How do I do it, kittens? I know this show so well it’s almost scary. Yes, let’s start with props to me for getting all the new pairings right. Really, there was no other way that could’ve gone down, but I’ll never pass up an opportunity to point out when I’m right. Noodles, there was so much to love about last night’s show, no? The new pairings really worked. Even Jakob/Mollee because Jakob is magic. Most of the choreographers were on fire. The crack hos saved all their crazy for Cat and turned out lovely costumes for the kids. The judges called out bad choreography and suspect dancing when warranted. So close to a perfect show. I can forgive the flaws, but not before ripping on them because what fun would that be?
If You Haven’t Got Anything Nice to Say About Anybody, Come Sit Next to Me
The Cat Deeley Problem
Cat Deeley, just what in the world? You know what, darlings, never mind. There really is no explanation for Cat’s outfit from last night. Gold lamé high waisted romper with a foot wide black elastic belt? I don’t think so. And we haven’t even commented on the bondage sandals or the atrocious hair and make up yet. Cat, you must start anew. Break out the Prell and the Philosophy Hope in a Bottle face wash. Burn that outfit and salt the earth. And then, have a check in with the crack hos in wardrobe and the trannys in hair and make up so that they can provide you with some sorely needed wardrobe tips and who ever thought I would type those words, noodles! Cat needs to get right with Fashion Jesus. Such a lovely girl. Why would she want to dress like a . . . I can’t even come up with the analogy. It defies logic. Just no.
The NappyTab Problem
Leave it to NappyTab to deliver the sole clunker routine of the night. They are really just garbage. Kiddies, they had that one routine that one time that was good, but the sun even shines on a dog’s ass some days. Please, please retire these so-called choreographers. And I hope Shane put a foot in that ass for biting on his backwards mask routine for Travis and Donyelle in S2. And I hope Travis continued the beating after Shane was done. Family, they can't even steal from their betters correctly. The routine was tired and they had two dancers that can absolutely bring it in hip hop. What a wasted opportunity.
The Fug Princess Problem
This is not really a Fug Princess problem. FP has secretly kind of worn down my resistance to her over the course of the season and made me stop worrying and learn to love the fugly. And she was the sweetest and the most charming she’s ever been last night with her little sling and her feisty attitude. And from the looks of the rehearsal clips, she came to work again this week. Kittens, she was laying it down like she was broke and the rent was due tomorrow. So the name misleads, no? Because my problem with the whole FP situation is not an FP problem. Nay, it is a show problem. It is a Nigel and Simon Fuller and bullshit machinations that stretch all the way back to Pasha and Jesse and JLo and panty flashing problem. Look, this is a competition show. If you can’t compete, you need to go home. Period. Full stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. If I’m watching the Lakers play the Celtics in the NBA finals Game 7 and Kobe Bryant can’t play that night because he threw out his shoulder practicing a Bollywood style dance number, David Stern is not going to leave it up to the fans in the stadium to decide who ultimately wins the game by popular vote and then have the referees plead with the audience to take into account Kobe’s entire body of work in order to decide whether he would have dropped 50 on those fools so that they can vote for the Lakers to win the game even though Kobe didn’t play, right? So too for SYTYCD. It’s win or go home. Not sit out, play for sympathy votes and have your husband cry or go home. The show is working these kids so hard that this situation is bound to keep cropping up in seasons to come, so they need to get on remedying the way they respond to contestant injuries immediately. If FP makes the finals over one of the three girls who actually danced last night, I will not be pleased.
The Mollee Problem
The Tween Terror danced well, better than she’s ever danced on the show. Even her solo didn’t devolve into an Olympic gymnastics floor routine until the very end. She did all everything right and since FP didn’t dance, well . . . see the paragraph above. But on a personal level, darlings, she is so unpleasant. The giggling and the baby talk and the stupid. It burns. I do not want to see this fool clogging up my finale. She is off putting in ways that Nathan only dreamed of. Who is voting for her and how can we make them stop? When she was musing about all the great things that could happen for her should she somehow manage to win this entire thing, I wanted to reach for the brain bleach in order to scrub the thought from my mind. I also wanted to ask her what exactly all these big, bold opportunities that past winners have had access to as a result of being on this show were. I’ve seen an ass load of non-winners doing other things on TV and in movies, but whither Nick, Benji, Sabra, Joshua? I’ll give Jeanine a pass because she just won like a second ago. Maybe I missed something but Twitch is the one doing movies. Lacey, Dmitri and Chelsie are the ones on DWTS. Danny’s the one with his own dance magazine. Travis is the one blowing up as a choreographer on this very show. Qwest and Donyelle are the ones taking over on ABDC. What do they all have in common? Umm, they didn’t win this show. Moron. Noodles, this one cannot make the finale. And yet, it would be wrong for her not to make the finale. I’m on the horns of a dilemma.
Butter Wouldn’t Melt in My Mouth
Everyone danced well (even if the choreography wasn’t stellar) so it doesn’t matter where we start, right? Follow the bouncing bitch, kiddies.
Mollee/Jakob/Broadway/Joey Dowling (Easy Street/Annie TV Cast Recording) – I’ve decided that I dislike this Joey Dowling. I don’t’ know what it is, kittens. Can’t quite put my finger on it. I think she thinks she’s better than she is. And she’s not all that, really. I was happy that Nigel called her out, and by extension called out Tasty, for the vaudeville and the over-reliance on the faux Fosse. There is a world of dance out there, SYTYCD Broadway choreographers. Embrace it. Let Spencer Liff be your guide. That said, I enjoyed this piece. Mollee and Jakob both have wonderful technique and it was on full display here. And the costume change in the middle was fun. They really grabbed onto the style and the characters and they interacted well together. Somehow, Jakob pulled a dancer out of Tween Terror. I think this kid can do anything.
Side note: Did Cat call Mollee an absinthe fairy? I think that might explain the outfit, noodles, don’t you?
Ellenore Solo (I Got the Feeling/James Brown) – I didn’t like it. I felt for the first time that she was trying to manufacture the quirk rather than to be the quirk. But I like her. A lot. She’s still made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
Jakob Solo (When You Say My Name/Mario Spinetti) – I don’t know that America is ready for Jakob in booty shorts. It was gorgeous – he always is – but it might have almost been a touch too feminine for your home viewing audience. I could see one of the girls doing a very similar piece and that is not OK for this show.
Ashleigh/Russell/Hip Hop/Shane (Too Much Booty 2/Bobby J Remix) – I’ve missed real hip hop on this show so, so much. Thank god for Shane Sparks. And the time off from the show has done him a world of good. I’m not a fan of revisiting iconic pieces from shows past, and one could hardly find a more seminal piece for this show than Benji and Donyelle's Too Much Booty, but I’ll be darned if Shane didn’t mostly pull it off here. The choreography was different enough that the piece paid homage to the original without seeming repetitive. And of course, he was blessed to have Russell who is simply a beast. He destroyed that routine. So hard hitting when it need to be. So smooth and fluid when it was called for. He connected with the assistant, who was totally half assing it, let’s be real. And the joy radiated off of him in waves. Russell is the truth, family. I don’t know what else to say. That move on the knee was bananas. I could watch him dance hip hop all night long. Oh, and FP was crushing it in the rehearsal footage. She had that booty shaking like a Champagne Room pro. Holla.
Kathryn/Ryan/Disco/Doriana Sanchez (Last Dance/Donna Summer) – I must say that Doriana put more dance content into that routine than normal. It wasn’t just a trick factory. There were entire eight counts where Kathryn and Ryan were doing actual choreography. What? And doing it extremely well, I might add. These two had chemistry by the bucket load. The dance was fun and sexy. Kathryn looked amazing. This would be true all night. And Ryan is perhaps the best partner dancer they have ever had. Only Pasha can touch him. He really knows how to frame his partner and he’s so solid. The hand positions in all of the turns and lifts is always right on. And he knows how to lead. He makes the lady’s work so much easier. I really liked this dance. Not just liked it for disco. Liked it period. And Doriana, a grateful America thanks you for leaving out the cunniliftus.
Mollee Solo (Heartburn/Alicia Keys) – Best solo she’s ever done on the show. She was more musical. It wasn’t just a floor routine in disguise. Kittens, the Tween Terror came to play last night.
Kathryn Solo (Shadowfeet/Brooke Fraser) – Of course, Mollee got schooled by Kathryn. I have not always enjoyed her solos, but last night she was exquisite. She showed great control, musicality, and flexibility. Her center is phenomenal. Darlings, I loved that. And she’s gorgeous. Not just as a dancer. The woman is physically just a gorgeous thing. The high talker has knocked me out this season. Who knew?
Ellenore/Legacy/Hip Hop/NappyTab (People Are Strange/The Doors District 78 Remix) – This pretty much sucked. The NappyTab problem was part of it. The other problem was that Ellenore and Legacy did not match. Their levels were off throughout most of the dance and they had some problems with synchronization. There were a couple of nice moments. Legacy doing the flares on Ellenore’s back was fancy. The freeze he hit was tight. But both of these kids are out of this world hip hop dancers. (And yes, the pun was intended) If you don’t know, you better ask somebody. Or, you know, just go to youtube and find the many, many videos of them demolishing much more technically demanding routines. This could have been spectacular. Instead it was just head scratchingly disappointing.
Mollee/Jakob/Viennese Waltz/Jason Gilickson (Ordinary Day/Vanessa Carlton) – The dance was quite beautiful. It wasn’t a waltz, so if you are willing to let that go, then you surely loved this. I am not willing to let that go, so I was annoyed. Don’t try to sell me Cucci in Chinatown and make believe it’s Tom Ford. The dance was waltz adjacent. There might have even been a moment where they were in closed hold. But between the jetes and butterfly turns (Thank you, Shankdaddy!) and all the side by side work, it can hardly qualify as ballroom. It was fine. It was a pretty, ballroom inspired, contemporary piece. I wanted to see a waltz, though, so . . . I guess you really can’t always get what you want, kiddies.
Ryan Solo (Dim Da Da/Kevin Aviance) – Ballroom dancers’ solos mostly suck. Good choice of music? The tears came off sweet and sincere rather than cheesy? Yeah, I got nothing.
Legacy (Fancy Footwork/Chromeo) – It was good but what was the business with the phone? Ummm, OK, crazy.
Ashleigh/Russell/Bollywood/Nakul (Spirit of Rangeela/Rangeela Soundtrack) – Wheeeee! Now that’s entertainment, kiddies. Darlings, this kid is a little ball of wonderful. I totally agreed with Nigel here. (And you know how much I hate it when that happens) Even with a consummate Bollywood professional as a partner, I could not take my eyes off Russell. And yes, the shirtlessness may have had something to do with that, but honestly, it was mostly due to the dancing. He was amazing in this piece. Crisp and clean and sharp and energetic and joyful. There’s that word again. Joy. Kittens, I dare you to watch this child and try to keep an ear-to-ear cheese eating grin from breaking out. And he made it look easy. And he looked good going.
Kathryn/Ryan/Cha Cha/Jason Gilickson (Hands On Me/Joss Stone) – Sex. Bomb. Kathryn’s legs go on for days. Talk about Ann Reinking. Ryan was sex on a stick and those hips needed a parental warning. Great hip action. Great feet. Smooth transitions. Lots of great partner work in hold. And the final position was love. Oh, and I would wear Kathryn’s costume as normal, around the house wear. Damn, that was good. And if ever there were a time for the damn train (and btw, Mary, there is never a time for the damn train), this was it. That’s the way you make a case for the finale, y’all.
Russell Solo (Holiday Buckness/The J Squad) – Noodles, there are so many things here. I mean, Russell was beyond fabulous. He danced right out of his shoes, not on purpose, I suspect, and then put them right back on and kept being awesome. Fierce! But why was he dressed like Santa? What is holiday buckness and how can I avoid it at all costs? Why do people put sunglasses on teddy bears? They can’t really see, you know? So many mysteries, kiddies.
Ellenore/Legacy/Contemporary/Travis Wall (Machine Gun/Portishead) – Y’all it was so good they had to give this couple the split screen. Travis frikkin’ Wall, family! And to think we knew him when. That was aggression and passion. Total commitment. They threw themselves into that dance. Ellenore is a dance warrior. And Legacy has come so far. Yes, there were many, many b-boy moves worked into the piece. So what? Contemporary is a made up genre anyway. Who’s to say what counts and what doesn’t? Why, I think that would be the choreographer, wouldn’t it? There was one irritating moment when Ellenore was downstage serving and Legacy was . . . somewhere, I don’t even know where, playing the Cedric. But overall, that was ferocious. Travis has been on fire this season. He’s not put one foot wrong. I think his piece for Jeanine and Jason will forever be my favorite Travis Wall Joint, but this one’s not far behind.
On and On and On and On
Russell, Jakob, Ellenore, Kathryn. I don’t care who rounds out the top 6. If those four don’t make it, America, you will have some splainin’ to do. If forced to make a prediction (because that’s what I do, right?), I’d think America will keep Legacy for the story and the journey. Though by rights it should be Ryan because the bitch brought it this week and he’s just a damn good partner and better all around dancer than Legacy, who has been catered to this entire season. Do the math, kittens. How many times did Ryan dance in his own style this season? Once. Last night with the cha cha. How many times did Legacy dance hip hop or get a style that allowed the choreographers to liberally sprinkle the routine with b-boy moves? Exactly. Legacy got the Twitch treatment and did well with it. Ryan got pushed out of his comfort zone practically every week and blew it up. It should be Mr. DiLello, but I expect to see him go home. For the girls, I’m stumped. It really could go either way. This will be a true test of the Tween Terror’s fan base. I think she may have just enough juice to squeeze through, so I’ll go with Mollee to fill out the final girls’ Top 6 slot, but wouldn’t be surprised at all if Fug Princess pulled off the upset.
