Noodles, let’s deal with the Adam thing quickly because I have to talk about the real crime last night. Being in the B3 wasn’t some big shock. Color me unsurprised. As I said in my recap, the vocals on that song were less than his usual perfection and it worked for me, but much like the Ring of Fire performance, I can bet that there was more than one Midwestern household whose occupants were going “What the fuck was that?” after he got done. B2 was a little surprising, but that just shows that Kris has got some serious juice. Boy has been a comer all season long so please do not sleep on the lovely and talented Mr. Allen. And ultimately, time in the B3 will be good for our little alien glam boy/girl sex god. You could tell by his attitude (and the perfectly delicious backstage footage of Kris and Adam having a flirty little pow wow) that he was really not caring all that much. But his fans will care a lot and will be motivated to get off their skinny jeans clad butts, stop counting their glitter covered chickens before they hatch, and actually vote this fool into the finale where he belongs.
No kittens, none of the purportedly OMG stuff from last night was really all that heart stopping. What really shocked the conscience was the blatant attempt to make us believe that somehow the Dawg and Judge #4 are more than random wastes of space and air time at the end of the row down from Simon and his increasing irrelevance and desperate attempts to cling to a time when he was young and fit enough to rock a tight, white tee and Paula’s ever more brazen breasts. I’m sorry; I’m just not buying it. Ryan, you’re my favorite wee closet gay of all time and I would drink your bath water, but you will never, never convince me that Judge #4 has an intelligence level above most single celled organisms, especially not when she admits to blowing one of your contestants on the regular on live national television. And when the best advice that the Dawg can come up with for a man with a mini-teeth/mini-hair tumor hidden under a bucket hat and a serious case of goat voice vibrato is to “continue to make it hot?” Yeah. Useless. Simon would have to come up there and dribble into a sippy cup for the next three thousand seasons to make a smackdown between him and the dynamic duo even a remotely fair fight. Egregious, darlings.
The rest of last night’s show was just kind of there, no? Now that Lil and her stank face are gone, the kids actually did the group sing live completely putting the lie to the producer’s excuse that the schedule was just so demanding that they couldn’t possibly learn a routine that any half way decent HS show choir could master in an afternoon. (Watch Glee and make your blogger really, really happy, kittens!) And let me tell you, the fact that we had weeks and weeks of lip synched crap because people like Lil and White Stevie Wonder and Tattoo Sleeve did not have the vocal chops to stay in tune during a one minute medley chaps my ass more than any brief sojourn that Adam takes in the B3, darlings. Trust. So anyway, the kids sang. They all sounded lovely because they have actual talent. Kris looked like the cutest farmhand you’ve ever seen. Adam looked like he didn’t really want to be there. And Frikkin’ Gokey continued to be disturbingly hot and if someone could tell me how to make that stop, I’d be most appreciative. Kisses.
Then the kids continued to look ridiculously beautiful in the pimpmercial, which was one of the better ones with the cool black and white cinematography and the fade into a full color shot of the inhumanly beautiful face of one Kris Allen. And on the real, kiddies? Hotter than the sun! It’s not possible to be that beautiful.
Then we had not one, not two, but three pointless guest performances because the results show has to be an hour or else the world will implode or something. Natalie Cole looked insanely skinny but somehow still amazing despite wearing gold Glad Bags as a dress, but she has some kind of consumption so I will give her a pass. Her voice sounded like ass, but she still managed to rock the hell out of Something’s Gotta Give because she’s a fucking pro. AI-lettes, take notes. She and Ryan then babbled about Korea and Orange County and I don’t know if that was secretly a little bit racist, but I think it might have been. Sadly, Jamie Foxx was just as bad live as he always is, and for the love of god, will someone please murder T-Pain and bury all of his vocoders so deep in the desert that they will never be recovered already? That shit is killing modern urban radio, noodles. Taylor Hicks was there and I refuse. That’s all.
So after a lot of shenanigans and the millionth played out rendition of the Annual “Stand with the Group of Non-Losers” Bo Bice Memorial Sit On the Stage Invitational (which Adam refused to play and god love him for it), a teary eyed Matt G. was sent home. And a weary, goat voice, vibrato battered nation was grateful.
Slash and Adam in the same universe is turning my brain into mushy goop as we speak and I’m loving it. The theme is right and the players set for the longed for Gokey boot. Let’s see what happens next week, shall we?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
American Idol S8 Finals Ep15 The Best Is Yet to Come, Come the Day You’re Mine
Kittens, not only was this the best Idol episode this entire season, it might be one of the top Idol Finals episodes of all time. No lie. I’m still on a contact high from the awesomeness of the kids. And seriously, can there be any doubt that this top 5 is, top to bottom, the best of all time? I mean, in S1, we were still dealing with the likes of RJ and Nikki McKibbin in the top 5. S2? We hadn’t even kicked Josh Gracin to the curb by the time we reached top 5. Jasmine Trias from Hawai’i committed heinous acts against innocent standards on Big Band Night in the S3 top 5. S4? We were still dealing with A Fed and Scott “Serial Killer” Savol. S5? Well, Taylor was the winner of the whole season, so there you go. The last three seasons have seen a consistent bump in quality once we reached top 5 territory, but darlings, I think we’ve got the cream right here. When a perfectly serviceable performance by Goat Boy is the worst that the kids serve up on the night, you know we have something special cooking. Let’s dissect the elements of an awesome night of reality TV, shall we?
Wardrobe, Hair and Make Up
Darlings, I’ve been hard on the crack whores in wardrobe and the angry trannys in hair and make up this season. I know. I’m not ready to put all that behind me just yet. (After all, they did put Paula in a dress that looked like a used maxi-pad with wings) But dammit, the kids looked gorgeous last night. Ryan continued to kill it as he has done all season long, but noodles, don’t we all know that nary an AI hand ever touches a hair on the metrosexual’s metrosexual? What warmed the cockles of my black little heart was that Adam and Kris continued to define sexy in completely different but equally yummy ways. And the fact that the more I hate Gokey, the hotter he gets. Next week, I expect him to spontaneously combust into a pool of goateed hotness and smarm. But my favorite, oh by far my favorite, was our little Manic Panic chola. Was that a toned down, almost restrained shade of pink with tasteful, black lowlights on her head? Was she rocking a gorgeous black and white chiffon skirt and black bustier that was elegant and yet age appropriate? Did she almost remind one of the late, great Ms. Diana Vreeland in her carefully chosen chunky and whimsical accessories? (Loved the rings most especially) What? Noodles, we loved, no? Even Matt, with Vonn Smith’s stolen bucket hat and an ill fitted suit (Why, hello, too much cuff!), made an attempt to look appropriately Rat Pack-ian. Many, many snaps, tranny/hos. I don’t know how long you can keep this up, but for one night, you were magnificent.
Ricky Minor and the Band
Simon only noted the boffo arrangement laid down for Gokey, but Ricky and Co. had their best outing of the season last night, much like their charges did, no? They caressed those notes on Allison’s tender take on Someone to Watch Over Me. They were mellifluous as Kris sexily oozed his way through The Way You Look Tonight. They commanded the stage as Danny went crazy on the end of Come Rain or Come Shine. And when Adam Lambert came sexy swaggering down those red lit stairs on Feelin’ Good, the music was saucy, sassy, and dead sexy over the top, much like the man who was sauntering right out of our dreams and into our pants. And while Matt’s chops weren’t quite up to the task, I thought the arrangement on My Funny Valentine was first rate. Sad about the key change fiasco. We all know who to blame it on, don’t we kiddies? Which brings us to . . .
Kick Ass Mentor
So Jamie Foxx wanted to throw Kris to the ground and ravish him and then take him on tour for some free range booty on tap, was bedazzled by Adam and his “FIGJAM but you like it” ways, struggled with the fact that Allison is a tremendous vocal talent yet kind of a cipher in real life, was dying to get up in Frikkin’ Gokey’s grill and smack the smug right out of him, and sabotaged Matt? He’s OK by me, kittens. Let’s just get Jamie to come ‘round every week and talk real talk to these fools, shall we? I can even forgive him for giving perhaps the most spectacularly misguided and wrong headed advice in the history of Idol mentors to Matt. If I know only one thing, it is that the verses to My Funny Valentine will scrape against the bottom of anyone’s lower register, while the bridge and chorus will take you right past your upper register if you let them. The trick is to sing the verse a step above your natural key and then find a way to arrange the song so that you can come in on the chorus and the bridge maybe a half step lower so you don’t strain for the notes. Everyone who’s ever tried to sing along with Chaka Khan knows this. So what the hell kind of mentoring was that, Jamie Foxx? The kind of mentoring that doesn’t actually mentor. Not everyone has access to Pro-Trax and a vocoder, mmmkay? That said, if he helps finally, finally rid us of the goat voice vibrato, I will love him even more than I already did for the Miley Cyrus beatdown.
