightly (well, lot-ly, but whatever, noodles) older woman to show you around and maybe make you her pretty boytoy, call me. I am totally down.
And OK, ABDC. I promise, kittens, I will write something about it soon. It's just so hard, though, when actual intersting stuff is going on with other shows that I love. But I need to do it. And I will do it. If only to get back to fighting trim for ABDC. September 9th. Bring it!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
AI S8 Extra Shiny!!!
Kittens, I know I've been missing in action. I promised blogging about all things ABDC, but honestly, I've been paralyzed with all the not caring. Shane said a mouth full when he told some sad little crew that they hadn't done anything to "Wow" him yet this season. Take that truism and apply liberally to the whole show, no? "Bored now" would be an understatement. And so, I've been cocooning trying not to tear my hair out and rend my garments over the loss of Paula as a judge on AI.
And seriously, Simon Fuller, how could you? You can bring on all the Posh Spice's and Jonas Brothers that you like, but they will never bring 1/1,00,000,000,000 of the fabulous crazy that Paula can bring. And don't even get me started on Judge #4 because that way lies madness. And oh my goodness, I feel my blood pressure going haywire out of control even as I type. Deep, cleansing breaths, kiddies.
So why am I writing about, of all things, AI today? Noodles, it's the Lambert that calls me back. But of course. Our little alien, boy/girl, candy coated, sex god is turning it out. Have you seen the Social Life photos? Observe. Marvel.
And seriously, Simon Fuller, how could you? You can bring on all the Posh Spice's and Jonas Brothers that you like, but they will never bring 1/1,00,000,000,000 of the fabulous crazy that Paula can bring. And don't even get me started on Judge #4 because that way lies madness. And oh my goodness, I feel my blood pressure going haywire out of control even as I type. Deep, cleansing breaths, kiddies.
So why am I writing about, of all things, AI today? Noodles, it's the Lambert that calls me back. But of course. Our little alien, boy/girl, candy coated, sex god is turning it out. Have you seen the Social Life photos? Observe. Marvel.
I mean honestly, could he be any more scrumptious? Well, yes. Actually, he could. Feast your eyes!
The bitch is fierce, kittens! How could he not win AI? Lambert and Brandon both go down to ignominious defeat this year? Really, America?
Bitches.
What will take the bitterness away, darlings? Oh, I know!
There. All better.
(Side Note: And now that I've finally learned how to get photos into these here missives, it's on like Donkey Kong, kittens! I know, I know. Mama's slow sometimes)
Monday, August 10, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep18 Goodbye Is All We Have
I’m fashionably late, kittens. Do forgive. I’ve been struggling with how to talk about the finale since it aired last Thursday because, really, what is there to say? A perfectly serviceable end to a workmanlike season, no? When the most exciting part of the finale is wondering whether Cat’s going to suffer a nip slip from her silken bath towel ensemble, then I think one can safely say that this season’s final episode lacked a little oomph. Darlings, I detest the move to the Kodak. The drunk camera monkeys cannot figure out how to effectively film the routines in this larger venue. The kids got swallowed up by the huge stage and the judges and Cat mugged endlessly and played to the rafters rather than to the sofa set. If they insist on going back next year, they should definitely make the move earlier, say at top 10, to give the kids and the camera monkeys time to get used to being on the big stage.
So anyway, there was a show, right? Shankdaddy, Ms. Debbie Allen and her out of control weave, Mia, Lil C and Tasty all joined Unca Nigel and Mary on the judges panel, so we’ll take the performances in bunches by judge. That’s the easiest. Yes, I think so. Oh, and Jeanine is your favorite dancer but Janette ruled the roost. Really. How could you, America? Bitches.
Shankman’s Selections
Chbeeb and Jeanine/Hip Hop (Mad) Week One/Top 20 – Oh, Shankdaddy. How you let me down on this one. NappyTab? Really? And this NappyTab? Not the one with the chains that was actually the better Chbeeb/Jeanine NappyTab if you just had to have one? Well, noodles, I didn’t get this choice at all. Jeanine and the Chbeeb came out and danced it reasonably well, I suppose. But it’s a crap number and one of the more forgettable of the season, so I was underwhelmed.
Randi and Evan/Contemporary (Koop Island Blues) Week Three/Top 16– But he redeemed himself a little bit here with the booty dance. This was great fun the first time and great fun again on finale night. Randi had a few little bobbles and balance breaks, but on the whole, it was nice to remember a time when I didn’t find Evan horribly outclassed on this show. When Mia is on, she’s really on. And it was surprisingly nice to see Fat Face again. She’s a good little dancer. I hope her exposure on the show leads to some work because she’s quite versatile and just an enjoyable presence up on that stage and who would’ve thought I’d ever say that about Fat Face and her unitard clad self at the beginning of this season? Live and learn, kiddies. Live and learn.
Ms. Debbie Allen’s Alternatives
Asuka and Vitolio/Waltz (Dreams Are More Precious) Week Two/Top 18– Hell if I know, kittens. The judges just served up some head scratchers. This was not a particularly memorable routine. Nor were this pair fan favorites. Both out before top 10 and with good reason on both Asuka (bitchface and not that versatile) and Vitolio’s (not as good as other contemporary boys) parts. I suppose they danced it just fine, as they had done the first time. But as we would see through the fifty million other pieces from his ouvre that got chosen, Louis did far better pieces this season. Yeah, I got nothing.
Top 16 Group Routine/Salsa-Hip Hop (I Know You Want Me/Calle Ocho) Week Three– And just like Shankman, Ms. Debbie Allen managed to redeem herself with this choice, not least because she finally, finally gave us the Fame quote! (Side note: I will not let Kherington ruin Fame for me. I will not let Kherington ruin Fame for me. I will not let Kherington ruin Fame for me.) Dmitry is a superstar who hasn’t taken a choreographic misstep on this show and he makes even NappyTab crazy sexy. That’s what’s up. Throw some water on it, honey! Indeed, Ms. Debbie Allen. Indeed. Janette shined like the sun in this number. Criminal, America. Criminal. Bitches.
Mia’s Matches
Max and Kayla/Samba (Jum Bah Day) Week One/Top 20– Why was the show jocking Louis so hard? As we’ve discussed, darlings, Louis was a great addition to their stable of choreographers, but really? Four routines worth of Louis? And what was up with almost all of the judges pick dances coming from the front half of the season? Only three dances came from top 10 week or higher, and two of those were from Mary. Really, what does that say about the quality of the back half of the show? Nothing from Wade. Nothing from Laurie Ann. Nothing from Mandy. Nothing from the new girls – Stacey Tookie or Joey Dowling. Each of them had at least an arguable shot. It was odd, no? I mean, I know I thought that the show lacked pizzazz this season, but is that really the message that they themselves want to be giving out? I think not, kiddies. At any rate, Kayla and Max danced this and it wasn’t nearly as good as week one, but what can you expect when week one was a million years ago and Max really wasn’t all that great to begin with? Also, the camera angles were for shit on this dance. By far the worst of the night.
Melissa and Ade/Contemporary (This Woman’s Work) Week Seven/Top 8 – It’s a gorgeous piece and it was beautifully danced again. But honestly, SYTYCD? Mighty full of ourselves all of a sudden, aren’t we? The dance didn’t actually cure Tasty’s friend of cancer. You don’t have a miracle at Lourdes on your hands. It was shocking that this was Ade and Melissa’s only partner dance since they were one of the couples of the season (or so I thought). Huh.
Lil C’s Catch
Why did Lil C and Tasty only get one choice each? I mean, I love Shankdaddy and Ms. Debbie Allen more than my luggage and I’m all for them bumping these two to second class status, but they actually choreograph for the show (and Tasty is even good and Emmy winning sometimes) so why the lack of respect? That’s cold, Simon Fuller. That’s cold.
Jason and Caitlin/Bollywood (Jai Ho) Week One/Top 20 – Awww. It was good to see the sparkle back. I do enjoy that girl. And this routine was fun. They were much more in synch than the first time they did it. And Jason sure got kissed a lot on this show, right? Noodles, do we really think it’s responsible adult behavior to cultivate a generation of teen hags who will spend years hung up on pretty boys who will never, ever want to do other than “play” kiss them at the end of a dance routine? Especially when a hallmark of Bollywood movies is that the characters don’t kiss or touch due to the conservative cultural and religious value system in Indian society. That’s just cruel.
Tyce’s Take
Janette and Brandon/Disco (Loving Is Really My Game) Week Two/Top 18 – It was so bittersweet seeing the lovely and talented Janette. This was a fun routine the first time around, and I’ve already gone on record as saying that Doriana did her best work since S1 this past season. That said, none of Doriana's routines were up to finale standards. But Brandon and Janette came out and sold it. They have so much chemistry together that they practically combust. And those two know how to own a stage. One of the few pairs that didn’t get swallowed by all that extra space. Janette is such a firecracker. And now I’m getting all choked up again about her completely unjustified ouster at top 8. Completely unjustified. Bitches.
Nigel’s Notions
Janette and Brandon/Tango (Libertango) Week Five/Top 12 – This was one of the best choices of the night. There have been some great tangos on this show, kittens. Danny and Sara and Mark and Chelsie both have brought lots of heat, passion and good technique to the task. But no other tango can match the intricacy of this choreography by Leonardo and Miriam or the crispness of Brandon and Janette’s execution. Janette’s ganchos are insane. Her legs look a million miles long in this dance. I loved it. Again, perhaps not quite as good as the first time, but really, I’ll not quibble, darlings. I loved seeing this again. And Nigel looooovvveeees Janette. As all right minded people do, noodles. And I loved seeing Janette featured in two partner dances plus the top 16 and top 8 group dances. She’s so fierce. It’s inconceivable that she didn’t at least have a chance to fight for the top spot. Inconceivable. Bitches.