See you in a few hours. Let’s all pray that Cat’s closet has been tragically infested by a rare species of moth only capable of digesting lamé and/or rompers and that said moths have destroyed every offending piece of clothing in her wardrobe leaving her with only a selection of simple yet elegant frocks for tonight’s festivities.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
SYTYCD S6 Finals Ep11 Here to Curse the Darkness
Oh, Cat Deeley. I love you something fierce, but let’s chat, you and I. A bustier is not the same thing as a shirt, OK? And underwear is not acceptable outside clothing. As soon as I saw you dressed like a slutty mental patient with your crazy, red smeared lips, I knew we were in for a less than stellar show. Have you gone back to the crack hos and trannys in wardrobe and hair and make up? I thought you’d made a clean break from them. I have to believe that you did not have that outfit in your own personal closet. I have to believe that you wouldn’t willingly smear fire engine red lipstick all over your mouth in such a way that you look like you applied it using the patented Molly-Ringwald-in-The-Breakfast-Club-Stick-Lipstick-Between-Your-Boobs-and-Have-At-It method. Oh, Cat. And we haven’t even touched on the hair. It is too much. Look away, noodles. Look away.
The show had one spot of brilliance last night, kittens. The League of Extraordinary Dancers blew my whole entire mind. They even made me kind of, sort of, maybe if I squint enjoy that tired Coldplay song, Yellow. I confess, I do not get the whole Coldplay thing. The Scientist. And maybe Clocks. Anything else is like washback left in the bottom of U2’s Slurpee cup, no? But the combo of Vitamin String Quartet’s quasi-classical rendition of the moppiest song in mope-onia plus the sick moves that LXD were laying down was just this side of paradise in a so wrong it’s right kind of way. That synchronized flip sequence has been burned into my retinas. And noodles, I don’t care if Legacy danced with this group before. He didn’t dance with them last night and no one uttered a peep about it and if you don’t like patronage, then you don’t like Hollywood or anything related to the entertainment industry and you should probably stop watching this and every other TV show immediately. And stop going to the movies. And listening to music. And reading books. Because the business is hella shady and based on knowing someone who knows someone who knows someone. Forget Lana Turner at the counter of your corner five and dime, kiddies. Connections are a girl’s best friend. All of that to say that LXD were on point and I would like to see them again on a screen near me very, very soon.
And then the badness happened. All over my TV screen. Over and over again. Where to begin? Where to begin?
Notice how I skipped over the opening number, darlings? Yeah, there was an opening number. It was a piece of trash. The crack whores in wardrobe and the trannys in hair and make up fell into a vat of Mad Max clichés and crawled back out trailing the bedraggled remnants of Tina Turner’s Thunderdome wardrobe behind them and then they drug those bedraggled remnants through a feces filled LA sewer pipe and traipsed them into the CBS Studios dressing room where they stapled them onto the kids’ backs and threw boot black on their faces and then Tasty made them do unspeakable things while clinging to Fat Albert’s chain link fence all so that he could highlight his inappropriate child crush on Jakob and I refuse. So there was that.
And what else happened? Oh yes, Ameriker lost its collective mind and put Kathryn in the B2 girls while the Tween Terror lived to hair fling another day. What in the holy hell, America? And the high talker was so sad. That voice almost got away from her, kittens, but I was willing her to rein it in. And she did. Poor little trooper. No more trips to the B2 for that one, ya heard? She must make it to the bloated top 6 finale show or else.
So there we were with the much wronged Kathryn joining the doomed Noelle for our B2 girls and the unlucky Ryan joining the broken Nathan. And then all of them just did the same damn thing that got them shoved into the bottom the night before on their solos except for the only one whose original solo was worth a damn anyway. And boy did Nathan turn it out for a swan song. First of all, Pretty Wings by Maxwell? Strangé, young sir. Strangé. And to top it off, the solo was beautiful. Again. Some more. Darlings, if this show were So You Think You Can Solo, this kid would be holding the crown right now. But unfortunately, this result is what happens when you come off like an entitled brat for 5 weeks running. And kiddies, I don’t think Nathan is actually a bad kid. Probably not a spoiled, arrogant bone in his body. Nope, I don’t think he’s a rotten, stuck up so-and-so anymore than I really down deep think that Mollee is a giggly idiot 24-7. I think this kid is young and immature. Too young to be on this show. Y’all know how I feel about 16 year olds on Idol. Well I’m getting to feel the same way about 18 year olds on this show. Not only does their dancing tend to lack the requisite maturity, but they themselves often lack the maturity to put themselves forward in the best possible light. For every Jeanine, there are legion of Mollees and Nathans and Laceys and Laurens and young kids who just imploded on the show under the weight of the camera’s glare and their own march to adulthood. Cap it at 20 and let’s keep it moving.
So Noelle and Nathan took a long walk off of a short pier. I should be more broken up about Nathan’s leaving since I’ve been in love with him since S5 auditions, but honestly all of the other boys left have lots to recommend them and have been more engaging personalities and pleasanter presences on the show to date than has Nathan. And he’ll do fine anyway. The kid is a frighteningly good dancer and he’s just a wee baby. With his talent, he’ll not lack for opportunities. As for Noelle, well it should’ve been Mollee, but that was never going to happen with Nigel and Co. pimping so relentlessly for her. And if it hadn’t been this week, Noelle would’ve been out at 8. This way, I think we have a realistic shot at dumping the Tween Terror next week and winding up with a girl’s F3 of Ellenore, Kathryn and FP, which I’d be more than happy with. I think Ryan will surely hit the road next week, leaving two hip hop kids and a contempo boy as the F3 and I am definitely down for a Russell/Legacy/Jakob finale smackdown.
Couples for next week, though, kittens. First things first. I could get behind Rusell/Ellenore and Jakob/Kathryn, but unfortunately I think Jakob might get saddled with Mollee in a vain attempt by the show to save their pretty, pretty princess. I also think there’s no way that you could Pair Mollee with Ryan and not be in violation of Meghan’s Law, and the show won’t let FP and Ryan compete together unless they both find a way to make top 6 and Legacy is not a strong enough partner to save Mollee all on his own. Therefore, what I think what we’ll actually get is:
Russell/ Ashleigh
Jakob/Mollee
Legacy/Ellenore
Ryan/Kathryn
So basically your two strongest guys with your two weakest girls. It would certainly provide a level playing field.
The show had one spot of brilliance last night, kittens. The League of Extraordinary Dancers blew my whole entire mind. They even made me kind of, sort of, maybe if I squint enjoy that tired Coldplay song, Yellow. I confess, I do not get the whole Coldplay thing. The Scientist. And maybe Clocks. Anything else is like washback left in the bottom of U2’s Slurpee cup, no? But the combo of Vitamin String Quartet’s quasi-classical rendition of the moppiest song in mope-onia plus the sick moves that LXD were laying down was just this side of paradise in a so wrong it’s right kind of way. That synchronized flip sequence has been burned into my retinas. And noodles, I don’t care if Legacy danced with this group before. He didn’t dance with them last night and no one uttered a peep about it and if you don’t like patronage, then you don’t like Hollywood or anything related to the entertainment industry and you should probably stop watching this and every other TV show immediately. And stop going to the movies. And listening to music. And reading books. Because the business is hella shady and based on knowing someone who knows someone who knows someone. Forget Lana Turner at the counter of your corner five and dime, kiddies. Connections are a girl’s best friend. All of that to say that LXD were on point and I would like to see them again on a screen near me very, very soon.
And then the badness happened. All over my TV screen. Over and over again. Where to begin? Where to begin?
Notice how I skipped over the opening number, darlings? Yeah, there was an opening number. It was a piece of trash. The crack whores in wardrobe and the trannys in hair and make up fell into a vat of Mad Max clichés and crawled back out trailing the bedraggled remnants of Tina Turner’s Thunderdome wardrobe behind them and then they drug those bedraggled remnants through a feces filled LA sewer pipe and traipsed them into the CBS Studios dressing room where they stapled them onto the kids’ backs and threw boot black on their faces and then Tasty made them do unspeakable things while clinging to Fat Albert’s chain link fence all so that he could highlight his inappropriate child crush on Jakob and I refuse. So there was that.
And what else happened? Oh yes, Ameriker lost its collective mind and put Kathryn in the B2 girls while the Tween Terror lived to hair fling another day. What in the holy hell, America? And the high talker was so sad. That voice almost got away from her, kittens, but I was willing her to rein it in. And she did. Poor little trooper. No more trips to the B2 for that one, ya heard? She must make it to the bloated top 6 finale show or else.
So there we were with the much wronged Kathryn joining the doomed Noelle for our B2 girls and the unlucky Ryan joining the broken Nathan. And then all of them just did the same damn thing that got them shoved into the bottom the night before on their solos except for the only one whose original solo was worth a damn anyway. And boy did Nathan turn it out for a swan song. First of all, Pretty Wings by Maxwell? Strangé, young sir. Strangé. And to top it off, the solo was beautiful. Again. Some more. Darlings, if this show were So You Think You Can Solo, this kid would be holding the crown right now. But unfortunately, this result is what happens when you come off like an entitled brat for 5 weeks running. And kiddies, I don’t think Nathan is actually a bad kid. Probably not a spoiled, arrogant bone in his body. Nope, I don’t think he’s a rotten, stuck up so-and-so anymore than I really down deep think that Mollee is a giggly idiot 24-7. I think this kid is young and immature. Too young to be on this show. Y’all know how I feel about 16 year olds on Idol. Well I’m getting to feel the same way about 18 year olds on this show. Not only does their dancing tend to lack the requisite maturity, but they themselves often lack the maturity to put themselves forward in the best possible light. For every Jeanine, there are legion of Mollees and Nathans and Laceys and Laurens and young kids who just imploded on the show under the weight of the camera’s glare and their own march to adulthood. Cap it at 20 and let’s keep it moving.
So Noelle and Nathan took a long walk off of a short pier. I should be more broken up about Nathan’s leaving since I’ve been in love with him since S5 auditions, but honestly all of the other boys left have lots to recommend them and have been more engaging personalities and pleasanter presences on the show to date than has Nathan. And he’ll do fine anyway. The kid is a frighteningly good dancer and he’s just a wee baby. With his talent, he’ll not lack for opportunities. As for Noelle, well it should’ve been Mollee, but that was never going to happen with Nigel and Co. pimping so relentlessly for her. And if it hadn’t been this week, Noelle would’ve been out at 8. This way, I think we have a realistic shot at dumping the Tween Terror next week and winding up with a girl’s F3 of Ellenore, Kathryn and FP, which I’d be more than happy with. I think Ryan will surely hit the road next week, leaving two hip hop kids and a contempo boy as the F3 and I am definitely down for a Russell/Legacy/Jakob finale smackdown.
Couples for next week, though, kittens. First things first. I could get behind Rusell/Ellenore and Jakob/Kathryn, but unfortunately I think Jakob might get saddled with Mollee in a vain attempt by the show to save their pretty, pretty princess. I also think there’s no way that you could Pair Mollee with Ryan and not be in violation of Meghan’s Law, and the show won’t let FP and Ryan compete together unless they both find a way to make top 6 and Legacy is not a strong enough partner to save Mollee all on his own. Therefore, what I think what we’ll actually get is:
Russell/ Ashleigh
Jakob/Mollee
Legacy/Ellenore
Ryan/Kathryn
So basically your two strongest guys with your two weakest girls. It would certainly provide a level playing field.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
SYTYCD S6 Finals Ep 10 Dancing as Fast as They Can
So Cat came out wearing some backless monstrosity with a black muff eating her head and I thought, “Bad night at the office ahead.” But no, kittens. I was sorely mistaken. Our intrepid top 10 turned it out, darlings. I think that may have been one of the best top 10 nights ever. And chock full of dance! Oh, my stars and garters. Two dances plus solos for all? Oh, Nigel. You really want to break these kids down. Let’s hop to it because results night will be upon us before we know it. We’ll go in order because there’s so much and I just can’t, noodles. Everyone into the pool.
Clip Free Zone
No rehearsal clips. I think I just died and went to SYTYCD heaven. And cute parents by the barrel full. Even FPs mom and her truly tragique hair gave us something to love. And I’m not talking about the Bumpit she was sporting. So much love for the parents. Especially Jakob’s poor, confused, sports obsessed dad. Look at him now, y’all. He loves his live, gay son! Russell’s dad, Ellenore’s mom (moved to NYC, what?), Legacy’s dad groovin’ in the audience and embarrassing him all to hell. Parents are love, family. Go call yours. Well, finish reading this first and then go call yours.