Great Songs Sung Greatly
Set aside the fact that I highly doubt that any of these songs were ever in a Rat Pack set list, y’all. The kids just uniformly made good choices last night. Songs that fit their voices and personalities. And for the most part, they knocked it out vocally.
Kris Allen/The Way You Look Tonight – Hotter than the sun. I loved how he started out soft and slow and then changed up the tempo mid-song to a nice rhythmic groove and rode that all the way out to the last note and steamy stare into the camera. And if that sounded like I was talking about sex, well, I was. Noodles, I think Simon and I might’ve both used the adjective “wet” to describe that performance but in completely different contexts. Can I say that I loved it? Kris has hit his grown and sexy stride.
Allison Iraheta/Someone to Watch Over Me – This kid sings so over her head. It’s ridiculous, really, is what it is. Depth, passion, emotion, connection. Manic Panic laid it all out on that stage last night. The performance was breathtaking. And then she opened her mouth to speak. Kittens, I totally got what Simon was saying. There is a difference between thinking you can win and thinking you will win. Can win still admits the possibility of can’t win. Will win leaves no room for doubt. And will win is what brings the confetti shower at the end of the season in this competition. Now, there is such a thing as too smug will win (See Gokey, Frikkin’ or Fivehead) but that, too, is often what brings the confetti shower. If Manic Panic doesn’t find a way to bring “Performance Allison” into “Live Interview Allison” real soon, she’s gonna find out what fourth feels like.
Random side note: The Dawg pulled out a Brittany Murphy reference? Clueless era or Bobble Head era? And does it even matter? Who references Brittany Murphy in any context whatsoever? That one, throw away line explains sooo much about why Randy Jackson is the pathetic creature that he is.
Matt Giraud/My Funny Valentine – He coulda been a contender, but he listened to Jamie Foxx and now he’s just a bum. And once again, Simon forces me to agree with the Dawg and Judge #4 which means that we are so not friends right now. The key change screwed him utterly on the verses and forced him to scrape along the absolute limits of his lower register, which made him sound out of tune and pitchy. The choruses were fine and even some of the runs were pretty, but, as the Dawg noted, some of them just didn’t quite get there because he was coming into them already in the wrong key. It was a muddle of a performance, is what it was. I will give Simon a sliver of a point back because I did feel that Matt was emotionally connected to this song. And yes, haters, the phrasing was excellent – unexpected and not a copycat of other singers on a well known song that’s impossibly hard to make sound new and fresh. I won’t be sad to see the end of Goat Boy, but I will be sad that he went down following not his own musical instincts but through the diabolical machinations of one Jamie Foxx.
Frikkin Gokey/Come Rain or Come Shine – Love the song choice. Loved the voice. Loved the way the song crescendoed at the end and just allowed him to go full throttle and unleash that gorgeous gift of an instrument. Loved that he toned it down, for him, and kept the cheese factor at bay during the performance. And then, Wham! Darlings, did he just clap for himself? Did he just thank the audience like Jamie Foxx was gonna jump on stage and hand him a fucking Oscar? Did he just congratulate himself for taking Simon’s advice and being even more awesome this week than he usually is? Did he just do the fucking heart hands again? Oh, it’s on, bitch! Do not think you can dazzle me with your voice and I’ll forget about how much of a tool you really are. Frikkin’ Gokey. Can we get that surprise elimination now, please?
Adam Lambert/Feelin’ Good – I honestly don’t have any more words about Adam. He went the farthest off theme of any of the kids last night. The vocals were not pristine, definitely a little pitch problem on the first verse. He may have been the most ridiculously over the top that he’s been since doing Ring of Fire. And I was mesmerized. When he smoldered into that camera as the lights went down and he glistened red like the devil himself come to lead us all into damnation, all I could think of was, “I want me some of that demon ass!” He is magic and already beyond a superstar and into a supernova phenomenon. But kittens, I’m not one of those ones who’s all “I don’t even care if he wins, I just want to see him each week.” Or even worse yet one of those, “It would be better for him if he didn’t win because then he could make the kind of music he really wants to make and not be beholden to 19E.” Fuck that noise. If Adam doesn’t win, the heavens will crumble. The skies will turn black and the rivers run red and all of creation will rebel at the injustice of it all.
And then we’ll be distracted because Glee is having a sneak preview and So You Think You Can Dance is coming back. But I really want Adam to win all the same, noodles. Don’t you?
Rock Week without Allison? That’s unpossible. I hope y’all did the right thing.
Wardrobe, Hair and Make Up
Darlings, I’ve been hard on the crack whores in wardrobe and the angry trannys in hair and make up this season. I know. I’m not ready to put all that behind me just yet. (After all, they did put Paula in a dress that looked like a used maxi-pad with wings) But dammit, the kids looked gorgeous last night. Ryan continued to kill it as he has done all season long, but noodles, don’t we all know that nary an AI hand ever touches a hair on the metrosexual’s metrosexual? What warmed the cockles of my black little heart was that Adam and Kris continued to define sexy in completely different but equally yummy ways. And the fact that the more I hate Gokey, the hotter he gets. Next week, I expect him to spontaneously combust into a pool of goateed hotness and smarm. But my favorite, oh by far my favorite, was our little Manic Panic chola. Was that a toned down, almost restrained shade of pink with tasteful, black lowlights on her head? Was she rocking a gorgeous black and white chiffon skirt and black bustier that was elegant and yet age appropriate? Did she almost remind one of the late, great Ms. Diana Vreeland in her carefully chosen chunky and whimsical accessories? (Loved the rings most especially) What? Noodles, we loved, no? Even Matt, with Vonn Smith’s stolen bucket hat and an ill fitted suit (Why, hello, too much cuff!), made an attempt to look appropriately Rat Pack-ian. Many, many snaps, tranny/hos. I don’t know how long you can keep this up, but for one night, you were magnificent.
Ricky Minor and the Band
Simon only noted the boffo arrangement laid down for Gokey, but Ricky and Co. had their best outing of the season last night, much like their charges did, no? They caressed those notes on Allison’s tender take on Someone to Watch Over Me. They were mellifluous as Kris sexily oozed his way through The Way You Look Tonight. They commanded the stage as Danny went crazy on the end of Come Rain or Come Shine. And when Adam Lambert came sexy swaggering down those red lit stairs on Feelin’ Good, the music was saucy, sassy, and dead sexy over the top, much like the man who was sauntering right out of our dreams and into our pants. And while Matt’s chops weren’t quite up to the task, I thought the arrangement on My Funny Valentine was first rate. Sad about the key change fiasco. We all know who to blame it on, don’t we kiddies? Which brings us to . . .
Kick Ass Mentor
So Jamie Foxx wanted to throw Kris to the ground and ravish him and then take him on tour for some free range booty on tap, was bedazzled by Adam and his “FIGJAM but you like it” ways, struggled with the fact that Allison is a tremendous vocal talent yet kind of a cipher in real life, was dying to get up in Frikkin’ Gokey’s grill and smack the smug right out of him, and sabotaged Matt? He’s OK by me, kittens. Let’s just get Jamie to come ‘round every week and talk real talk to these fools, shall we? I can even forgive him for giving perhaps the most spectacularly misguided and wrong headed advice in the history of Idol mentors to Matt. If I know only one thing, it is that the verses to My Funny Valentine will scrape against the bottom of anyone’s lower register, while the bridge and chorus will take you right past your upper register if you let them. The trick is to sing the verse a step above your natural key and then find a way to arrange the song so that you can come in on the chorus and the bridge maybe a half step lower so you don’t strain for the notes. Everyone who’s ever tried to sing along with Chaka Khan knows this. So what the hell kind of mentoring was that, Jamie Foxx? The kind of mentoring that doesn’t actually mentor. Not everyone has access to Pro-Trax and a vocoder, mmmkay? That said, if he helps finally, finally rid us of the goat voice vibrato, I will love him even more than I already did for the Miley Cyrus beatdown.
Great Songs Sung Greatly
Set aside the fact that I highly doubt that any of these songs were ever in a Rat Pack set list, y’all. The kids just uniformly made good choices last night. Songs that fit their voices and personalities. And for the most part, they knocked it out vocally.
Kris Allen/The Way You Look Tonight – Hotter than the sun. I loved how he started out soft and slow and then changed up the tempo mid-song to a nice rhythmic groove and rode that all the way out to the last note and steamy stare into the camera. And if that sounded like I was talking about sex, well, I was. Noodles, I think Simon and I might’ve both used the adjective “wet” to describe that performance but in completely different contexts. Can I say that I loved it? Kris has hit his grown and sexy stride.
Allison Iraheta/Someone to Watch Over Me – This kid sings so over her head. It’s ridiculous, really, is what it is. Depth, passion, emotion, connection. Manic Panic laid it all out on that stage last night. The performance was breathtaking. And then she opened her mouth to speak. Kittens, I totally got what Simon was saying. There is a difference between thinking you can win and thinking you will win. Can win still admits the possibility of can’t win. Will win leaves no room for doubt. And will win is what brings the confetti shower at the end of the season in this competition. Now, there is such a thing as too smug will win (See Gokey, Frikkin’ or Fivehead) but that, too, is often what brings the confetti shower. If Manic Panic doesn’t find a way to bring “Performance Allison” into “Live Interview Allison” real soon, she’s gonna find out what fourth feels like.