Kayla and Kupono/Contemporary (Gravity) Week Five Top 12 – Nigel had by far the best choices of the night. And this routine was the only one that was better this time than the first time. Kayla was a study in total commitment to the dance and she lived and breathed this piece. She always has stunning technique and flawless lines, but sometimes she can be emotionally disconnected. Whether that is just from youth or stank-ness, I don’t know, kiddies, but it has plagued her from the start of the season and was a big reason she came 4th. But here, she really let go. I believed her suffering. And Kupono is love. He never quite became my Mark 2.0, but all the same I enjoy this Hawaii boy. He’s made to dance pieces like this, with a lot of dark and twisty turns, something a little quirky, a little kinky, a little twisted, with a character he can dig into and a story to tell. I could watch that piece over and over again.
Mary’s Marks
Jeanine and Jason/Contemporary (If It Kills Me) Week Six/Top 10 – Incredible piece. Maybe this was the best choice of the night, darlings. What? I can be indecisive if I so desire. Anyway, Travis put his foot in this choreography and Jeanine and Jason danced the hell out of it again. Sexy as all get out. I needed a cigarette after it was over. I look forward to seeing many more Travis Wall creations on the show in Season 6. And Travis should get his Emmy on. For sure.
Jeanine and Brandon/Paso Doble (Tetsujin) Week 9/Top 4 – Paso doesn’t work on this show. This is perhaps the best one that they’ve ever had precisely because it wasn’t really, technically speaking, a Paso. For straight up Paso, Chuy and Sara’s still comes closest, but, well, you know about the music. Damn you Marc and Jean France. Louis did a decent job choreographing a Latin mélange. The music choice was unfortunate, as it almost always is for Latin ballroom pieces on this show. Jeanine’s outfit – I still covet it. But kiddies, we just saw this the day before. Was this really the best piece to reprise? The question answers itself, kittens.
Cat’s Choice
Top 8 Group Dance/Broadway (One) Week 7/Top 8 - We can’t forget Cat’s choice, no? Even though technically it wasn’t her choice, she just introduced it. But she brought us a spectacle like no other, darlings. Miss Debbie Allen in a white tuxedo with the out of control weave and the bitch can still dance, y’all. She served! Diva! The judges were fly as hell, and shame on Lil C for not getting his A Chorus Line on. And Mia proved to be a much better Broadway choreographer than Tasty. Toma. Can we please, please take Tasty off Broadway duty now, Show? Haven’t we suffered enough?
Gone Tomorrow, Here Today
And that was the whole shebang. I mean, yes, Tasty’s Broadway piece opened the show but the less said about that the better. And yes, the SYTYCD Australia winner came out and did a Sonya piece that was quite interesting but she looked like a Bizarro-world Jeanine and we could’ve seen another routine from our SYTYCD in the time that piece took up which I would have preferred or in other words I could’ve had a V-8. Nigel got his girl winner and exactly the one that he’d been angling for since America threw a monkey wrench in his plans by ousting the fabulous Janette (Bitches) proving yet again that you don’t fuck with the master. And now Sabra doesn’t have to hold it down alone as the sole female winner of SYTYCD, though she does have to continue to struggle under the burden of being the least deserving winner in SYTYCD history, a title which I feel she will never shrug off. And we’re done.
Kittens, we’ve only got a month before the whole circus starts up again. (Side Note: How awesome would it be to have Brit Brit as a guest judge on the show? So, so awesome. Get on that, Simon Fuller!) In the meantime, I’m going to try to blog about ABDC, which I am ridiculously excited about, but honestly I don’t know whether I have the strength. After we march through Fall SYTYCD we’ll be ass over teakettle into AI and I don’t know how I’m going to survive that without Paula and having to swallow more inane bullshit from Judge #4 and then if they do SYTYCD immediately again in the summer . . . I’m exhausted just thinking about it. So ABDC until I get tired which may be tomorrow. See you on MTV, darlings.
So anyway, there was a show, right? Shankdaddy, Ms. Debbie Allen and her out of control weave, Mia, Lil C and Tasty all joined Unca Nigel and Mary on the judges panel, so we’ll take the performances in bunches by judge. That’s the easiest. Yes, I think so. Oh, and Jeanine is your favorite dancer but Janette ruled the roost. Really. How could you, America? Bitches.
Shankman’s Selections
Chbeeb and Jeanine/Hip Hop (Mad) Week One/Top 20 – Oh, Shankdaddy. How you let me down on this one. NappyTab? Really? And this NappyTab? Not the one with the chains that was actually the better Chbeeb/Jeanine NappyTab if you just had to have one? Well, noodles, I didn’t get this choice at all. Jeanine and the Chbeeb came out and danced it reasonably well, I suppose. But it’s a crap number and one of the more forgettable of the season, so I was underwhelmed.
Randi and Evan/Contemporary (Koop Island Blues) Week Three/Top 16– But he redeemed himself a little bit here with the booty dance. This was great fun the first time and great fun again on finale night. Randi had a few little bobbles and balance breaks, but on the whole, it was nice to remember a time when I didn’t find Evan horribly outclassed on this show. When Mia is on, she’s really on. And it was surprisingly nice to see Fat Face again. She’s a good little dancer. I hope her exposure on the show leads to some work because she’s quite versatile and just an enjoyable presence up on that stage and who would’ve thought I’d ever say that about Fat Face and her unitard clad self at the beginning of this season? Live and learn, kiddies. Live and learn.
Ms. Debbie Allen’s Alternatives
Asuka and Vitolio/Waltz (Dreams Are More Precious) Week Two/Top 18– Hell if I know, kittens. The judges just served up some head scratchers. This was not a particularly memorable routine. Nor were this pair fan favorites. Both out before top 10 and with good reason on both Asuka (bitchface and not that versatile) and Vitolio’s (not as good as other contemporary boys) parts. I suppose they danced it just fine, as they had done the first time. But as we would see through the fifty million other pieces from his ouvre that got chosen, Louis did far better pieces this season. Yeah, I got nothing.
Top 16 Group Routine/Salsa-Hip Hop (I Know You Want Me/Calle Ocho) Week Three– And just like Shankman, Ms. Debbie Allen managed to redeem herself with this choice, not least because she finally, finally gave us the Fame quote! (Side note: I will not let Kherington ruin Fame for me. I will not let Kherington ruin Fame for me. I will not let Kherington ruin Fame for me.) Dmitry is a superstar who hasn’t taken a choreographic misstep on this show and he makes even NappyTab crazy sexy. That’s what’s up. Throw some water on it, honey! Indeed, Ms. Debbie Allen. Indeed. Janette shined like the sun in this number. Criminal, America. Criminal. Bitches.
Mia’s Matches
Max and Kayla/Samba (Jum Bah Day) Week One/Top 20– Why was the show jocking Louis so hard? As we’ve discussed, darlings, Louis was a great addition to their stable of choreographers, but really? Four routines worth of Louis? And what was up with almost all of the judges pick dances coming from the front half of the season? Only three dances came from top 10 week or higher, and two of those were from Mary. Really, what does that say about the quality of the back half of the show? Nothing from Wade. Nothing from Laurie Ann. Nothing from Mandy. Nothing from the new girls – Stacey Tookie or Joey Dowling. Each of them had at least an arguable shot. It was odd, no? I mean, I know I thought that the show lacked pizzazz this season, but is that really the message that they themselves want to be giving out? I think not, kiddies. At any rate, Kayla and Max danced this and it wasn’t nearly as good as week one, but what can you expect when week one was a million years ago and Max really wasn’t all that great to begin with? Also, the camera angles were for shit on this dance. By far the worst of the night.
Melissa and Ade/Contemporary (This Woman’s Work) Week Seven/Top 8 – It’s a gorgeous piece and it was beautifully danced again. But honestly, SYTYCD? Mighty full of ourselves all of a sudden, aren’t we? The dance didn’t actually cure Tasty’s friend of cancer. You don’t have a miracle at Lourdes on your hands. It was shocking that this was Ade and Melissa’s only partner dance since they were one of the couples of the season (or so I thought). Huh.
Lil C’s Catch
Why did Lil C and Tasty only get one choice each? I mean, I love Shankdaddy and Ms. Debbie Allen more than my luggage and I’m all for them bumping these two to second class status, but they actually choreograph for the show (and Tasty is even good and Emmy winning sometimes) so why the lack of respect? That’s cold, Simon Fuller. That’s cold.
Jason and Caitlin/Bollywood (Jai Ho) Week One/Top 20 – Awww. It was good to see the sparkle back. I do enjoy that girl. And this routine was fun. They were much more in synch than the first time they did it. And Jason sure got kissed a lot on this show, right? Noodles, do we really think it’s responsible adult behavior to cultivate a generation of teen hags who will spend years hung up on pretty boys who will never, ever want to do other than “play” kiss them at the end of a dance routine? Especially when a hallmark of Bollywood movies is that the characters don’t kiss or touch due to the conservative cultural and religious value system in Indian society. That’s just cruel.
Tyce’s Take
Janette and Brandon/Disco (Loving Is Really My Game) Week Two/Top 18 – It was so bittersweet seeing the lovely and talented Janette. This was a fun routine the first time around, and I’ve already gone on record as saying that Doriana did her best work since S1 this past season. That said, none of Doriana's routines were up to finale standards. But Brandon and Janette came out and sold it. They have so much chemistry together that they practically combust. And those two know how to own a stage. One of the few pairs that didn’t get swallowed by all that extra space. Janette is such a firecracker. And now I’m getting all choked up again about her completely unjustified ouster at top 8. Completely unjustified. Bitches.
Nigel’s Notions
Janette and Brandon/Tango (Libertango) Week Five/Top 12 – This was one of the best choices of the night. There have been some great tangos on this show, kittens. Danny and Sara and Mark and Chelsie both have brought lots of heat, passion and good technique to the task. But no other tango can match the intricacy of this choreography by Leonardo and Miriam or the crispness of Brandon and Janette’s execution. Janette’s ganchos are insane. Her legs look a million miles long in this dance. I loved it. Again, perhaps not quite as good as the first time, but really, I’ll not quibble, darlings. I loved seeing this again. And Nigel looooovvveeees Janette. As all right minded people do, noodles. And I loved seeing Janette featured in two partner dances plus the top 16 and top 8 group dances. She’s so fierce. It’s inconceivable that she didn’t at least have a chance to fight for the top spot. Inconceivable. Bitches.