And Now, We Dance
Noelle/Ryan/Hip Hop/NappyTab (Give It To Me Right/Melanie Fiona) – Well, it wasn’t hip hop, but we knew that, right? NappyTab tried to get all Mandy Table Dance on us with the business at the desk, but then it all devolved into some left over No Air/Bleeding Love nonsense. They are still trying to re-capture that lightning in a bottle, but all of their tricks are so tired. Noelle was good here, better than Ryan. But Ryan was yards better in this hip hop than he had been during his first attempt. The white clad, skiing thieves fiasco. Ptui. Let us never speak of it again. But this? Well, it was OK. The whole dance was kind of content free. And these two weren’t terrible. They weren’t terrific, either. That will be a theme with them. Take note. Hip hop on SYTYCD continues to be the big loser. I’ve never missed Shane more.
Ashleigh/Legacy/Contemporary/Gary Stewart (Missed the song name/Prodigy) – Kiddies, I confess. I did not get it. At all. I’m normally down to go wherever the choreographers want to take me, especially if they push a challenge on the audience and force them to wake up from their competition coma, but this piece just did nothing for me. I think it was technically demanding. It was aggressive and aerobic. It required a lot of attack from the dancers and there were some challenging technical pieces. A couple of nice turn sequences from them both. Lots of lifts and throws. And can we deal with the fact that Fug Princess was serving tonight? Noodles, she destroyed this piece. Aggressive and strong with a display of some surprisingly solid technique. Legacy held his own and got the best move of the dance with the ending headstand. And yet, I didn’t like it. It just kind of unfolded without grabbing me in any way. Eh. I’d still like to see more from this Gary Stewart. He’s definitely a new POV on the show. I’m just not sure I got it. Nix that, noodles. I’m quite sure I didn’t get it. I’m intrigued, though.
Mollee Solo (Rock the Beat/LMFAO) – I hate the Tween Terror and her flipping, flopping, competition dancer ass. That’s all.
Russell Solo (Black Milk/Outkast) – Amazing. There are no words. As much as I hate Mollee, that’s how much I love Russell. Kid is a star.
Kathryn/Nathan/Broadway/Spencer Liff (Choreography/Danny Kaye) – Spencer Liff is my Broadway god. Kittens, how can they ever, ever let Tasty do broadway again on this show now that we’ve seen what it can and should look like? That, darlings, was marvelous work by both choreographer and dancers. Kathryn is a wonder. Her legs and feet. She really did get the entire look and feel of that dance. And Nathan was actually enjoyable and likeable. He reminded me of a time when I lived for him and his lovely technique. They had chemistry (Shut it, Nigel) and they had character and they had charisma. That dance had it all.
Noelle Solo (Every Time It Rains/Charlotte March) – Competition crap. And she went for the penche turn that Shawna nailed on her season and tried to come out of it directly into an aerial and almost busted her ass in the process. Feh.
Ellenore/Jakob/Quickstep/Tony And Melanie (Missed the music) – Best Quickstep ever on this show. By a country mile. Kittens, Ellenore and Jakob just shut it down. The carriage was there. The footwork was there. Their posture in closed hold was impeccable. And those side by side jetes? Toma! And then they started tapping. Those two can tap, or at least comfortably fake it. Who knew? Is there anything that those two don’t do? Tony and Melanie really did give them a highly technically demanding routine and I never worried for a second that they wouldn’t pull it off. They just ruled that dance floor. Can they just dance together for the rest of the show? Because that? Was the best Quickstep ever on this show. Ever. Kiss of death my ass. That’s how it’s done, darlings.
Ryan Solo (Rock You Like a Hurricane/Scorpions) – Wow. That was painfully bad. It was James “Just felt like doin’ a little Paso” level bad. The use of Scorpions should have been a tip off, I suppose. I guess he didn’t fall off the stage, though. That’s something, right? Pray for him, family. He’s gonna need it.
Kathryn Solo (Beautiful/Bethany Dillon) – I am a Kathryn fan, y’all. Who knew? I hated this solo and found it only a cut above standard hair flinging nightmare territory (and that only because of her lovely control) but I love her, so it’s all good.
Mollee/Russell/Lyrical Jazz/Mandy Moore (It Must’ve Been Love/Roxette) – Mandy needs to step away from the I Love the 80’s CD immediately. Kiddies, I don’t care what the judges were pushing, this routine sucked tremendous amounts of ass. I kept waiting for them to actually start dancing. For minutes on end, they just seemed to be walking around the stage in their white PJs. And then all of a sudden, Russell would pick Mollee up and fling her around for a few seconds and then they’d go back to randomly wandering around. With a turn sequence thrown in just for shits and giggles. And dear lord, the Tween Terror cannot partner at all. Poor Russell. It was like he was trying to lift a bag of wet cement. Young lady, learn how to hold your own weight in a lift. You can’t just lay there while the gentleman does all of the work. This will prove true for other things as well in life, as you’ll find out later on. Or maybe sooner if you keep rubbing on Russell’s stomach like that. At any rate, this was bad.
Nathan Solo (Golden Train/Joshua Nozuka) – He did some beautiful work in that solo. That’s the most grounded I’ve seen him since his very first audition in S5. And I bought the emotion afterwards because he’s been sucking like a Hoover on the show and he finally, finally had himself a very good night. Am I getting soft, kittens? Nah. I still hated the cargo shorts.
5, 6, 7, Again
Noelle/Ryan/Smooth Waltz/JT and Thomas (Jeaux d’Eau/missed the artist) – Snooze. Noodles I was bored. Again. Some more. I mean, it was pretty enough, no? Ryan did show off his lovely carriage. I’ll even co-sign Nigel’s comments about the openness through the chest. He did a fine job showcasing Noelle. And I suppose Mary was right that Noelle displayed some lovely lines at times. But it was all just so . . . blah. There’s no there there.
Ellenore Solo (Beatbox Harmonica/Yuri Lane) – She’s a wonder. So rhythmical. So interesting. She’s quirky. She’s beautiful. She’s quirkiful. I am all about it, kittens.
Ashleigh/Legacy/Hip Hop/Dave Scott (Slow Down/Bobby Valentino) – Really, crack hos? Really? I see someone saw Twilight over the Thanksgiving weekend. Good lord. Poor Legacy and FP couldn’t have done much with even the best of routines in those ridiculous get ups. And of course, they didn’t have the best of routines to work with. Dave Scott is so hit or miss. And this, kiddies, was clearly a miss. That said, FP still came to put in work. She turned it out as much as it could be turned. I really thought FP had a great night with some not so great routines, which is a shame for her because I really think she’s in danger of going home this week on what was arguably her best pair dance night.
Kathryn/Nathan/Rhumba/Tony and Melanie (Walk on By/Aretha Franklin) – I think I may just really be in love with Kathryn, noodles, because I just loved this dance. I thought Kathryn oozed sensuality. Her legs were incredible. She made lovely shapes with her hips and shoulders. She had good snap in her legs and pretty feet. And Nathan wasn’t terrible. He wasn’t great, but he framed her well on most of the moves and he had some decent hip action himself. I’ll agree that the dance could’ve stood more ballroom content, but as with other routines tonight, what they were asked to do, Kathryn and Nathan did very, very well. And Kathryn is just magic, darlings. She even got me to like Nathan again and want to see him stick around next week. Float on, high talker.
Legacy Solo (No Air/Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown) – I wish somebody had pulled Legacy’s coat and told him to steer clear of this song. Josh/Katee own it lock, stock and barrel. That said, the solo was solid with lots of spectacular moves that didn’t even really match the song choice, so what was the point of choosing this song again? Exactly.
Ellenore/Jakob/Jazz/Sonya (Tore My Heart/OONA & Dave Tweedle) – I couldn’t love any of this trio more than I do at this moment. I have no words to describe how much I adored this piece. The choreography was interesting with a very unusual movement vocabulary. The dancers were so musical. And the technique on these two is just beyond belief. Ellenore has amazing core strength. Some of those freezes are just impossible. And I’ve never seen a man with Jakob’s extension. And control. Damn! Seriously, kiddies, can they just stay together for the duration of this season? Because that would be lovely.
Ashleigh Solo (Batucada Por Favor/Bob Azzam) – Oh, FP. And you’d been doing so well. It’s hard out here for a ballroom dancer. Gorgeous costume, though. It pulled attention from her broke down face.
Mollee/Russell/Jive/Anya and Pasha (Land of 1000 Dances/James Brown) – Anya and Pasha! Hell yeah. And they are such smart choreographers. Darlings, that was genius, what they did. Lots of solo work in that piece. Lots of side by side dancing. Very little dancing in hold. And they let the Tween Terror play to the cute side, not to the sexy. The result? A winner of a routine for Mollee and Russell. They were cuter than a basket full of kittens and puppies. The routine was fun and well danced. They connected like two friends in a Gidget movie and closed the show with verve and enthusiasm. If that is your last impression of them for the night, you’d vote for them is what I’m saying. Which is what you want on a night like tonight, no?
Jakob Solo (Always Midnight/Pat Monahan) – He was stupid good. This kid was just born to dance.
You’re the Tops
Jakob, Ellenore, Russell, Kathryn. Bless.
You’re No Good, You’re No Good, You’re No Good
I think Mollee, Noelle, and FP are locks for the girl’s B3. The boys are more difficult. Ryan is the only one I feel fairly confident saying is in some danger. I don’t think I’d be too far out on a limb saying that Legacy will probably join him. The choreography kind of let him down tonight and he didn’t connect with FP in nearly the same way as he did with Kathryn. That last spot is gonna be either Russell or Nathan. I’d be shocked to see Jakob go down. Since I put Russell in my tops, kittens, I suppose I should say Nathan here to round out B3. But honestly, he had a really good night and he cried, so I’m gonna completely contradict myself and go with Russell for your final B3 boy. I know! It’s after midnight and blogger’s gone wild.
Baby, You’re No Good
I would love to see the Tween Terror bite the dust, but I just don’t see it happening, noodles. I think her BFF, Noelle, may have danced her last instead. FP picked up a ton of steam being paired with Jakob all those weeks, but this will be a true test of how much he was carrying her along the way. She could go, but I think she’ll scrape by one more week and Ms. Personality Minus will get the boot.
For your gentleman, I’m banking on Ryan. (And there’s another reason I feel FP is not going anywhere. Simon Fuller does not want the backlash from booting both halves of the husband/wife team the same week) If not Ryan, then maybe Legacy will be on the chopping block.
And that’s the way I see it, kittens. But who knows what America will do now that you’ve got your grubby little hands on the controls.
Clip Free Zone
No rehearsal clips. I think I just died and went to SYTYCD heaven. And cute parents by the barrel full. Even FPs mom and her truly tragique hair gave us something to love. And I’m not talking about the Bumpit she was sporting. So much love for the parents. Especially Jakob’s poor, confused, sports obsessed dad. Look at him now, y’all. He loves his live, gay son! Russell’s dad, Ellenore’s mom (moved to NYC, what?), Legacy’s dad groovin’ in the audience and embarrassing him all to hell. Parents are love, family. Go call yours. Well, finish reading this first and then go call yours.
And Now, We Dance
Noelle/Ryan/Hip Hop/NappyTab (Give It To Me Right/Melanie Fiona) – Well, it wasn’t hip hop, but we knew that, right? NappyTab tried to get all Mandy Table Dance on us with the business at the desk, but then it all devolved into some left over No Air/Bleeding Love nonsense. They are still trying to re-capture that lightning in a bottle, but all of their tricks are so tired. Noelle was good here, better than Ryan. But Ryan was yards better in this hip hop than he had been during his first attempt. The white clad, skiing thieves fiasco. Ptui. Let us never speak of it again. But this? Well, it was OK. The whole dance was kind of content free. And these two weren’t terrible. They weren’t terrific, either. That will be a theme with them. Take note. Hip hop on SYTYCD continues to be the big loser. I’ve never missed Shane more.
Ashleigh/Legacy/Contemporary/Gary Stewart (Missed the song name/Prodigy) – Kiddies, I confess. I did not get it. At all. I’m normally down to go wherever the choreographers want to take me, especially if they push a challenge on the audience and force them to wake up from their competition coma, but this piece just did nothing for me. I think it was technically demanding. It was aggressive and aerobic. It required a lot of attack from the dancers and there were some challenging technical pieces. A couple of nice turn sequences from them both. Lots of lifts and throws. And can we deal with the fact that Fug Princess was serving tonight? Noodles, she destroyed this piece. Aggressive and strong with a display of some surprisingly solid technique. Legacy held his own and got the best move of the dance with the ending headstand. And yet, I didn’t like it. It just kind of unfolded without grabbing me in any way. Eh. I’d still like to see more from this Gary Stewart. He’s definitely a new POV on the show. I’m just not sure I got it. Nix that, noodles. I’m quite sure I didn’t get it. I’m intrigued, though.
Mollee Solo (Rock the Beat/LMFAO) – I hate the Tween Terror and her flipping, flopping, competition dancer ass. That’s all.
Russell Solo (Black Milk/Outkast) – Amazing. There are no words. As much as I hate Mollee, that’s how much I love Russell. Kid is a star.
Kathryn/Nathan/Broadway/Spencer Liff (Choreography/Danny Kaye) – Spencer Liff is my Broadway god. Kittens, how can they ever, ever let Tasty do broadway again on this show now that we’ve seen what it can and should look like? That, darlings, was marvelous work by both choreographer and dancers. Kathryn is a wonder. Her legs and feet. She really did get the entire look and feel of that dance. And Nathan was actually enjoyable and likeable. He reminded me of a time when I lived for him and his lovely technique. They had chemistry (Shut it, Nigel) and they had character and they had charisma. That dance had it all.