Random side note: The Dawg pulled out a Brittany Murphy reference? Clueless era or Bobble Head era? And does it even matter? Who references Brittany Murphy in any context whatsoever? That one, throw away line explains sooo much about why Randy Jackson is the pathetic creature that he is.
Matt Giraud/My Funny Valentine – He coulda been a contender, but he listened to Jamie Foxx and now he’s just a bum. And once again, Simon forces me to agree with the Dawg and Judge #4 which means that we are so not friends right now. The key change screwed him utterly on the verses and forced him to scrape along the absolute limits of his lower register, which made him sound out of tune and pitchy. The choruses were fine and even some of the runs were pretty, but, as the Dawg noted, some of them just didn’t quite get there because he was coming into them already in the wrong key. It was a muddle of a performance, is what it was. I will give Simon a sliver of a point back because I did feel that Matt was emotionally connected to this song. And yes, haters, the phrasing was excellent – unexpected and not a copycat of other singers on a well known song that’s impossibly hard to make sound new and fresh. I won’t be sad to see the end of Goat Boy, but I will be sad that he went down following not his own musical instincts but through the diabolical machinations of one Jamie Foxx.
Frikkin Gokey/Come Rain or Come Shine – Love the song choice. Loved the voice. Loved the way the song crescendoed at the end and just allowed him to go full throttle and unleash that gorgeous gift of an instrument. Loved that he toned it down, for him, and kept the cheese factor at bay during the performance. And then, Wham! Darlings, did he just clap for himself? Did he just thank the audience like Jamie Foxx was gonna jump on stage and hand him a fucking Oscar? Did he just congratulate himself for taking Simon’s advice and being even more awesome this week than he usually is? Did he just do the fucking heart hands again? Oh, it’s on, bitch! Do not think you can dazzle me with your voice and I’ll forget about how much of a tool you really are. Frikkin’ Gokey. Can we get that surprise elimination now, please?
Adam Lambert/Feelin’ Good – I honestly don’t have any more words about Adam. He went the farthest off theme of any of the kids last night. The vocals were not pristine, definitely a little pitch problem on the first verse. He may have been the most ridiculously over the top that he’s been since doing Ring of Fire. And I was mesmerized. When he smoldered into that camera as the lights went down and he glistened red like the devil himself come to lead us all into damnation, all I could think of was, “I want me some of that demon ass!” He is magic and already beyond a superstar and into a supernova phenomenon. But kittens, I’m not one of those ones who’s all “I don’t even care if he wins, I just want to see him each week.” Or even worse yet one of those, “It would be better for him if he didn’t win because then he could make the kind of music he really wants to make and not be beholden to 19E.” Fuck that noise. If Adam doesn’t win, the heavens will crumble. The skies will turn black and the rivers run red and all of creation will rebel at the injustice of it all.
And then we’ll be distracted because Glee is having a sneak preview and So You Think You Can Dance is coming back. But I really want Adam to win all the same, noodles. Don’t you?
Rock Week without Allison? That’s unpossible. I hope y’all did the right thing.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
SYTYCD Extra We Interrupt This Blog to Freak the F@%# Out
So You Think You Can Dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
So You Think You Can Dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot wait, kittens!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled AI Blog.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
Oh my god
So You Think You Can Dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot wait, kittens!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled AI Blog.
American Idol S8 Extra Live & Swinging
Anoop could’ve killed with a little Dean Martin or Ol’ Blue Eyes. Oh, what might have been, kittens! And yet, I think Rat Pack Night could be oodles of fun. Adam is sure to serve it. Kris, I think, will do quite well. I have built a lot of faith in our sweet and sexy young thing since the start of the finals. Frikkin’ Gokey has a lovely voice and he could do well, but the smarm will kill me. And honestly, I think Matt could rock it tonight. In a tux with the bowtie undone, slightly disheveled and five o’clock shadow-y, tickling the ivories and with a glass of bourbon on the edge of the Baby Grand. Oh, my yes, darlings. The one I’m worried about is Allison. Not that she couldn’t do well with these songs. I mean, they’re not called classics for nothing, and she could certainly be the Shirley MacLaine to the boys Sammy and Dean. And she’s shown an ability with her take on Bonnie Raitt to connect on an emotional level with a song well beyond her years and experience. But the mush mouth pronunciation. Noodles, this will be an issue, no? Half of the beauty of great jazz and standards singing is in the phrasing and the enunciation, and she’s really kind of not so good at that. Let’s pray that the vocal coaches are on overdrive this week. You can’t go wrong with most of the Rat Pack songbook, but here’s what I’d most especially like the kids to tackle this evening. I limited myself to songs that appeared on actual live cast albums from Rat Pack performances, kittens. See how I sacrifice for you?
Adam
All the Way (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr. - The Summit in Concert 1962) – He could bring back the tender, Tears of a Clown performer on a song like this. This is a hypothetical love song, y’all, and aren’t those always the best kind? Pau Pau would be in tears before the band finished the intro.
One for My Baby (Rat Pack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – I would like to see him turn this into a techno/dance rave up. I love this song and its bluesy, boozy air of regret. Tack a good dance beat onto this and I would be over the moon.
Call Me Irresponsible (Rat Pack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – “Call me unpredictable/Tell me I’m impractical/Rainbows, I’m inclined to pursue” Kittens, it’s like the theme song to Adam’s entire life!
Who am I kidding, noodles? Adam will be amazing and I will love whatever he does. Write that across the sky for eternity, kiddies.
Allison
Goody Goody (The Clan in Chicago, Live at the Villa Venice, Chicago 1962) – It’s a song made famous by Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers. Could there be a better fit for our Manic Panic chola? I think not. Ella Fitzgerald also did a spiffy version of this song that could provide the jazzier pattern to follow that is required on Rat Pack night. This song is young and fun and flirty and I think we need to see that from Allison after a couple of weeks of more ballad-y choices.
He’s Funny That Way (The Clan in Chicago, Live at the Villa Venice, Chicago 1962) – You cannot go wrong with Lady Day and Allison has the chops to pull this song off. And honestly, with the way the crack whores and angry trannys have been styling her, is there a more appropriate lyric than “Not much to look at/nothing to see”? I think not, noodles.
A Foggy Day (The Rat Pack Live at the Sands) – This is another upbeat, fun song that really swings. Basically, I just think Allison needs to find that nugget of fun, playfulness that the Rat Pack had in such abundance and really show us that side of herself. Keep it light, that’s the order for the evening.
Frikkin’ Gokey
The Lady Is a Tramp (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr. - The Summit in Concert 1962) – No more dirges. No more songs that lend themselves to pointing up to the sky, to teary eyed post-song interviews, to the goddamn heart hand. This song certainly has the potential to be cheesy, but it’ll be a different kind of cheese, no? Dare I say that it has the potential to be Rat Pack-ian? Finger snapping, pointing at the audience, smarmy smile cheese, no? Not ghoulish, dead wife overshare cheese. That’s something, right kiddies?
The Birth of the Blues (The Clan in Chicago, Live at the Villa Venice, Chicago 1962) – I still believe that Frikkin’ Gokey has enough soul and talent in him to deliver a knock out performance, but he’s gonna need to step all the way out of his box. That means not really doing the Rat Pack/Sammy Davis, Jr./Frank Sinatra version. Think Bela Fleck. Think Chet Atkins. Think real jazz musicians. Now put a stripped down Gokey into that equation. No hopping around, no mugging, no heart hand gestures. (I can’t let it go, darlings. It’s so wrong! And now they are doing it in commercials. What is wrong with this world?) It could really work. He’d never do it.
I Have Dreamed (The Rat Pack Live at the Sands) – Probably more his speed and would allow for just the kind of smarm he looooves to bring by the truckload. But, at least it’s a beautiful song. And since it’s sung by a pair of star crossed lovers in The King and I doomed to be beaten and beheaded by the end of the play, I can contemplate Gokey’s all too timely demise to distract myself from the performance. What? I’m just wishing that he could be reunited with his wife so that they could make heavenly heart hand signals to all their friends and family.
Kris
I Can’t Give You anything but Love (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr. - The Summit in Concert 1962) – This song is sexy and cheeky and playful, much like Kris. I like seeing him have fun and smile. He’s not really debauched enough to be a Rat Packer at their swinging, devil may care best, no? This is about the only mid-tempo number of theirs that I could see Kris taking on without being crushed under the weight of those teen angel good looks.
I Only Have Eyes for You (Ratpack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – I adore this song. The doo wop version is actually my favorite, and I think Kris could nail it and have the swaybots swooning in the pit. Judge #4 might just melt clean away. Double bonus!