Kayla and Kupono/Contemporary (Gravity) Week Five Top 12 – Nigel had by far the best choices of the night. And this routine was the only one that was better this time than the first time. Kayla was a study in total commitment to the dance and she lived and breathed this piece. She always has stunning technique and flawless lines, but sometimes she can be emotionally disconnected. Whether that is just from youth or stank-ness, I don’t know, kiddies, but it has plagued her from the start of the season and was a big reason she came 4th. But here, she really let go. I believed her suffering. And Kupono is love. He never quite became my Mark 2.0, but all the same I enjoy this Hawaii boy. He’s made to dance pieces like this, with a lot of dark and twisty turns, something a little quirky, a little kinky, a little twisted, with a character he can dig into and a story to tell. I could watch that piece over and over again.
Mary’s Marks
Jeanine and Jason/Contemporary (If It Kills Me) Week Six/Top 10 – Incredible piece. Maybe this was the best choice of the night, darlings. What? I can be indecisive if I so desire. Anyway, Travis put his foot in this choreography and Jeanine and Jason danced the hell out of it again. Sexy as all get out. I needed a cigarette after it was over. I look forward to seeing many more Travis Wall creations on the show in Season 6. And Travis should get his Emmy on. For sure.
Jeanine and Brandon/Paso Doble (Tetsujin) Week 9/Top 4 – Paso doesn’t work on this show. This is perhaps the best one that they’ve ever had precisely because it wasn’t really, technically speaking, a Paso. For straight up Paso, Chuy and Sara’s still comes closest, but, well, you know about the music. Damn you Marc and Jean France. Louis did a decent job choreographing a Latin mélange. The music choice was unfortunate, as it almost always is for Latin ballroom pieces on this show. Jeanine’s outfit – I still covet it. But kiddies, we just saw this the day before. Was this really the best piece to reprise? The question answers itself, kittens.
Cat’s Choice
Top 8 Group Dance/Broadway (One) Week 7/Top 8 - We can’t forget Cat’s choice, no? Even though technically it wasn’t her choice, she just introduced it. But she brought us a spectacle like no other, darlings. Miss Debbie Allen in a white tuxedo with the out of control weave and the bitch can still dance, y’all. She served! Diva! The judges were fly as hell, and shame on Lil C for not getting his A Chorus Line on. And Mia proved to be a much better Broadway choreographer than Tasty. Toma. Can we please, please take Tasty off Broadway duty now, Show? Haven’t we suffered enough?
Gone Tomorrow, Here Today
And that was the whole shebang. I mean, yes, Tasty’s Broadway piece opened the show but the less said about that the better. And yes, the SYTYCD Australia winner came out and did a Sonya piece that was quite interesting but she looked like a Bizarro-world Jeanine and we could’ve seen another routine from our SYTYCD in the time that piece took up which I would have preferred or in other words I could’ve had a V-8. Nigel got his girl winner and exactly the one that he’d been angling for since America threw a monkey wrench in his plans by ousting the fabulous Janette (Bitches) proving yet again that you don’t fuck with the master. And now Sabra doesn’t have to hold it down alone as the sole female winner of SYTYCD, though she does have to continue to struggle under the burden of being the least deserving winner in SYTYCD history, a title which I feel she will never shrug off. And we’re done.
Kittens, we’ve only got a month before the whole circus starts up again. (Side Note: How awesome would it be to have Brit Brit as a guest judge on the show? So, so awesome. Get on that, Simon Fuller!) In the meantime, I’m going to try to blog about ABDC, which I am ridiculously excited about, but honestly I don’t know whether I have the strength. After we march through Fall SYTYCD we’ll be ass over teakettle into AI and I don’t know how I’m going to survive that without Paula and having to swallow more inane bullshit from Judge #4 and then if they do SYTYCD immediately again in the summer . . . I’m exhausted just thinking about it. So ABDC until I get tired which may be tomorrow. See you on MTV, darlings.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep17 Moving On Up
Noodles, I need to do an in depth analysis of the relationship between Cat’s degree of cuteness and the show’s quality on any given night. Because last night, Cat’s hair and make up were kind of working in an early Farah kind of way, but the dress was seventeen dimensions of fugly. Likewise, parts of last night’s show were as smooth as Kate Jackson’s pageboy, but some spots (read anything with Evan), were like thinking you could maybe settle for Cheryl Ladd but then winding up with Shelley Hack instead. Don’t get me wrong, I thought this year’s finale had it all over S4, but it didn’t pop the way it should have given that there were some stellar routines and all the kids (Yes, even Mini-Gene) danced their hearts out and left it all on the stage. Perhaps it was the change of venue? AI is a big, sloppy, over exaggerated show and that over the topness feels tailor made for the Kodak Theater. But our little show is more intimate. Well, dance is more intimate. And the kids, well Evan, don’t yet know how to fill up a stage that size. Maybe if they moved to the Kodak earlier and let them get used to being in that big space? Here’s a thought. Let’s talk about what worked in the Kodak and what didn’t before we get to who is going to be taking the confetti shower this evening.
Fish Don’t Fry In the Kitchen/Beans Don’t Burn on the Grill
Judging - Kittens, you know I got nothing but love for the Shankdaddy; and his opinions on the performances last night were, as always, right on point. Mary is as she does and she gave what I expected. And Nigel reconnected with his inner perv, but really he’s been far worse in the past. But let’s be frank, the judges didn’t work in the new venue. Simon, Randy and Paula (I am studiously ignoring the spurious rumors that Paula will not be on next season’s AI. I know them to be false) are pros at working the AI crowd, at playing to them but not too much. They never forget that they are supposed to be talking to the kids, even when they are babbling inanities. But our SYTYCD triumvirate let the audience take over the show. They turned around. They shushed. They had whole, entire arguments with them and tried to justify their love (or lack thereof) with each critique that was given. Hell, Mary turned into a cheerleader and that was before Wade’s crappy piece. It just didn’t translate well.
Top 4 Group Routine/Pop(?) (BoysBoysBoys) – Didn’t you know it was going to be bad as soon as the word “cheerleader” came out? And then that was followed up by Lady GaGa. What the hell was Wade thinking? Look, I know cheerleaders. I love cheerleaders. I watch the UCA Cheer Championships from the Milkhouse at DisneyWorld Orlando, FL every year and it just keeps getting better and better. I don’t want to see cheerleading on my dance show. Nope, not even a little bit. I don’t want to see my dancers in cheerleading uniforms, especially not when they flash me wearing sparkly red panties. I don’t want to see my dancer boys all swallowed up by oversized letterman jackets. I never want to be reminded of that execrable Dan Karaty routine for Kam and Lacey. And yet all of that happened last night during this routine from the normally flawless Wade Robson. And even more criminal was that with four dancers, they still didn’t manage to fill up the stage. It felt small and not up to the occasion. They all danced it reasonably well and the business with the jackets was kind of cute. But really, kiddies, it kind of sucked ass. I don’t have much more to say about it.
Brandon Solo/Dies Irae – Adam and I were as one on this piece. It seemed frantic and kind of disjointed. Brandon never quite cracked the code on the whole subtlety question, did he? And the board shorts were distracting. He’s gorgeous and his technique always shines through, but that was far from his best. And you can’t dance to opera in board shorts. This cannot be emphasized enough.
Evan and Brandon/Pop Jazz (Nasty) – I would sell my children to have seen this danced by Brandon and Ade. Can you imagine? The mind reels, darlings. I frikkin’ love Boomkat and I hope they keep her around for next season. Because she serves, noodles. That choreography was fierce. Maybe a little too reminiscent of Mia’s Two Princes routine, no? And why choreographers feel like two men dancing together have to be fighting is beyond me. But all the elements were there for a great routine. And Brandon absolutely destroyed in that piece. He gave Laurie Ann every “boom” and “kat” she could have wanted. This dance also provided one of the best judge moments of the night, no? “What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever done?” Oh, Mary. I am going to ask all of my friends that question from now on.
Evan Solo/The Best Is Yet To Come – Love the song choice. Well, he had a nice triple turn in there, darlings. Nigel was right, though. Evan had a Seinfeld season. No learning. No growing. Not as good as the other kids. He’s cute. He’s charming. He does what he does and what he does, you either get it and love it or you don’t. He could totally win.
Kayla and Evan/Jive (T.R.O.U.B.L.E.) – What is there to say, really, at this point? Noodles, a blind man could see this trend. Evan is probably more well suited to the Jive than many other smooth ballroom dances, especially when paired with someone like Kayla who towers over him. And I suppose he was fine, although I’ll agree with Mary that for this to be his second time around with Jive, I’d have wanted to see more snap in the retractions and the arms were horrid. He was dancing small. Again. Some more. Overall, the dance did not travel well and really cover the floor. And the final trick was sloppy, sloppy. They really lost steam there at the end. Sigh. At least the song was fitting, kittens.
Now We’re Up in the Big Leagues/Gettin’ Our Turn at Bat
Kayla Solo/Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) – Kittens, this was the best solo she’s ever done. Was it great? Well, no. But mad points for stepping up and being 90% less flail-y. That pencil turn she threw in was one of the prettiest things I’ve ever seen. No one will ever be as beautiful on this show as Danny was at his best, kiddies, but I agree that Kayla is up there. I had problems with the secret stank that peeked out in her attitude over the course of the season, but y’all I have loved this girl as a dancer on this show. She’s exquisite and she will work forever. Definitely one of the best girls they’ve ever had on the show.
Kayla and Brandon/Broadway (Bye Bye Love) – This is only here because Kayla and Brandon are monsters of dance. Why, why does the show continue to let Tasty do Broadway? I can’t even fathom it. And why does he continue to shamelessly rip off Bob Fosse? I mean, they even dressed Brandon and Kayla like Ben Vereen and Jessica Lange. If I wanted to see that scene, I’d just rent the movie All That Jazz. But no matter. Kayla and Brandon danced well. As Shankdaddy stated, they tore it up. And yes, noodles, the pirouettes a la seconde were AH-mazing. These two owned every inch of that stage.