Noelle Solo (Every Time It Rains/Charlotte March) – Competition crap. And she went for the penche turn that Shawna nailed on her season and tried to come out of it directly into an aerial and almost busted her ass in the process. Feh.
Ellenore/Jakob/Quickstep/Tony And Melanie (Missed the music) – Best Quickstep ever on this show. By a country mile. Kittens, Ellenore and Jakob just shut it down. The carriage was there. The footwork was there. Their posture in closed hold was impeccable. And those side by side jetes? Toma! And then they started tapping. Those two can tap, or at least comfortably fake it. Who knew? Is there anything that those two don’t do? Tony and Melanie really did give them a highly technically demanding routine and I never worried for a second that they wouldn’t pull it off. They just ruled that dance floor. Can they just dance together for the rest of the show? Because that? Was the best Quickstep ever on this show. Ever. Kiss of death my ass. That’s how it’s done, darlings.
Ryan Solo (Rock You Like a Hurricane/Scorpions) – Wow. That was painfully bad. It was James “Just felt like doin’ a little Paso” level bad. The use of Scorpions should have been a tip off, I suppose. I guess he didn’t fall off the stage, though. That’s something, right? Pray for him, family. He’s gonna need it.
Kathryn Solo (Beautiful/Bethany Dillon) – I am a Kathryn fan, y’all. Who knew? I hated this solo and found it only a cut above standard hair flinging nightmare territory (and that only because of her lovely control) but I love her, so it’s all good.
Mollee/Russell/Lyrical Jazz/Mandy Moore (It Must’ve Been Love/Roxette) – Mandy needs to step away from the I Love the 80’s CD immediately. Kiddies, I don’t care what the judges were pushing, this routine sucked tremendous amounts of ass. I kept waiting for them to actually start dancing. For minutes on end, they just seemed to be walking around the stage in their white PJs. And then all of a sudden, Russell would pick Mollee up and fling her around for a few seconds and then they’d go back to randomly wandering around. With a turn sequence thrown in just for shits and giggles. And dear lord, the Tween Terror cannot partner at all. Poor Russell. It was like he was trying to lift a bag of wet cement. Young lady, learn how to hold your own weight in a lift. You can’t just lay there while the gentleman does all of the work. This will prove true for other things as well in life, as you’ll find out later on. Or maybe sooner if you keep rubbing on Russell’s stomach like that. At any rate, this was bad.
Nathan Solo (Golden Train/Joshua Nozuka) – He did some beautiful work in that solo. That’s the most grounded I’ve seen him since his very first audition in S5. And I bought the emotion afterwards because he’s been sucking like a Hoover on the show and he finally, finally had himself a very good night. Am I getting soft, kittens? Nah. I still hated the cargo shorts.
5, 6, 7, Again
Noelle/Ryan/Smooth Waltz/JT and Thomas (Jeaux d’Eau/missed the artist) – Snooze. Noodles I was bored. Again. Some more. I mean, it was pretty enough, no? Ryan did show off his lovely carriage. I’ll even co-sign Nigel’s comments about the openness through the chest. He did a fine job showcasing Noelle. And I suppose Mary was right that Noelle displayed some lovely lines at times. But it was all just so . . . blah. There’s no there there.
Ellenore Solo (Beatbox Harmonica/Yuri Lane) – She’s a wonder. So rhythmical. So interesting. She’s quirky. She’s beautiful. She’s quirkiful. I am all about it, kittens.
Ashleigh/Legacy/Hip Hop/Dave Scott (Slow Down/Bobby Valentino) – Really, crack hos? Really? I see someone saw Twilight over the Thanksgiving weekend. Good lord. Poor Legacy and FP couldn’t have done much with even the best of routines in those ridiculous get ups. And of course, they didn’t have the best of routines to work with. Dave Scott is so hit or miss. And this, kiddies, was clearly a miss. That said, FP still came to put in work. She turned it out as much as it could be turned. I really thought FP had a great night with some not so great routines, which is a shame for her because I really think she’s in danger of going home this week on what was arguably her best pair dance night.
Kathryn/Nathan/Rhumba/Tony and Melanie (Walk on By/Aretha Franklin) – I think I may just really be in love with Kathryn, noodles, because I just loved this dance. I thought Kathryn oozed sensuality. Her legs were incredible. She made lovely shapes with her hips and shoulders. She had good snap in her legs and pretty feet. And Nathan wasn’t terrible. He wasn’t great, but he framed her well on most of the moves and he had some decent hip action himself. I’ll agree that the dance could’ve stood more ballroom content, but as with other routines tonight, what they were asked to do, Kathryn and Nathan did very, very well. And Kathryn is just magic, darlings. She even got me to like Nathan again and want to see him stick around next week. Float on, high talker.
Legacy Solo (No Air/Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown) – I wish somebody had pulled Legacy’s coat and told him to steer clear of this song. Josh/Katee own it lock, stock and barrel. That said, the solo was solid with lots of spectacular moves that didn’t even really match the song choice, so what was the point of choosing this song again? Exactly.
Ellenore/Jakob/Jazz/Sonya (Tore My Heart/OONA & Dave Tweedle) – I couldn’t love any of this trio more than I do at this moment. I have no words to describe how much I adored this piece. The choreography was interesting with a very unusual movement vocabulary. The dancers were so musical. And the technique on these two is just beyond belief. Ellenore has amazing core strength. Some of those freezes are just impossible. And I’ve never seen a man with Jakob’s extension. And control. Damn! Seriously, kiddies, can they just stay together for the duration of this season? Because that would be lovely.
Ashleigh Solo (Batucada Por Favor/Bob Azzam) – Oh, FP. And you’d been doing so well. It’s hard out here for a ballroom dancer. Gorgeous costume, though. It pulled attention from her broke down face.
Mollee/Russell/Jive/Anya and Pasha (Land of 1000 Dances/James Brown) – Anya and Pasha! Hell yeah. And they are such smart choreographers. Darlings, that was genius, what they did. Lots of solo work in that piece. Lots of side by side dancing. Very little dancing in hold. And they let the Tween Terror play to the cute side, not to the sexy. The result? A winner of a routine for Mollee and Russell. They were cuter than a basket full of kittens and puppies. The routine was fun and well danced. They connected like two friends in a Gidget movie and closed the show with verve and enthusiasm. If that is your last impression of them for the night, you’d vote for them is what I’m saying. Which is what you want on a night like tonight, no?
Jakob Solo (Always Midnight/Pat Monahan) – He was stupid good. This kid was just born to dance.
You’re the Tops
Jakob, Ellenore, Russell, Kathryn. Bless.
You’re No Good, You’re No Good, You’re No Good
I think Mollee, Noelle, and FP are locks for the girl’s B3. The boys are more difficult. Ryan is the only one I feel fairly confident saying is in some danger. I don’t think I’d be too far out on a limb saying that Legacy will probably join him. The choreography kind of let him down tonight and he didn’t connect with FP in nearly the same way as he did with Kathryn. That last spot is gonna be either Russell or Nathan. I’d be shocked to see Jakob go down. Since I put Russell in my tops, kittens, I suppose I should say Nathan here to round out B3. But honestly, he had a really good night and he cried, so I’m gonna completely contradict myself and go with Russell for your final B3 boy. I know! It’s after midnight and blogger’s gone wild.
Baby, You’re No Good
I would love to see the Tween Terror bite the dust, but I just don’t see it happening, noodles. I think her BFF, Noelle, may have danced her last instead. FP picked up a ton of steam being paired with Jakob all those weeks, but this will be a true test of how much he was carrying her along the way. She could go, but I think she’ll scrape by one more week and Ms. Personality Minus will get the boot.
For your gentleman, I’m banking on Ryan. (And there’s another reason I feel FP is not going anywhere. Simon Fuller does not want the backlash from booting both halves of the husband/wife team the same week) If not Ryan, then maybe Legacy will be on the chopping block.
And that’s the way I see it, kittens. But who knows what America will do now that you’ve got your grubby little hands on the controls.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
SYTYCD S6 Finals Ep 8 Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun
It never fails, noodles. When Cat looks good, the show looks good. And Ms. Deeley was looking lovely in her blue frock last night, thus the kids for the most part turned it out. Everyone had at least one good to great dance, and the top three couples were all two for two. Lots of killer and little filler in this show, so let’s continue that trend in this here recap, shall we?
Once and Again
Ellenore/Ryan
Lindy Hop/Carla Heiney (I’ve Got to Be a Rug Cutter/Boilermaker Jazz Band) - These two did not take a wrong step last night. Lindy Hop is not my favorite dance for this show. It’s so fast, so intricate, so demanding, that the kids always seem to wind up looking a little sloppy. Very difficult to master so quickly, I would imagine. They did really, really well with all the insane lifts and throws. The actual dancing and connecting steps was done with great energy and verve, although to me it looked a little sloppy in places. But overall, they charmed. I adored the costumes until Ellenore started really twirling around and her skirt swirled up to reveal enormous, white granny panties (which would make an unfortunate return in Noelle/Russell’s contemporary routine). Oh, crack whores. They had a pretty good run last night, actually. But it sure started of rocky, kiddies. Anyway, this was a fun, forgettable first dance. Ellenore is as cute as a basketful of puppies.
Broadway/Spencer Liff (Razzle Dazzle/Chicago Cast Recording) – Spencer Liff is schooling Tasty on how Broadway should be done! I loved this piece more than my new purple pumps. Ellenore is amazing, kittens. I'm totally with Shankdaddy. When she whipped that leg down into a perfectly turned out first position? What? Ryan was really good here, too. He totally got the character and his technique was very, very solid. This was extremely stylized movement and he nailed it. Well done, all the way round. These two were my top couple of the night by a pretty wide margin.
Jakob/Ashleigh
Family, let me take a minute to sincerely give props to the Fug Princess. FP came to work last night. I don’t think she can ever make me fall in love with her, but credit where credit is due. She turned it out.
Lyrical Jazz/Sonya (Time Flies/Lykke Li) – Jakob is just perfection, darlings. From the leap in second to the exquisite toe point to the beautiful lifts, the extension, the ridiculous control. He’s heaven. And FP was more beautiful here than I’ve seen her in the past. Some of those positions in the lifts were quite difficult to hold. And her toe point was impressive. There was one section where she was in a hold, legs around Jakob’s waist and she did a back bend to the floor and a walk over out of the lift that was so graceful and effortless. They were really gorgeous, despite the tight purple pants.
Cha Cha/Jean Marc and France (Cha Cha Heels [Ralph Rosario Radio Edit] Rosabel feat. Jeanie Tracy) – Fug Princess owned this piece. She was gorgeous from beginning to end. Really down into the floor, great feet and ankles. The hips were sexy and sensual. She even managed to tone down the crazy ballroom faces about a million degrees from where they were during her first audition round. Remember, when she resembled Jim Carrey in The Mask? Aww, kittens. So much learning, so much growing. And she really was a help to Jakob here. He was good, but there was definitely a little contemporary creep happening. Maybe a little bit more down into the floor. Pulling up is such a hard habit for classically trained dancers to break. But he totally had the sexy swagger, which I worried a little bit about for him. He was hot and manly and . . . yeah, I liked it. Strangé, kids. You worked it out.
One Part Be My Lover, One Part Go Away
Kathryn/Legacy
Legacy should be shirtless all the time. He was born to be nekkid, noodles. Maybe bare chested-ness would have helped in the Viennese Waltz because it was kind of tired.
Jazz/Sonya (So Deep/Hot Chip) – Shirtless Legacy. Oh, yeah, and also some other stuff happened which was all kinds of fabulous. Kathryn and her legs that go on forever and some pretty nifty incorporation of Legacy’s B-Boy moves into this dance, and damn that man is fine. This was a sexy little number right here. These two have mad chemistry. I totally bought that they were lustily enamored of each other and couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. And the dancing was first rate. Unca Nigel pointed out the fantastic musicality, really from the pair of them. And I didn’t know that Kathryn could be such an athletic, almost muscular kind of dancer. This piece rocked.
Viennese Waltz/Jean Marc and France (Your Guardian Angel/Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) – Jean Marc frustrates me so, noodles! You just never know when is the next time you’ll get a Dances with Disabled Daughters out of him. Look, kiddies, we all know this was distinctly not good. Legacy’s carriage was atrocious. His shoulders were tight and up around his ears. The posture was all wrong. The feet were a horror show. There was no flow across the floor. Yuck. Now I will picture him shirtless to wipe the bad taste away. Ahhhh. All better. Kathryn gave it the old college try and many of her lines were spectacular, but Legacy . . . y’all he was just bad. I'm glad that he was moved by his own performance, but keep those tears and give me some good dancing.
Noelle/Russell
Darlings, I expect Russell to get through even if he and Noelle find their way to B3 again, and when that happens, I expect him to get a great partner. We’ll get to my longed for Top 10 week pairings anon. Just wanted to put that out there in the universe and let it marinate.
Samba/Tony and Melanie (Hips Don’t Lie/Shakira) – Was it only three seasons ago that the show was giving us Danny/Lacey choreographed by Dmitri in the best samba of all time? Kittens, I weep for days gone by. That was a hot mess up there on that stage. Noelle developed a serious case of white girl. So stiff. So little hip action. So lost and the very antithesis of sexy. Russell was better, but it really was kind of overall bad. I loved, as usual, Mary calling out all the technical aspects of the dance and giving Tony and Melanie props for their fancy choreo. Too bad these two couldn’t live up to it.