I’ve Got You Under My Skin (Ratpack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – Bono proved that this song could sound completely contemporary and radio friendly for the 90’s. I’d love to see Kris work some of his re-arranging mojo and make it contemporary and radio friendly for the 00’s. He and Adam are the only two I trust to do almost anything with a song. (Kris gets an almost for the abomination that was All She Wants to Do Is Dance and that horrible semi-finals MJ. Never forget, kittens!)
Matt
She’s Funny That Way (The Clan in Chicago, Live at the Villa Venice, Chicago 1962) – I know I said I’d like to see Allison do this number, and that’s still true. But damn if I don’t think Matt could kill with a gender flipped version of this song. He could really let out some of that mack daddy swagger that’s always there, even when it’s unearned, on this tune. Tell us about how much your woman loves to work and slave for you, Matt. This song has a totally different resonance when sung from the male POV, not that I expect any of these kids to get that. Well, maybe Adam. But if Matt could get that and own that, well, this song could be fire.
King of the Road (Ratpack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – I expect that this is more up his alley, noodles. This is where the tux with the open shirt and undone bowtie comes in. And for the love of all that’s holy, leave the vibrato in the valise, pretty please? These songs were not meant to be riffed upon unless you have skills like Sarah Vaughn, which we already know Matt does not. I fear the attempts to scat which might occur should Matt get it into his head that he’s some kind of modern day Sammy Davis, Jr.
You Make Me Feel So Young (Ratpack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – This could be breezy fun. A nice, forgettable mid-pack number that would get him sent home. And isn’t that what we all want deep down, noodles? Because if it’s not him, you know it’s going to be Manic Panic. Gokey’s not going anywhere and Kris and Adam are too good. So let’s all hope for a clichéd song with clean but not overwhelming vocals from Goat Boy so that he can finally, finally go home. I do believe he’s all out of lives.
Adam
All the Way (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr. - The Summit in Concert 1962) – He could bring back the tender, Tears of a Clown performer on a song like this. This is a hypothetical love song, y’all, and aren’t those always the best kind? Pau Pau would be in tears before the band finished the intro.
One for My Baby (Rat Pack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – I would like to see him turn this into a techno/dance rave up. I love this song and its bluesy, boozy air of regret. Tack a good dance beat onto this and I would be over the moon.
Call Me Irresponsible (Rat Pack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – “Call me unpredictable/Tell me I’m impractical/Rainbows, I’m inclined to pursue” Kittens, it’s like the theme song to Adam’s entire life!
Who am I kidding, noodles? Adam will be amazing and I will love whatever he does. Write that across the sky for eternity, kiddies.
Allison
Goody Goody (The Clan in Chicago, Live at the Villa Venice, Chicago 1962) – It’s a song made famous by Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers. Could there be a better fit for our Manic Panic chola? I think not. Ella Fitzgerald also did a spiffy version of this song that could provide the jazzier pattern to follow that is required on Rat Pack night. This song is young and fun and flirty and I think we need to see that from Allison after a couple of weeks of more ballad-y choices.
He’s Funny That Way (The Clan in Chicago, Live at the Villa Venice, Chicago 1962) – You cannot go wrong with Lady Day and Allison has the chops to pull this song off. And honestly, with the way the crack whores and angry trannys have been styling her, is there a more appropriate lyric than “Not much to look at/nothing to see”? I think not, noodles.
A Foggy Day (The Rat Pack Live at the Sands) – This is another upbeat, fun song that really swings. Basically, I just think Allison needs to find that nugget of fun, playfulness that the Rat Pack had in such abundance and really show us that side of herself. Keep it light, that’s the order for the evening.
Frikkin’ Gokey
The Lady Is a Tramp (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr. - The Summit in Concert 1962) – No more dirges. No more songs that lend themselves to pointing up to the sky, to teary eyed post-song interviews, to the goddamn heart hand. This song certainly has the potential to be cheesy, but it’ll be a different kind of cheese, no? Dare I say that it has the potential to be Rat Pack-ian? Finger snapping, pointing at the audience, smarmy smile cheese, no? Not ghoulish, dead wife overshare cheese. That’s something, right kiddies?
The Birth of the Blues (The Clan in Chicago, Live at the Villa Venice, Chicago 1962) – I still believe that Frikkin’ Gokey has enough soul and talent in him to deliver a knock out performance, but he’s gonna need to step all the way out of his box. That means not really doing the Rat Pack/Sammy Davis, Jr./Frank Sinatra version. Think Bela Fleck. Think Chet Atkins. Think real jazz musicians. Now put a stripped down Gokey into that equation. No hopping around, no mugging, no heart hand gestures. (I can’t let it go, darlings. It’s so wrong! And now they are doing it in commercials. What is wrong with this world?) It could really work. He’d never do it.
I Have Dreamed (The Rat Pack Live at the Sands) – Probably more his speed and would allow for just the kind of smarm he looooves to bring by the truckload. But, at least it’s a beautiful song. And since it’s sung by a pair of star crossed lovers in The King and I doomed to be beaten and beheaded by the end of the play, I can contemplate Gokey’s all too timely demise to distract myself from the performance. What? I’m just wishing that he could be reunited with his wife so that they could make heavenly heart hand signals to all their friends and family.
Kris
I Can’t Give You anything but Love (Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr. - The Summit in Concert 1962) – This song is sexy and cheeky and playful, much like Kris. I like seeing him have fun and smile. He’s not really debauched enough to be a Rat Packer at their swinging, devil may care best, no? This is about the only mid-tempo number of theirs that I could see Kris taking on without being crushed under the weight of those teen angel good looks.
I Only Have Eyes for You (Ratpack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – I adore this song. The doo wop version is actually my favorite, and I think Kris could nail it and have the swaybots swooning in the pit. Judge #4 might just melt clean away. Double bonus!
I’ve Got You Under My Skin (Ratpack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – Bono proved that this song could sound completely contemporary and radio friendly for the 90’s. I’d love to see Kris work some of his re-arranging mojo and make it contemporary and radio friendly for the 00’s. He and Adam are the only two I trust to do almost anything with a song. (Kris gets an almost for the abomination that was All She Wants to Do Is Dance and that horrible semi-finals MJ. Never forget, kittens!)
Matt
She’s Funny That Way (The Clan in Chicago, Live at the Villa Venice, Chicago 1962) – I know I said I’d like to see Allison do this number, and that’s still true. But damn if I don’t think Matt could kill with a gender flipped version of this song. He could really let out some of that mack daddy swagger that’s always there, even when it’s unearned, on this tune. Tell us about how much your woman loves to work and slave for you, Matt. This song has a totally different resonance when sung from the male POV, not that I expect any of these kids to get that. Well, maybe Adam. But if Matt could get that and own that, well, this song could be fire.
King of the Road (Ratpack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – I expect that this is more up his alley, noodles. This is where the tux with the open shirt and undone bowtie comes in. And for the love of all that’s holy, leave the vibrato in the valise, pretty please? These songs were not meant to be riffed upon unless you have skills like Sarah Vaughn, which we already know Matt does not. I fear the attempts to scat which might occur should Matt get it into his head that he’s some kind of modern day Sammy Davis, Jr.
You Make Me Feel So Young (Ratpack: From Vegas to St. Louis: Sands Hotel Las Vegas Sept 6th 1963; St. Louis 1965) – This could be breezy fun. A nice, forgettable mid-pack number that would get him sent home. And isn’t that what we all want deep down, noodles? Because if it’s not him, you know it’s going to be Manic Panic. Gokey’s not going anywhere and Kris and Adam are too good. So let’s all hope for a clichéd song with clean but not overwhelming vocals from Goat Boy so that he can finally, finally go home. I do believe he’s all out of lives.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
American Idol S8 Finals Ep14 Don’t Leave Me This Way
Lament with me, kittens. Our great Anoop is dead.
Ok, lamentation done.
Noodles, it was sad, but on the real? Anoop was not going to be our next American Idol. And he threw away his chances week after week with both hands. Beat It? That sad, sad Usher impersonation? The parade of Members Only jackets? Heck, even on his sing out (which was scads better than on performance night, btw) he still forgot half the words to the damn song. The Idol gods help those who help themselves, darlings.
But mixed in with the bitter last night was an ample helping of sweet, no? Lil and her parade of ever worsening ,Kanekalon weaves and her stank face attitude and her second alto to the right church choir voice are gone home. And she took her butt and her white go-go boots with her. And I say good riddance to bad rubbish. Most disappointing pre-finals fan favorite of all time? I think so, darlings. Let us never speak of her again.
What else was sweet? Kittens, can we deal with the group sing? Yes, the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad lip synching was back in full effect. But everything else about that group sing was dyno-mite! Let’s start at the very beginning. Seeing Paula Abdul in her element kicked tremendous amounts of ass. It’s so easy to forget from the vantage point of eight seasons of drunk Paula that the woman is a kick ass dancer and choreographer. Cold Hearted Snake? What? Possibly the best dance intensive video of all time – nods to Bob Fosse not withstanding. She just looked so relaxed and easy and confident and in control putting the kids through their paces. And for the most part, they did mama proud. [Insert rant about Frikkin’ Gokey here.] Adam danced his ass off. Kris made me love awkward white boy dancing and the rest of the kids were sufficiently funky, funky. And the return of the pointy pose. Oh, pointy pose! I think I’ve missed you most of all.