Jeanine Solo/Por Una Cabeza – Fucking awesome. I don’t even have any words. She’s a beast. And I’ll admit that I never even saw her coming.
ABDC – Hell yeah! Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. OK. Technically, this is not about the show, but I got really excited!
Kayla and Jeanine/Contemporary (The Four Sections: IV) – I was anticipating a great routine here. Mia’s Message in a Bottle piece for Melody and Ashley from S1 is still one of my favorite pieces of all time. And she had two thoroughbreds here. None of them disappointed. I got chills from this performance, kiddies. I know I’ve been saying it all season long, but there really is no substitute for solid technique. Some may be miffed that the entire final four is made up of extensively trained studio dancers, but I love it. Good is good. And straight up, someone like Heidi or Lacey could not have hung in that routine, good as they were both in their own genre and in stretch roles. It was great to see a piece like this at the end with two dancers who could handle it.
Brandon and Jeanine/Paso Doble (Tetsujin) – I love Louis and think he’s been a great addition to the show. And he worked these two until they popped. The routine was athletic and brawny and bold. The costuming was fabulous (Snaps, crack hos) and the Matrix music for once fit the style of the dance. Sadly, it wasn’t exactly, strictly speaking, entirely a Paso. But kittens, Paso has taken such a beating on this show that I’m willing to cut all three some slack here. The piece was gorgeous and it was marvelously danced. Whatever “it” was.
It’s You and Me, Baby/And There Ain’t Nothing Wrong with That
Brandon or Jeanine? Jeanine or Brandon? Maybe neither, noodles. I think Jeanine has the inside track to take it all. She had the most signs out there in the audience. She got the loudest cheers throughout the night. If this is a girl’s year, then she’s the girl. The only other person who has a shot, in my mind, is Evan. Everybody loves the personable underdog. And in this, the year of Kris Allen, America seems enthralled with “Aw shucks” winners. But I truly hope Jeanine pulls it off because the bitch worked like the rent was due. Only a few more hours now, kittens and then a scant few weeks until we’re back in Nigel’s loving arms. Someone’s finally got a piece of the pie.
Fish Don’t Fry In the Kitchen/Beans Don’t Burn on the Grill
Judging - Kittens, you know I got nothing but love for the Shankdaddy; and his opinions on the performances last night were, as always, right on point. Mary is as she does and she gave what I expected. And Nigel reconnected with his inner perv, but really he’s been far worse in the past. But let’s be frank, the judges didn’t work in the new venue. Simon, Randy and Paula (I am studiously ignoring the spurious rumors that Paula will not be on next season’s AI. I know them to be false) are pros at working the AI crowd, at playing to them but not too much. They never forget that they are supposed to be talking to the kids, even when they are babbling inanities. But our SYTYCD triumvirate let the audience take over the show. They turned around. They shushed. They had whole, entire arguments with them and tried to justify their love (or lack thereof) with each critique that was given. Hell, Mary turned into a cheerleader and that was before Wade’s crappy piece. It just didn’t translate well.
Top 4 Group Routine/Pop(?) (BoysBoysBoys) – Didn’t you know it was going to be bad as soon as the word “cheerleader” came out? And then that was followed up by Lady GaGa. What the hell was Wade thinking? Look, I know cheerleaders. I love cheerleaders. I watch the UCA Cheer Championships from the Milkhouse at DisneyWorld Orlando, FL every year and it just keeps getting better and better. I don’t want to see cheerleading on my dance show. Nope, not even a little bit. I don’t want to see my dancers in cheerleading uniforms, especially not when they flash me wearing sparkly red panties. I don’t want to see my dancer boys all swallowed up by oversized letterman jackets. I never want to be reminded of that execrable Dan Karaty routine for Kam and Lacey. And yet all of that happened last night during this routine from the normally flawless Wade Robson. And even more criminal was that with four dancers, they still didn’t manage to fill up the stage. It felt small and not up to the occasion. They all danced it reasonably well and the business with the jackets was kind of cute. But really, kiddies, it kind of sucked ass. I don’t have much more to say about it.
Brandon Solo/Dies Irae – Adam and I were as one on this piece. It seemed frantic and kind of disjointed. Brandon never quite cracked the code on the whole subtlety question, did he? And the board shorts were distracting. He’s gorgeous and his technique always shines through, but that was far from his best. And you can’t dance to opera in board shorts. This cannot be emphasized enough.
Evan and Brandon/Pop Jazz (Nasty) – I would sell my children to have seen this danced by Brandon and Ade. Can you imagine? The mind reels, darlings. I frikkin’ love Boomkat and I hope they keep her around for next season. Because she serves, noodles. That choreography was fierce. Maybe a little too reminiscent of Mia’s Two Princes routine, no? And why choreographers feel like two men dancing together have to be fighting is beyond me. But all the elements were there for a great routine. And Brandon absolutely destroyed in that piece. He gave Laurie Ann every “boom” and “kat” she could have wanted. This dance also provided one of the best judge moments of the night, no? “What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever done?” Oh, Mary. I am going to ask all of my friends that question from now on.
Evan Solo/The Best Is Yet To Come – Love the song choice. Well, he had a nice triple turn in there, darlings. Nigel was right, though. Evan had a Seinfeld season. No learning. No growing. Not as good as the other kids. He’s cute. He’s charming. He does what he does and what he does, you either get it and love it or you don’t. He could totally win.
Kayla and Evan/Jive (T.R.O.U.B.L.E.) – What is there to say, really, at this point? Noodles, a blind man could see this trend. Evan is probably more well suited to the Jive than many other smooth ballroom dances, especially when paired with someone like Kayla who towers over him. And I suppose he was fine, although I’ll agree with Mary that for this to be his second time around with Jive, I’d have wanted to see more snap in the retractions and the arms were horrid. He was dancing small. Again. Some more. Overall, the dance did not travel well and really cover the floor. And the final trick was sloppy, sloppy. They really lost steam there at the end. Sigh. At least the song was fitting, kittens.
Now We’re Up in the Big Leagues/Gettin’ Our Turn at Bat
Kayla Solo/Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) – Kittens, this was the best solo she’s ever done. Was it great? Well, no. But mad points for stepping up and being 90% less flail-y. That pencil turn she threw in was one of the prettiest things I’ve ever seen. No one will ever be as beautiful on this show as Danny was at his best, kiddies, but I agree that Kayla is up there. I had problems with the secret stank that peeked out in her attitude over the course of the season, but y’all I have loved this girl as a dancer on this show. She’s exquisite and she will work forever. Definitely one of the best girls they’ve ever had on the show.
Kayla and Brandon/Broadway (Bye Bye Love) – This is only here because Kayla and Brandon are monsters of dance. Why, why does the show continue to let Tasty do Broadway? I can’t even fathom it. And why does he continue to shamelessly rip off Bob Fosse? I mean, they even dressed Brandon and Kayla like Ben Vereen and Jessica Lange. If I wanted to see that scene, I’d just rent the movie All That Jazz. But no matter. Kayla and Brandon danced well. As Shankdaddy stated, they tore it up. And yes, noodles, the pirouettes a la seconde were AH-mazing. These two owned every inch of that stage.
Jeanine Solo/Por Una Cabeza – Fucking awesome. I don’t even have any words. She’s a beast. And I’ll admit that I never even saw her coming.
ABDC – Hell yeah! Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. OK. Technically, this is not about the show, but I got really excited!
Kayla and Jeanine/Contemporary (The Four Sections: IV) – I was anticipating a great routine here. Mia’s Message in a Bottle piece for Melody and Ashley from S1 is still one of my favorite pieces of all time. And she had two thoroughbreds here. None of them disappointed. I got chills from this performance, kiddies. I know I’ve been saying it all season long, but there really is no substitute for solid technique. Some may be miffed that the entire final four is made up of extensively trained studio dancers, but I love it. Good is good. And straight up, someone like Heidi or Lacey could not have hung in that routine, good as they were both in their own genre and in stretch roles. It was great to see a piece like this at the end with two dancers who could handle it.
Brandon and Jeanine/Paso Doble (Tetsujin) – I love Louis and think he’s been a great addition to the show. And he worked these two until they popped. The routine was athletic and brawny and bold. The costuming was fabulous (Snaps, crack hos) and the Matrix music for once fit the style of the dance. Sadly, it wasn’t exactly, strictly speaking, entirely a Paso. But kittens, Paso has taken such a beating on this show that I’m willing to cut all three some slack here. The piece was gorgeous and it was marvelously danced. Whatever “it” was.
It’s You and Me, Baby/And There Ain’t Nothing Wrong with That
Brandon or Jeanine? Jeanine or Brandon? Maybe neither, noodles. I think Jeanine has the inside track to take it all. She had the most signs out there in the audience. She got the loudest cheers throughout the night. If this is a girl’s year, then she’s the girl. The only other person who has a shot, in my mind, is Evan. Everybody loves the personable underdog. And in this, the year of Kris Allen, America seems enthralled with “Aw shucks” winners. But I truly hope Jeanine pulls it off because the bitch worked like the rent was due. Only a few more hours now, kittens and then a scant few weeks until we’re back in Nigel’s loving arms. Someone’s finally got a piece of the pie.
Friday, July 31, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep16 Where Are the Clowns?
It was all going so well, darlings. What happened? The group dance and Will and Jessica made me remember that I don’t actually hate Tasty. I only hate Broadway Tasty. I got a little twinge of nostalgia seeing Katee Fat Face and Twitch which distracted me from my general disdain for that horrible door dance. Dmitry’s tango, while not my first choice as Emmy material, was enjoyable and I got to see Chelsie of the original incredible feet and Josh sans mini-ponytail. (Unknown barber who cut that ponytail off, I love you. Now do something about Ade’s afro pick) Brandon and Jeanine were immediately called safe and into our final 4 as the gods intended. I could even forgive Cat her Dynasty moment with the sequins and the shoulder pads and the overly lacquered updo because she just looked so cracked out crazy and I thought any second they were going to drag a wading pool on stage and let her and Mary re-enact the Krystal vs. Alexis slapfight in the fountain in the driveway of the Carrington Mansion. Jabbawokeez totally bringing it as the dance guest and making me miss ABDC and weep for hip hop on this show. Sean Paul and his traveling hood rats doing whatever it was that they do. (I can't help it, noodles, I love me some Sean Paul. Maybe it's the accent? The high yellowness? The corn rows? Nope? Well, every diva has her secret weakness) And of course the best part was seeing the lovely and amazing Mark from Hawaii totally owning the stage once again and making me remember what true sexy is all about. And then Kayla, the new flavor incredible feet, made it past Melissa, which was sad but warranted and it was all set for as good a final four as we were going to get given that Janette is not a part of it. And then. Oh, noodles, what happened? Who are these teenyboppers and grannies power voting for Mini-Gene and how can we get them to stop the madness? Evan over Ade? Really?