Contemporary/Tyce (A Case of You/Diana Krall) – Tasty had me with the song before the kids even danced a step. I frikkin’ love this song, kittens. As for the dance, well, that had me with that little bit of rehearsal footage. And the full on performance was sublime. Russell is just divine, y’all. The entire dance he had an airy quality to his leaps and spins and he was grounded and strong in his transition moves and in the lifts. I have to take a moment to lust appreciate. The kid is an artist. And he and Noelle finally, finally felt connected to each other, to the dance, to the music. Listen, Noelle is never gonna set the world on fire as a dancer. She doesn’t have that thing that makes you pay attention to her. But she’s a darn fine little dancer. Kind of like Randee fat face from last season. Normally, she’s a distraction from the glory that is Russell in every routine. But this time, she managed to be a complement. Some lovely, grounded work from her. This might not have been the best piece of the night, but it was my favorite. I felt it.
One Way Ticket to Loserville
Nathan/Mollee
Family, I refuse with the Can Can. I hope you understand. If you don’t, there are tons of other blogs out there. My blog is concerned with serious efforts at dancing, not kids playing around in their church rec room, no matter how many pirouettes a la seconde they can do. Also, is Lil Miss New Booty hurt? Suck it up, Soldier. Donyelle’s whole toe was falling off. By the end of S2, Natalie was practically wearing an orthopedic brace. Whippersnappers. Dancer used to be made of sterner stuff in my day.
Hip Hop/Jamal Sims (Ring-A-Ling/Black Eyed Peas) – Jamal Sims is on notice. There was much buzz and rejoicing out in the SYTYCD nation when it was announced that this fool would be joining the US version of this show. So far, to say he’s under whelmed would be a humongous understatement. The sad part, noodles, is that Nathan was tearing it up in that sorry ass number. He murdered that choreography. That MJ spin all up on his toes? That shit is not even possible. And it didn’t even matter. I hated every second of that routine. The gimmicky choreography just stuck in my craw. And the obnoxious twit sucked like a Hoover. Why won’t she go home?
Karen/Victor
AKA Cannon fodder. AKA redshirts. AKA sacrificial lambs. Take your pick, darlings. What I’m saying is, I fully expect these two to go home tonight.
Argentine Tango/Tony and Melanie (Montserrat/Orquesta del Plata) – Karen served in that piece. She was fierce. Beautiful legs. Beautiful lines. Intensity and passion. Victor looked like he needed to use the potty. Y’all, the posture. It killed me. Why was he so hunched over like that with his booty all poked out? Eewww. The choreography was nice, not as great but very good, and the look was killer. Victor just straight up didn’t deliver. So disappointing, kiddies.
Hip Hop/LaurieAnn (Moving Mountains/Usher) – BoomKat spooned up a heaping helping of crap right here. That was a horrible routine. Even if Victor and Karen had danced it flawlessly, the routine would’ve been pretty terrible. Unfortunately for them, they didn’t even dance it well. They were off the whole time – out of synch with each other; out of time with the music; just off. But Victor, once again, was egregiously bad. He was so, so bad. I could barely concentrate on Karen, who I think was doing a little bit better, because he completely pulled my focus with his loose, lackadaisical, off tempo dancing. Bleagh, I hated it.
The Lonliest Number
I fully expect to find Victor and Karen and Mollee and Nathan as two of our three B3 couples. The third denizen is a toss up between Kathryn/Legacy and Noelle/Russell. I think Noelle/Russell are slightly more likely to end up B3 because America is a sucker for crocodile tears . . . and nekkid hotties. Out of that B3, y’all know that the Tween Terrors would be my pick to go home, but I find it hard to imagine how Victor and Karen escape the boot again. Nigel and Shankdaddy might, just might, throw Noelle off in lieu of Karen because they see the start thing with her.
Who’s Got Next?
OK, have I said too much? Never, darlings. We are all family here. So here's who I'd like to see as new partners once top 10 week rolls around, assuming Victor and Karen get the boot:
Jakob/Ellenore: Heaven. Please put them together and give them a good Wade Jazz.
Russell/Kathryn: After Ellenore, she's the next strongest girl. I think they could do very well together. Maybe bring Maria Torres back and do another latin jazz, something like what Neil/Lacey got once upon a time. They could also do well with Broadway.
Legacy/Mollee: I don't want to see her in anything, but if she does scrape through, these two might actually do well together. Legacy is the oldest competitor left in the competition and he doesn't seem the goofy, laugh a minute type. He might provide her a little heft. That said, I want this trick to go home anyway, so I'd love it if they got put together and given something like the Quickstep.
Ryan/Noelle: Just because they would never put Ryan together with FP and Ryan is a full grown man. Putting him together with Mollee just would not work on any level. Creepy. And I want Kathryn and Ellenore for others, so give him Noelle. She's a serviceable partner, nothing special, but she won't bring him down. He's a strong partner, so maybe they give her a chance to redeem herself with a latin dance with someone who actually knows what he's doing.
Nathan/FP: By default. I think this would be a horrible pairing. Nathan Ellenore would serve him much better. But I'm over him and want him to go home, thus, this pairing will do just fine. What would they do? Who cares? Give them Bollywood or some other non-dance, since that's all he seems to pull.
Also, Idol!!!!! I hated seeing Judge #4 in the chair that she usurped from Paula, but dammit if they haven't sucked me back in already. Idol!!!
Once and Again
Ellenore/Ryan
Lindy Hop/Carla Heiney (I’ve Got to Be a Rug Cutter/Boilermaker Jazz Band) - These two did not take a wrong step last night. Lindy Hop is not my favorite dance for this show. It’s so fast, so intricate, so demanding, that the kids always seem to wind up looking a little sloppy. Very difficult to master so quickly, I would imagine. They did really, really well with all the insane lifts and throws. The actual dancing and connecting steps was done with great energy and verve, although to me it looked a little sloppy in places. But overall, they charmed. I adored the costumes until Ellenore started really twirling around and her skirt swirled up to reveal enormous, white granny panties (which would make an unfortunate return in Noelle/Russell’s contemporary routine). Oh, crack whores. They had a pretty good run last night, actually. But it sure started of rocky, kiddies. Anyway, this was a fun, forgettable first dance. Ellenore is as cute as a basketful of puppies.
Broadway/Spencer Liff (Razzle Dazzle/Chicago Cast Recording) – Spencer Liff is schooling Tasty on how Broadway should be done! I loved this piece more than my new purple pumps. Ellenore is amazing, kittens. I'm totally with Shankdaddy. When she whipped that leg down into a perfectly turned out first position? What? Ryan was really good here, too. He totally got the character and his technique was very, very solid. This was extremely stylized movement and he nailed it. Well done, all the way round. These two were my top couple of the night by a pretty wide margin.
Jakob/Ashleigh
Family, let me take a minute to sincerely give props to the Fug Princess. FP came to work last night. I don’t think she can ever make me fall in love with her, but credit where credit is due. She turned it out.
Lyrical Jazz/Sonya (Time Flies/Lykke Li) – Jakob is just perfection, darlings. From the leap in second to the exquisite toe point to the beautiful lifts, the extension, the ridiculous control. He’s heaven. And FP was more beautiful here than I’ve seen her in the past. Some of those positions in the lifts were quite difficult to hold. And her toe point was impressive. There was one section where she was in a hold, legs around Jakob’s waist and she did a back bend to the floor and a walk over out of the lift that was so graceful and effortless. They were really gorgeous, despite the tight purple pants.
Cha Cha/Jean Marc and France (Cha Cha Heels [Ralph Rosario Radio Edit] Rosabel feat. Jeanie Tracy) – Fug Princess owned this piece. She was gorgeous from beginning to end. Really down into the floor, great feet and ankles. The hips were sexy and sensual. She even managed to tone down the crazy ballroom faces about a million degrees from where they were during her first audition round. Remember, when she resembled Jim Carrey in The Mask? Aww, kittens. So much learning, so much growing. And she really was a help to Jakob here. He was good, but there was definitely a little contemporary creep happening. Maybe a little bit more down into the floor. Pulling up is such a hard habit for classically trained dancers to break. But he totally had the sexy swagger, which I worried a little bit about for him. He was hot and manly and . . . yeah, I liked it. Strangé, kids. You worked it out.
One Part Be My Lover, One Part Go Away
Kathryn/Legacy
Legacy should be shirtless all the time. He was born to be nekkid, noodles. Maybe bare chested-ness would have helped in the Viennese Waltz because it was kind of tired.
Jazz/Sonya (So Deep/Hot Chip) – Shirtless Legacy. Oh, yeah, and also some other stuff happened which was all kinds of fabulous. Kathryn and her legs that go on forever and some pretty nifty incorporation of Legacy’s B-Boy moves into this dance, and damn that man is fine. This was a sexy little number right here. These two have mad chemistry. I totally bought that they were lustily enamored of each other and couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. And the dancing was first rate. Unca Nigel pointed out the fantastic musicality, really from the pair of them. And I didn’t know that Kathryn could be such an athletic, almost muscular kind of dancer. This piece rocked.
Viennese Waltz/Jean Marc and France (Your Guardian Angel/Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) – Jean Marc frustrates me so, noodles! You just never know when is the next time you’ll get a Dances with Disabled Daughters out of him. Look, kiddies, we all know this was distinctly not good. Legacy’s carriage was atrocious. His shoulders were tight and up around his ears. The posture was all wrong. The feet were a horror show. There was no flow across the floor. Yuck. Now I will picture him shirtless to wipe the bad taste away. Ahhhh. All better. Kathryn gave it the old college try and many of her lines were spectacular, but Legacy . . . y’all he was just bad. I'm glad that he was moved by his own performance, but keep those tears and give me some good dancing.
Noelle/Russell
Darlings, I expect Russell to get through even if he and Noelle find their way to B3 again, and when that happens, I expect him to get a great partner. We’ll get to my longed for Top 10 week pairings anon. Just wanted to put that out there in the universe and let it marinate.
Samba/Tony and Melanie (Hips Don’t Lie/Shakira) – Was it only three seasons ago that the show was giving us Danny/Lacey choreographed by Dmitri in the best samba of all time? Kittens, I weep for days gone by. That was a hot mess up there on that stage. Noelle developed a serious case of white girl. So stiff. So little hip action. So lost and the very antithesis of sexy. Russell was better, but it really was kind of overall bad. I loved, as usual, Mary calling out all the technical aspects of the dance and giving Tony and Melanie props for their fancy choreo. Too bad these two couldn’t live up to it.
Contemporary/Tyce (A Case of You/Diana Krall) – Tasty had me with the song before the kids even danced a step. I frikkin’ love this song, kittens. As for the dance, well, that had me with that little bit of rehearsal footage. And the full on performance was sublime. Russell is just divine, y’all. The entire dance he had an airy quality to his leaps and spins and he was grounded and strong in his transition moves and in the lifts. I have to take a moment to lust appreciate. The kid is an artist. And he and Noelle finally, finally felt connected to each other, to the dance, to the music. Listen, Noelle is never gonna set the world on fire as a dancer. She doesn’t have that thing that makes you pay attention to her. But she’s a darn fine little dancer. Kind of like Randee fat face from last season. Normally, she’s a distraction from the glory that is Russell in every routine. But this time, she managed to be a complement. Some lovely, grounded work from her. This might not have been the best piece of the night, but it was my favorite. I felt it.
One Way Ticket to Loserville
Nathan/Mollee
Family, I refuse with the Can Can. I hope you understand. If you don’t, there are tons of other blogs out there. My blog is concerned with serious efforts at dancing, not kids playing around in their church rec room, no matter how many pirouettes a la seconde they can do. Also, is Lil Miss New Booty hurt? Suck it up, Soldier. Donyelle’s whole toe was falling off. By the end of S2, Natalie was practically wearing an orthopedic brace. Whippersnappers. Dancer used to be made of sterner stuff in my day.
Hip Hop/Jamal Sims (Ring-A-Ling/Black Eyed Peas) – Jamal Sims is on notice. There was much buzz and rejoicing out in the SYTYCD nation when it was announced that this fool would be joining the US version of this show. So far, to say he’s under whelmed would be a humongous understatement. The sad part, noodles, is that Nathan was tearing it up in that sorry ass number. He murdered that choreography. That MJ spin all up on his toes? That shit is not even possible. And it didn’t even matter. I hated every second of that routine. The gimmicky choreography just stuck in my craw. And the obnoxious twit sucked like a Hoover. Why won’t she go home?
Karen/Victor
AKA Cannon fodder. AKA redshirts. AKA sacrificial lambs. Take your pick, darlings. What I’m saying is, I fully expect these two to go home tonight.
Argentine Tango/Tony and Melanie (Montserrat/Orquesta del Plata) – Karen served in that piece. She was fierce. Beautiful legs. Beautiful lines. Intensity and passion. Victor looked like he needed to use the potty. Y’all, the posture. It killed me. Why was he so hunched over like that with his booty all poked out? Eewww. The choreography was nice, not as great but very good, and the look was killer. Victor just straight up didn’t deliver. So disappointing, kiddies.