Hmmm? What else? How about Thelma Houston and Freda Payne’s ta-tas joining Paula’s rebel army, the Breast Liberation Front? Or the fact that Paula did so much drunk chair dancing, and with such joy and abandon, that she’s sure to have aggravated the much discussed “back injury” which will cause her to go back on the sauce leading to the return of incoherent, Rainbow Paula? What about the juxtaposition of D’Archie, still looking like the cutest and cuddliest lost Teletubby ever being trotted out after the exhumed and bloated corpse of KC had just defiled the stage? Poor D’Archie. Or poor, befuddled Ryan? You try having a conversation with D’Archie and Manic Panic. Between the two of them, there’s not enough brain sparkage to light a gasoline soaked match. There was minimal judgery. And while Anoop might have been sent packing (and taken the world’s cutest parents home with him) at least he looked good going.
All in all, an enjoyable night of Idol. I will be crying again next week when it sinks in that losing Anoop means one more week of both Goat Boy and Frikkin’ Gokey, but for now, peace and be satisfied, kiddies.
Ok, lamentation done.
Noodles, it was sad, but on the real? Anoop was not going to be our next American Idol. And he threw away his chances week after week with both hands. Beat It? That sad, sad Usher impersonation? The parade of Members Only jackets? Heck, even on his sing out (which was scads better than on performance night, btw) he still forgot half the words to the damn song. The Idol gods help those who help themselves, darlings.
But mixed in with the bitter last night was an ample helping of sweet, no? Lil and her parade of ever worsening ,Kanekalon weaves and her stank face attitude and her second alto to the right church choir voice are gone home. And she took her butt and her white go-go boots with her. And I say good riddance to bad rubbish. Most disappointing pre-finals fan favorite of all time? I think so, darlings. Let us never speak of her again.
What else was sweet? Kittens, can we deal with the group sing? Yes, the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad lip synching was back in full effect. But everything else about that group sing was dyno-mite! Let’s start at the very beginning. Seeing Paula Abdul in her element kicked tremendous amounts of ass. It’s so easy to forget from the vantage point of eight seasons of drunk Paula that the woman is a kick ass dancer and choreographer. Cold Hearted Snake? What? Possibly the best dance intensive video of all time – nods to Bob Fosse not withstanding. She just looked so relaxed and easy and confident and in control putting the kids through their paces. And for the most part, they did mama proud. [Insert rant about Frikkin’ Gokey here.] Adam danced his ass off. Kris made me love awkward white boy dancing and the rest of the kids were sufficiently funky, funky. And the return of the pointy pose. Oh, pointy pose! I think I’ve missed you most of all.
Hmmm? What else? How about Thelma Houston and Freda Payne’s ta-tas joining Paula’s rebel army, the Breast Liberation Front? Or the fact that Paula did so much drunk chair dancing, and with such joy and abandon, that she’s sure to have aggravated the much discussed “back injury” which will cause her to go back on the sauce leading to the return of incoherent, Rainbow Paula? What about the juxtaposition of D’Archie, still looking like the cutest and cuddliest lost Teletubby ever being trotted out after the exhumed and bloated corpse of KC had just defiled the stage? Poor D’Archie. Or poor, befuddled Ryan? You try having a conversation with D’Archie and Manic Panic. Between the two of them, there’s not enough brain sparkage to light a gasoline soaked match. There was minimal judgery. And while Anoop might have been sent packing (and taken the world’s cutest parents home with him) at least he looked good going.
All in all, an enjoyable night of Idol. I will be crying again next week when it sinks in that losing Anoop means one more week of both Goat Boy and Frikkin’ Gokey, but for now, peace and be satisfied, kiddies.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
American Idol S8 Finals Ep13 And Then There Were Two
Adam and Kris. Kris and Adam. It was all about those two last night. Do you like your peanut butter smooth or crunchy, kittens? ‘Cause both of these boys bring the salty goodness in their own way. Disco Night was not nearly the train wreck that I had been anticipating. In fact, it served to pretty neatly separate the wheat from the treacly, heart handed and be-weaved chaff. Let’s do it ‘til we’re satisfied, darlings.
That’s the way (uh huh, uh huh) I like it (uh huh, uh huh)
Adam Lambert/If I Can’t Have You – Great, great song choice here. Yes, the pattern is showing – slow song, fast song, slow song, fast song. But when he is this good, I don’t even care, noodles. The suit was a perfect wardrobe choice, reminiscent of the Disco years without taking it to the John Travolta, white polyester place. The hair was awesomely bridge and tunnel South Jersey pompadour. The voice. Y’all, this fool can blow. But what did he most bring that mama told y’all about yesterday? Abandon. Total commitment to the performance. The way he and his arranger (lord bless him) completely twisted this song into something I’ve never heard before was magical. When the judges finally had an opening to talk about making the song your own, nothing. Well, Paula couldn’t have said it because she was crying too hard, but at least the Dawg could’ve busted it out. Kiddies, Adam is already a superstar whether he wins this competition or not. To quote L’il Mama, that was a “10, 10, 10, Shebang” performance. Haters will hate, but there’s really no denying this fool has got the goods.
Kris Allen/She Works Hard for the Money – Let’s all just acknowledge that this is in no way, shape, or form a disco song. While Donna Summers did have many a disco hit, this was not one of them. Kris totally cheated on tonight’s theme, so a slap on the . . . wrist for that. All good? Good. Because Kris was absolute fire last night, kittens. Hotter than the sun. The white tee and the dog tags and the guitar with the funky drummers? Yep, I was digging it. And I loved what he did to that song. I don’t know if he masterminded that arrangement or not and frankly, I don’t care. That was good, good stuff right there. Mmmmm, Mraz-y. Judge #4 was so hot and bothered that she couldn’t do anything but scream the child’s name over and over for about 20 seconds which Kris is probably used to, although I’m sure the monkey faced wife was not amused. And Paula, my Paula, took it to the bitch song place. She’s so on point this season, darlings. I think she’s having a Flowers for Algernon event. Next season, she’ll be back running around on the wheel and babbling about rainbows and the colors of someone’s voice and we’ll all cry and sing Ben or some shit. Anyway, Kris rocked the party. All night long.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Allison Iraheta/Hot Stuff – Well, this is not the song I would’ve chosen for her, obvi. But I liked the kinda rocked out version that she laid down. It was very Allison. Manic Panic really has a great sense of herself as an artist and I always appreciate that. And the vocals were on point, as usual. As Paula stated, that last note was amazing. Sadly, she was once again dressed like a baby Frankenhooker. A baby Frankenhooker with a really bad addiction to home permanent kits. Kittens, it wasn’t good. I tell you, despite the fact that the performance kicked ass, I am concerned for my little chola. Middle of the pack and not a true knock out, and the judges damned with faint praise as they are wont to do with this one. I hope she has the spirit of Gloria Gaynor with her tonight.
Side Note: The judges’ panel would be exactly the same if we got rid of Judge #4 and put a parrot on the stage who would just repeat the last three things that Randy said. Discuss.
Anoop Desai/Dim All the Lights – I was so frustrated with this performance, darlings, because our little Anouk was this close to creating a truly great moment. This song choice was inspired. One of Donna’s slept on disco classics. It starts out slow and then mellows into a mid-tempo groove. And Anoop killed the slow part at the beginning; he was almost in a Robin Thicke place. I mean just absolutely spot on vocals and a real connection to the song. And then the back half of the song happened. And the back half of that song was a Katrina level disaster. Did he just forget every single word of the song? Why yes, I think he did! There are other words to that song than “dim all the lights” repeated over and over and over again. I’m sure of it. And he looked like a deer caught in the headlights, crouching down to touch some outstretched hands from the swaybot pit, incessantly fiddling with the lapels on his jacket. It just was not good. As for the look, well once again he got it half right. The slightly scruffy hair and the 5:00 shadow? I’m loving it. The embrace of the pink? Loving that, too. But the suit was ill fitted. He should’ve gone to Ryan’s tailor. And suit over sweater has been done to death and that particular look didn’t match the night’s theme or the song. Also, suit with sweater with tie with button down with tennis shoes equals 10th grade English teacher trying to be hipster, quirky cute and failing. Not quite, I think, what he was going for. When Paula takes it to the “You look fabulous tonight” place, you know that she haaaaattteeed it. And while it wasn’t his worst performance (Beat It, Simon?) it was far from his best and perhaps the least pimp slot worthy performance of the season. Squandered opportunity right there, kiddies. Go big or go home? I fear that my sexy geek may be going home after that one.