Listen, kittens, I’ve loved Evan since he didn’t make the show in S4. No one was happier than me to see him and his bald brother take Las Vegas by storm. And I have even enjoyed Mini-Gene on the show this year. His solos have been consistently excellent, well choreographed and well danced. I thought he was all kinds of fabulous in Mia’s "Ode to Booty" dance. And I loved his first contemporary this season with Randi, too. But there’s no denying that he has mostly failed to deliver on the show. He only has the one thing – the faux Golden Era of Hollywood/Gene Kelley/Let’s Put on a Show/MGM Musical thing. And he has that thing down pat, no question. But to win this show, the dancers should be able to show versatility and adapt to other styles. Josh was a great popper, but I’ll be damned if that Mia piece with Katee wasn’t one of the best contemporary routines ever done on this show. Sabra shouldn’t have won over Danny, but she did and I’m still dealing with it. But give the girl her due, she could do anything. Ballroom, contemporary, her hip hop with Dom was one of the routines of the season. Benji grew tremendously over the course of S2 from quirky ballroom guy to his beautiful work in that Mia Top 6 group number (still my favorite group number ever!) and he learned how to bring other sides of himself beyond just goofy hoofer. And S1 Nick, for all that he turned out to be a diva bitch in the aftermath, could do anything. Still the best disco ever on the show with Kamilah. What I’m saying is that versatility is the calling card of this show. You shouldn’t be this close to winning if you only have the one thing that is your thing. This was what made me so crazy last year when Twitch outlasted Mark. (Well, one of the things that made me so crazy. Y'all can guess at the rest, no?) You can’t just be a hip hop specialist or a Broadway (and one highly stylized type of Broadway at that) specialist or a whatever specialist and win this show. Or make that shouldn’t, darlings, because I actually think Evan has a more than decent shot at winning this show. And that would be a shame. I’ve had my qualms about past season’s winners, but one thing that’s true is that they were all dance chameleons. Evan is not that. Sigh.
Anyway, darlings. There you have your top 4: Brandon, Jeanine, Evan and Kayla. I don’t want to be overly pessimistic, but I don’t think this bodes well for an S3 style mega-finale. Without Janette, I gotta pull for my boy, Brandon, to take it all. I wouldn’t be mad at either Jeanine (who has a real shot) or Kayla (who has no shot) taking home the title of America’s Favorite Dancer. But I’m frightened that it might be Evan walking away with the crown which would cement S5 as my least favorite season of all time. Truth time, noodles, it’ll probably be that anyway, but an Evan win will end all doubt. At least I’ll only have to wait a month for a new group of kids to worship.
Listen, kittens, I’ve loved Evan since he didn’t make the show in S4. No one was happier than me to see him and his bald brother take Las Vegas by storm. And I have even enjoyed Mini-Gene on the show this year. His solos have been consistently excellent, well choreographed and well danced. I thought he was all kinds of fabulous in Mia’s "Ode to Booty" dance. And I loved his first contemporary this season with Randi, too. But there’s no denying that he has mostly failed to deliver on the show. He only has the one thing – the faux Golden Era of Hollywood/Gene Kelley/Let’s Put on a Show/MGM Musical thing. And he has that thing down pat, no question. But to win this show, the dancers should be able to show versatility and adapt to other styles. Josh was a great popper, but I’ll be damned if that Mia piece with Katee wasn’t one of the best contemporary routines ever done on this show. Sabra shouldn’t have won over Danny, but she did and I’m still dealing with it. But give the girl her due, she could do anything. Ballroom, contemporary, her hip hop with Dom was one of the routines of the season. Benji grew tremendously over the course of S2 from quirky ballroom guy to his beautiful work in that Mia Top 6 group number (still my favorite group number ever!) and he learned how to bring other sides of himself beyond just goofy hoofer. And S1 Nick, for all that he turned out to be a diva bitch in the aftermath, could do anything. Still the best disco ever on the show with Kamilah. What I’m saying is that versatility is the calling card of this show. You shouldn’t be this close to winning if you only have the one thing that is your thing. This was what made me so crazy last year when Twitch outlasted Mark. (Well, one of the things that made me so crazy. Y'all can guess at the rest, no?) You can’t just be a hip hop specialist or a Broadway (and one highly stylized type of Broadway at that) specialist or a whatever specialist and win this show. Or make that shouldn’t, darlings, because I actually think Evan has a more than decent shot at winning this show. And that would be a shame. I’ve had my qualms about past season’s winners, but one thing that’s true is that they were all dance chameleons. Evan is not that. Sigh.
Anyway, darlings. There you have your top 4: Brandon, Jeanine, Evan and Kayla. I don’t want to be overly pessimistic, but I don’t think this bodes well for an S3 style mega-finale. Without Janette, I gotta pull for my boy, Brandon, to take it all. I wouldn’t be mad at either Jeanine (who has a real shot) or Kayla (who has no shot) taking home the title of America’s Favorite Dancer. But I’m frightened that it might be Evan walking away with the crown which would cement S5 as my least favorite season of all time. Truth time, noodles, it’ll probably be that anyway, but an Evan win will end all doubt. At least I’ll only have to wait a month for a new group of kids to worship.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep15 The Stage Is Your Bowl
Kittens, did you think I would abandon you in this, your hour of need? Heaven forefend. Life intervenes, noodles, and makes me miss things that would just cause me to hurt all of you, such as bouncing the fabulous Janette who clearly should have taken it all this season. WTF, America? First Janette is bounced and now Judge #4 is re-signed for next season’s AI while Paula twists in the wind? Oh, I don’t even think so. And Evan is still here. Still? Really? I need a minute.
OK, where was I? Oh, yes. Back just in time to dish on the fabulous Cat Deeley and her purple dress and black leather cuff that I covet almost more than I care to admit. And obviously, Cat is inspiring the crack hos in wardrobe to pick up their game because most of the kids looked super cute last night and they let Brandon be practically naked for his solo which is finally! So Cat was there, the kids intro-ed. The girls all did a tired variation on what they’ve been doing every week since the finals started and Brandon was entirely fierce and then Cat came out looking super cute and we were off. Off to Lil C.
Darlings, can we just deal with Lil C? Yes, his shtick has become shtick at this point and there were moments last night where I was praying that the production monkeys would cut his mike off, but he did drop some gems along the way last night, no? I mean, I had to give him the title of this here blog entry. And yet, I would humbly submit to you that it’s time to put Lil C out to pasture as a judge. Why not bring BFree back to the panel? He was a fantastically bitchy judge in seasons 1 and 2. Or let one of the new choreographers judge. I’d bet Joey Dowling could bring the snark, no? How can we miss the inane ramblings of Lil C if he won’t go away?
Let’s go bottom up for last night, kiddies, since the two dancers that I think should be going home were paired. So close now. The producers can smell season 6 just around the corner.
I Think the Decisions Have Been Appropriated
Melissa and Evan
So it was obvious that the show wants these two to go home, right? They’ve been trying to get rid of Evan since he crashed their top 5 boys ruining the Chbeeb redemption arc. And they were totally giving Melissa the “Thank you for playing” treatment last night. And I can’t say I disagree, noodles. Evan is long past his sell by date on this show, and that with the fact that he had his best night in weeks last night. And Melissa. Well, Melissa is lovely. She truly is. And she, too, had a fairly good night last night, but in comparison to Jeanine and Kayla, she doesn’t sparkle like they do. Jeanine has turned into a monster of dance and Kayla is exquisite in every way on the dance floor (Shame about the stank personality). So anyway, they’re doomed. They danced. Here’s how it happened.
Broadway/Get Me to the Church on Time/Tasty – Frikkin’ Tasty, y’all. Can we just put this fool out to pasture? When even Nigel gives up on pimping the choreographers and points out how ridiculously easy the routine was, then you know that the choreographer is just not serving. At least the character was a better fit for Evan. And he and Melissa danced it well. Crisp, clean, cute. It was unfair of the judges to ask for more when they were given such poor material to work with. Any one of the solos Evan’s done this season has had more life and difficulty than every Broadway piece Tasty has ever done on this show. Can we just get Ryan Kasprzak as the designated Broadway choreographer now? On the real. The routine was cute and entirely competent, but not the kind of thing that warrants an appearance in the top 4.
Quickstep/As Long as I’m Singing/Louis Van Amstel – I’ve loved the addition of Louis to this show’s stable of choreographers, kittens. In fact, I’d say top to bottom, the ballroom choreographers are just as good as the stellar round up of contemporary folks that they’ve got and that’s saying something. However, I must, must take offense at this routine. The answer to the problem of Quickstep on this show is not just to decide not to choreograph a Quickstep and that’s what every single one of the choreographers, from Louis to Tony and Melanie, has done this season. The show either needs to acknowledge that Quickstep technique is too much to ask two non-trained ballroom dancers to pick up and eliminate it from the rotation once all the ballroom peeps are gone or direct the choreographers to stay true to the style and let the dance chips fall where they may. Evan and Melissa were cute as buttons, and they looked like they were having a lot of fun doing the Charleston, the Lindy Hop and even a little Jitterbug/Jive thrown in for good measure. But what they weren’t doing was Quickstep, which is the style they’d been assigned. They looked good, though. There’s that. And Evan once again proved what a solid partner he is. He handled his big woman.
Melissa Solo/I Put a Spell On You – Same as it ever was, no? She was saucy and a little bit naughty, beautiful technique, and I’m so bored now.