Hip Hop/LaurieAnn (Moving Mountains/Usher) – BoomKat spooned up a heaping helping of crap right here. That was a horrible routine. Even if Victor and Karen had danced it flawlessly, the routine would’ve been pretty terrible. Unfortunately for them, they didn’t even dance it well. They were off the whole time – out of synch with each other; out of time with the music; just off. But Victor, once again, was egregiously bad. He was so, so bad. I could barely concentrate on Karen, who I think was doing a little bit better, because he completely pulled my focus with his loose, lackadaisical, off tempo dancing. Bleagh, I hated it.
The Lonliest Number
I fully expect to find Victor and Karen and Mollee and Nathan as two of our three B3 couples. The third denizen is a toss up between Kathryn/Legacy and Noelle/Russell. I think Noelle/Russell are slightly more likely to end up B3 because America is a sucker for crocodile tears . . . and nekkid hotties. Out of that B3, y’all know that the Tween Terrors would be my pick to go home, but I find it hard to imagine how Victor and Karen escape the boot again. Nigel and Shankdaddy might, just might, throw Noelle off in lieu of Karen because they see the start thing with her.
Who’s Got Next?
OK, have I said too much? Never, darlings. We are all family here. So here's who I'd like to see as new partners once top 10 week rolls around, assuming Victor and Karen get the boot:
Jakob/Ellenore: Heaven. Please put them together and give them a good Wade Jazz.
Russell/Kathryn: After Ellenore, she's the next strongest girl. I think they could do very well together. Maybe bring Maria Torres back and do another latin jazz, something like what Neil/Lacey got once upon a time. They could also do well with Broadway.
Legacy/Mollee: I don't want to see her in anything, but if she does scrape through, these two might actually do well together. Legacy is the oldest competitor left in the competition and he doesn't seem the goofy, laugh a minute type. He might provide her a little heft. That said, I want this trick to go home anyway, so I'd love it if they got put together and given something like the Quickstep.
Ryan/Noelle: Just because they would never put Ryan together with FP and Ryan is a full grown man. Putting him together with Mollee just would not work on any level. Creepy. And I want Kathryn and Ellenore for others, so give him Noelle. She's a serviceable partner, nothing special, but she won't bring him down. He's a strong partner, so maybe they give her a chance to redeem herself with a latin dance with someone who actually knows what he's doing.
Nathan/FP: By default. I think this would be a horrible pairing. Nathan Ellenore would serve him much better. But I'm over him and want him to go home, thus, this pairing will do just fine. What would they do? Who cares? Give them Bollywood or some other non-dance, since that's all he seems to pull.
Also, Idol!!!!! I hated seeing Judge #4 in the chair that she usurped from Paula, but dammit if they haven't sucked me back in already. Idol!!!
American Idol S9 Extra Bitches
They got me again. I hated seeing Judge #4 in the chair that she usurped from Paula, but damn it. It's almost back. And some fool is tearing the house down on a classic song of death, Feelin' Good. Somewhere, Leslie Hunt is smiling and nodding in approval.
I cannot WAIT! Bitches.
IIIIDDDOOOOLLLL!!!!!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled SYTYCD.
I cannot WAIT! Bitches.
IIIIDDDOOOOLLLL!!!!!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled SYTYCD.
Friday, November 20, 2009
SYTYCD S6 Finals Ep6 and 7 The Whole Kit and Caboodle
I’m recapping both performance night and results show night in one fell swoop, kittens. Took me a while to recover from being floored by the sight of shirtless Legacy. Seriously, darlings. Shirtless Legacy. DAMN! And just when I thought I’d recovered enough, I was traumatized by Cat’s attempt to turn herself into a mime or a denizen of Marie Antoinette’s court last night. What was with the white on white on white make up during the results show? The poor girl looked like she’d fallen head first into the camera monkeys’ coke stores and then wrapped herself in a couple of the yellowed ends of a craft services table cloth, pinned a rhinestone novelty tie under her neck, and wandered out onto the stage all dazed and confused.
For all that happened this week, nothing much happened, right? We lost two people who were pretty sure bets not to make top 10. Mollee and Nathan continued to suck the life out of me with their combined ability to just really be nasty pieces of work. Jakob continued being a slightly built ball of fantasticism. Who knows all the dance moves to ‘NSync’s Bye Bye Bye which is Made. Of. Awesome! But I had a hard time summoning up either enthusiasm or outrage over this week’s installment of our ongoing dance world soap opera. Everything was just uniformly good. Even Mollee/Nathan, who were bad, were bad because they were just OK. I guess we’ll just dive in and separate the Kit from the Caboodle.
Performance night: Kit
Cat looked adorable. Like a gorgeous, foil wrapped baked potato. That’s always a sure fire sign that the performances are going to be solid. And Mary and Shankdaddy were adorable as a teen and a tot respectively.
Russell/Noelle/Foxtrot/Eddie Simon (Baby [You’ve Got What It Takes]/Michael Buble) – Awww, Russell was so cute and skinny and he couldn’t sing at all. Cutest thing ever. I don’t care about Noelle at all. Kiddies, Russell getting the Foxtrot again was some bullshit. I did enjoy the introduction of yet another new choreographer. And admittedly, Noelle and Russell did very well with this. There was a particularly lovely turn sequence from Russell, some nice lifts, and Noelle had gorgeous lines. The rise and fall was not quite where it needed to be; the closed hold work could’ve been a little bit cleaner; and Russell’s shoulders were still a little stiff. But overall, that was spunky fun! And Russell and Noelle have some really good chemistry cooking, too. And you know how much I love when Mary drops the ballroom knowledge. Tracking with her feet. Hee. I don’t even know what that means, but I liked it.
Channing/Victor/Jazz/Tyce (Blackbird/Bobby McFerrin) – I don’t care about them, so I don’t care to recap who they were as kids. But I do love Tasty doing jazz. Noodles, I found this routine substantially more awesome than the judges did. The staging was clever. I enjoyed Bobby McFerrin’s version of this song almost enough to forgive him for Don’t Worry, Be Happy. And Tasty really brought an interesting quality of movement to the piece that was quietly evocative of our winged friends without being a caricature of hooting and squawking. At the same time, Channing and Victor both gave their most solid performances of the entire season. They were nicely synchronized on that series of turns and jumps. They got the rhythmical, syncopated movements just down pat. Darlings, I even felt they brought good performance quality, a feat which neither of them had quite mastered previously. And yes, it continues to be sad for us all that Channing doesn’t know how to do lifts. But on the whole, they rocked about as hard as these two can. And Tasty put his foot in that choreography. I’ll take it.
Ellenore/Ryan/Contemporary/Travis Wall (Your Ex-Lover’s Dead/Star) – Travis Wall!!!! Mmmmhmmm. Kittens, we have some perplexing questions to deal with from this pre-rehearsal footage. Why is Travis Wall all tatted up like a San Quentin inmate? Why was baby Ellenore wearing a full face of make up? Why is Ryan so ceaselessly uninteresting? Good questions all. Will we ever know the answers? Who knows, darlings? Who knows? As for the dance, it was money. Travis is turning into one of the best and most reliable choreographers this show has ever had. I don’t think he’s turned out a clunker of a piece yet, a feat which even the likes of Mia and Wade never accomplished. I don’t think this piece was Travis’ best work. But it was quietly beautiful. And Ellenore was amazing in it. Her legs and her lines and her fluidity, it was all so, so smashing. Ryan was good here, too. He really impressed me. They had lovely side by side work where they really communicated a sense of longing and connection and a whole ocean of back story solely through movements. They weren’t even looking at each other and yet you could tell that all of their attention and focus was trained on one another. Outstanding work by these two and deservedly praised.
Kathryn/Legacy/Paso Doble/Tony Meredith (Pursuit/Ka – Cirque du Soleil Cast Recording) – Usually, I dislike Tony without Melanie. He tends to get a touch too cutesy and trick heavy. But not tonight. Oh, no, kittens. Tonight, Tony brought his A game. And he gave us shirtless Legacy to which I can only say a hearty Hell Yeah! Join that navy, indeed. Shankdaddy always knows just how to put it right. But there’s more than just lust talking, noodles. These kids danced the hell out of that Paso. I think it might be my favorite Paso ever on this show. Legacy had astounding carriage and presence. And his feet pointed all the way through the pinky toe in some of those lifts? What? And Kathryn was magnificent. My god! She was sharp and fiery; smoldering might be an accurate description. Y’all, they destroyed that piece. Yes, they were a little off on the final lift sequence and pose, but I so did not care. They did so much better than they had any right to. I would like to see that again and again, wouldn’t you? Kathryn and Legacy are by far my favorite couple of the season, the only partnership with real chemistry that actually works well together (although Noelle/Russell is shaping up nicely). And who would’ve ever thought that? Go on with your bad selves. The Breaker and the High Talker were my couple of the night.
Performance night: Caboodle
Ashleigh/Jakob/Hip Hop/NappyTab (Whatcha Say/Jason Derulo) – Kittens, here’s a lesson in how distance from an event can subtly change our perceptions of what actually occurred because had I crafted this little recap directly after Tuesday’s performance show, this would’ve made my Kit list. I did not have high hopes for this pairing + hip hop, having witnessed the Dave Scott group dance last week. The two steps Dave let Ashley do she flubbed horribly, and I’m sorry, kiddies, you all know my Jakob love knows no limits, but his little dance battle with Legacy was embarrassing for him. He’s just too slight, too ethereal to be believable as a bad ass hip hop boy. So you can imagine that for the first time in a very, very long time, I was actually glad that a dancer I liked pulled NappyTab and I was praying for them to bring that watered down, non-hip hop pabulum that they do so well. Which, of course, they did. But why did it have to be a warmed over revision of Mark and Chelsie’s Bleeding Love (complete with the head thrashing that is the one moment that I flat out abhor in that number) and choreographed to a song which samples Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek, a song that Mia Michaels and the S2 Top 6 just completely own forever and for all time on this show? What I’m saying is that the routine kind of sucked ass and Jakob and the Fug Princess were kind of not very good in it. They tried so hard to hit hard and to bring the hip hop flava that they went way, way, way over the top into cartoon character land. Especially FP. The angst faces! Darlings, kill me now. And the text messages on the screen? Why? Just Why? It all felt cheesy and inauthentic and like a total exercise in trying to hard. And my love for Jakob almost made me swallow that nasty concoction whole on Tuesday night. But in the cold light of day, I have to give a spanking to my dear, crazily talented boy. It wasn’t good. But hey, his Bye Bye Bye was awesome. There’s that.
Karen/Kevin/Broadway/Spencer Liff (If My Friends Could See Me Now/Christina Applegate-Sweet Charity Cast Recording) – So just to see if I’ve got this straight, the untrained salsa dancer studied Graham technique and the untrained krumper went to the Boston Arts Academy? Yeah, the show can move it all the way to the left with this untrained dancer hooha. I got your number. Like the last new Broadway choreographer, this new Broadway choreographer is a tenfold improvement over Tasty. See, kiddies. You can choreograph routines from Fosse shows that don’t wind up pitiful homages to Fosse. It’s not that complicated. Kevin is such a frustrating dancer because every now and again, he will pull off a move that takes your breath away. He busted out a beautiful, clean, controlled triple turn in that routine. And his kicks continue to be a revelation. But at the same time, he always looks like he’s going in front of a firing squad. Shoulders up around the ears indeed. In truth, the both of them were severely lacking in performance quality in this piece. They had all the steps down, but there was no oomph behind them. Everything needed to be bigger, broader, more pitched to the rafters and to the back of the house. They need to sell me more on the crazy joy of landing “Pow! Right in a pot of jam.” And I just didn’t feel it from them. It was a serviceable performance, but far from great. They looked like understudies up there.
Mollee and Nathan/Pop Jazz/LaurieAnn Gibson (Bad Romance/Lady Gaga) – These two are now and forever in the Caboodle section. Nathan is lost to me now. It’s like that gorgeous creature I saw in S5 auditions was just a mirage. I don’t know who this is, but whoever it is, he’s an ass. And he’s not all that as a dancer. (BTW, show. These kids don’t need “When I was young” stories. They are still infants) I actually wish BoomKat had given it to these annoying twats like I know she can. I’ve seen her break grown men and world weary whores like Aubrey O’Day on Diddy’s shows. I know she could have messed these kids up if she’d really cared to. And I, for one, would have loved it. Instead, she gave me whack ass remarks about hairs on her forearm (perhaps they escaped from her head?) and weaksauce choreography. And it was still a train wreck. I don’t know what the judges were watching, darlings, because what I saw was an unsynchronized mess of bodies in motion. And there was no feeling, no passion, no emotion, no connection to either the music or to each other. I could’ve been watching two wind up dolls out there. It was better than last week, I guess, but it could’ve hardly been worse, darlings. I really have no patience for this pair anymore. The sooner they both get sent packing, the better.
Results Night: Kit
Group Dance/Pop Jazz/Wade Robson (Aha!/Imogen Heap) – Russell turned it out again. I am loving this kid more and more. Ellenore, Jakob and Nathan were also beasts on that dance floor. The routine was quirky, fun and vaguely Mia-esque. Wade seems to be broadening his dance vocabulary. Which is a good and necessary thing. Imogen Heap needs to be given a rest on this show. I’m just saying. It was overall enjoyable, but Dave Scott’s piece last week was better. I do appreciate how Shankdaddy always remembers to shout out (or chastise) the choreographers, because as we soon came to find out with the solos, this show would be fuck all without them.
And that’s it for the kit, I’m afraid, kiddies. This week’s results show night was not the show's finest hour.