Once I had a love and it was a gas, soon turned out to be a pain in the ass
Matt Giraud/Staying Alive – Once upon a time this season, round about the fifty millionth audition episode, I threatened to cut this fool with a broken bottle. We had moved past that, though. While I never embraced Matt, there was that one time, at Idol camp, where he was kind of awesome. All that is gone now, noodles. Shadows and dust. What on earth would possess him to choose this played out song? This is a song that cannot not be cheesy. Unless you are a Bee Gee, you should not be singing this song. Ever. For real. And the saddest part is, kiddies, that he sounded the best he has in weeks. He kept the vibrato mostly in check and stayed mostly in tune. But when Simon called that performance desperate and unoriginal, I think he was being too kind. That reminded me of the one drunk, obnoxious guy that your friend always brings along to the bar because she swears that he’s really fun, but he’s not, but she doesn’t see it, right? So the drunk, obnoxious tool toddles over to the jukebox, wastes a dollar, and dials up some cheesy as fuck song like Stayin’ Alive and proceeds to bleat it out at the top of his lungs while dancing around like an idiot putting his butt way too close to some poor couple’s buffalo wings and just overall embarrassing everyone in the group while your friend kind of huddles in the corner pretending like she didn’t know that he was that much of an asshole. Yes, that was what Matt’s performance was like. And he might actually stay another week while someone more worthy like Anoop or Allison goes home. Tragic.
Frikkin’ Gokey/September – Yep, noodles, it’s like that. He’s lost his first name privileges with me. And the bitch chose the song that I wanted for Matt. Bloody hell. It was a great song choice, of course. And his voice sounded great, more on pitch and in tune than it has been in many a minute. But the whole thing paled in comparison to the way that Kris deconstructed She Works Hard for the Money or the way Adam just completely made a new song out of If I Can’t Have You. I mean, really, it was kind of dull as dishwater, no? It got Paula up and drunk chair dancing, but any old thing will do that. And the cheese factor. Oh, my stars and garters! The cheese was strong with this one last night. Grinning like a fool through the entire song, making a heart with his hands? Somebody please get this tool off of my TV screen. There’s no star power there. If he gets even a whiff of the AI crown this season, he’ll make Taylor Hicks look like Bono. This fool is just a choir director with a good voice. He should go home and be all about that and be happy with that, because he’ll never be a big pop star.
Lil Rounds/I’m Every Woman – I will give one teeny, tiny point to Ms. Rounds. Obviously, she was not aping Chaka Khan on this song. She was clearly doing an almost note for note copy of the Whitney version of this song. And doing it quite poorly, I might add. We’ve gone through all the permutations of “She’s not a belter and she doesn’t have a big voice like Whitney or Mariah or Chaka Kahn” that I can think of, and she and her bad weaves and insanely out of control ass are going home this week anyway, thank jeebus. So really, is there anything left to say? Oh, yes. Judges, watch your backs. Lil’s mom looked ready to kick off her heels, take off her earrings and do work on y’all last night. Best guard your grills.
I could lose any of my personal B3 tonight, noodles. Sadly, I think it’s going to be Lil and either Anoop or Allison that winds up going home. Damn you, Judge #4. Damn you to hell. Your lust for Matt and that nasty ass growth on his forehead is going to cost me an actual good contestant. I hope Simon Fuller is happy now. (And seriously, kittens, that thing on Matt’s forehead is alarming. I think it’s probably sprouted its own mini-head by now. You know, like when they remove tumors from people and they see that the tumors have grown mini teeth and eyes and hair and stuff? That must be the reason for all the hats)
Did I state that I was ready to just give Adam the crown already, because seriously? I’ll see you darling kids later after I come down off my D’Archie high. Now that’s the kind of former Idol guest I’m talking about.
That’s the way (uh huh, uh huh) I like it (uh huh, uh huh)
Adam Lambert/If I Can’t Have You – Great, great song choice here. Yes, the pattern is showing – slow song, fast song, slow song, fast song. But when he is this good, I don’t even care, noodles. The suit was a perfect wardrobe choice, reminiscent of the Disco years without taking it to the John Travolta, white polyester place. The hair was awesomely bridge and tunnel South Jersey pompadour. The voice. Y’all, this fool can blow. But what did he most bring that mama told y’all about yesterday? Abandon. Total commitment to the performance. The way he and his arranger (lord bless him) completely twisted this song into something I’ve never heard before was magical. When the judges finally had an opening to talk about making the song your own, nothing. Well, Paula couldn’t have said it because she was crying too hard, but at least the Dawg could’ve busted it out. Kiddies, Adam is already a superstar whether he wins this competition or not. To quote L’il Mama, that was a “10, 10, 10, Shebang” performance. Haters will hate, but there’s really no denying this fool has got the goods.
Kris Allen/She Works Hard for the Money – Let’s all just acknowledge that this is in no way, shape, or form a disco song. While Donna Summers did have many a disco hit, this was not one of them. Kris totally cheated on tonight’s theme, so a slap on the . . . wrist for that. All good? Good. Because Kris was absolute fire last night, kittens. Hotter than the sun. The white tee and the dog tags and the guitar with the funky drummers? Yep, I was digging it. And I loved what he did to that song. I don’t know if he masterminded that arrangement or not and frankly, I don’t care. That was good, good stuff right there. Mmmmm, Mraz-y. Judge #4 was so hot and bothered that she couldn’t do anything but scream the child’s name over and over for about 20 seconds which Kris is probably used to, although I’m sure the monkey faced wife was not amused. And Paula, my Paula, took it to the bitch song place. She’s so on point this season, darlings. I think she’s having a Flowers for Algernon event. Next season, she’ll be back running around on the wheel and babbling about rainbows and the colors of someone’s voice and we’ll all cry and sing Ben or some shit. Anyway, Kris rocked the party. All night long.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Allison Iraheta/Hot Stuff – Well, this is not the song I would’ve chosen for her, obvi. But I liked the kinda rocked out version that she laid down. It was very Allison. Manic Panic really has a great sense of herself as an artist and I always appreciate that. And the vocals were on point, as usual. As Paula stated, that last note was amazing. Sadly, she was once again dressed like a baby Frankenhooker. A baby Frankenhooker with a really bad addiction to home permanent kits. Kittens, it wasn’t good. I tell you, despite the fact that the performance kicked ass, I am concerned for my little chola. Middle of the pack and not a true knock out, and the judges damned with faint praise as they are wont to do with this one. I hope she has the spirit of Gloria Gaynor with her tonight.
Side Note: The judges’ panel would be exactly the same if we got rid of Judge #4 and put a parrot on the stage who would just repeat the last three things that Randy said. Discuss.
Anoop Desai/Dim All the Lights – I was so frustrated with this performance, darlings, because our little Anouk was this close to creating a truly great moment. This song choice was inspired. One of Donna’s slept on disco classics. It starts out slow and then mellows into a mid-tempo groove. And Anoop killed the slow part at the beginning; he was almost in a Robin Thicke place. I mean just absolutely spot on vocals and a real connection to the song. And then the back half of the song happened. And the back half of that song was a Katrina level disaster. Did he just forget every single word of the song? Why yes, I think he did! There are other words to that song than “dim all the lights” repeated over and over and over again. I’m sure of it. And he looked like a deer caught in the headlights, crouching down to touch some outstretched hands from the swaybot pit, incessantly fiddling with the lapels on his jacket. It just was not good. As for the look, well once again he got it half right. The slightly scruffy hair and the 5:00 shadow? I’m loving it. The embrace of the pink? Loving that, too. But the suit was ill fitted. He should’ve gone to Ryan’s tailor. And suit over sweater has been done to death and that particular look didn’t match the night’s theme or the song. Also, suit with sweater with tie with button down with tennis shoes equals 10th grade English teacher trying to be hipster, quirky cute and failing. Not quite, I think, what he was going for. When Paula takes it to the “You look fabulous tonight” place, you know that she haaaaattteeed it. And while it wasn’t his worst performance (Beat It, Simon?) it was far from his best and perhaps the least pimp slot worthy performance of the season. Squandered opportunity right there, kiddies. Go big or go home? I fear that my sexy geek may be going home after that one.
Once I had a love and it was a gas, soon turned out to be a pain in the ass
Matt Giraud/Staying Alive – Once upon a time this season, round about the fifty millionth audition episode, I threatened to cut this fool with a broken bottle. We had moved past that, though. While I never embraced Matt, there was that one time, at Idol camp, where he was kind of awesome. All that is gone now, noodles. Shadows and dust. What on earth would possess him to choose this played out song? This is a song that cannot not be cheesy. Unless you are a Bee Gee, you should not be singing this song. Ever. For real. And the saddest part is, kiddies, that he sounded the best he has in weeks. He kept the vibrato mostly in check and stayed mostly in tune. But when Simon called that performance desperate and unoriginal, I think he was being too kind. That reminded me of the one drunk, obnoxious guy that your friend always brings along to the bar because she swears that he’s really fun, but he’s not, but she doesn’t see it, right? So the drunk, obnoxious tool toddles over to the jukebox, wastes a dollar, and dials up some cheesy as fuck song like Stayin’ Alive and proceeds to bleat it out at the top of his lungs while dancing around like an idiot putting his butt way too close to some poor couple’s buffalo wings and just overall embarrassing everyone in the group while your friend kind of huddles in the corner pretending like she didn’t know that he was that much of an asshole. Yes, that was what Matt’s performance was like. And he might actually stay another week while someone more worthy like Anoop or Allison goes home. Tragic.