Evan Solo/The Lady Is a Tramp – Without question, the best choreographed solos ever on this show. Mini-Gene is still a favorite with me, but it really is time for him to go.
You Gotta Eat Because the Stage Is Your Bowl
Jeanine and Ade
These two did not have a great night, but they both did enough to merit a spot at the top in my humble opinion. Ade was terrible in samba, great in hip hop, and his solo was either good or terrible depending on how much it matters to you that dancers can keep time to the music. Jeanine was so-so in samba, just OK in hip hop, and great in her solo which was both technically demanding and wildly entertaining. I have a sneaking suspicion that Ade is going to get Pasha’d and not make top 4 even though he’s got it all over Evan, but we’ll have to wait until tonight to see how that plays out.
Samba/Love Game/Louis Van Amstel – So Louis was not on his game last night, kiddies. Lady Gaga for samba? Really? And I have to also give the stink eye to some of the choreography. That open leg, squat on the forearms and then roll through to a lift with legs wrapped around the waist move was not of the Lord. This is dance not soft core porn. I don’t want to see that much of anyone’s crotch. So, the musical choice was horrible, some of the choreography was questionable, and then there was the execution, which was sloppy, darlings. Let’s be honest. Sloppy feet, sloppy arms, not down enough into the floor, not enough hip action. As Mary pointed out, the samba rolls were pathetic. Ugh. Feh for both of them. Jeanine was slightly better than Ade, and I’ll agree that the costuming worked in her favor, though not in the lecherous way that Lil C and Nigel were suggesting. It just played more into the feel of the samba and detracted from her lack of technique. She looked the part even if she didn’t dance it.
Hip Hop/Move (If You Wanna)/NappyTab – Ade was a beast in this routine. Kittens, trust that he murdered that choreography. I was amazed by how far he turned it out. He could be in videos every day of the week and twice on Sundays. And that was great for him, but not so much for Jeanine. She really gave it her all and she was not bad, but next to Ade she looked like a rank amateur. Picture that kinda good white, dance team girl who decides that she can hang in the advanced level hip hop class and then when she gets there she can pick the steps up but that’s where it ends. That was Jeanine in this routine. And reluctantly, kiddies, I must give props to NappyTab. They proved yet again that when they can let go of the overly literal, every word must have a corresponding move style of “lyrical” hip hop that they are so fond of, they are quite good choreographers. Loved this routine, loved the clever use of props. (Dancing with the boxes on their feet? Genius!) Yep, I was all good with this routine. And Ade is magnificent. Just in case you missed it. Watch again. He is hitting beats even the choreographers didn’t know were in there.
Ade Solo/18th Floor Balcony – Kittens, I think maybe Ade can’t hear. Seriously. Maybe it’s a situation like in that movie, Ice Castles, about that small town skater who gets taken under the wing of the big time coach and then she goes off into the bright lights and big city and turns her back on her corn fed father, salt of the earth childhood coach, and scrappy everyman boyfriend and then she starts dating this older man and blowing off training for partying and really feeling herself and then she is skating outside on this rink and there are chains and shit all over it and then she falls and hits her head and then she goes like 90% blind so the fancy pants coach drops her and she starts to wallow in her tragedy but then she learns how to skate again just through the love of her scrappy boyfriend/coach and then she competes at the Olympic trials and she totally nails her routine and it's all happy until she starts skating around the rink to take her bows and everyone is throwing roses on the ice only she can’t see them so she falls and then everyone realizes that she’s blind and then her scrappy boyfriend walks out onto the ice and helps her up and they share a rueful laugh because they had thought of every eventuality in their carefully crafted master plan to get a blind woman into the regular people Olympics except for they forgot to plan for how she was going to be so brilliant that people would throw flowers on the ice and she wouldn’t see them so she’d trip and then they hold hands and shrug because regardless she is awesome and she kicked all the other skaters’ asses and everyone cries including the fancy pants coach who dropped her. So I think the sitch on SYTYCD is just like that except that Ade can’t really hear and so he learns all his routines just through counts except when he has to dance for his life, he can’t practice with counts, and so he just goes out and does something but since he can’t hear the music, it doesn’t match up and his solos just wind up looking crazy. That’s the only explanation I can think of for the lack of musicality on display last night.
Jeanine Solo/Feedback – Immediate points for using this underappreciated Janet Jackson groove. And did y’all see that quadruple turn she busted out and the control she demonstrated at the end there when she reined it in and pouted cheekily at the audience in perfect time to the music? Sick. It’s such a pleasure to see ladies with nice, solid centers on the show this season rather than the typical weebles wobbling that we tend to get, no? Loved the solo, noodles.
When You See with Your Ears, There Is No Darkness
Kayla and Brandon
Contemporary/All I Want/Stacey Tookie – Kittens, Ms. Tookie is a great addition to the stable of contemporary choreographers. She did not disappoint. This was a gorgeous routine. From the very first moments when they were silent and separate on the stage, the whole thing was on. And of course, these two both have lovely lines and flawless technique. Brandon is an absolute superstar. So much power and strength, so much intentionality behind his movement. And Kayla. I can’t rave enough about how exquisite her legs and feet are. Toe point of the gods, noodles. That one lift where he was holding her kind of shoulder height on her side with her legs bent and then they kind of popped the lift out into an almost straight, horizontal position and back to the original hold? So much core strength required of both of them to be able to do that. Ridiculous. I’d agree that the connection wasn’t all the way there for me. I don’t know that I bought them as lovers, but I definitely appreciated the beauty of the execution.
Disco/Dance (Disco Heat)/Doriana – Well, you knew this was going to be a trick factory going in. Luckily, the two of them are technically skilled enough to mostly pull it off. I was impressed here by Kayla’s ability to let go and really get into the cheesy character of the dance. She looked like she was having a ton of fun, and that’s half the battle in disco. This reminded me of the Neil/Sara disco. There were some cute, funky moves, challenging lifts, an opportunity for Brandon to show off his tumbling skills. All the elements were in place. And the double death drop was fun. I love how excited Unca Nigel gets when the kids lay down a good disco. I’m sure it takes him back to his days at Studio 57.
Kayla Solo/You Found Me – Flail. Flail. Turn. Extension. Flail. Yawn.
Brandon Solo/O, Fortuna – Naked Brandon. Naked Brandon being all beautiful and powerful and Ailey-esque. I’m sorry, kittens. I need a moment.
You Are Modifying Your Manipulation of Movement
Boys Group Number/Contemporary (She Wants Revenge)/Sonya – Every piece of that routine was awesome. I expected Brandon and Ade to serve, and they did. But Evan? Kiddies, Evan came to play in this piece. Double tours and a standing back tuck? I didn’t even know that he had it like that. The routine was all over hot and everybody popped. What’s more, had they been doing top 3 group dances in seasons past, I’m not sure that any other trio could’ve done it any better, if at all. Last season, Twitch could not have handled something this technically demanding. Joshua could’ve hung with it and Mark would’ve been divine as the Mark/Bow Wow Wow combo was always magic. In S3, Danny and the Hunchback could’ve brought it, but Pasha would’ve really struggled. Travis is the only S2 boy that I could see being up to the technical demands of the piece at the time that he was on the show. Both Benji and Ivan seem to have grown enormously as dancers since their time on SYTYCD, but during their season, nope. Neither one. Well, in S1, Blake and Nick would’ve been divine but Jamile, yeah, I can’t see it.
There Was a Dominant Submission
Girls Group Number/Contemporary (Kick It [Stereohouse Remix])/Sonya – Three ladies with impeccable technique + Bow Wow Wow. What’s not to love? I thought the routine was excellent fun. Loved the costumes and loved Cat and her cuff forming the perfect fourth. They dance and fight crime! I was again struck by Kayla. She’s so beautiful when she dances. I wish she weren’t so stank. Maybe she’ll grow out of it?
Random Musings and Losings
I love how much Mary misses Janette. I do too, kittens. It’s just wrong.
Nigel needs to give the whole “no star quality” thing a rest because after all, he cast the show with nobodies like random ballroom boy whose name I don’t even remember anymore and his equally scintillating partner who got voted off week one, Ms. No Name. Or such sparklers as Tony “No Growth Arc” Bellisimo or even folks like Fat Face and Karla who were cute and all that but never stars. All the while Natalie weeps in a corner somewhere wailing and gnashing her teeth.
To refute Nigel’s inane point, Brandon Bryant is a superstar and he was the best dancer of them all last year when he didn’t even make the show and with the criminal booting of Janette last week, he will take it all if there is any justice in this world.
In a sane world, we’d say goodbye to Melissa and Evan tonight, but Evan has become the cockroach of the season, and I say this as someone who really likes him, so he could totally eke through. If he manages to bump Ade, I’ll be sad but not inconsolable. But Kittens, if he somehow causes me to lose Brandon, there will be blood.
OK, where was I? Oh, yes. Back just in time to dish on the fabulous Cat Deeley and her purple dress and black leather cuff that I covet almost more than I care to admit. And obviously, Cat is inspiring the crack hos in wardrobe to pick up their game because most of the kids looked super cute last night and they let Brandon be practically naked for his solo which is finally! So Cat was there, the kids intro-ed. The girls all did a tired variation on what they’ve been doing every week since the finals started and Brandon was entirely fierce and then Cat came out looking super cute and we were off. Off to Lil C.
Darlings, can we just deal with Lil C? Yes, his shtick has become shtick at this point and there were moments last night where I was praying that the production monkeys would cut his mike off, but he did drop some gems along the way last night, no? I mean, I had to give him the title of this here blog entry. And yet, I would humbly submit to you that it’s time to put Lil C out to pasture as a judge. Why not bring BFree back to the panel? He was a fantastically bitchy judge in seasons 1 and 2. Or let one of the new choreographers judge. I’d bet Joey Dowling could bring the snark, no? How can we miss the inane ramblings of Lil C if he won’t go away?
Let’s go bottom up for last night, kiddies, since the two dancers that I think should be going home were paired. So close now. The producers can smell season 6 just around the corner.