Results Night: Caboodle
Cat’s scary, scary fright make up. She looked like an undead, doily wrapped, sparkly short tie wearing crazy person. As Cat’s fashion goes, so goes the SYTYCD nation.
The judge babble. Bring back the guest judges. For the love of Debbie! I almost cried when I saw Miss Debbie Allen in the Dizzy Feet package. Why must we be punished for Paula’s whims, kittens? She was probably on her way walking to the studio when she got distracted by a shiny bottle cap. Who knows when she’ll ever make it to set? In the meantime, give me my damn guest judge because this crew is staler than three day old bread.
Newsflash: Wardrobe hos back on the crack. Trannys still angry. Film at 11:00. Noodles, what in the holy hell were these children wearing on results show night? Fug Princess is ugly enough without the hideous costuming. Who thought it was appropriate to give Victor Marcel waves? Not one, but two B3 dancers in shiny pleather leggings? And cultural differences be damned, every single person in that Bollywood number had on too much gold. I said it. What? You know, it’s kind of comforting to have the crack whores and trannys to kick around again. Aww, I’ve missed them, kittens.
Nakul Dev Mahajan and NDM Bollywood Dance Productions. I have enjoyed Nakul on many, many occasions. In general, the addition of Bollywood to the SYTYCDance pantheon has been a good thing. But that routine we saw on Wednesday night was a hot mess, no? I’ve seen my drunk uncles do that in the backyard after an afternoon spent in the sun playing dominoes and drinking too much MD 20/20. I don’t know if there were just too many of them out there or the choreography was just bad, but that looked sloppy, sloppy, seven ways sloppy. Tighten it up next time, Indian people. You have to rep harder than that.
Solos. Any of them. All of them. The contemporary kids were a festival of reaching out plaintively, flinging hair, throwing back flips and every other non-dance trick in the vilest book of all time. I wanted to hold them all close just so I could vomit down their backs. (Thank you, Sue Sylvester. A light unto us all) Karen did her best to keep up with the contempo kids in the Hair Flinging Nightmare Sweepstakes of America. And Kevin was boring. And the judges just lied to all of them, Mollee and Nathan most especially. They’ll never grow if people keep telling them their shit doesn’t stink. Noodles, I’m exhausted by that whole crew. They could’ve all gone home last night, and taken FP with them while they were at it. And wouldn’t we have been left with a much more enjoyable show if they had?
Head ‘em Up, Move ‘em Out
So Kevin and Channing are out. Both of them underperformed tremendously while on the show. I think in the real world they could both have decent careers, Kevin probably more so than Channing, who suffers from extreme personality deficit. Neither of them was I sorry to see go home, although I do lament that the judges didn’t take the opportunity to boot the odious Mollee when they had the chance. And now I think I’ll have to start calling her The Odious Mollee all the time, kiddies. She’s so, so stank. Maybe next week, Brian Friedman will come back in his crazier persona and create one of his out there routines which only I ever seem to like and she and Nathan will hit B3 again, the judges will finally realize that all of America hates her and that she is an albatross around the neck of their potential golden boy Nathan and send her silly ass home. Look how Noelle has blossomed away from her sphere of influence. A girl can dream, can’t she?
For all that happened this week, nothing much happened, right? We lost two people who were pretty sure bets not to make top 10. Mollee and Nathan continued to suck the life out of me with their combined ability to just really be nasty pieces of work. Jakob continued being a slightly built ball of fantasticism. Who knows all the dance moves to ‘NSync’s Bye Bye Bye which is Made. Of. Awesome! But I had a hard time summoning up either enthusiasm or outrage over this week’s installment of our ongoing dance world soap opera. Everything was just uniformly good. Even Mollee/Nathan, who were bad, were bad because they were just OK. I guess we’ll just dive in and separate the Kit from the Caboodle.
Performance night: Kit
Cat looked adorable. Like a gorgeous, foil wrapped baked potato. That’s always a sure fire sign that the performances are going to be solid. And Mary and Shankdaddy were adorable as a teen and a tot respectively.
Russell/Noelle/Foxtrot/Eddie Simon (Baby [You’ve Got What It Takes]/Michael Buble) – Awww, Russell was so cute and skinny and he couldn’t sing at all. Cutest thing ever. I don’t care about Noelle at all. Kiddies, Russell getting the Foxtrot again was some bullshit. I did enjoy the introduction of yet another new choreographer. And admittedly, Noelle and Russell did very well with this. There was a particularly lovely turn sequence from Russell, some nice lifts, and Noelle had gorgeous lines. The rise and fall was not quite where it needed to be; the closed hold work could’ve been a little bit cleaner; and Russell’s shoulders were still a little stiff. But overall, that was spunky fun! And Russell and Noelle have some really good chemistry cooking, too. And you know how much I love when Mary drops the ballroom knowledge. Tracking with her feet. Hee. I don’t even know what that means, but I liked it.
Channing/Victor/Jazz/Tyce (Blackbird/Bobby McFerrin) – I don’t care about them, so I don’t care to recap who they were as kids. But I do love Tasty doing jazz. Noodles, I found this routine substantially more awesome than the judges did. The staging was clever. I enjoyed Bobby McFerrin’s version of this song almost enough to forgive him for Don’t Worry, Be Happy. And Tasty really brought an interesting quality of movement to the piece that was quietly evocative of our winged friends without being a caricature of hooting and squawking. At the same time, Channing and Victor both gave their most solid performances of the entire season. They were nicely synchronized on that series of turns and jumps. They got the rhythmical, syncopated movements just down pat. Darlings, I even felt they brought good performance quality, a feat which neither of them had quite mastered previously. And yes, it continues to be sad for us all that Channing doesn’t know how to do lifts. But on the whole, they rocked about as hard as these two can. And Tasty put his foot in that choreography. I’ll take it.
Ellenore/Ryan/Contemporary/Travis Wall (Your Ex-Lover’s Dead/Star) – Travis Wall!!!! Mmmmhmmm. Kittens, we have some perplexing questions to deal with from this pre-rehearsal footage. Why is Travis Wall all tatted up like a San Quentin inmate? Why was baby Ellenore wearing a full face of make up? Why is Ryan so ceaselessly uninteresting? Good questions all. Will we ever know the answers? Who knows, darlings? Who knows? As for the dance, it was money. Travis is turning into one of the best and most reliable choreographers this show has ever had. I don’t think he’s turned out a clunker of a piece yet, a feat which even the likes of Mia and Wade never accomplished. I don’t think this piece was Travis’ best work. But it was quietly beautiful. And Ellenore was amazing in it. Her legs and her lines and her fluidity, it was all so, so smashing. Ryan was good here, too. He really impressed me. They had lovely side by side work where they really communicated a sense of longing and connection and a whole ocean of back story solely through movements. They weren’t even looking at each other and yet you could tell that all of their attention and focus was trained on one another. Outstanding work by these two and deservedly praised.
Kathryn/Legacy/Paso Doble/Tony Meredith (Pursuit/Ka – Cirque du Soleil Cast Recording) – Usually, I dislike Tony without Melanie. He tends to get a touch too cutesy and trick heavy. But not tonight. Oh, no, kittens. Tonight, Tony brought his A game. And he gave us shirtless Legacy to which I can only say a hearty Hell Yeah! Join that navy, indeed. Shankdaddy always knows just how to put it right. But there’s more than just lust talking, noodles. These kids danced the hell out of that Paso. I think it might be my favorite Paso ever on this show. Legacy had astounding carriage and presence. And his feet pointed all the way through the pinky toe in some of those lifts? What? And Kathryn was magnificent. My god! She was sharp and fiery; smoldering might be an accurate description. Y’all, they destroyed that piece. Yes, they were a little off on the final lift sequence and pose, but I so did not care. They did so much better than they had any right to. I would like to see that again and again, wouldn’t you? Kathryn and Legacy are by far my favorite couple of the season, the only partnership with real chemistry that actually works well together (although Noelle/Russell is shaping up nicely). And who would’ve ever thought that? Go on with your bad selves. The Breaker and the High Talker were my couple of the night.
Performance night: Caboodle
Ashleigh/Jakob/Hip Hop/NappyTab (Whatcha Say/Jason Derulo) – Kittens, here’s a lesson in how distance from an event can subtly change our perceptions of what actually occurred because had I crafted this little recap directly after Tuesday’s performance show, this would’ve made my Kit list. I did not have high hopes for this pairing + hip hop, having witnessed the Dave Scott group dance last week. The two steps Dave let Ashley do she flubbed horribly, and I’m sorry, kiddies, you all know my Jakob love knows no limits, but his little dance battle with Legacy was embarrassing for him. He’s just too slight, too ethereal to be believable as a bad ass hip hop boy. So you can imagine that for the first time in a very, very long time, I was actually glad that a dancer I liked pulled NappyTab and I was praying for them to bring that watered down, non-hip hop pabulum that they do so well. Which, of course, they did. But why did it have to be a warmed over revision of Mark and Chelsie’s Bleeding Love (complete with the head thrashing that is the one moment that I flat out abhor in that number) and choreographed to a song which samples Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek, a song that Mia Michaels and the S2 Top 6 just completely own forever and for all time on this show? What I’m saying is that the routine kind of sucked ass and Jakob and the Fug Princess were kind of not very good in it. They tried so hard to hit hard and to bring the hip hop flava that they went way, way, way over the top into cartoon character land. Especially FP. The angst faces! Darlings, kill me now. And the text messages on the screen? Why? Just Why? It all felt cheesy and inauthentic and like a total exercise in trying to hard. And my love for Jakob almost made me swallow that nasty concoction whole on Tuesday night. But in the cold light of day, I have to give a spanking to my dear, crazily talented boy. It wasn’t good. But hey, his Bye Bye Bye was awesome. There’s that.
Karen/Kevin/Broadway/Spencer Liff (If My Friends Could See Me Now/Christina Applegate-Sweet Charity Cast Recording) – So just to see if I’ve got this straight, the untrained salsa dancer studied Graham technique and the untrained krumper went to the Boston Arts Academy? Yeah, the show can move it all the way to the left with this untrained dancer hooha. I got your number. Like the last new Broadway choreographer, this new Broadway choreographer is a tenfold improvement over Tasty. See, kiddies. You can choreograph routines from Fosse shows that don’t wind up pitiful homages to Fosse. It’s not that complicated. Kevin is such a frustrating dancer because every now and again, he will pull off a move that takes your breath away. He busted out a beautiful, clean, controlled triple turn in that routine. And his kicks continue to be a revelation. But at the same time, he always looks like he’s going in front of a firing squad. Shoulders up around the ears indeed. In truth, the both of them were severely lacking in performance quality in this piece. They had all the steps down, but there was no oomph behind them. Everything needed to be bigger, broader, more pitched to the rafters and to the back of the house. They need to sell me more on the crazy joy of landing “Pow! Right in a pot of jam.” And I just didn’t feel it from them. It was a serviceable performance, but far from great. They looked like understudies up there.
Mollee and Nathan/Pop Jazz/LaurieAnn Gibson (Bad Romance/Lady Gaga) – These two are now and forever in the Caboodle section. Nathan is lost to me now. It’s like that gorgeous creature I saw in S5 auditions was just a mirage. I don’t know who this is, but whoever it is, he’s an ass. And he’s not all that as a dancer. (BTW, show. These kids don’t need “When I was young” stories. They are still infants) I actually wish BoomKat had given it to these annoying twats like I know she can. I’ve seen her break grown men and world weary whores like Aubrey O’Day on Diddy’s shows. I know she could have messed these kids up if she’d really cared to. And I, for one, would have loved it. Instead, she gave me whack ass remarks about hairs on her forearm (perhaps they escaped from her head?) and weaksauce choreography. And it was still a train wreck. I don’t know what the judges were watching, darlings, because what I saw was an unsynchronized mess of bodies in motion. And there was no feeling, no passion, no emotion, no connection to either the music or to each other. I could’ve been watching two wind up dolls out there. It was better than last week, I guess, but it could’ve hardly been worse, darlings. I really have no patience for this pair anymore. The sooner they both get sent packing, the better.
Results Night: Kit
Group Dance/Pop Jazz/Wade Robson (Aha!/Imogen Heap) – Russell turned it out again. I am loving this kid more and more. Ellenore, Jakob and Nathan were also beasts on that dance floor. The routine was quirky, fun and vaguely Mia-esque. Wade seems to be broadening his dance vocabulary. Which is a good and necessary thing. Imogen Heap needs to be given a rest on this show. I’m just saying. It was overall enjoyable, but Dave Scott’s piece last week was better. I do appreciate how Shankdaddy always remembers to shout out (or chastise) the choreographers, because as we soon came to find out with the solos, this show would be fuck all without them.
And that’s it for the kit, I’m afraid, kiddies. This week’s results show night was not the show's finest hour.
Results Night: Caboodle
Cat’s scary, scary fright make up. She looked like an undead, doily wrapped, sparkly short tie wearing crazy person. As Cat’s fashion goes, so goes the SYTYCD nation.
The judge babble. Bring back the guest judges. For the love of Debbie! I almost cried when I saw Miss Debbie Allen in the Dizzy Feet package. Why must we be punished for Paula’s whims, kittens? She was probably on her way walking to the studio when she got distracted by a shiny bottle cap. Who knows when she’ll ever make it to set? In the meantime, give me my damn guest judge because this crew is staler than three day old bread.