Frikkin’ Gokey/September – Yep, noodles, it’s like that. He’s lost his first name privileges with me. And the bitch chose the song that I wanted for Matt. Bloody hell. It was a great song choice, of course. And his voice sounded great, more on pitch and in tune than it has been in many a minute. But the whole thing paled in comparison to the way that Kris deconstructed She Works Hard for the Money or the way Adam just completely made a new song out of If I Can’t Have You. I mean, really, it was kind of dull as dishwater, no? It got Paula up and drunk chair dancing, but any old thing will do that. And the cheese factor. Oh, my stars and garters! The cheese was strong with this one last night. Grinning like a fool through the entire song, making a heart with his hands? Somebody please get this tool off of my TV screen. There’s no star power there. If he gets even a whiff of the AI crown this season, he’ll make Taylor Hicks look like Bono. This fool is just a choir director with a good voice. He should go home and be all about that and be happy with that, because he’ll never be a big pop star.
Lil Rounds/I’m Every Woman – I will give one teeny, tiny point to Ms. Rounds. Obviously, she was not aping Chaka Khan on this song. She was clearly doing an almost note for note copy of the Whitney version of this song. And doing it quite poorly, I might add. We’ve gone through all the permutations of “She’s not a belter and she doesn’t have a big voice like Whitney or Mariah or Chaka Kahn” that I can think of, and she and her bad weaves and insanely out of control ass are going home this week anyway, thank jeebus. So really, is there anything left to say? Oh, yes. Judges, watch your backs. Lil’s mom looked ready to kick off her heels, take off her earrings and do work on y’all last night. Best guard your grills.
I could lose any of my personal B3 tonight, noodles. Sadly, I think it’s going to be Lil and either Anoop or Allison that winds up going home. Damn you, Judge #4. Damn you to hell. Your lust for Matt and that nasty ass growth on his forehead is going to cost me an actual good contestant. I hope Simon Fuller is happy now. (And seriously, kittens, that thing on Matt’s forehead is alarming. I think it’s probably sprouted its own mini-head by now. You know, like when they remove tumors from people and they see that the tumors have grown mini teeth and eyes and hair and stuff? That must be the reason for all the hats)
Did I state that I was ready to just give Adam the crown already, because seriously? I’ll see you darling kids later after I come down off my D’Archie high. Now that’s the kind of former Idol guest I’m talking about.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
American Idol S8 Extra Burn Baby Burn
Remember how excited I was for Motown Night, kittens, even though I knew deep down it would suck? Yeah, I feel no such thing for Disco Night. You know it's going to suck. I know it's going to suck. And yet, it really doesn't have to, does it? Even more so than with Motown, disco offers up the goods that fit perfectly with this type of show. I mean, Motown songs require soul and actual singing talent beyond what most of these kids bring to the table. But disco? This was the beginning of not really needing to sing well to become a superstar. Not to take away anything from the Donna Summers and Gloria Gaynors of the world. Many, many disco classics are vocally tremendous. Just ask Gloria Estefan and/or Haley Scarnato. But any good karaoke denizen knows that even that meek secretary in cubicle four at the office can do a mean We Are Family or Best Disco in Town.
The thing that makes disco great, noodles, is the thing that most of these kids lack, or if they ever had it, the show has leeched it out of them in its relentless effort to get these kids into their boxes. Abandon. Great disco needs total abandon. No self consciousness. No guilt. Just giving in completely to the good times and reveling in the music and the moment. Which is why Adam is going to blow the doors off, Allison and Kris have a chance to be great, and everyone else will suck. But anyway, kiddies, it's anon now and here's what I hope our merry band will sing in a couple of hours.
Adam Lambert
Anything. Everything. Can we just have a whole evening of Adam Does Disco with special guest appearances by Manic Panic and the suddenly sexy Kris Allen? No? OK, then. I'll limit myself to a top three:
Take Your Time (Do It Right) - Sexy. Sexy. Dead sexy. Adam could tear this jam up. And I would love to hear him get all nasally up in his nasal on the chorus to this song.
Don't Leave Me This Way - Can you imagine our little alien sex god ripping into the chorus of this song? Whoo. I need a cigarette, kiddies. And I think he'd play around with the melody in interesting ways. I can see him doing terrible, unexpected things to this song and I would eat it up with a spoon.
Shake Your Body Down to the Ground - I know we've already had MJ night, but this is Jackson 5. Totally different vibe. And this song is a funky, funky classic. Drunk chair dancing by Paula would be ensured (not that this will be a worry. It will happen).
Allison Iraheta
Manic Panic wasn't even an ova in her mama's uterus when disco ruled the world, but she has such an old soul feel to her that I think she could do really,really well on disco night. She has that abandon thing when she sings (although she lacks it utterly when she talks, no?) and she's such a pro as a performer. She also has motivation because she needs a comeback after last week's debacle, so I expect her to bring it. Perhaps with one of the following:
Last Dance - What I love about this song for our little chola is that it provides little opportunity for poor pronunciation or dropping lyrics, two bad habitsthat she needs to break in the worst possible way. She could smooth it out on the slow part and then kick it up for the toe-tapping finale and there's verylittle chance of a repeat of the sad, sad group sing moment from last week where she just went ahead and made up some lyrics that Giorgio Moroder never dreamed of.
Knock On Wood - One of life's perfect songs, kittens. And I don't think there's a better song for her voice in all of disco-dom. She'd kill with this.
I Love the Nightlife - See what I just said above? Yeah, same thing here. Bonus points if she does the second verse rather than the first and sings the "Maybe that'll make a man outta you" line right to the Dawg. Sweet.
Kris Allen
Love Train - OK, so it's a little gloopy, but Kris is a little gloopy, no? And I think he'd be so cute singing this song. The entire audience might go into sugar shock.
What A Fool Believes - I always love this fool unleashing a little blue eyed soul, kiddies, and nobody does that better than Michael McDonald. I just don'twant to see him at the piano. I think another stand there and sing it straight moment could destroy. And maybe I'm cheating on the disco theme, but dammit,I still say the What's Happening episode with the Doobie Brothers in it was that show's finest hour and that show was the 70's for me so see how it fits? Ofcourse you do!
If You Could Read My Mind - This song is so trippy. Why were songs in the 70's so insane? Was it all the coke and the fucking? Nah, that's always been around in the world of music. I think people were maybe just a little bit crazy, noodles. Anyway, love this song - both the original and the disco meets techno remake that came out in the early 00's. I'd actually love to see Kris do that version and flip the script on the theme.
Anoop Desai
As I said in my last post, kittens, I am so afraid for Anoop. He has to be very, very careful here because Disco is a harsh mistress. As much as I love this sexy, south Asian geek kid, my train wreck alarm is going off. That said, there are songs, even up tempo songs, that I think he could do quite well with.
Best of My Love - Noodles, you all know my feelings about the bitch song, no? But, but darlings, this song is not really a bitch song. Take it down a couple of octaves and you'll see that it's a gender neutral dance classic with a groove that cannot be denied. Anoop could do that R&B mack thing that he's been longing to do but hasn't been able to because he seems to always be aping his betters. This would be an unexpected and daring choice for him, and I've been wanting him to take on a female song that could be butched up for a while now. He'll never choose this, but don't you wish that he would?
The First, the Last, My Everything - No, I'm not joking. Chris Tucker did a wonderful job with it in Rush Hour and that was in jest. There's no way that Anoop can give a copycat performance with this song because nobody has a voice like Barry's. This could be fun. And of course, it could also be horribly,tragically wrong, but no guts, no glory, right darlings?
On Broadway - A stool, a guitar player and a spotlight. That's all he needs plus his gorgeous voice, to finally, finally have his Idol "moment" with this song. Don't quit til you're a star, Anouk.
Lil Rounds
Much like Motown Week, Disco Night is tailor made for her and her voice. Much like Motown Week, Lil will find a boring way to screw her chance all to hell. I tire of this one. If I cared at all, here's what I'd suggest that she sing:
Shame - Great song, not a belter's song at all and thus perfect for her. Also apt as this is exactly what she should be feeling after weeks and weeks of lackluster performances.
The Boss - Diana is living proof of the heights of fabulosity that can be reached by a diva with only an OK voice. Of course, Lil doesn't have one iota of Ms. Ross' charisma and star quality, and the Idols have already proven to be not quite up to the task of taking on the supreme Supreme. But if Lil had theballs, she could turn this song out and kick some serious ass. Maybe even make me forget the nightmare that was Chris Richardson bleating this song in S6. When will the lambs stop screaming, y'all?