I Think the Decisions Have Been Appropriated
Melissa and Evan
So it was obvious that the show wants these two to go home, right? They’ve been trying to get rid of Evan since he crashed their top 5 boys ruining the Chbeeb redemption arc. And they were totally giving Melissa the “Thank you for playing” treatment last night. And I can’t say I disagree, noodles. Evan is long past his sell by date on this show, and that with the fact that he had his best night in weeks last night. And Melissa. Well, Melissa is lovely. She truly is. And she, too, had a fairly good night last night, but in comparison to Jeanine and Kayla, she doesn’t sparkle like they do. Jeanine has turned into a monster of dance and Kayla is exquisite in every way on the dance floor (Shame about the stank personality). So anyway, they’re doomed. They danced. Here’s how it happened.
Broadway/Get Me to the Church on Time/Tasty – Frikkin’ Tasty, y’all. Can we just put this fool out to pasture? When even Nigel gives up on pimping the choreographers and points out how ridiculously easy the routine was, then you know that the choreographer is just not serving. At least the character was a better fit for Evan. And he and Melissa danced it well. Crisp, clean, cute. It was unfair of the judges to ask for more when they were given such poor material to work with. Any one of the solos Evan’s done this season has had more life and difficulty than every Broadway piece Tasty has ever done on this show. Can we just get Ryan Kasprzak as the designated Broadway choreographer now? On the real. The routine was cute and entirely competent, but not the kind of thing that warrants an appearance in the top 4.
Quickstep/As Long as I’m Singing/Louis Van Amstel – I’ve loved the addition of Louis to this show’s stable of choreographers, kittens. In fact, I’d say top to bottom, the ballroom choreographers are just as good as the stellar round up of contemporary folks that they’ve got and that’s saying something. However, I must, must take offense at this routine. The answer to the problem of Quickstep on this show is not just to decide not to choreograph a Quickstep and that’s what every single one of the choreographers, from Louis to Tony and Melanie, has done this season. The show either needs to acknowledge that Quickstep technique is too much to ask two non-trained ballroom dancers to pick up and eliminate it from the rotation once all the ballroom peeps are gone or direct the choreographers to stay true to the style and let the dance chips fall where they may. Evan and Melissa were cute as buttons, and they looked like they were having a lot of fun doing the Charleston, the Lindy Hop and even a little Jitterbug/Jive thrown in for good measure. But what they weren’t doing was Quickstep, which is the style they’d been assigned. They looked good, though. There’s that. And Evan once again proved what a solid partner he is. He handled his big woman.
Melissa Solo/I Put a Spell On You – Same as it ever was, no? She was saucy and a little bit naughty, beautiful technique, and I’m so bored now.
Evan Solo/The Lady Is a Tramp – Without question, the best choreographed solos ever on this show. Mini-Gene is still a favorite with me, but it really is time for him to go.
You Gotta Eat Because the Stage Is Your Bowl
Jeanine and Ade
These two did not have a great night, but they both did enough to merit a spot at the top in my humble opinion. Ade was terrible in samba, great in hip hop, and his solo was either good or terrible depending on how much it matters to you that dancers can keep time to the music. Jeanine was so-so in samba, just OK in hip hop, and great in her solo which was both technically demanding and wildly entertaining. I have a sneaking suspicion that Ade is going to get Pasha’d and not make top 4 even though he’s got it all over Evan, but we’ll have to wait until tonight to see how that plays out.
Samba/Love Game/Louis Van Amstel – So Louis was not on his game last night, kiddies. Lady Gaga for samba? Really? And I have to also give the stink eye to some of the choreography. That open leg, squat on the forearms and then roll through to a lift with legs wrapped around the waist move was not of the Lord. This is dance not soft core porn. I don’t want to see that much of anyone’s crotch. So, the musical choice was horrible, some of the choreography was questionable, and then there was the execution, which was sloppy, darlings. Let’s be honest. Sloppy feet, sloppy arms, not down enough into the floor, not enough hip action. As Mary pointed out, the samba rolls were pathetic. Ugh. Feh for both of them. Jeanine was slightly better than Ade, and I’ll agree that the costuming worked in her favor, though not in the lecherous way that Lil C and Nigel were suggesting. It just played more into the feel of the samba and detracted from her lack of technique. She looked the part even if she didn’t dance it.
Hip Hop/Move (If You Wanna)/NappyTab – Ade was a beast in this routine. Kittens, trust that he murdered that choreography. I was amazed by how far he turned it out. He could be in videos every day of the week and twice on Sundays. And that was great for him, but not so much for Jeanine. She really gave it her all and she was not bad, but next to Ade she looked like a rank amateur. Picture that kinda good white, dance team girl who decides that she can hang in the advanced level hip hop class and then when she gets there she can pick the steps up but that’s where it ends. That was Jeanine in this routine. And reluctantly, kiddies, I must give props to NappyTab. They proved yet again that when they can let go of the overly literal, every word must have a corresponding move style of “lyrical” hip hop that they are so fond of, they are quite good choreographers. Loved this routine, loved the clever use of props. (Dancing with the boxes on their feet? Genius!) Yep, I was all good with this routine. And Ade is magnificent. Just in case you missed it. Watch again. He is hitting beats even the choreographers didn’t know were in there.
Ade Solo/18th Floor Balcony – Kittens, I think maybe Ade can’t hear. Seriously. Maybe it’s a situation like in that movie, Ice Castles, about that small town skater who gets taken under the wing of the big time coach and then she goes off into the bright lights and big city and turns her back on her corn fed father, salt of the earth childhood coach, and scrappy everyman boyfriend and then she starts dating this older man and blowing off training for partying and really feeling herself and then she is skating outside on this rink and there are chains and shit all over it and then she falls and hits her head and then she goes like 90% blind so the fancy pants coach drops her and she starts to wallow in her tragedy but then she learns how to skate again just through the love of her scrappy boyfriend/coach and then she competes at the Olympic trials and she totally nails her routine and it's all happy until she starts skating around the rink to take her bows and everyone is throwing roses on the ice only she can’t see them so she falls and then everyone realizes that she’s blind and then her scrappy boyfriend walks out onto the ice and helps her up and they share a rueful laugh because they had thought of every eventuality in their carefully crafted master plan to get a blind woman into the regular people Olympics except for they forgot to plan for how she was going to be so brilliant that people would throw flowers on the ice and she wouldn’t see them so she’d trip and then they hold hands and shrug because regardless she is awesome and she kicked all the other skaters’ asses and everyone cries including the fancy pants coach who dropped her. So I think the sitch on SYTYCD is just like that except that Ade can’t really hear and so he learns all his routines just through counts except when he has to dance for his life, he can’t practice with counts, and so he just goes out and does something but since he can’t hear the music, it doesn’t match up and his solos just wind up looking crazy. That’s the only explanation I can think of for the lack of musicality on display last night.
Jeanine Solo/Feedback – Immediate points for using this underappreciated Janet Jackson groove. And did y’all see that quadruple turn she busted out and the control she demonstrated at the end there when she reined it in and pouted cheekily at the audience in perfect time to the music? Sick. It’s such a pleasure to see ladies with nice, solid centers on the show this season rather than the typical weebles wobbling that we tend to get, no? Loved the solo, noodles.
When You See with Your Ears, There Is No Darkness
Kayla and Brandon
Contemporary/All I Want/Stacey Tookie – Kittens, Ms. Tookie is a great addition to the stable of contemporary choreographers. She did not disappoint. This was a gorgeous routine. From the very first moments when they were silent and separate on the stage, the whole thing was on. And of course, these two both have lovely lines and flawless technique. Brandon is an absolute superstar. So much power and strength, so much intentionality behind his movement. And Kayla. I can’t rave enough about how exquisite her legs and feet are. Toe point of the gods, noodles. That one lift where he was holding her kind of shoulder height on her side with her legs bent and then they kind of popped the lift out into an almost straight, horizontal position and back to the original hold? So much core strength required of both of them to be able to do that. Ridiculous. I’d agree that the connection wasn’t all the way there for me. I don’t know that I bought them as lovers, but I definitely appreciated the beauty of the execution.
Disco/Dance (Disco Heat)/Doriana – Well, you knew this was going to be a trick factory going in. Luckily, the two of them are technically skilled enough to mostly pull it off. I was impressed here by Kayla’s ability to let go and really get into the cheesy character of the dance. She looked like she was having a ton of fun, and that’s half the battle in disco. This reminded me of the Neil/Sara disco. There were some cute, funky moves, challenging lifts, an opportunity for Brandon to show off his tumbling skills. All the elements were in place. And the double death drop was fun. I love how excited Unca Nigel gets when the kids lay down a good disco. I’m sure it takes him back to his days at Studio 57.
Kayla Solo/You Found Me – Flail. Flail. Turn. Extension. Flail. Yawn.
Brandon Solo/O, Fortuna – Naked Brandon. Naked Brandon being all beautiful and powerful and Ailey-esque. I’m sorry, kittens. I need a moment.
You Are Modifying Your Manipulation of Movement
Boys Group Number/Contemporary (She Wants Revenge)/Sonya – Every piece of that routine was awesome. I expected Brandon and Ade to serve, and they did. But Evan? Kiddies, Evan came to play in this piece. Double tours and a standing back tuck? I didn’t even know that he had it like that. The routine was all over hot and everybody popped. What’s more, had they been doing top 3 group dances in seasons past, I’m not sure that any other trio could’ve done it any better, if at all. Last season, Twitch could not have handled something this technically demanding. Joshua could’ve hung with it and Mark would’ve been divine as the Mark/Bow Wow Wow combo was always magic. In S3, Danny and the Hunchback could’ve brought it, but Pasha would’ve really struggled. Travis is the only S2 boy that I could see being up to the technical demands of the piece at the time that he was on the show. Both Benji and Ivan seem to have grown enormously as dancers since their time on SYTYCD, but during their season, nope. Neither one. Well, in S1, Blake and Nick would’ve been divine but Jamile, yeah, I can’t see it.