Newsflash: Wardrobe hos back on the crack. Trannys still angry. Film at 11:00. Noodles, what in the holy hell were these children wearing on results show night? Fug Princess is ugly enough without the hideous costuming. Who thought it was appropriate to give Victor Marcel waves? Not one, but two B3 dancers in shiny pleather leggings? And cultural differences be damned, every single person in that Bollywood number had on too much gold. I said it. What? You know, it’s kind of comforting to have the crack whores and trannys to kick around again. Aww, I’ve missed them, kittens.
Nakul Dev Mahajan and NDM Bollywood Dance Productions. I have enjoyed Nakul on many, many occasions. In general, the addition of Bollywood to the SYTYCDance pantheon has been a good thing. But that routine we saw on Wednesday night was a hot mess, no? I’ve seen my drunk uncles do that in the backyard after an afternoon spent in the sun playing dominoes and drinking too much MD 20/20. I don’t know if there were just too many of them out there or the choreography was just bad, but that looked sloppy, sloppy, seven ways sloppy. Tighten it up next time, Indian people. You have to rep harder than that.
Solos. Any of them. All of them. The contemporary kids were a festival of reaching out plaintively, flinging hair, throwing back flips and every other non-dance trick in the vilest book of all time. I wanted to hold them all close just so I could vomit down their backs. (Thank you, Sue Sylvester. A light unto us all) Karen did her best to keep up with the contempo kids in the Hair Flinging Nightmare Sweepstakes of America. And Kevin was boring. And the judges just lied to all of them, Mollee and Nathan most especially. They’ll never grow if people keep telling them their shit doesn’t stink. Noodles, I’m exhausted by that whole crew. They could’ve all gone home last night, and taken FP with them while they were at it. And wouldn’t we have been left with a much more enjoyable show if they had?
Head ‘em Up, Move ‘em Out
So Kevin and Channing are out. Both of them underperformed tremendously while on the show. I think in the real world they could both have decent careers, Kevin probably more so than Channing, who suffers from extreme personality deficit. Neither of them was I sorry to see go home, although I do lament that the judges didn’t take the opportunity to boot the odious Mollee when they had the chance. And now I think I’ll have to start calling her The Odious Mollee all the time, kiddies. She’s so, so stank. Maybe next week, Brian Friedman will come back in his crazier persona and create one of his out there routines which only I ever seem to like and she and Nathan will hit B3 again, the judges will finally realize that all of America hates her and that she is an albatross around the neck of their potential golden boy Nathan and send her silly ass home. Look how Noelle has blossomed away from her sphere of influence. A girl can dream, can’t she?
Thursday, November 12, 2009
SYTYCD S6 Finals Ep5 And Send Him On His Way
Poor hula girl and her sailor. Washed away in the tide. Bye, bye Peter. So much for the year of the tapper. Bye, bye Pauline. America is slowly carrying out its campaign of ethnic cleansing for the season. I expect Karen to be the only spot of color among the ladies by the time top 10 rolls around.
Darlings, that was a more entertaining episode than it had any right to be considering that there was little suspense as the two most likely suspects actually wound up going home, the solos were severely underwhelming, the frikkin’ heart hand made its much dreaded return, and the show was mostly filler. (Ailey dancers excepted. Ailey dancers are never filler, noodles) On the positive side, Dave Scott represented with his opening group routine; Nigel cinched up his cranky pants and delivered an ass whooping to the tween terrors; and Kevin lived to dance another day.
I have to take a moment to say something I never thought I’d say. Kittens, you know mama loves her whipping boys. The camera monkeys. Judge #4. Simon Fuller and Cecile Frout-Coutaz. Any member of the Daughtry/Fivehead/Frikkin’ Gokey Heart Hand Memorial Tool Academy. And normally, the crack whores in wardrobe and the trannys in hair and make up would be right in there with that motley crew. But I must, must at this juncture shout out the trannys and crack whores for a job mostly well done. I admit there have been a few wardrobe missteps this season. The skiing bank robbers from last night leap to mind. Sonya’s tutu number for the girls on the very first Meet the Top 20 show. But honestly, things have been soooo much worse. Time was when practically every costume was just Crispy Kreme crazy. This season I can only think of a few that have pinged me as Hell to the Naw and a bunch that I've thought were really appropriate for the dance. Even the Ryan/Ellenore good angel/bad angel costumes, while kind of WTF, were appropriate for the dance. Remember the bad old days of Lacey showing her goodies in a microscopic cheerleading skirt? Comfort trying to krump while dressed as a pan of Jiffy Pop? Donyelle decked out in a big bird yellow dress that made her look like one of those creepy doll shaped toilet paper roll covers in every grandmother's guest bathroom circa 1973? The hunchback and Mischa Chan in goggles and skull caps? Or we could go way back and talk about Ashley dressed as a doll while Dmitri was some kind of pimped out Svengali who'd been attacked by an evil, sleeve stealing gang of street toughs. How I don't miss those days at all! I give credit where credit is due, kiddies. Well done, ‘hos. Well done, trannys. I reserve the right to go back to excoriating you as soon as you get back on the junk.
Moving on, noodles, let’s recap the two minutes of actual dance content we got so I can go have wildly inappropriate dreams about Puck from Glee. Hot damn!
Top 16 Group Dance/Hip Hop/Dave Scott (Warrior, Part 2/Llyod Banks) – I love that Russell was featured so prominently in this routine. Honestly, I loved that dance, at least what I could see of it for the whacked out camera work. Russell and Legacy killed it. The ladies were very nice, especially the floor work. Jakob’s two seconds of duet with Legacy made me fear for the day that he pulls hip hop out of the hat. And it was hilarious how Dave kept Ryan off the stage until the bitter end of the routine, gave him exactly one and a half steps which he managed to execute terribly, and then made him just walk downstage while the rest of the kids closed ranks in front of him to shield the audience from the horrifying sight of him feebly attempting to dance hip hop. Good times.
Ailey – Gorgeous. Enough said. None of these girls could come close to that level of artistry. For the boys, maybe Jakob could get there. If Billy were around, he could also get there. No one else is even in the same solar system. It’s always good to check my enthusiasm for the show by measuring these kids against folks who really know how to dance. Danny Tidwell is the only dancer in the show’s history who wouldn’t suffer by comparison. Reality vs. Reality TV. Watch and learn, kittens. Watch and learn.
Solos
Ellenore (Missed the song) – She has such an interesting movement quality. There were some lovely moments in there as well as some hinky points. The leap was somewhat less than graceful, no? And the heart hands? Automatic party foul.
Ryan (Jump With My Baby/Big Bad Voodoo Daddy) – This was not a bad solo for a ballroom dancer right up until the back handspring back flip at the end. Whoops. Guard your grill, Pretty Boy. Right now it’s the main thing keeping you in this competition.
Pauline (Took the Night/Chelley) – Awful. Hair flinging, booty shaking nightmare. I’m so glad Shankdaddy called out the bad, advanced level, Convention 101 dancing, darlings. And Pauline has so much more than that. I wish she’d done hip hop instead. She might’ve survived.
Peter (The rhythm of his own sweet feet) – Aww, kiddies. You know, this kid is actually a really good tapper. He’s kind of got a Gregory Hines feel to his tap. That was a fun solo. But I agreed with the judges. He’s not a star. Too cheesy.
Karen (Celia Y Tito/Celia Cruz y Tito Puente) – So the score still stands at Ballroom Ladies: 0, SYTYCD Solos: Infinity. I’ve yet to see a ballroom girl do a really great solo on this show. I’m beginning to think it can’t be done.
Kevin (I Question Mark/Wade Robson) – The slow fall back to the floor was sick. But we’ve seen way better on this stage before. I enjoyed that he kind of went for the Michael homage, but overall, it was underwhelming, no?
And then they kicked off the hula girl and her GI. As it should be, kittens. As it should be. You know, I really think the judges were all set to give the “quirky” Ellenore the boot but Pauline danced herself right off of the show. Sad that. Got the girl right but missed the guy. Kevin got saved because Nigel got pissed off by Nathan’s stank attitude. In my wildest dreams, I couldn’t have come up with that. I’m claiming victory for this week, kittens. I know you won’t mind because you love me, right?
Darlings, that was a more entertaining episode than it had any right to be considering that there was little suspense as the two most likely suspects actually wound up going home, the solos were severely underwhelming, the frikkin’ heart hand made its much dreaded return, and the show was mostly filler. (Ailey dancers excepted. Ailey dancers are never filler, noodles) On the positive side, Dave Scott represented with his opening group routine; Nigel cinched up his cranky pants and delivered an ass whooping to the tween terrors; and Kevin lived to dance another day.
I have to take a moment to say something I never thought I’d say. Kittens, you know mama loves her whipping boys. The camera monkeys. Judge #4. Simon Fuller and Cecile Frout-Coutaz. Any member of the Daughtry/Fivehead/Frikkin’ Gokey Heart Hand Memorial Tool Academy. And normally, the crack whores in wardrobe and the trannys in hair and make up would be right in there with that motley crew. But I must, must at this juncture shout out the trannys and crack whores for a job mostly well done. I admit there have been a few wardrobe missteps this season. The skiing bank robbers from last night leap to mind. Sonya’s tutu number for the girls on the very first Meet the Top 20 show. But honestly, things have been soooo much worse. Time was when practically every costume was just Crispy Kreme crazy. This season I can only think of a few that have pinged me as Hell to the Naw and a bunch that I've thought were really appropriate for the dance. Even the Ryan/Ellenore good angel/bad angel costumes, while kind of WTF, were appropriate for the dance. Remember the bad old days of Lacey showing her goodies in a microscopic cheerleading skirt? Comfort trying to krump while dressed as a pan of Jiffy Pop? Donyelle decked out in a big bird yellow dress that made her look like one of those creepy doll shaped toilet paper roll covers in every grandmother's guest bathroom circa 1973? The hunchback and Mischa Chan in goggles and skull caps? Or we could go way back and talk about Ashley dressed as a doll while Dmitri was some kind of pimped out Svengali who'd been attacked by an evil, sleeve stealing gang of street toughs. How I don't miss those days at all! I give credit where credit is due, kiddies. Well done, ‘hos. Well done, trannys. I reserve the right to go back to excoriating you as soon as you get back on the junk.
Moving on, noodles, let’s recap the two minutes of actual dance content we got so I can go have wildly inappropriate dreams about Puck from Glee. Hot damn!
Top 16 Group Dance/Hip Hop/Dave Scott (Warrior, Part 2/Llyod Banks) – I love that Russell was featured so prominently in this routine. Honestly, I loved that dance, at least what I could see of it for the whacked out camera work. Russell and Legacy killed it. The ladies were very nice, especially the floor work. Jakob’s two seconds of duet with Legacy made me fear for the day that he pulls hip hop out of the hat. And it was hilarious how Dave kept Ryan off the stage until the bitter end of the routine, gave him exactly one and a half steps which he managed to execute terribly, and then made him just walk downstage while the rest of the kids closed ranks in front of him to shield the audience from the horrifying sight of him feebly attempting to dance hip hop. Good times.
Ailey – Gorgeous. Enough said. None of these girls could come close to that level of artistry. For the boys, maybe Jakob could get there. If Billy were around, he could also get there. No one else is even in the same solar system. It’s always good to check my enthusiasm for the show by measuring these kids against folks who really know how to dance. Danny Tidwell is the only dancer in the show’s history who wouldn’t suffer by comparison. Reality vs. Reality TV. Watch and learn, kittens. Watch and learn.
Solos
Ellenore (Missed the song) – She has such an interesting movement quality. There were some lovely moments in there as well as some hinky points. The leap was somewhat less than graceful, no? And the heart hands? Automatic party foul.
Ryan (Jump With My Baby/Big Bad Voodoo Daddy) – This was not a bad solo for a ballroom dancer right up until the back handspring back flip at the end. Whoops. Guard your grill, Pretty Boy. Right now it’s the main thing keeping you in this competition.
Pauline (Took the Night/Chelley) – Awful. Hair flinging, booty shaking nightmare. I’m so glad Shankdaddy called out the bad, advanced level, Convention 101 dancing, darlings. And Pauline has so much more than that. I wish she’d done hip hop instead. She might’ve survived.
Peter (The rhythm of his own sweet feet) – Aww, kiddies. You know, this kid is actually a really good tapper. He’s kind of got a Gregory Hines feel to his tap. That was a fun solo. But I agreed with the judges. He’s not a star. Too cheesy.
Karen (Celia Y Tito/Celia Cruz y Tito Puente) – So the score still stands at Ballroom Ladies: 0, SYTYCD Solos: Infinity. I’ve yet to see a ballroom girl do a really great solo on this show. I’m beginning to think it can’t be done.
Kevin (I Question Mark/Wade Robson) – The slow fall back to the floor was sick. But we’ve seen way better on this stage before. I enjoyed that he kind of went for the Michael homage, but overall, it was underwhelming, no?
And then they kicked off the hula girl and her GI. As it should be, kittens. As it should be. You know, I really think the judges were all set to give the “quirky” Ellenore the boot but Pauline danced herself right off of the show. Sad that. Got the girl right but missed the guy. Kevin got saved because Nigel got pissed off by Nathan’s stank attitude. In my wildest dreams, I couldn’t have come up with that. I’m claiming victory for this week, kittens. I know you won’t mind because you love me, right?
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