Young Hearts, Run Free - This song in the Baz Luhrmann version of Romeo + Juliet was amazing. You know what, noodles? I changed my mind. I don't want Lil to even get a whiff of this song. My memories of Harold Perrineau in a white sequined halter and mini combo and white afro wig are too pristine.
Never Knew Love Like This Before - So, Stephanie Mills is, in fact, a belter par excellence. But, this song is one of her more restrained. I think Lil would rock this joint. It might be finally, finally in the right key for her. What? Bye bye, pitchy Lil. A girl can dream, can't she?
Danny Gokey
Frikkin' Gokey is still here and there's no way he won't last out the week. Sigh. He's gonna be cheesy as all get out, trust, so he might as well go all the way.
I love Music - Cheese
Blame It On the Boogie - On
Working My Way Back to You - Toast
Matt Giraud
He has everything that it takes to actually do pretty well with this theme, which has me scared for both Anoop and Allison. Kittens, I have a great sense of foreboding. I think this fool might actually turn it out this week and cash in on the judges' wholly unearned gift of a save last week. And if he takes out any of my top 4, I will drive to that CBS studio, burn it down and salt the earth. Or, you know, just write a nasty blog post about how much I hate him. Same diff. He could do very well with any of these:
September - He can be funkdafied when he wants to be, and this is the kind of song where the goat voice and the vibrato could actually work in his favor. Dammit.
Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough - What if he did this Timberlake style? Picture it, a little falsetto, a little vest/tie/fedora, a little goatee. This couldbe fire for him. Double dammit.
Gimme the Night - Not as well known as some other disco cuts but just as potently funky. This is a sexy, sexy groove. He could start out tickling the ivories and then just break it the hell on down. He might get back to the sexy Matt that peeked out that one time, remember, kittens? Double dog dammit.
Be afraid.
The thing that makes disco great, noodles, is the thing that most of these kids lack, or if they ever had it, the show has leeched it out of them in its relentless effort to get these kids into their boxes. Abandon. Great disco needs total abandon. No self consciousness. No guilt. Just giving in completely to the good times and reveling in the music and the moment. Which is why Adam is going to blow the doors off, Allison and Kris have a chance to be great, and everyone else will suck. But anyway, kiddies, it's anon now and here's what I hope our merry band will sing in a couple of hours.
Adam Lambert
Anything. Everything. Can we just have a whole evening of Adam Does Disco with special guest appearances by Manic Panic and the suddenly sexy Kris Allen? No? OK, then. I'll limit myself to a top three:
Take Your Time (Do It Right) - Sexy. Sexy. Dead sexy. Adam could tear this jam up. And I would love to hear him get all nasally up in his nasal on the chorus to this song.
Don't Leave Me This Way - Can you imagine our little alien sex god ripping into the chorus of this song? Whoo. I need a cigarette, kiddies. And I think he'd play around with the melody in interesting ways. I can see him doing terrible, unexpected things to this song and I would eat it up with a spoon.
Shake Your Body Down to the Ground - I know we've already had MJ night, but this is Jackson 5. Totally different vibe. And this song is a funky, funky classic. Drunk chair dancing by Paula would be ensured (not that this will be a worry. It will happen).
Allison Iraheta
Manic Panic wasn't even an ova in her mama's uterus when disco ruled the world, but she has such an old soul feel to her that I think she could do really,really well on disco night. She has that abandon thing when she sings (although she lacks it utterly when she talks, no?) and she's such a pro as a performer. She also has motivation because she needs a comeback after last week's debacle, so I expect her to bring it. Perhaps with one of the following:
Last Dance - What I love about this song for our little chola is that it provides little opportunity for poor pronunciation or dropping lyrics, two bad habitsthat she needs to break in the worst possible way. She could smooth it out on the slow part and then kick it up for the toe-tapping finale and there's verylittle chance of a repeat of the sad, sad group sing moment from last week where she just went ahead and made up some lyrics that Giorgio Moroder never dreamed of.
Knock On Wood - One of life's perfect songs, kittens. And I don't think there's a better song for her voice in all of disco-dom. She'd kill with this.
I Love the Nightlife - See what I just said above? Yeah, same thing here. Bonus points if she does the second verse rather than the first and sings the "Maybe that'll make a man outta you" line right to the Dawg. Sweet.
Kris Allen
Love Train - OK, so it's a little gloopy, but Kris is a little gloopy, no? And I think he'd be so cute singing this song. The entire audience might go into sugar shock.
What A Fool Believes - I always love this fool unleashing a little blue eyed soul, kiddies, and nobody does that better than Michael McDonald. I just don'twant to see him at the piano. I think another stand there and sing it straight moment could destroy. And maybe I'm cheating on the disco theme, but dammit,I still say the What's Happening episode with the Doobie Brothers in it was that show's finest hour and that show was the 70's for me so see how it fits? Ofcourse you do!
If You Could Read My Mind - This song is so trippy. Why were songs in the 70's so insane? Was it all the coke and the fucking? Nah, that's always been around in the world of music. I think people were maybe just a little bit crazy, noodles. Anyway, love this song - both the original and the disco meets techno remake that came out in the early 00's. I'd actually love to see Kris do that version and flip the script on the theme.
Anoop Desai
As I said in my last post, kittens, I am so afraid for Anoop. He has to be very, very careful here because Disco is a harsh mistress. As much as I love this sexy, south Asian geek kid, my train wreck alarm is going off. That said, there are songs, even up tempo songs, that I think he could do quite well with.
Best of My Love - Noodles, you all know my feelings about the bitch song, no? But, but darlings, this song is not really a bitch song. Take it down a couple of octaves and you'll see that it's a gender neutral dance classic with a groove that cannot be denied. Anoop could do that R&B mack thing that he's been longing to do but hasn't been able to because he seems to always be aping his betters. This would be an unexpected and daring choice for him, and I've been wanting him to take on a female song that could be butched up for a while now. He'll never choose this, but don't you wish that he would?
The First, the Last, My Everything - No, I'm not joking. Chris Tucker did a wonderful job with it in Rush Hour and that was in jest. There's no way that Anoop can give a copycat performance with this song because nobody has a voice like Barry's. This could be fun. And of course, it could also be horribly,tragically wrong, but no guts, no glory, right darlings?
On Broadway - A stool, a guitar player and a spotlight. That's all he needs plus his gorgeous voice, to finally, finally have his Idol "moment" with this song. Don't quit til you're a star, Anouk.
Lil Rounds
Much like Motown Week, Disco Night is tailor made for her and her voice. Much like Motown Week, Lil will find a boring way to screw her chance all to hell. I tire of this one. If I cared at all, here's what I'd suggest that she sing:
Shame - Great song, not a belter's song at all and thus perfect for her. Also apt as this is exactly what she should be feeling after weeks and weeks of lackluster performances.
The Boss - Diana is living proof of the heights of fabulosity that can be reached by a diva with only an OK voice. Of course, Lil doesn't have one iota of Ms. Ross' charisma and star quality, and the Idols have already proven to be not quite up to the task of taking on the supreme Supreme. But if Lil had theballs, she could turn this song out and kick some serious ass. Maybe even make me forget the nightmare that was Chris Richardson bleating this song in S6. When will the lambs stop screaming, y'all?
Young Hearts, Run Free - This song in the Baz Luhrmann version of Romeo + Juliet was amazing. You know what, noodles? I changed my mind. I don't want Lil to even get a whiff of this song. My memories of Harold Perrineau in a white sequined halter and mini combo and white afro wig are too pristine.
Never Knew Love Like This Before - So, Stephanie Mills is, in fact, a belter par excellence. But, this song is one of her more restrained. I think Lil would rock this joint. It might be finally, finally in the right key for her. What? Bye bye, pitchy Lil. A girl can dream, can't she?
Danny Gokey
Frikkin' Gokey is still here and there's no way he won't last out the week. Sigh. He's gonna be cheesy as all get out, trust, so he might as well go all the way.
I love Music - Cheese
Blame It On the Boogie - On
Working My Way Back to You - Toast
Matt Giraud
He has everything that it takes to actually do pretty well with this theme, which has me scared for both Anoop and Allison. Kittens, I have a great sense of foreboding. I think this fool might actually turn it out this week and cash in on the judges' wholly unearned gift of a save last week. And if he takes out any of my top 4, I will drive to that CBS studio, burn it down and salt the earth. Or, you know, just write a nasty blog post about how much I hate him. Same diff. He could do very well with any of these:
September - He can be funkdafied when he wants to be, and this is the kind of song where the goat voice and the vibrato could actually work in his favor. Dammit.
Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough - What if he did this Timberlake style? Picture it, a little falsetto, a little vest/tie/fedora, a little goatee. This couldbe fire for him. Double dammit.
Gimme the Night - Not as well known as some other disco cuts but just as potently funky. This is a sexy, sexy groove. He could start out tickling the ivories and then just break it the hell on down. He might get back to the sexy Matt that peeked out that one time, remember, kittens? Double dog dammit.
Be afraid.
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