There Was a Dominant Submission
Girls Group Number/Contemporary (Kick It [Stereohouse Remix])/Sonya – Three ladies with impeccable technique + Bow Wow Wow. What’s not to love? I thought the routine was excellent fun. Loved the costumes and loved Cat and her cuff forming the perfect fourth. They dance and fight crime! I was again struck by Kayla. She’s so beautiful when she dances. I wish she weren’t so stank. Maybe she’ll grow out of it?
Random Musings and Losings
I love how much Mary misses Janette. I do too, kittens. It’s just wrong.
Nigel needs to give the whole “no star quality” thing a rest because after all, he cast the show with nobodies like random ballroom boy whose name I don’t even remember anymore and his equally scintillating partner who got voted off week one, Ms. No Name. Or such sparklers as Tony “No Growth Arc” Bellisimo or even folks like Fat Face and Karla who were cute and all that but never stars. All the while Natalie weeps in a corner somewhere wailing and gnashing her teeth.
To refute Nigel’s inane point, Brandon Bryant is a superstar and he was the best dancer of them all last year when he didn’t even make the show and with the criminal booting of Janette last week, he will take it all if there is any justice in this world.
In a sane world, we’d say goodbye to Melissa and Evan tonight, but Evan has become the cockroach of the season, and I say this as someone who really likes him, so he could totally eke through. If he manages to bump Ade, I’ll be sad but not inconsolable. But Kittens, if he somehow causes me to lose Brandon, there will be blood.
Friday, July 17, 2009
SYTYCD S5 Finals Ep12 The Emmy Voters Are On Crack
Really, Emmy voters? Really? Mia’s door dance monstrosity over Sonya’s Secret Garden piece or over her own contemporary for Joshua and Katee? Tasty’s contemporary for Will and Jessica was lovely, but it was better than the pas de deux Desmond Richardson choreographed for Will and Katee? Really? I loved Mark and Chelsea with an unholy passion, but was Bleeding Love really a more accomplished piece than No Air? I mean, bad enough that you had to throw NappyTab in the mix at all, but at least pick the right number. And don’t even get me started on the fact that Padma “Monotone is the only tone” Lakshmi got a nod for Best Reality Host while Cat Deeley is on the outside looking in. Crack is whack, Emmy voters.
Wade’s opening piece was a thing of beauty which will likely get snubbed by Emmy voters next year due to the aforementioned crack addiction. And it sure seems like somebody likes Melissa an awful lot, no? I can’t even hate, though, noodles because granny was fierce. Not only was her pointe work flawless, but she also found a way to dance and move gracefully in pointe shoes while not on pointe. That is no mean feat, darlings. The duo of Jeanine and Kayla were powerful and graceful, further proving the points that Kayla is much more likeable now that she’s shed her first two partners and that Jeanine is magic. The other kids didn’t detract, nor did they stand out. And who else but Wade would give us stepping rice paddy workers, a geisha ballerina, and chasse-ing lady ninjas? Loved it.
I thought all the kids who didn’t dress themselves looked adorable last night. The crack hos were on point because apparently the Emmy voters smoked up all the available crack and they work better clean and sober. Likewise, the trannys in hair and make up decided to bring it since one of their own was inexplicably nominated for an Emmy and why, god, why? Sadly, that means our dear Cat Deeley, bravely sticking to her plan to do her own thing this season, was once again caught out there on crazy fashion island with Citizen #1 and President of Ridiculous Clothing Land, Kupono, as her only companion. Cat’s continuing determination to show us her cooter is mystifying. She’s cute and all, but I’d prefer not to be all up in her cooch. As for Kupono, I have no words, kittens. When one gets to the point in one’s life where a mesh, backless half shirt, a bleached seaweed belt and avocado green capri length Hammer pants sound like a perfectly good outfit, then one has really gone too far to be redeemed. To be sent home looking that ridiculous. Oh, the humanity!
As for our bottom 4, well two of them were right. Kittens, Kupono and Randi leaving last night was written in the stars, but I didn’t see Melissa and Ade joining them in B2. For the girls, someone fabulous was going to wind up as Randi’s counterpart regardless, but Evan’s fan base is mighty if it could carry him past that horrible African and into safety. I’m thinking it had to be Ade’s ridiculously unmusical solo that sank him, no? Given that, it’s a shame that he had to do it again. Let’s hope he learns something from this, because he is going to have to bring it to get past Evan and his fans next week . . . or someone will have to bring it, even if it’s not him. Evan can’t possibly have as bad a week as this one, and I predict they’ll pair him up with Janette as the least problematic partner. And Janette makes all of her partners better, so he’s bound to have an up week. What I’m saying is, the other three boys had best come loaded for bear or else.
You know who else makes everyone better? Ms. Debbie Allen. From calling Mary out on her role in sending Randi to the B2 to . . . calling Mary out on her weave, she was every inch fabulous! Forget her as a judge, darlings, I want to stalk her and make her my friend and spiritual guide.
The big 100th Episode is on tap and since I was in the house for the taping of some of that, I am excited to see how it comes out on TV. I hope that they pair up Janette and Evan next week because I don’t want to see that fool in Cuban heels ever again. A Jeanine/Brandon pairing would be lovely, but it would also likely ensure that Brandon has to do another ballroom dance since Jeanine just had contemporary and has already done two hip hop routines with the Chbeeb, so instead I’ll take Jeanine/Ade. Maybe some of her musicality will rub off on him. That means Brandon and Kayla since he’s already been paired with Melissa and that would be fine since it’s about time for Kayla to get hip hop and we know that he can smash it. Unfortunately, kittens, that would leave Melissa with that personality vacuum, Jason. Last week, I wouldn’t have worried about that at all, but she has lost a lot of steam since then. As the always on point Debbie Allen noted, we need more from her at this stage of the competition. Lovely technique and a cutesy smile are not enough. She needs to bring the sparkle, if she can. Noodles, there must be some reason why she hasn’t reached a stage in her career at her age where she wouldn’t feel the need to go on a show like SYTYCD. If it does shake out as a Jason/Melissa pairing, they’re going to need to get someone great like Mia to give them another killer routine if they hope to leap into the top 6. And since Jason just had contemporary this week, that ain’t likely to happen. I predict that my prediction of the naughty ballerina in the top 4 will fail miserably and we will see Jason and Melissa go home next week.
Wade’s opening piece was a thing of beauty which will likely get snubbed by Emmy voters next year due to the aforementioned crack addiction. And it sure seems like somebody likes Melissa an awful lot, no? I can’t even hate, though, noodles because granny was fierce. Not only was her pointe work flawless, but she also found a way to dance and move gracefully in pointe shoes while not on pointe. That is no mean feat, darlings. The duo of Jeanine and Kayla were powerful and graceful, further proving the points that Kayla is much more likeable now that she’s shed her first two partners and that Jeanine is magic. The other kids didn’t detract, nor did they stand out. And who else but Wade would give us stepping rice paddy workers, a geisha ballerina, and chasse-ing lady ninjas? Loved it.
I thought all the kids who didn’t dress themselves looked adorable last night. The crack hos were on point because apparently the Emmy voters smoked up all the available crack and they work better clean and sober. Likewise, the trannys in hair and make up decided to bring it since one of their own was inexplicably nominated for an Emmy and why, god, why? Sadly, that means our dear Cat Deeley, bravely sticking to her plan to do her own thing this season, was once again caught out there on crazy fashion island with Citizen #1 and President of Ridiculous Clothing Land, Kupono, as her only companion. Cat’s continuing determination to show us her cooter is mystifying. She’s cute and all, but I’d prefer not to be all up in her cooch. As for Kupono, I have no words, kittens. When one gets to the point in one’s life where a mesh, backless half shirt, a bleached seaweed belt and avocado green capri length Hammer pants sound like a perfectly good outfit, then one has really gone too far to be redeemed. To be sent home looking that ridiculous. Oh, the humanity!
As for our bottom 4, well two of them were right. Kittens, Kupono and Randi leaving last night was written in the stars, but I didn’t see Melissa and Ade joining them in B2. For the girls, someone fabulous was going to wind up as Randi’s counterpart regardless, but Evan’s fan base is mighty if it could carry him past that horrible African and into safety. I’m thinking it had to be Ade’s ridiculously unmusical solo that sank him, no? Given that, it’s a shame that he had to do it again. Let’s hope he learns something from this, because he is going to have to bring it to get past Evan and his fans next week . . . or someone will have to bring it, even if it’s not him. Evan can’t possibly have as bad a week as this one, and I predict they’ll pair him up with Janette as the least problematic partner. And Janette makes all of her partners better, so he’s bound to have an up week. What I’m saying is, the other three boys had best come loaded for bear or else.
You know who else makes everyone better? Ms. Debbie Allen. From calling Mary out on her role in sending Randi to the B2 to . . . calling Mary out on her weave, she was every inch fabulous! Forget her as a judge, darlings, I want to stalk her and make her my friend and spiritual guide.
The big 100th Episode is on tap and since I was in the house for the taping of some of that, I am excited to see how it comes out on TV. I hope that they pair up Janette and Evan next week because I don’t want to see that fool in Cuban heels ever again. A Jeanine/Brandon pairing would be lovely, but it would also likely ensure that Brandon has to do another ballroom dance since Jeanine just had contemporary and has already done two hip hop routines with the Chbeeb, so instead I’ll take Jeanine/Ade. Maybe some of her musicality will rub off on him. That means Brandon and Kayla since he’s already been paired with Melissa and that would be fine since it’s about time for Kayla to get hip hop and we know that he can smash it. Unfortunately, kittens, that would leave Melissa with that personality vacuum, Jason. Last week, I wouldn’t have worried about that at all, but she has lost a lot of steam since then. As the always on point Debbie Allen noted, we need more from her at this stage of the competition. Lovely technique and a cutesy smile are not enough. She needs to bring the sparkle, if she can. Noodles, there must be some reason why she hasn’t reached a stage in her career at her age where she wouldn’t feel the need to go on a show like SYTYCD. If it does shake out as a Jason/Melissa pairing, they’re going to need to get someone great like Mia to give them another killer routine if they hope to leap into the top 6. And since Jason just had contemporary this week, that ain’t likely to happen. I predict that my prediction of the naughty ballerina in the top 4 will fail miserably and we will see Jason and Melissa go home next week.
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